Baby shower invitation problem

[CB_Catholic]

I would like to know why it is considered acceptable for people on a forum message board who know nothing about the OP and whose opinions haven’t been asked for about a baby shower for a third baby, to comment on whether her friend should give her a baby shower and even advising her to decline her friend’s invitation? I consider THAT to be" uncouth" and out of line.

She asked a simple question and wanted some advice on how to handle the situation. She does not need to defend her friend giving her the baby shower. That is totally off-topic, does not answer the question, and also is nobody’s business.

To the OP: you’ve received some good advice here, esp. in posts 11 and 12. And enjoy your shower which your friend is kind enough to give you.

 

[MacQ]

I would like to know why it is considered acceptable for people on a forum message board who know nothing about the OP and whose opinions haven’t been asked for about a baby shower for a third baby, to comment on whether her friend should give her a baby shower and even advising her to decline her friend’s invitation? I consider THAT to be" uncouth" and out of line.

She asked a simple question and wanted some advice on how to handle the situation. She does not need to defend her friend giving her the baby shower. That is totally off-topic, does not answer the question, and also is nobody’s business.

To the OP: you’ve received some good advice here, esp. in posts 11 and 12. And enjoy your shower which your friend is kind enough to give you.

You’re quite right. Mea culpa…I’m the one who asked the question.
I have been etiquette-ly straightened out, although I agree with you on the matter and certainly wouldn’t go all EMILY POST-AL about it as some seem to deem wise.

 

[Allegra]

I do not agree with the whole idea that if you invite someone from a specific tier of family, you must invite everyone at that degree of relation. If one step-sister has bothered to keep in contact with you and spends time with you and your children and the other one doesn’t, then it’s perfectly reasonable to invite only the one who has made an effort to have a relationship with you. I had to explain this to my husband, who thought if he invited one fourth cousin twice removed that he knew well and spent time with, that he had to invite all of that cousins siblings and other 4th tier cousins as well, despite the fact that he’d have to ask his grandmother for their names because he’d never met them.

 

[EasterJoy]

I do not agree with the whole idea that if you invite someone from a specific tier of family, you must invite everyone at that degree of relation. If one step-sister has bothered to keep in contact with you and spends time with you and your children and the other one doesn’t, then it’s perfectly reasonable to invite only the one who has made an effort to have a relationship with you. I had to explain this to my husband, who thought if he invited one fourth cousin twice removed that he knew well and spent time with, that he had to invite all of that cousins siblings and other 4th tier cousins as well, despite the fact that he’d have to ask his grandmother for their names because he’d never met them.

The axiom works fine for cousins and even aunts, but not so much with sisters.

 

[MacQ]

I have 2 step sisters. One called me a few weeks ago to ask when I was having my baby shower because she lives out of town and wants to make arrangements to be there. Her full sister (my other step sister) is a lesbian. I would like to invite them both, however when she went to my sister in laws baby shower, she brought her girlfriend and they were very affectionate with one another (sitting on laps, holding hands, etc) at the shower. I love her very much, and while I don’t agree with her choices, I also don’t want to judge her. However, I will have many Christian friends present who may not feel comfortable. Honestly though, my biggest concern is that my 5 year old daughter will be present and to be honest…I’m not ready to have that conversation with her yet. So, is it okay to invite one step sister and not the other and how do I do so delicately without hurting feelings?

Your 5 year old is unlikely to be affected or even notice it the way others do. But if you are worried, you could leave her at home.
Invite your sisters to the shower. Let one make a fool out of herself if she must.
It’s family. It’s messy. Get over it.

 

[Allegra]

The axiom works fine for cousins and even aunts, but not so much with sisters.

I disagree. I have three step-sisters. One of them hasn’t spoken to me in nearly two years. We didn’t have a falling out of any kind. She isn’t speaking to her father (my stepfather) and so she doesn’t seem to feel a need to mess with me, her other step-sister, or her half-brother anymore. In the past four years, I’ve only seen her at a few events for our mutual niece and every now and then we comment on each others’ pictures on facebook. She simply doesn’t want to put in the effort to preserve the relationship we had. Meanwhile, her sister continues to have a relationship with me and she frequently comes over. When I had my baby, she was invited to the shower and Baptism. The other sister liked the pictures on Facebook.

 

[mommy_k]

The only other alternative is to say that it isn’t a couples event, so that it would not be fair to invite the sister’s partner and no one else’s, but to make the party smaller is the more graceful way to go in this case, IMHO.

^
This is the way to approach this. The shower is for individual friend and relatives not couples.