Baby Baptism Requirements re: magazine article

[Secant]

I have just read Michele Arnold’s article on when to Baptize a baby, and I had some questions that I hope someone can help me with. She quotes the Catechism and says that we should baptize the baby within a few weeks of the birth, and declares that after 7 weeks, we are pushing time frames. She also says that non-serious reasons such as Godparent travel schedules should never delay a Baptism.

I am expecting my third, and this article concerns me greatly. First, my pediatrician strongly recommends that a baby not be brought into a church (or grocery store for that matter) until at least eight weeks. She says that it is best for a baby’s health to wait until at least 8 weeks before they deal with large numbers of people. Second, my priest wants the baby to be able to hold up their own head. This requires a minimum of six weeks, sometimes more. Third, why does the ability of godparents to be present constitute a trivial reason for delaying baptism. My priest requires godparents to be present. If they can’t make it for two to three months, then why is that a problem?

Of course, all of my questions are predicated on the assumption of a healthy baby that you are just waiting to baptize for family and godparents to be present, the priest to be comfortable baptizing, and the mother and baby to be healed and able to to safely and healthily be present. If the baby is in danger of death, of course one would grab a dixie cup from the hospital drinking fountain and baptize in the room, but why is there such a short time frame that ignores doctors advice, rural practicalities, and priestly concerns for healthy infants?

 

[midori]

We live in a rural parish.

My first was born in May. He was baptized in August-- about three months.

My second was born at the end of December. He was baptized at the end of April-- about four months.

The same priest baptized both of them. He didn’t have any age requirements. Anecdotally, I want to say our parish has baptized babies who were only a few weeks old. They like to encourage getting them baptized as early as possible.

For the December baby, the biggest obstacle was scheduling around Lent, because our parish doesn’t do baptisms during Lent.

As far as “don’t bring the baby out in public until they’re 2 months old”, I hadn’t really heard that was a thing. It might make more sense for babies born in the winter months when everyone’s running around with the flu or something, but less for the spring/summer/fall babies. It would also make more sense for babies who have a compromised immune system, or who aren’t getting extra antibodies from nursing. They still maintain their immunities from being in-utero for three or four weeks after their birth, if I recall correctly.

Generally, we always worked with the presupposition that you dress them appropriately for the weather, you keep your own hands clean, and that you don’t let random strangers paw and breathe all over your baby. I remember having to go carseat-shopping after a few days when we realized the all-ages carseat we’d bought didn’t work for our newborn, and we needed something that was more of the carry-basket style.

In general, I liked carrying mine in a Moby when I was out in public or working around the house-- and they liked it, too. They were close by; they were away from germy stuff; and I had my hands free.

 

[Clementine14]

I actually had the opposite issue last time- I wanted our son baptized as soon as possible, and the church wouldn’t even allow me to arrange anything or take the class before the baby was born, and then I had to wait two months.

This time, I’m due during the middle of flu season so I’m a little more concerned about bringing the baby out and about early on, but they make us bring the baby into the pediatrician’s office- probably the most likely place to get sick anyway- at a few days old! I think it’s reasonable to be concerned about it though…babies who get sick in the first few months need spinal taps and all kinds of other very invasive and serious interventions. At our parish, baptisms are mainly private and not done at a regular Mass so there is less for me to worry about. Also, some don’t baptize during Lent (I am not really sure why…I don’t think this is universal though).

Canon law says we should try to baptize babies as soon as possible, so that’s what I’ll do but I’m really at the mercy of a parish that doesn’t see it as urgent. If your priest wants the baby to be able to hold up its own head it doesn’t sound like your parish is all that concerned about timing either. It seems like in practice, a lot of parishes are actually not as concerned about timing as they are supposed to be.

 

[HeDa]

Regarding the child being able to hold up his/her head. I would always hold up a child´s head, new born or older, simply because I have seen how children move and nobody wants to drop the child on the baptismal font (likely made of stone) when the child suddenly starts to wiggle.

 

[13pollitos]

We baptize as soon as possible (2 weeks and 10 days) but it seems the majority of the babies baptized in our parish have been preschoolers instead. The average age is 3 1/2 years old. This week it was a 6 year old, a 4 year old and a 18 month old. In an emergency, you have thenoption of calling a priest to baptize in the hospital or anywhere. Another option is to request a private baptism instead of a crowded Mass. It might be better for newborns.

 

[His_helpmeet]

Yup. My Baptism was private, but I think that’s just the way the church arranged it. I was baptized in a college chapel because my dad was a graduate student and that’s where my parents attended Mass.

I once cared for a baby that we knew was not going to survive. (Baby had a congenital heart defect, diagnosed before birth. Mom courageously opted to continue the pregnancy until the baby was born.) The parents arranged for the baby to be baptized in hospital, and Father came and baptized him. The baby lived two days and was never able to go home

 

[13pollitos]

That is so sad! My two girls’ Godfather attended the births of and gave a conditional baptisms to my 3 stillborns. It was such a comfort to us! God is so good, and knowing that our babies lives count no matter how long they may be validates the love they share with us.

Both my daughters were privately baptized at a former parish. Their Godfather is a priest so it’s easier to go to him than it is to have him come to us. Their Godmother lives in a different country so she is represented by a proxy. Most parishes are fine even if both Godparents are represented by proxies and that often occurs in parishes that have a high Military or immigrant population. It is also ok to only have one Godparent. Two are not necessary.

If you desire to have a baptism soon after birth but cannot have it due to health concerns or Godparent travel, a private baptism attended by proxies is a good alternative. Another suggestion would be a Presentation at 40 days, and baptism when Godparents can attend. This link contains information about Presentations for anyone interested.

https://www.catholiccompany.com/getfed/why-latino-catholics-celebrate-life-events/

We didn’t do Presentations. Neither of our families did them, but it is a true tradition that many families have. It’s mainly done in cities, not in the small towns, so it wasn’t common to my husband’s small town in Mexico. My mom said that most in Bolivia don’t do it either, at least not during the time we lived there and she had babies. In Mexico it is becoming more common in small areas because do many move to cities, learn about the tradition, and move back to small areas when they have a family.

I have seen a few Presentations in the US. Most of the time they are done at Spanish Mass. It is a beautiful tradition that ties the Biblical “Presentation at the Temple” to the modern Church.

 

[Allegra]

Our parish dawdles with infant Baptisms. We actually had to beg to do our baby’s Baptism earlier than they wanted because of wanting family to be able to come into town to see it. While I think it silly for a complete stranger to judge the reasons of a particular family as superficial, (It’s not like everyone has a line of qualified people to call on to be Godparents. Sometimes beggers can’t be choosers.) I think it’s wrong to postpone for literally no reason. Parents should try to have it done as quickly as is reasonable in their situation and parishes should prioritize it in order to get it done. Not having my children baptized really stressed out. It was one of the first really important thing I could do for my babies as their mother and the parish acted like it was no big deal. God-forbid, but SIDS is a real thing. Car accidents happen. Infant infections happen. Housefires happen. Not trying to be a worry-wart, but how much flipping time does it take to splash some water on a baby?

 

[starlady]

I think it’s wrong to postpone for literally no reason. Parents should try to have it done as quickly as is reasonable in their situation and parishes should prioritize it in order to get it done. Not having my children baptized really stressed out. It was one of the first really important thing I could do for my babies as their mother and the parish acted like it was no big deal. God-forbid, but SIDS is a real thing. Car accidents happen. Infant infections happen. Housefires happen. Not trying to be a worry-wart, but how much flipping time does it take to splash some water on a baby?

Yes yes yes a million times yes!

I felt this way when our first was born. Thankfully, my dad is a deacon so we could have our son baptized relatively quickly. We only needed a class, which we were able to take before baby was born, and permission from our pastor to have our son baptized outside of the parish where we are members. It bothers me when parishes have a lot of hoops to jump through when this should be open to parents seeking baptism for their child.

I also stressed about it until our son was baptized at one month of age. I felt so glad to have fulfilled that promise for him!

 

[Allegra]

I don’t mind taking the class, but when they don’t even let to start the class until your baby is born? That’s just pointless!

 

[JimG]

An older priest once told me that he was born, baptized, and attended his first Mass all on the same day. He was born at home after midnight Saturday, i.e. Sunday morning. Later in the morning his mother insisted that she felt well enough to attend Sunday Mass, so the whole family went to Mass, taking the newborn along. After Mass, the pastor said, “Well, as long as he’s here, we might as well get him baptized. So they did.

 

[Xystus]

Third, why does the ability of godparents to be present constitute a trivial reason for delaying baptism. My priest requires godparents to be present.

I was a “stand in” for the actual godfather at my niece’s baptism because he could not be present. The priest was aware and seemed to be perfectly fine with the arrangement.

 

[His_helpmeet]

In our family, three of my five siblings had proxy godparents because their actual godparents were not able to be there. (My other two siblings and I had our godparents there for our Baptism.) I have two godchildren and was not able to be there for either Baptism.

 

[hope]

Why should you baptize a baby right away if in good health. It is gruesome to contemplate but children do die that are healthy because of accidents. Why would you want to delay having them join the family of God? I think the longest I waited was twenty days. I have had family members wait six months and a family friend when the children were 8. I believe there are reasons to delay but also believe your taking a terrible chance.

 

[His_helpmeet]

Really, as long as Baptism is available, there’s no reason to wait. If the child is not in danger of death, it would still be prudent to have him or her baptized during the first few months of life. Now, if there are logistical issues (e.g. living in a remote community where a priest simply is not available) that’s a different story. But if you’re waiting “until family can come”, “until the godparents can be there”, “until we can afford a party”, etc., the question becomes, really, what’s most important to you? The child’s salvation or your own convenience?

I was baptized at 17 days old.

 

[Secant]

Thank you all for your opinions. I must admit that none of this makes me change my concern with ignoring doctor’s advice just for a baptism with a priest or deacon (instead of an emergency baptism as needed with anyone who can use water and the Trinitarian formula). Please note that I am not referring to Baptizing a 6 month old, but a 2-3 month old, who actually has a immune system rather than a 1 month old who does not.

To be honest, the only answer that was given that addressed my concerns was SIDS, but again, since my pediatrician says that SIDS or similar is so much more likely if you leave the house in those first two months, it seems that the baptism is actually a potential cause of the child’s death, which seems to be against the virtue of prudence. I also wonder, when it comes to baptism, if Baptism of Desire (the parents desire Baptism, but also want to do what is best for the child’s physical health) is not the order of business should a child die of SIDS.

I will say that the presence of godparents and family does not seem to me to be a matter of convenience, but a matter of celebrating “the most important day in a child’s life” (quoting my priest) by participating in Mass together.

However, while I do not feel that my concerns were truly answered, I appreciate everyone’s attempts. Perhaps I just have a mental block which does not let me consider what you have to say on its own merits. My second child was allowed to go to church with my husband and I (we don’t leave the choir loft except for the communion line, so she saw no one except us practically) at two weeks. She became extremely sick from exposure to the common cold, and since we were stupid, we took her to church against the doctor’s advice at nearly one month when she was finally off the oxygen. She and I both got very sick (again, she got sick first) and the effects of that sickness at one month have plagued her life since. She’s finally out of deadly danger (which presented itself a few months later with severe complications from that illness, after she was baptized), but at nearly three needs biweekly checks to maintain that status. I am scared to ignore the doctor again and kill my child by taking him/her to church too early.

 

[13pollitos]

If you are concerned about bringing baby to Mass, what about asking for a private baptism outside of Mass? That’s how my girls were baptized. The only people present were the ones we invited. That would avoid the crowds and still have the sacrament. Or do what most parents seem to do and just wait. Like I said, the average age for a baptism at the two parishes I am involved in is 3 years old. If you are comfortable waiting, then wait. If you aren’t comfortable waiting, then don’t.

 

[His_helpmeet]

That’s how I was baptized too - private Baptism outside Mass.

 

[hope]

Very interesting post. I had six children. Not one time did the doctor tell me to keep them away from crowds. They all were baptized shortly after birth. I did say earlier twenty days was the longest but I realize I misfigured as it was 12 days. We took them to Church with us from the time they were born. I wondered if your children are more susceptible to illness? Do they have health problems? You are responsible for your children and ONLY you can know what is best.

 

[starlady]

However, while I do not feel that my concerns were truly answered, I appreciate everyone’s attempts. Perhaps I just have a mental block which does not let me consider what you have to say on its own merits. My second child was allowed to go to church with my husband and I (we don’t leave the choir loft except for the communion line, so she saw no one except us practically) at two weeks. She became extremely sick from exposure to the common cold, and since we were stupid, we took her to church against the doctor’s advice at nearly one month when she was finally off the oxygen. She and I both got very sick (again, she got sick first) and the effects of that sickness at one month have plagued her life since. She’s finally out of deadly danger (which presented itself a few months later with severe complications from that illness, after she was baptized), but at nearly three needs biweekly checks to maintain that status. I am scared to ignore the doctor again and kill my child by taking him/her to church too early.

I’m sorry that happened. Having a newborn is so rough! I understand your hesitancy, and you’re obviously not being flippant about it. Parents need to make the best decisions for their kids using what they know. You obviously have a lot of love and concern for your children.

If you are concerned about bringing baby to Mass, what about asking for a private baptism outside of Mass? That’s how my girls were baptized. The only people present were the ones we invited. That would avoid the crowds and still have the sacrament. Or do what most parents seem to do and just wait. Like I said, the average age for a baptism at the two parishes I am involved in is 3 years old. If you are comfortable waiting, then wait. If you aren’t comfortable waiting, then don’t.

Our son was baptized at about 4 1/2 weeks one Sunday evening when there was no Mass. The only people there were my family, grandparents, and a couple nearby aunts/uncles. That’s it. My dad, a deacon, baptized him, my brother and his then-fiancee (now wife) were the godparents, and everyone else was family. Maybe 12 people total.

I was baptized at 12 days old That would have been hard for our son because I had C-section and was recovering. I only went to Mass 2 weeks after being discharged. But a month was pretty good.