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StratusRose
Guest
How do you suggest an unwed mother get supplies/libations for her baby? By leaving them on the doorstep?
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M
Mom_of_5
Guest
I think we don’t know enough about the situation. Is this the first child of this unwed mom? Does she make a habit of “shacking up”, having babies without the benefit of marriage? Was this a rape or just a big mistake that she regrets and would never do again? We should always be sure that children, no matter who their parents are, or the circumstance of the birth, be provided with food, clothing, etc. There are many ways of giving that child “gifts” without dropping anything at the door step or throwing a party. How about knocking on the door and giving the gift to the mommy to be? Or, to the grandmother to give to the child, etc. A party really is not in order in most instances.
I have an aquaintance who has had 2 children out of wedlock. The first was not “planned”, but the second one was. She lives with her boyfriend, (the father of her second child,) and 2 children. They haven’t married because they don’t want to make the “committment” yet. She is upset because she wants another baby and her boyfriend doesn’t. Yes, she had 3 showers given for her when she had her last child, (two for the first). I went, I am sorry I did. I should have just given the baby a gift after she was born and skipped the jubilant party, baloons and all. Seems that I was supporting a lifestyle that is very wrong. This young woman thinks that having good morals is eating your veggies. In other words, she does not know the meaning of good morality and is not a good role model for her children. All of us that “showered” her at a party gave her the message that what she was doing was o.k., it is not.
Anyone hear ever listen to Dr. Laura??? I think she would say, a gift, no party.
Love and Peace
I have an aquaintance who has had 2 children out of wedlock. The first was not “planned”, but the second one was. She lives with her boyfriend, (the father of her second child,) and 2 children. They haven’t married because they don’t want to make the “committment” yet. She is upset because she wants another baby and her boyfriend doesn’t. Yes, she had 3 showers given for her when she had her last child, (two for the first). I went, I am sorry I did. I should have just given the baby a gift after she was born and skipped the jubilant party, baloons and all. Seems that I was supporting a lifestyle that is very wrong. This young woman thinks that having good morals is eating your veggies. In other words, she does not know the meaning of good morality and is not a good role model for her children. All of us that “showered” her at a party gave her the message that what she was doing was o.k., it is not.
Anyone hear ever listen to Dr. Laura??? I think she would say, a gift, no party.
Love and Peace
B
Blanka
Guest
This is very thought provoking.
Certainly it is good that an unwed mother decides to have the baby and not abort. It is also worthy to extend a hand of Christian charity and provide for the needs of the innocent baby.
However, I have noticed that baby showers are held in the workplace for women who live openly promiscuous lives and quite willingly have children out of wedlock. Some of the women I know have several children from an assortment of fathers and don’t seem in the least to even be considering marriage. The baby showers are held with as much pomp as those for the women who have chosen marriage and motherhood. Isn’t it interesting that our society has come to completely accept chosen unwed motherhood as a norm just as it is pushing us to accept homosexual marriage. The modern world is trying to destroy the sacrament of marriage in so many ways.
The real question is how to support and help an unwed mother who has made the good choice of not aborting her child but also not appear to be condoning the modern lifestyle choice of freely having children out of wedlock.
I always participate in giving gifts at baby showers at work whether the woman is married or unmarried. I want to give something for the baby and I also genuinely like my co-workers. I try to remain non-judgmental because we can never truly know a persons situation. I have wondered what the Catholic viewpoint is because though I offer my gifts in the spirit of kindness, am I condoning the modern acceptance of unwed motherhood?
Certainly it is good that an unwed mother decides to have the baby and not abort. It is also worthy to extend a hand of Christian charity and provide for the needs of the innocent baby.
However, I have noticed that baby showers are held in the workplace for women who live openly promiscuous lives and quite willingly have children out of wedlock. Some of the women I know have several children from an assortment of fathers and don’t seem in the least to even be considering marriage. The baby showers are held with as much pomp as those for the women who have chosen marriage and motherhood. Isn’t it interesting that our society has come to completely accept chosen unwed motherhood as a norm just as it is pushing us to accept homosexual marriage. The modern world is trying to destroy the sacrament of marriage in so many ways.
The real question is how to support and help an unwed mother who has made the good choice of not aborting her child but also not appear to be condoning the modern lifestyle choice of freely having children out of wedlock.
I always participate in giving gifts at baby showers at work whether the woman is married or unmarried. I want to give something for the baby and I also genuinely like my co-workers. I try to remain non-judgmental because we can never truly know a persons situation. I have wondered what the Catholic viewpoint is because though I offer my gifts in the spirit of kindness, am I condoning the modern acceptance of unwed motherhood?
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newf
Guest
I think the best way to help the unwed mom is to go to her personally and bring a gift either before or after the baby is born.
Mom of 5 said it best here:
I should have just given the baby a gift after she was born and skipped the jubilant party, baloons and all. Seems that I was supporting a lifestyle that is very wrong. This young woman thinks that having good morals is eating your veggies. In other words, she does not know the meaning of good morality and is not a good role model for her children. All of us that “showered” her at a party gave her the message that what she was doing was o.k., it is not.
Mom of 5 said it best here:
I should have just given the baby a gift after she was born and skipped the jubilant party, baloons and all. Seems that I was supporting a lifestyle that is very wrong. This young woman thinks that having good morals is eating your veggies. In other words, she does not know the meaning of good morality and is not a good role model for her children. All of us that “showered” her at a party gave her the message that what she was doing was o.k., it is not.
J
Jesus4Me
Guest
Karen Anne:
As disciples of Christ we are called to help those in need. Not judge.
As disciples of Christ we are called to help those in need. Not judge.
K
K777angel
Guest
As disciples of Christ we are called to help those in need. Not judge.
[/quote]
Yes, we are called not to judge “non-christians” (according to scripture). So if this were someone who professed to believe and lived a lifestyle (like shacking up) contrary to that - it is one of the Spiritual Works of Mercy to “admonish the sinner.” Not in a harsh and judgemental way of course - but in love. True love’s ultimate goal is the desire for that person to spend eternity in heaven. The term “judge” is thrown around and misued a great deal today.
That said, I think it really depends on the circumstances of the unwed mother. In this day and age (sadly) MANY women and young girls think nothing of purposely getting themselves pregnant while single never intending to marry. It is an epidemic actually.
Just look at Hollywood and the poor example so many of them set.
I do not think this circumstance is anything to “celebrate.” I am in the camp of giving a gift for the child - but not attending a party to “celebrate” the pregnancy.
The same thing goes for the birth announcements papers now publish. The “proud to announce” publicly the birth of a child of an unwed mother or shack up couple right along birth announcements of married couples is innappropriate. I saw one recently in our local paper where a lesbian pair were “proud to announce” the birth of a baby one of them had had. There is nothing “proud” about that situation! Yes - the birth of a child - the
“new life” God has created is one thing - but it does not follow that you must lump it in with the circumstances surrounding the conception. While there of course are unintended conceptions - I am not speaking to those. I am speaking of the epidemic trend of PURPOSELY concieving children today selfishly with no thought of what is best for that child. A mother and father committed for life to each other and the child in holy matrimony.
All these other “celebrations” that fail to make that important distinction - diminish and minimize the importance and proper place God set forth when he gave us the gift of creating new life.
And, as always, the children end up paying the price.
[/quote]
Yes, we are called not to judge “non-christians” (according to scripture). So if this were someone who professed to believe and lived a lifestyle (like shacking up) contrary to that - it is one of the Spiritual Works of Mercy to “admonish the sinner.” Not in a harsh and judgemental way of course - but in love. True love’s ultimate goal is the desire for that person to spend eternity in heaven. The term “judge” is thrown around and misued a great deal today.
That said, I think it really depends on the circumstances of the unwed mother. In this day and age (sadly) MANY women and young girls think nothing of purposely getting themselves pregnant while single never intending to marry. It is an epidemic actually.
Just look at Hollywood and the poor example so many of them set.
I do not think this circumstance is anything to “celebrate.” I am in the camp of giving a gift for the child - but not attending a party to “celebrate” the pregnancy.
The same thing goes for the birth announcements papers now publish. The “proud to announce” publicly the birth of a child of an unwed mother or shack up couple right along birth announcements of married couples is innappropriate. I saw one recently in our local paper where a lesbian pair were “proud to announce” the birth of a baby one of them had had. There is nothing “proud” about that situation! Yes - the birth of a child - the
“new life” God has created is one thing - but it does not follow that you must lump it in with the circumstances surrounding the conception. While there of course are unintended conceptions - I am not speaking to those. I am speaking of the epidemic trend of PURPOSELY concieving children today selfishly with no thought of what is best for that child. A mother and father committed for life to each other and the child in holy matrimony.
All these other “celebrations” that fail to make that important distinction - diminish and minimize the importance and proper place God set forth when he gave us the gift of creating new life.
And, as always, the children end up paying the price.
J
Jesus4Me
Guest
I guess we should let Jesus be the compassionate one and we should just pick and choose who we want to show compassion to?
I would imagine there are plenty of needy people in this world who are in a needy situation because of their own sin or failings. Does this mean we shouldn’t be compassionate towards them? I agree we should not celebrate, but we should not turn our backs on them either. It is not Christian.
I would imagine there are plenty of needy people in this world who are in a needy situation because of their own sin or failings. Does this mean we shouldn’t be compassionate towards them? I agree we should not celebrate, but we should not turn our backs on them either. It is not Christian.
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Mom_of_5
Guest
How about adoption? This is a wondeful alternative choice for the unwed, struggling mom. No greater gift could she give her child than a beautiful loving, stable, two parent (man and woman) home. We all make mistakes, that is what makes us “human”. But for a lot of luck, there would be many more “unwed” moms, probably many of us posting on this thread. We need to have compassion for the “mom” and “dad” as well. Adoption gives the opportunity for the bio parents to start over, repent, live a chaste life and save further sexual activity for marriage, while giving that baby a great life. Adoption is not just for the child concieved in rape. While we are now, far more accepting of the single mom (keeping her child), in our society, than in the past, we need to think about what is best for the child. Usually a two parent,( MARRIED) family is the best choice of all.
The baby shower can be given for the happy adoptive mom and dad. There are many well adjusted christian couples waiting with open arms and hearts to raise these beautiful babies. So, how about giving "mom’ support and help by encouraging adoption. I am not so sure that we should congratulate anyone for not aborting. This sounds like a two-way choice only. Death for the fetus or raising the child herself. Abortion should NEVER be an alternative in the first place.
Love and peace
The baby shower can be given for the happy adoptive mom and dad. There are many well adjusted christian couples waiting with open arms and hearts to raise these beautiful babies. So, how about giving "mom’ support and help by encouraging adoption. I am not so sure that we should congratulate anyone for not aborting. This sounds like a two-way choice only. Death for the fetus or raising the child herself. Abortion should NEVER be an alternative in the first place.
Love and peace
L
LoneRanger
Guest
…i’m always amazed how some look for ways to shut people out of their lives for the splinter in their eye…
…they would most likely be the very ones to squeal loudly if their feet were held to the fire to the same degree that they hold others.
…they would most likely be the very ones to squeal loudly if their feet were held to the fire to the same degree that they hold others.
L
Lilyofthevalley
Guest
How about adoption? This is a wondeful alternative choice for the unwed, struggling mom. No greater gift could she give her child than a beautiful loving, stable, two parent (man and woman) home.
Why should a woman give her child away to strangers?A single mother can be a good parent as well as any “utopic” two parent family.
O
OriginalJS
Guest
Mom of 5:
Lots of girls have always got pregnant out of wedlock. If conception depended on a sacramental marriage, the birth rate would drop like a stone. A lot of girls are pregnant when they get married. That is why you used to hear the old saw, the first baby can come anytime, the rest take nine months. I know a lot of excellent Catholic mothers and grandmothers who were pregnant when they got married. (I’m 64 and I can count.) I know one wonderful Catholic grandmother who had 11 children who was pregnant when she got married.
For a variety of reasons, some women can’t or won’t get married after they learn they are pregnant. In my book, they need just as much love and support as anybody else. There is no need to be harsh with these women. Society will be harsh enough without any help from the rest of us. I have reared three children and it was work even with both of us pitching in. I can’t imagine what an unwed mother has to go through and I don’t want to find out.
Okay, I am a man, so I may get pilloried for the following remarks but here goes. I don’t like to see unmarried women having children anymore than anybody else. But,
Lots of girls have always got pregnant out of wedlock. If conception depended on a sacramental marriage, the birth rate would drop like a stone. A lot of girls are pregnant when they get married. That is why you used to hear the old saw, the first baby can come anytime, the rest take nine months. I know a lot of excellent Catholic mothers and grandmothers who were pregnant when they got married. (I’m 64 and I can count.) I know one wonderful Catholic grandmother who had 11 children who was pregnant when she got married.
For a variety of reasons, some women can’t or won’t get married after they learn they are pregnant. In my book, they need just as much love and support as anybody else. There is no need to be harsh with these women. Society will be harsh enough without any help from the rest of us. I have reared three children and it was work even with both of us pitching in. I can’t imagine what an unwed mother has to go through and I don’t want to find out.
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