Baby Shower Woes

[fencersmother]

To our OP, I don’t want to sound harsh, but you seem like you are really pining away for gifts here. If no one buys you anything, so what? It doesn’t mean they don’t wish you well or that they don’t await the arrival of your child with great anticipation. It means that they want to wait, or they aren’t big on gifts, or they are suffering financially, or they are just weighed down by their own troubles.

Are you very young? I can’t imagine a 30 year old whining because no one bought anything from her baby registry.

Perhaps the things you asked for (which in a registry means “told people to buy for me”) were too expensive? too cheap? out of stock? not what they wanted to buy?

maybe they’ll all bring a covered frozen supper instead of loading you down with plastic bottles and rattles.

Be glad you are having a healthy baby, and pray for those who will never know the joy of motherhood. Buy your own carseat.

 

[Xantippe]

To our OP, I don’t want to sound harsh, but you seem like you are really pining away for gifts here. If no one buys you anything, so what? It doesn’t mean they don’t wish you well or that they don’t await the arrival of your child with great anticipation. It means that they want to wait, or they aren’t big on gifts, or they are suffering financially, or they are just weighed down by their own troubles.

Are you very young? I can’t imagine a 30 year old whining because no one bought anything from her baby registry.

Perhaps the things you asked for (which in a registry means “told people to buy for me”) were too expensive? too cheap? out of stock? not what they wanted to buy?

maybe they’ll all bring a covered frozen supper instead of loading you down with plastic bottles and rattles.

Be glad you are having a healthy baby, and pray for those who will never know the joy of motherhood. Buy your own carseat.

Gifts are symbols of care and hence they are viewed as important in pretty much all world cultures.

Again, it’s very likely that people with older children have their own ideas as to what would be most helpful to a new mother–they’re very likely to go off registry. Also, baby shower gifts are often SMALL.

It is possible to buy a very presentable baby toy or item for around $5 at a good grocery store. With my most recent baby, I’ve found it amazing how many adorable, inexpensive and useful items our grocery store stocks. I think you could almost dress a kid up to 18 months with the stuff at our best local grocery, which isn’t even a Walmart. A pack of Gerber onesies is a) inexpensive b) very good quality for the price c) tremendously versatile.

I personally find that these deadlines sneak up on me so that don’t have time to order online and just make a run for a gift the day of or day before.

In any case, this is a new workplace and you haven’t had a chance to establish yourself as a colleague before your bedrest happened. It’s not a huge judgment on you as a person even if nobody gives you a gift.

Don’t mope, OP!

 

[Xantippe]

I predict that by 3 months, you’ll be absolutely flooded with stuff, maybe even more than you want.

Just plan on buying the large, expensive basic items yourself and be pleasantly surprised if anybody buys you one. People get WAY more excited about adorable themed onesies than they do about car seats.

 

[catholicmom2007]

First off, fencersmothers, what a horrible thing to say. I’m very hurt by the things you said. I’m 25, married for almost 5 years and have my masters degree. I’m young but not whiny. Don’t judge someone because of their age. 1. I am worried because we can’t afford to buy all the remaining necessities. I’m on bedrest and won’t be able to work until January and therefore won’t be getting any income. My husband is a teacher and makes nothing. We also have to buy a car because we only have a single cab truck. It’s not about gifts. It’s about necessities like bottles and diapers. 2. I registered at target and Walmart. It doesn’t get cheaper than that. 3. This shower is from the school that I used to work at, and my husband still works at. I attended this school from k-12, grew up in and currently live in this town. I know everyone, and have known them since birth. It honestly just hurts my feelings that all of these people that I consider family have thrown this together at the last minute and no one seems to have remembered the shower. It would be as if your own family didn’t call to tell you happy birthday, or if your own mother didnt attend your wedding. If feeling bad about this makes me whiny and immature then so be it.

 

[pensmama87]

Here are the absolute necessities:

• Clothes (fewer than you’d think, and not much in the NB size)
• Diapers (cloth saves in the long run, and you can buy basic Gerber flats at Walmart). A pack of disposables is nice for newborns, and if you deliver in a hospital you’ll probably have enough to get you through the meconium phase
• Car seat

If you have those, you can make it quite a while. There’s lots of things that we consider “needs” that are really just “nice to haves.” Even bottles and cribs fall into that category.

I don’t think you’re necessarily being whiny, but it’s possible that what’s going on with your health and finances is making you overly anxious. If you’re spending most of your time in bed, you might not have much else to do besides spin your thoughts, but it ends up kind of like a hamster wheel - the thoughts keep spinning, but you’re not getting anywhere.

If you need specific help, I’d reach out to anybody you consider a support person and tell them specifically what you need. Most people, including those who may care a lot about you, probably just don’t realize that your situation is as hard on you as it is. Let a few people you trust in. This is obviously about a lot more than just the shower.

Praying for you! :console:

 

[Xantippe]

If you need specific help, I’d reach out to anybody you consider a support person and tell them specifically what you need. Most people, including those who may care a lot about you, probably just don’t realize that your situation is as hard on you as it is. Let a few people you trust in. This is obviously about a lot more than just the shower.

Praying for you! :console:

Yes!

Think through your mental rolodex of people you know with children in the 3-5 range. They are very likely to have equipment to lend out–cribs, swings, vibrating bouncy seats, gliders, playpens (with bassinets!), those stroller frames that you strap a carseat onto, jogging strollers, etc.

Think about what you need and ask around for loaner items–it will keep you busy on bedrest. People are very happy to share.

Good luck!

 

[Xantippe]

catholicmom2007,

Can you guys sell the truck and buy two small cars instead? If your husband is a teacher, does he really need a truck?

 

[Book_Worm]

I’m going to say this as gently as I can, but it is YOUR responsibility to provide for you child and his needs, not your friends’ and relatives’.

Yes, you’re at a disadvantage because of missing work and it’s income, but don’t you have disability?

As PPs have pointed out! cloth diapers are very inexpensive. Other than excursions out of the house, it was all I used for the first two years of my DD’s life. It was not difficult. And nursing is a huge saving. I bought one six pack of bottles and never even used most of them.

And as PPs have also pointed out, once the baby is born, you’ll be surprised at the gifts that come flooding in. When my grandson was born, people to whom my DD had never said more than “hello” came by with lovely gifts and friends loaded her up with hand-me-downs.

Has it occurred to you that your difficult pregnancy is the reason friends are reluctant to buy you gifts ahead if time, perhaps thinking that it would be kinder to wait until you’ve successfully delivered your little one to celebrate the new life?

It must be so difficult to be confined to bed when you want to be up and about and celebrating your pregnancy and doing the million and one things you want to get ready for your little one. Please don’t dwell on your unhappiness. Tell yourself that you’ll soon be holding a precious gift from God and that your friends will be there to share in your joy. Nothing draws 'em in like a sweet little baby.

Blessings.

 

[Xantippe]

Has it occurred to you that your difficult pregnancy is the reason friends are reluctant to buy you gifts ahead if time, perhaps thinking that it would be kinder to wait until you’ve successfully delivered your little one to celebrate the new life?

**That is an excellent point.

About half a year ago, an acquaintance (but one I like and want to support) had a small much-waited-for baby after having had a miscarriage and a disabled child. There was apparently some medical trouble after the most recent baby was born and then the acquaintance dropped off my radar.

I didn’t send a gift at the time, because I wanted to make sure that all was well before encumbering the mom with baby stuff. I’ve just now been putting out feelers and discovered that the baby is alive and well, and I’ll be sending a gift as soon as I can.

That’s typical–when there are medical issues, people may be cautious about giving baby gifts before the baby is born. Also, moms are often cautious (or borderline superstitious) in these cases–we waited very late before buying baby stuff for our last baby, which was also medically tricky.

**

It must be so difficult to be confined to bed when you want to be up and about and celebrating your pregnancy and doing the million and one things you want to get ready for your little one. Please don’t dwell on your unhappiness. Tell yourself that you’ll soon be holding a precious gift from God and that your friends will be there to share in your joy. Nothing draws 'em in like a sweet little baby.

Blessings.

Awwww.

 

[Xantippe]

Even though you are young, you have been married five years. I wonder if you don’t have some stuff that could be liquidated to pay for a car seat, etc. I recommend selling off any silly item that won’t work well with a toddler. (When my husband and I had been married 4 years and were about to have our first, we had a number of silly items. I have no idea why I thought getting a glass coffee table was a good idea…The ornate halogen floor lamp was also kind of dumb. We got rid of all of our halogen floor lamps once we realized how incompatible they were with small children.)

Speaking of basics, I definitely recommend procuring a breast pump as soon as possible. I’ve always had feeding issues with my babies early on and they’ve had jaundice a couple times. When little babies are jaundiced, they often get listless and sleepy and don’t feed, which is a problem, as getting them to eat is an important part of the cure. Hence, being able to pump and feed a listless baby a bottle can be very important for preserving the breastfeeding relationship. Have a look at your insurance–they may now be required to pay for a pump rental. (With our latest baby, I literally didn’t leave the hospital until my husband ran to the grocery store to get an on-sale Pump N Style.)

Good luck!

 

[UbiCaritas]

Speaking of basics, I definitely recommend procuring a breast pump as soon as possible. I’ve always had feeding issues with my babies early on and they’ve had jaundice a couple times. When little babies are jaundiced, they often get listless and sleepy and don’t feed, which is a problem, as getting them to eat is an important part of the cure. Hence, being able to pump and feed a listless baby a bottle can be very important for preserving the breastfeeding relationship. Have a look at your insurance–they may now be required to pay for a pump rental. (With our latest baby, I literally didn’t leave the hospital until my husband ran to the grocery store to get an on-sale Pump N Style.)

Good luck!

Health insurance is now required to buy moms pumps. If one brand doesn’t work for you, they’re required to replace it with another.

(I only know this 'cause I had DD 7 months ago.)

Your doctor may need to write a prescription for it and fax it to the insurance company, but that’s all it will take, and the pump will be on your doorstep a couple of weeks later. And yes, you can order it while still pregnant, making it that much easier to set it up/get familiar with it before it’s two in the morning, you’ve slept 3 hours in the last 4 days, and baby is shrieking for the second hour straight.

All of that having been said, if you don’t pump or nurse for some reason, please don’t feel guilty for that decision. I merely offer the above as additional information you might find helpful if you’re planning on using breast milk.

 

[pensmama87]

Health insurance is now required to buy moms pumps. If one brand doesn’t work for you, they’re required to replace it with another.

(I only know this 'cause I had DD 7 months ago.)

Your doctor may need to write a prescription for it and fax it to the insurance company, but that’s all it will take, and the pump will be on your doorstep a couple of weeks later. And yes, you can order it while still pregnant, making it that much easier to set it up/get familiar with it before it’s two in the morning, you’ve slept 3 hours in the last 4 days, and baby is shrieking for the second hour straight.

All of that having been said, if you don’t pump or nurse for some reason, please don’t feel guilty for that decision. I merely offer the above as additional information you might find helpful if you’re planning on using breast milk.

I’ve never had any problems nursing, but I have to say that is one perk that I am looking forward to. I hate pumping and thankfully haven’t needed to very often, but all I have is an old manual pump. I did better with hand expression than using that thing! So if/when we have another baby, I am SO getting a new one.

 

[Book_Worm]

OT but sometimes there’s a lot to be said for being young and stupid. I had a crummy little manual pump which I tried to use once. It was such a disaster that I never tried to use it again. I just somehow made it work for all the time I nursed. I don’t think she ever really used a bottle other than the times I tried to give her a little water when it was very hot.

 

[pensmama87]

OP, would you qualify for WIC? A program like that could be a great help to you if you qualify. I think the guidelines are a bit more generous than TANF.

 

[bitterhope]

Never had a baby shower, guess I never will. They are extremely overrated judging by the ones I’ve been to for other people over the years. Babies don’t require much. People all over the world throughout history have made due with what they had and no harm has come to their little ones simply from not owning a stroller or a bouncy seat. Over the years I’ve accumulated tons of junk that we seldom if ever used and certainly never needed. Lots if it is essentially brand new. What items are you needing? I could probably send several things your way if you would like. I’m most likely never having another baby and if you are in need I have no problem shipping it to you. If you would like, send me a PM with your items and I will let you know what I have in hand.

True needs for babies are car seat, diapers, food, limited clothing and blankets, and diapers. Babies need a place to sleep. Countless of generations have used blankets on mats on the floor, dresser drawers, baskets, cradles, hammocks and similar places for at least the first several months. My kids have always slept in a basket until they no longer fit. Cribs are great if you can afford them but a mat on the floor works just as well and can eventually be replaced with a twin mattress as toddler grows. A good car seat is highly necessary but if worse comes to worse, most health depts have car seats that they loan out to new moms. WIC is available for most families with income 150% of the line of poverty. It provides food and milk to pregnant and nursing moms until baby is 12 months old, and kids up to age 5. Crisis pregnancy centers, birth right, and priests for life have given care packages to people I know well throughout the years. Most of the baby items I use regularly were bought at goodwill, St. Vincent DePaul, and other similar stores. I have made most of my kids diapers out if t shirts, dish towels, old shower curtains and wool sweaters bought second hand for just a few cents a piece. I only use the cheapest store brand disposables for trips and at night. A couple of different size and weight blankets and onesies/t shirts are all babies need in warm climates, long sleeved onesies/shirts and leggings or pants and maybe socks in colder climates. Mine always lost their socks so we rarely used them and just covered them with blankets instead. Exceptions for severely cold days of course. All else is nice to have but not really necessary. Some of my kids liked a bouncy chair, many didn’t. Some like a swing, many didn’t. Some loved their stroller, others screamed in them. Most of mine loved being carried in a rebozo, but two of mine hated it.

Babies are really only as expensive or as cheap as you make them. As parents we waste tons of money on unnecessary items. I understand if you feel neglected but honestly things do get much worse than your situation. I have never been congratulated for any of my pregnancies by anyone except my mom and dad, but dad only met my first four before he died. No one else even once was happy for me let alone gave me a gift or a shower or came to visit. Partly because we live too far from family and move often so it’s hard to get to know people, partly because people are busy with their own lives. Be grateful you are able to carry this baby and will be blessed to bring him or her home with you and your husband. Since your husband is a teacher you all have plenty of family time together every night. That really is the only gift you need in the end. I know it seems hard to you right now, but it really is not so bad. Many people in the world would love to exchange troubles with you.