Babies during Mass

[MamatoOne]

I hope this is the right forum to be in for this kind of question. I’m new here, so bear with me!

I’m having a baby soon and have a question about bringing the baby to Mass. It’s not an option to not bring the baby to Mass! We want him/her there with us. However, here’s a scenario I don’t know how to deal with: if the baby becomes fussy at, say, consecration, and one of the parents has to leave (to go to the bathroom with the baby or even outside the building), does that count as missing consecration? Does the parent have to go to Mass again? My husband doesn’t think so, but I’m not sure. I would want to be there for consecration, but who knows when a baby will start being fussy and noisy? No one wants a baby crying during the most important part of the Mass. There are no “baby rooms” in our church, FYI.

So, if a parent has to walk out of the church even during consecration because of baby problems, can that parent still receive the Eucharist and is the Sunday duty still complete? Technically, the parent would still be at the Mass and would have the intention of being present for consecration…

Thanks!

 

[Belle10]

I hope this is the right forum to be in for this kind of question. I’m new here, so bear with me!

I’m having a baby soon and have a question about bringing the baby to Mass. It’s not an option to not bring the baby to Mass! We want him/her there with us. However, here’s a scenario I don’t know how to deal with: if the baby becomes fussy at, say, consecration, and one of the parents has to leave (to go to the bathroom with the baby or even outside the building), does that count as missing consecration? Does the parent have to go to Mass again? My husband doesn’t think so, but I’m not sure. I would want to be there for consecration, but who knows when a baby will start being fussy and noisy? No one wants a baby crying during the most important part of the Mass. There are no “baby rooms” in our church, FYI.

So, if a parent has to walk out of the church even during consecration because of baby problems, can that parent still receive the Eucharist and is the Sunday duty still complete? Technically, the parent would still be at the Mass and would have the intention of being present for consecration…

Thanks!

Short answer: yes, you can still receive the Eucharist (assuming you’re in a state of grace).

I don’t have all the “official” references to give you (I’m sure someone else here will) but you are doing the right thing in bringing your child to Mass. Even if you miss a little bit due to caring for your child, you are still receiving graces simply by being there and yes, you are still fulfilling your Sunday obligation.

Congratulations on your baby!

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

I’m having a baby soon and have a question about bringing the baby to Mass. It’s not an option to not bring the baby to Mass!

You may want the baby there, but the baby has no obligation to be at Mass.

However, here’s a scenario I don’t know how to deal with: if the baby becomes fussy at, say, consecration, and one of the parents has to leave (to go to the bathroom with the baby or even outside the building), does that count as missing consecration? Does the parent have to go to Mass again?

Your answer is in the Catechism:

2181 The Sunday Eucharist is the foundation and confirmation of all Christian practice. For this reason the faithful are obliged to participate in the Eucharist on days of obligation, **unless excused for a serious reason (for example, illness, the care of infants) **or dispensed by their own pastor.119 Those who deliberately fail in this obligation commit a grave sin.

If you need to care for your baby there’s no obligation to attend Mass at all, let alone be present for all of it.

So if you need to take your baby out – or not bring the baby to Mass at all – you’re OK.

 

[aggiecatholic05]

we have a 4 month old and shes been to every sunday Mass and holy day since she was born except the first one. and she has only left Mass 3 times. 1 for a quick feeding, 1 for a diaper and one for fussing. most of the time we do our best to console her but dont remover her unless we just have to. Jesus said let the children come to me so i’ll be danged if i’m gonna take one away from His presence.

 

[MamatoOne]

Of course, I know there is no obligation for the baby to be there. Thank you for the answers! I think that settles it for me. (Yes, a good point was made about Jesus wanting the little children with Him. It irritates me when old ladies turn around and stare at parents as if they weren’t in the same position years before!) Thank you all.

 

[SMHW]

You will probably get a variety of answers. My suggestion is to be reasonable.

Families have different circumstances that would dictate what ‘reasonable’ means. Some have access to several nearby parishes. Some don’t. Some have easy transportation. Some don’t. Some live near parishes with many Masses. Some live near parishes that can’t have Mass more than once a month. Children vary in amount of care and handling they need. What works during the first month after birth may be different from what works during later months. It takes some mothers much longer to recover from childbirth than it takes others. Families vary in the number of children they have.

All that was to preface my point that there is not necessarily a single right answer to your questions. But I will give you some things to think about.

Most lay people participate at Mass from the pews. But there are some who have other ‘jobs’. Some (like me) sing in the choir or play a musical instrument. Others act as ushers, readers, EMHCs, altar servers, etc. And I can tell you from experience that we occasionally ‘miss’ what is going on at Mass because we are busy with our task. In the case of those who are in charge of the proceeds from the collection, they may even need to leave the building if there is no storage place in the church.
While there shouldn’t be much else going on at the consecration I can assure you that the music crew has days that we are more focused on the coming Memorial Acclamation than on we are on the words of institution.

For the reasons I have just mentioned, some ‘lay ministers’ make it a point to attend a second Mass on days they perform their task.

As a parent, you too have a role to play at Mass other than just your own participation. You are caring for and training your child. That means at times your attention may wander from what is happening on the altar. With a fussy or hungry child you may need to move to the back of the church, enter the restroom, go outside, or go the car. Those lucky parishioners have churches with speakers outside or in the restrooms.

But I would still consider you to be in attendance at Mass. I have come to understand that ‘full’ and ‘active’ are the ideals for participation. And they are luxuries God wants ***for ***us, not what God needs ***from ***us.

There may be times you decide that you or your husband will *want *to attend a second Mass. Your child may have a few weeks or months where you decide that you would rather not take your child to Mass, in which case you would have to go separately or find a sitter. That doesn’t change your ideal of going as a family. (A month of exceptions can seem like an eternity with a baby but it’s really a very short portion of eighteen years.)

And after all that, remember that care for an ‘infant’ (which means a child up until about age six or seven in this case) is a valid reason to miss Mass.

 

[MamatoOne]

You will probably get a variety of answers. My suggestion is to be reasonable.

Families have different circumstances that would dictate what ‘reasonable’ means. Some have access to several nearby parishes. Some don’t. Some have easy transportation. Some don’t. Some live near parishes with many Masses. Some live near parishes that can’t have Mass more than once a month. Children vary in amount of care and handling they need. What works during the first month after birth may be different from what works during later months. It takes some mothers much longer to recover from childbirth than it takes others. Families vary in the number of children they have.

All that was to preface my point that there is not necessarily a single right answer to your questions. But I will give you some things to think about.

Most lay people participate at Mass from the pews. But there are some who have other ‘jobs’. Some (like me) sing in the choir or play a musical instrument. Others act as ushers, readers, EMHCs, altar servers, etc. And I can tell you from experience that we occasionally ‘miss’ what is going on at Mass because we are busy with our task. In the case of those who are in charge of the proceeds from the collection, they may even need to leave the building if there is no storage place in the church.
While there shouldn’t be much else going on at the consecration I can assure you that the music crew has days that we are more focused on the coming Memorial Acclamation than on we are on the words of institution.

For the reasons I have just mentioned, some ‘lay ministers’ make it a point to attend a second Mass on days they perform their task.

As a parent, you too have a role to play at Mass other than just your own participation. You are caring for and training your child. That means at times your attention may wander from what is happening on the altar. With a fussy or hungry child you may need to move to the back of the church, enter the restroom, go outside, or go the car. Those lucky parishioners have churches with speakers outside or in the restrooms.

But I would still consider you to be in attendance at Mass. I have come to understand that ‘full’ and ‘active’ are the ideals for participation. And they are luxuries God wants ***for ***us, not what God needs ***from ***us.

There may be times you decide that you or your husband will *want *to attend a second Mass. Your child may have a few weeks or months where you decide that you would rather not take your child to Mass, in which case you would have to go separately or find a sitter. That doesn’t change your ideal of going as a family. (A month of exceptions can seem like an eternity with a baby but it’s really a very short portion of eighteen years.)

And after all that, remember that care for an ‘infant’ (which means a child up until about age six or seven in this case) is a valid reason to miss Mass.

Thank you so much. This was a very thoughtful and inspiring response. I had never really thought of all the faithful “behind the scenes” who may not be able to focus as well as those of us in the pews. I also hadn’t fully considered that the role of parent can’t be put off during Mass. Children need so much from us at all times! God is, after all, understanding and knows that it is often a struggle to serve both Him and our families at the same time. I would definitely do everything possible to remain there during all of the Mass, but your answer–and everyone else’s–is very reassuring. God doesn’t ask the impossible of us, after all. Thank you for your time.

 

[VociMike]

Jesus said let the children come to me so i’ll be danged if i’m gonna take one away from His presence.

Just be careful such an attitude doesn’t degenerate into “I’m bringing my baby and everybody else is just going to have to deal with it!” Everybody needs to practice charity and consideration, and that includes parents with babies. The rights of one parent and baby do not trump the rights of 200 people trying to focus on the Mass.

And yes, I dealt with all this with three of my own. I always erred on the side of consideration for the others present.

 

[MamatoOne]

Just be careful such an attitude doesn’t degenerate into “I’m bringing my baby and everybody else is just going to have to deal with it!” Everybody needs to practice charity and consideration, and that includes parents with babies. The rights of one parent and baby do not trump the rights of 200 people trying to focus on the Mass.

And yes, I dealt with all this with three of my own. I always erred on the side of consideration for the others present.

I am sure neither myself nor my husband have this attitude or ever will. We have the highest respect for the Mass, those present and the need for quiet, and that’s why I asked this question–trying to juggle the needs of the baby and the respect due to the Mass, as well as our duties to God, all at once.

 

[VociMike]

I am sure neither myself nor my husband have this attitude or ever will. We have the highest respect for the Mass, those present and the need for quiet, and that’s why I asked this question–trying to juggle the needs of the baby and the respect due to the Mass, as well as our duties to God, all at once.

I probably should have made it more clear that my remarks were very general in nature and not directed at you in particular. As in everything else in life, people run the whole gamut. Some will take their babies out at the first sign of fussiness, and some will let them scream for 30 minutes straight.

Anyway, good luck with the new baby. The lack of sleep will not kill you, even if you’re sure it will!

 

[MamatoOne]

I probably should have made it more clear that my remarks were very general in nature and not directed at you in particular. As in everything else in life, people run the whole gamut. Some will take their babies out at the first sign of fussiness, and some will let them scream for 30 minutes straight.

Anyway, good luck with the new baby. The lack of sleep will not kill you, even if you’re sure it will!

Thank you for the nice words. I’m sure that with children we’re going to have some awkward moments during Mass anyway, no matter how hard we try to avoid them!

 

[CB_Catholic]

Thank you for the nice words. I’m sure that with children we’re going to have some awkward moments during Mass anyway, no matter how hard we try to avoid them!

When my daughter was an infant (37 years ago) we took her to Mass. One day she started to fuss a little and I was embarrassed and unsure about whether I should have brought her to Mass, until the old Dominican saying the Mass suddenly stopped, and said “God bless all those parents who bother to dress up their little babies and bring them to Mass.” That settled it for me–she went to Mass, although if the fussing got too loud, she was taken out.

 

[Nordar]

When my daughter was an infant (37 years ago) we took her to Mass. One day she started to fuss a little and I was embarrassed and unsure about whether I should have brought her to Mass, until the old Dominican saying the Mass suddenly stopped, and said “God bless all those parents who bother to dress up their little babies and bring them to Mass.” That settled it for me–she went to Mass, although if the fussing got too loud, she was taken out.

I love seeing babies at Mass, chances are since the parents are going to Mass and bringing them there may be some future awesome Catholics in that mix.
It is much better to have a baby fuss at Mass than the fallen away Catholics that do not bring their children.

 

[pnewton]

Good for you! Without a doubt, it is the right thing to do, and no, you do not need to attend Mass again for the reason given above.

Babies are easy, in a way. If the get crying step out for the time that they cry and can not be consoled. My own guidelines was after the first two or three “whaaaa’s” I knew if I could console quickly ore needed to step out.

As time went on, I had to step out to discipline. That is a little more delicate. It is a thin line between knowing when a child is needs a thwack and when oral instruction will work. Plus, you had the added complication of wanting punishment to be a rarity lest the child grow up resenting going to Church. I probably ended up spanking about ten times total. Now at three, i believe I am past that and can enjoy the fruits of our efforts. My son loves going to Mass.

Now the bright side is that I think God gives parents a special grace and insight on what will work best with your little one. Trust God. Trust your parental instinct. Do your best and let God take care of the rest.

 

[rpp]

God lead man to invent duct tape for a reason. Bring some with you and you can be assured of not missing any part of the Mass.

Oh, and welcome to CAF. Sometimes we need to break up some of the serious topics with a touch of humor,

 

[Trishie]

If parents are having some problems with keepig a child quiet for a little while, and are obviously stressed, I usually turn and smile reassuringly to them…because a lot of us have been there, haven’t we! I’m grateful in this era of lower attendance, that the parents are present at Mass!

 

[ellammcg]

It irritates me when old ladies turn around and stare at parents as if they weren’t in the same position years before!

Best of luck with your little one. BTW, the cantankerous old ladies, as opposed to the sweet little old ladies, will tell you that their little angels never acted up in church. Don’t believe it for one minute.

 

[Biblioassistant]

Best wishes for you and your baby. I am going to have a granddaughter next month and I can’t wait!

As for babies at Mass…I can only tell about two mothers in my parish. Both have babies who are about the same age. One of them takes her son out when he’s crying. He sometimes coos a bit, but by and large he’s a pretty laid back little fellow. She does not just sit there and let him cry.

The other mother does let her little one cry. Other than pat him on the back or offer him a pacifier or bottle, she does nothing but just ets him cry. And he has a set of lungs on him.

Sigh. Poor little fellow.

 

[Newbie2]

I probably should have made it more clear that my remarks were very general in nature and not directed at you in particular. As in everything else in life, people run the whole gamut. Some will take their babies out at the first sign of fussiness, and some will let them scream for 30 minutes straight.

Anyway, good luck with the new baby. The lack of sleep will not kill you, even if you’re sure it will!

No, but it will give you grey hair!

Best of luck with your little one. BTW, the cantankerous old ladies, as opposed to the sweet little old ladies, will tell you that their little angels never acted up in church. Don’t believe it for one minute.

How true this is!

I too love to see babies and small children at mass, as long as the parents realize that there are limits. We used to attend a parish in Illinois where there were seemingly hundreds of new families and babies…had to be at least 20 or so babies at each mass. We didn’t have kids at the time, but eventually we left (moved). Probably would have sought out another parish anyway…the acoustics were poor and with 20 babies at mass, there were always 2 or 3 that were wailing at the same time…and we just couldn’t hear the mass.

Not their fault; they needed a technology upgrade.

 

[MamatoOne]

Everybody here is so kind (and fun!). Thanks for all the good wishes! Well, it so happens that I blush easily, so I guess that will make it a bit easier for me to step out when necessary if the baby is crying too much. It’s very reassuring to know that I won’t be missing the Mass or anything.

Yes, I suppose each parent should know their own baby well enough to know when it’s time to step out when the baby is crying a bit too much. I, too, try to smile at parents whose kids are a little fussy; most of them are really doing their best.

Hmmm, in situations like these, maybe the best thing will be to turn to the Blessed Mother and ask her what she would do!

Thanks again to everybody for the answers. I’m glad I asked!