Baby showers for pregnant teens?

[Julianna]

I would go if this teen did not purposefully get pregnant so she would have some to love her, etc. Hopefully the sin has been confessed and forgiven. Make the best of God’s gift of the baby. If she is able to properly care for the baby with the support of her family, perhaps the baby is better off with her. On the other hand, if I had been in that situation at her age, I hope I would have had the wisdom to give the baby up for adoption.

I have found that Catholics seem to be much more accepting of illegitimate children than other religions primarily because we see the act of premarital sex as the sin as opposed to having and/or keeping the baby.

How (other than rape or incest) do you “purposefully” get pregnant. He’s there, she’s there…they have sex…done.

I agree with leonie on this one. My daughter got pregnant at 19. The sperm donor, hit the bricks… I went online, contacted several adoption agencies, maternity homes (ironically, the catholic ones were no where to be found)…my DH and I presented the info to her, and said, “pick”. She said at that time she was keeping the baby. My DH and I said, “fine”, so when will you be moving out? Now mind you, she was living at home, going to college, working part time. She said, “you mean, I can’t stay here?” We said, “no”. Of course her friends thought my DH and I were monsters. Where is it written that my DH and I, inches close to retirement have to raise a child, while my daughter is still practicing bad behavior? Not happening, my DH and I refused to do it. We set out to a Christian maternity home when she was about 5 months along. The home was very strict, there were rules to follow, no headphones, all music had to be pre-approved, if you were over 18, you had to work part time, if you were under 18, you had to be enrolled in school. The money you received from your job, would be placed in a savings account, and you would receive a small stipened. My DH and I had privilege to list who could and who could not “visit” her at the home, as we would be contributing a small fee for her to stay there. She purposely botched the whole thing and the home refused to take her. We drove home. When we got home, I told her she was not coming in the house, to take her suitcase,belongings out of my car, get into hers, and leave, period. She stayed gone, for over 2 weeks. Did I cry, did I worry, yes, I did, about that baby. I knew that my daughter was a Jessica Simpson, princess and was not about to live out of her car, or sleep on a friends sofa. She came home one day, and said, “I’ll go, and I will place this baby for adoption”. While standing at the door, I handed her the phone and the name of another maternity home. She called, and we left that weekend. She hated it. Too bad, so sad. The adoption agency we all worked with was wonderful. She chose OPEN adoption. She chose the parents. He was born Dec 20, 2005, and the adoptive parents took him home on Christmas Eve, thank you Jesus…a family was born. We will be getting together with the adoptive parents on Thanksgiving, and we have been inundated with photos, videos, and my daughter receives a phone call from them every 3 months. She is back in school and working. And the little guy, has a mommy and a daddy. The couple she chose is Catholic. God is working for sure. We received pictures of the christening and just got a picture of him in his Tigger costume…too cute.

No, I would not go to the shower…I would ask my friend to counsel her daughter about OPEN adoption. It’s a win-win for all.
Juli

 

[Aleii]

Juli, thanks for sharing your story.

 

[gam197]

My daughter got pregnant and married shortly before the baby was born yet I had no shower for her. She received very little from anyone because we didn’t have a shower.

I have been faced with this so many times as I am sure others are. A family member got married after living together for six years; my son got his girlfriend pregnant and a baby shower was done by her family even though they have not married and I did go even though I did ask to invite only my immediate family, no sisters and brothers.Now I am faced again with a young teen pregnancy in my family and a big shower is coming up shortly.

My own daughter gets so annoyed. She says I didn’t have any showers but it’s OK for anyone to do whatever they want and no one seems to care anymore. I am in favor of going all out to help out but I am not in favor of having these showers. It is very confusing. How about when they come to stay over at your house and are not married?

 

[rayne89]

How (other than rape or incest) do you “purposefully” get pregnant. He’s there, she’s there…they have sex…done.

I agree with leonie on this one. My daughter got pregnant at 19. The sperm donor, hit the bricks… I went online, contacted several adoption agencies, maternity homes (ironically, the catholic ones were no where to be found)…my DH and I presented the info to her, and said, “pick”. She said at that time she was keeping the baby. My DH and I said, “fine”, so when will you be moving out? Now mind you, she was living at home, going to college, working part time. She said, “you mean, I can’t stay here?” We said, “no”. Of course her friends thought my DH and I were monsters. Where is it written that my DH and I, inches close to retirement have to raise a child, while my daughter is still practicing bad behavior? Not happening, my DH and I refused to do it. We set out to a Christian maternity home when she was about 5 months along. The home was very strict, there were rules to follow, no headphones, all music had to be pre-approved, if you were over 18, you had to work part time, if you were under 18, you had to be enrolled in school. The money you received from your job, would be placed in a savings account, and you would receive a small stipened. My DH and I had privilege to list who could and who could not “visit” her at the home, as we would be contributing a small fee for her to stay there. She purposely botched the whole thing and the home refused to take her. We drove home. When we got home, I told her she was not coming in the house, to take her suitcase,belongings out of my car, get into hers, and leave, period. She stayed gone, for over 2 weeks. Did I cry, did I worry, yes, I did, about that baby. I knew that my daughter was a Jessica Simpson, princess and was not about to live out of her car, or sleep on a friends sofa. She came home one day, and said, “I’ll go, and I will place this baby for adoption”. While standing at the door, I handed her the phone and the name of another maternity home. She called, and we left that weekend. She hated it. Too bad, so sad. The adoption agency we all worked with was wonderful. She chose OPEN adoption. She chose the parents. He was born Dec 20, 2005, and the adoptive parents took him home on Christmas Eve, thank you Jesus…a family was born. We will be getting together with the adoptive parents on Thanksgiving, and we have been inundated with photos, videos, and my daughter receives a phone call from them every 3 months. She is back in school and working. And the little guy, has a mommy and a daddy. The couple she chose is Catholic. God is working for sure. We received pictures of the christening and just got a picture of him in his Tigger costume…too cute.

No, I would not go to the shower…I would ask my friend to counsel her daughter about OPEN adoption. It’s a win-win for all.
Juli

WOW. If my friend behaved that way with her daughter I would have taken her daughter in. Your lucky that your daughter was brave enough to keep her child because many girls pushed into a situation like that would abort. I pray that years down the road God gives her the comfort and strength to deal with the fact that her parents pushed her to give away her child. Because when she marries and has children with her husband it will come back to her. I’m glad your retirement is more important to you than your child and your grand child. I hope and pray to God my biological mother didn’t give me up under those circumstances. The fact that she did give me up almost certainly saved my life because I had major undiagnosed medical problems and my adoptive parents got me the best medical care money could buy. I love my parents dearly but if that was the way I was placed for adoption I would rather have died as an infant that been ripped away from a mother who wanted to keep me.As an adoptee I don’t believe in open adoption -I think it’s more confusing and hurtful for the child. Either you make a clean break or raise the baby yourself. I think adoptive parents shouldn’t have to live in the shadow of the birthmother. But hey that’s just my opinion. Good luck to you.

 

[Julianna]

WOW. If my friend behaved that way with her daughter I would have taken her daughter in. Your lucky that your daughter was brave enough to keep her child because many girls pushed into a situation like that would abort.
I pray that years down the road God gives her the comfort and strength to deal with the fact that her parents pushed her to give away her child.When she was in the maternity home, she was the only who “graduated” from high school, she was the only one who was in “college”, she was the only one who had “the same” parents she was born with. Amazing. I was not going to have the tax payers of this country responsible for my daughter and her baby. The 5 girls in the home with her, chose to keep their babies, the grandmother is homeless…and DSS finally came in and took the child from the 14 yr old mother. Is that best for the child. Another girl in the home “refused” to take her turn to follow a recipe to learn to cook. She said, “my mother and stepdad will do that, I don’t have to.” And you mean to tell me these girls are ready to be “parents”? Really? My DH and I had sense enough to know that my daughter was no where near ready to be a mother, she had “nothing” to offer a baby, but the bottom drawer in her dresser. I have seen women my age, with a buggy full of babies they inherited because their daughter put the cart before the horse. My DH and I do have do this just because we are her parents. Absolutely, and her children will know who their brother is, and why. I’m glad your retirement is more important to you than your child and your grand child. My DH and I loved this baby MORE to see to it that he had a mommy and daddy who prayed every night for a child, than to become martyrs for my daughter. And yes, our retirement IS important. We worked for it. If she was married with a husband, then it would be a different story.I hope and pray to God my biological mother didn’t give me up under those circumstances. The fact that she did give me up almost certainly saved my life because I had major undiagnosed medical problems and my adoptive parents got me the best medical care money could buy.Yessiree, another reason. Our health insurance would not have covered our daughter unless she was enrolled full time in college, she would have had to go on welfare. And where pray tell is the sperm donor? See, everyone forgets about him and jumps down on me. I love my parents dearly but if that was the way I was placed for adoption I would rather have died as an infant that been ripped away from a mother who wanted to keep me.We were smart enough to know that “keep” was a word my daughter could say, but could not do. Ripped away, how is that? In OPEN adoption, nothing has been ripped, my daughter will see him as he grows up, she made him a scrap book of her life, he will know us, I will NOT be his grandmother, “Suzy’s mom” is the grandmother. I am fine with that. I have pictures of him on my desk at work. My co workers think I am crazy, but that lament that their empty nest years have been stolen from them because their children were “irresponsible”. (their daughters) As an adoptee I don’t believe in open adoption -I think it’s more confusing and hurtful for the child. Either you make a clean break or raise the baby yourself. I think adoptive parents shouldn’t have to live in the shadow of the birthmother. But hey that’s just my opinion. Good luck to you.

My daughter would have never considered abortion. She was raised a Catholic and knows better. My daughter needed to consider what was best for the “child”…not her. How many men would have been in and out of that child’s life until she picked the right one. How long would she put her college on hold? This isn’t about my daughter, she chose to have sex and this is the consequence of her choice. The sperm donor got off and had his fun…and my daughter is supposed to deal with it, and because she is female, it’s up to the parents of the daughter to “handle it”? What were “his” parents doing to help…NOTHING. This is about LIFE and what is BEST for the child. A mommy and daddy who can raise him. My daughter has lost nothing, she “gave up” nothing, she “placed” the baby where he needed to be.

 

[Julianna]

Suzy and Jim do not live in the shadow. They are emotionally, financially ready to raise a child. My daughter has given them a precious gift, and they in turn are appreciative of that gift. The child will be raised in the church. My daughter looked at 3 couples, one Methodist, one Holiness, and the third Catholic. She chose the Catholic couple. The Holy Spirit was at work. She chose them without us knowing about it. She had a wonderful counselor from the adoption agency, who still contacts her and she will be attending a birthmother retreat next month. I have been asked by the agency to write and artical, from the birthgranny point of view. I am still thinking about it. I do often wonder how the 5 girls that were with my daughter are doing and more importantly, their babies, and for some, this is the 2 or 3rd time. How sad.

 

[rayne89]

I realize you made a decision that you thought was best for your family. And honestly and truly hope it works out best for all involved.

I also know that giving up a child to give it a better life is the most selfless thing a mother can do. And that a married, two parent, loving home is almost always better for the child. I absolutely get that.

What I see with open adoption is a child whose biological mother is hanging around in the wings. Some he sees and knows she is the woman who carried him and gave birth to him. She wants to come for visits and have pictures but then goes back to living her life -college, job, friends. And while as an adult I know that is what is best for all in involved. I don’t think a child can understand that. Here’s your birthmom she wants to see you but she really has her own life to live and doesn’t want to be bothered with raising you. Children don’t think like adults. I don’t think having reminders that this is woman that gave you away is at all beneficial to the child.

It’s just my opinion ofcourse but thinking back to my childhood that is not something I would have wanted at all. And I think parents that adopt children shouldn’t have to share their children with the biomom. I think she they should be allowed to be a family unit without having the reminder that they are not biologically connected to their children. And there is another woman out there gets to share in the joyous occasions but doesn’t have to do the hard work as a parent. Maybe it works for other families I can only speak from my own perspective.

I hope everything works out wonderfully for your daughter and your grandson, I really, really do. God Bless.

 

[Syele]

I have to ask if the “boy” is repentant of HIS sin as well?

Is he even around? Is he helping? Does he even care? If he is helping and he does care then yes include him in all of my list. If not, why would the shower affect him anyhow?

 

[BLB_Oregon]

Let’s have some compassion, here, and let’s give this expectant mom the credit that she’s due, while we’re at it.

I’m not her confessor, so it is not my business to check whether she has expressed sufficient repentance. I don’t even know if she’s culpable for becoming pregnant, as far as that goes. She could have been date-raped, for all any of us know. She could be covering for what was essentially an assault by someone she thought loved her. She could, for her child’s sake, be covering for the fact that the kid’s father was a rapist–meaning that her child was fathered by a stranger, a sociopath or a psychopath, a vicious criminal. Should she have to satisfy our curiosity about that before she’s good enough for our charity?

For crying out loud, she’s having the baby! She’s not having an abortion! She’s turning her whole life around to take responsibility for her child! Throw that woman a party! Let the gifts rain down! Maybe she messed up before and maybe she didn’t, but as of now, she’s doing the right thing!

I say “woman” because, like it or not, the days of her girlhood are over. She needs lots of hugs, lots of support, and every help in the world to be the absolute best mom she can be.

 

[mosher]

How (other than rape or incest) do you “purposefully” get pregnant. He’s there, she’s there…they have sex…done.

I agree with leonie on this one. My daughter got pregnant at 19. The sperm donor, hit the bricks… I went online, contacted several adoption agencies, maternity homes (ironically, the catholic ones were no where to be found)…my DH and I presented the info to her, and said, “pick”. She said at that time she was keeping the baby. My DH and I said, “fine”, so when will you be moving out? Now mind you, she was living at home, going to college, working part time. She said, “you mean, I can’t stay here?” We said, “no”. Of course her friends thought my DH and I were monsters. Where is it written that my DH and I, inches close to retirement have to raise a child, while my daughter is still practicing bad behavior? Not happening, my DH and I refused to do it. We set out to a Christian maternity home when she was about 5 months along. The home was very strict, there were rules to follow, no headphones, all music had to be pre-approved, if you were over 18, you had to work part time, if you were under 18, you had to be enrolled in school. The money you received from your job, would be placed in a savings account, and you would receive a small stipened. My DH and I had privilege to list who could and who could not “visit” her at the home, as we would be contributing a small fee for her to stay there. She purposely botched the whole thing and the home refused to take her. We drove home. When we got home, I told her she was not coming in the house, to take her suitcase,belongings out of my car, get into hers, and leave, period. She stayed gone, for over 2 weeks. Did I cry, did I worry, yes, I did, about that baby. I knew that my daughter was a Jessica Simpson, princess and was not about to live out of her car, or sleep on a friends sofa. She came home one day, and said, “I’ll go, and I will place this baby for adoption”. While standing at the door, I handed her the phone and the name of another maternity home. She called, and we left that weekend. She hated it. Too bad, so sad. The adoption agency we all worked with was wonderful. She chose OPEN adoption. She chose the parents. He was born Dec 20, 2005, and the adoptive parents took him home on Christmas Eve, thank you Jesus…a family was born. We will be getting together with the adoptive parents on Thanksgiving, and we have been inundated with photos, videos, and my daughter receives a phone call from them every 3 months. She is back in school and working. And the little guy, has a mommy and a daddy. The couple she chose is Catholic. God is working for sure. We received pictures of the christening and just got a picture of him in his Tigger costume…too cute.

No, I would not go to the shower…I would ask my friend to counsel her daughter about OPEN adoption. It’s a win-win for all.
Juli

Very good parenting.

 

[mary_bobo]

Julianna, I do not often agree with you but in this case I believe you did the right thing. I know it must have been difficult for you and your husband as well as your daughter. But making young people responsible for their actions is the only way they will grow to be responsible adults. You are indeed fortunate that your daughter is allowed to see the little boy. I hope as time goes on she will truly know that she did what was best for him.

 

[Exalt]

How (other than rape or incest) do you “purposefully” get pregnant. He’s there, she’s there…they have sex…done.

I agree with leonie on this one. My daughter got pregnant at 19. The sperm donor, hit the bricks… I went online, contacted several adoption agencies, maternity homes (ironically, the catholic ones were no where to be found)…my DH and I presented the info to her, and said, “pick”. She said at that time she was keeping the baby. My DH and I said, “fine”, so when will you be moving out? Now mind you, she was living at home, going to college, working part time. She said, “you mean, I can’t stay here?” We said, “no”. Of course her friends thought my DH and I were monsters. Where is it written that my DH and I, inches close to retirement have to raise a child, while my daughter is still practicing bad behavior? Not happening, my DH and I refused to do it. We set out to a Christian maternity home when she was about 5 months along. The home was very strict, there were rules to follow, no headphones, all music had to be pre-approved, if you were over 18, you had to work part time, if you were under 18, you had to be enrolled in school. The money you received from your job, would be placed in a savings account, and you would receive a small stipened. My DH and I had privilege to list who could and who could not “visit” her at the home, as we would be contributing a small fee for her to stay there. She purposely botched the whole thing and the home refused to take her. We drove home. When we got home, I told her she was not coming in the house, to take her suitcase,belongings out of my car, get into hers, and leave, period. She stayed gone, for over 2 weeks. Did I cry, did I worry, yes, I did, about that baby. I knew that my daughter was a Jessica Simpson, princess and was not about to live out of her car, or sleep on a friends sofa. She came home one day, and said, “I’ll go, and I will place this baby for adoption”. While standing at the door, I handed her the phone and the name of another maternity home. She called, and we left that weekend. She hated it. Too bad, so sad. The adoption agency we all worked with was wonderful. She chose OPEN adoption. She chose the parents. He was born Dec 20, 2005, and the adoptive parents took him home on Christmas Eve, thank you Jesus…a family was born. We will be getting together with the adoptive parents on Thanksgiving, and we have been inundated with photos, videos, and my daughter receives a phone call from them every 3 months. She is back in school and working. And the little guy, has a mommy and a daddy. The couple she chose is Catholic. God is working for sure. We received pictures of the christening and just got a picture of him in his Tigger costume…too cute.

No, I would not go to the shower…I would ask my friend to counsel her daughter about OPEN adoption. It’s a win-win for all.
Juli

You threatened to abandon your daughter?! I’m sorry, but that has to be the most inhuman, unloving action from a parent I’ve ever heard.

1. Your daughter makes a mistake.
2. She is having a baby.
3. She is living in a loving home, with religious parents who love her.
4. When she tries to take responsibility of her actions by attempting to keep the child - the child whom she has a never-ending lasting connection with - you threaten to kick her out. You use threatening tactics to bully her into adoption, when she could have gotten loving support from you and your spouse.
5. What would Jesus think?

You are bully. You abandoned your daughter in her time of need. You are not a good parent. You did not act in a Christian manner. You bullied your child into making a decision you felt was right. I’m not saying that adoption isn’t a beautiful and wonderful thing. I’m not saying the child is happy in another home. I am saying that you used unchristian tactics in forcing your daughter to make this decision.

Someday you’ll answer for it.

 

[puzzleannie]

we have had this same discussion several times in this forum with the same acrimonious hypocritical comments. if you want a reprise which will make you gag at the lack of Christian charity and wonder how skin deep people’s prolife sentiments are, do a search and wallow in it.

For some reason having a shower for a pregnant teen is seen as condoning the action (for which we have already provided judge and jury) which resulted in the fact that a new baby is expected. I have never seen a discussion about having a bridal shower for a couple that has been cohabitting for 5 years and is planning a huge Catholic wedding, or for a 28-yr-old unwed mother who is on her 5th boyfriend, it is only pregnant teens who sin, evidently and who must wear the proverbial scarlet letter, and whose babies will not be needing or do not deserve diapers, onesies, buntings, blankets etc.

 

[leonie]

we have had this same discussion several times in this forum with the same acrimonious hypocritical comments. if you want a reprise which will make you gag at the lack of Christian charity and wonder how skin deep people’s prolife sentiments are, do a search and wallow in it.

For some reason having a shower for a pregnant teen is seen as condoning the action (for which we have already provided judge and jury) which resulted in the fact that a new baby is expected. I have never seen a discussion about having a bridal shower for a couple that has been cohabitting for 5 years and is planning a huge Catholic wedding, or for a 28-yr-old unwed mother who is on her 5th boyfriend, it is only pregnant teens who sin, evidently and who must wear the proverbial scarlet letter, and whose babies will not be needing or do not deserve diapers, onesies, buntings, blankets etc.

Why is a shower the only way a baby receives presents? Most people bring a present to the new baby. A few discreet phone calls would do the same.

 

[leonie]

You threatened to abandon your daughter?! I’m sorry, but that has to be the most inhuman, unloving action from a parent I’ve ever heard.

1. Your daughter makes a mistake.
2. She is having a baby.
3. She is living in a loving home, with religious parents who love her.
4. When she tries to take responsibility of her actions by attempting to keep the child - the child whom she has a never-ending lasting connection with - you threaten to kick her out. You use threatening tactics to bully her into adoption, when she could have gotten loving support from you and your spouse.
5. What would Jesus think?

You are bully. You abandoned your daughter in her time of need. You are not a good parent. You did not act in a Christian manner. You bullied your child into making a decision you felt was right. I’m not saying that adoption isn’t a beautiful and wonderful thing. I’m not saying the child is happy in another home. I am saying that you used unchristian tactics in forcing your daughter to make this decision.

Someday you’ll answer for it.

Well, Exalt, you are wrong. Julianna’s daughter was an adult when she got pregnant. She wasn’t minor. Any parent has the right to not financially support an adult child. Julianna supported her daughter in acting like an adult. Her daughter had the option of working and pursueing child support from the father. All Julianna did was insist her daughter face up to adult responsibilities.

Julianna, you did the right thing. You were strong. God bless you.

 

[rayne89]

You threatened to abandon your daughter?! I’m sorry, but that has to be the most inhuman, unloving action from a parent I’ve ever heard.

1. Your daughter makes a mistake.
2. She is having a baby.
3. She is living in a loving home, with religious parents who love her.
4. When she tries to take responsibility of her actions by attempting to keep the child - the child whom she has a never-ending lasting connection with - you threaten to kick her out. You use threatening tactics to bully her into adoption, when she could have gotten loving support from you and your spouse.
5. What would Jesus think?

I really do agree with you here. I was quite horrified reading Julianna’s post. I’m could never put my retirement or anything else above helping my daughter (whether she was 17 or 35) raise her child if that is what she wanted.

 

[Exalt]

Julianna’s daughter was an adult when she got pregnant. She wasn’t minor. Any parent has the right to not financially support an adult child.

You’re absolutely right. Julianna has every right to force her adult child out of the house. She has every right, under the law, to remove any financial support. She has the* right*.

But just because we have a right to do something doesn’t mean we* should*. The fact is that Julianna bullied her 19-year-old daughter into putting her baby up for adoption. She threatened to abandon her daughter in her time of need just to get what she wanted. I might remind you of the Catholic doctrine of just means and ends? You cannot use immoral means to get at a good end. Julianna used threats of abandonment and an uncharitable eviction (unloving means) to force her daughter to put her baby up for adoption (a good end). That’s wrong.

 

[Julianna]

You threatened to abandon your daughter?! I’m sorry, but that has to be the most inhuman, unloving action from a parent I’ve ever heard.

1. Your daughter makes a mistake.
2. She is having a baby.
3. She is living in a loving home, with religious parents who love her.
4. When she tries to take responsibility of her actions by attempting to keep the child - the child whom she has a never-ending lasting connection with - you threaten to kick her out. You use threatening tactics to bully her into adoption, when she could have gotten loving support from you and your spouse.
5. What would Jesus think?

You are bully. You abandoned your daughter in her time of need. You are not a good parent. You did not act in a Christian manner. You bullied your child into making a decision you felt was right. I’m not saying that adoption isn’t a beautiful and wonderful thing. I’m not saying the child is happy in another home. I am saying that you used unchristian tactics in forcing your daughter to make this decision.

Someday you’ll answer for it.

Not sure if I should roll over laughing or if I should roll my eyes. So, it would be best if all children were to be male. If I had sons, then I could get off scott free on this. No support, no staying up all night, no footing the bill for the pregnancy, diapers or anything. And I am a bully??? We abandoned our daughter? Who the heck are YOU? My judge and jury? Just who will I answer to, “the gospel according to EXALT”. I’m not a good parent? Do you know me? Unchristian tactics? Tough love really works. She has the loving support of her father and I. We are the team that raised her. And it takes a mommy and a daddy to raise a child. All she had was a sperm donor and high school diploma. You crack me up.

How do you all expect the immorality of sex without marriage that most of you RAM down everyone’s throat, yet when it results in a pregnancy you get all soft and mush inside, and EXPECT the parents of the daughter (not the son), to drop what they are doing and raise another child? To us, that IS selfish. We did not abandon her, we rallied around this baby, the innocent in the whole matter. Keeping the child with NO education, NO means of personal support is “responsible” to you? Really? How much of your tax dollars are you going to spend for her housing, her education, her food? Is it fair, that I ask you to do that, when there are parents on their knees every night, praying for a child. Just WHO is selfish? My DH and I gave her a WAKE UP call. Threaten to kick her out? We DID kick her out. Funny thing is, we knew she would be back. After she got tired of going from friend to friend, looking for a place to lay her head. Friends kind of dried up at that point and good ol mom and dad, were the last resort. Sort of the prodigal daughter thing. This was her penance. She had to understand that it wasn’t “just about her”. All those friends of hers who said we were the monsters, suddenly couldn’t find it in their hearts to take her in. It was her high school track coach and his wife who called us, as they found her on their doorstep. Both are also ex law enforcement officers. They gave her the same rules as she had here, she chose not go along with it, so they turned her out, and Coach suggested she go home and do the right thing. She did.

The result is a child has a home, parents who prayed for a child, were answered. Our daughter has “learned” a valuable lesson, and has come to understand why her father and I stood our ground. This is the same girl, who now at 21, gets up on a Saturday morning, and walks into the living room, and climbs into my lap…and says, “I love you mom”. She comes to me for advice, she talks to me, we don’t get into shouting matches anymore. Her counselor from the agency calls her, emails her and on occasion my DH and I will get a call from her. The agency worked with the whole family, not just my daughter. I am looking forward to Thanksgiving…I got and email from Suzy (the adoptive mom) and a short video of the little guy banging pots and pans with a spoon.

You see EXALT…it’s all about the “baby”. Life was chosen, Life was given, prayers were answered. Yes, I think Jesus would smile on that one.

 

[deb1]

Not sure if I should roll over laughing or if I should roll my eyes. So, it would be best if all children were to be male. If I had sons, then I could get off scott free on this. No support, no staying up all night, no footing the bill for the pregnancy, diapers or anything.

Not if my son had impregnated your daughter. We would have found a way to help you and your daughter, even if that meant that my son had to quit college. Not all parents of boys are so irresponsible.

Of course, if I found out that the mother of my son’s child was considering adoption, I would have requested that our family be allowed to be the adoptive parents.

 

[Karin]

Not sure if I should roll over laughing or if I should roll my eyes. So, it would be best if all children were to be male. If I had sons, then I could get off scott free on this. No support, no staying up all night, no footing the bill for the pregnancy, diapers or anything. And I am a bully??? We abandoned our daughter? Who the heck are YOU? My judge and jury? Just who will I answer to, “the gospel according to EXALT”. I’m not a good parent? Do you know me? Unchristian tactics? Tough love really works. She has the loving support of her father and I. We are the team that raised her. And it takes a mommy and a daddy to raise a child. All she had was a sperm donor and high school diploma. You crack me up.

How do you all expect the immorality of sex without marriage that most of you RAM down everyone’s throat, yet when it results in a pregnancy you get all soft and mush inside, and EXPECT the parents of the daughter (not the son), to drop what they are doing and raise another child? To us, that IS selfish. We did not abandon her, we rallied around this baby, the innocent in the whole matter. Keeping the child with NO education, NO means of personal support is “responsible” to you? Really? How much of your tax dollars are you going to spend for her housing, her education, her food? Is it fair, that I ask you to do that, when there are parents on their knees every night, praying for a child. Just WHO is selfish? My DH and I gave her a WAKE UP call. Threaten to kick her out? We DID kick her out. Funny thing is, we knew she would be back. After she got tired of going from friend to friend, looking for a place to lay her head. Friends kind of dried up at that point and good ol mom and dad, were the last resort. Sort of the prodigal daughter thing. This was her penance. She had to understand that it wasn’t “just about her”. All those friends of hers who said we were the monsters, suddenly couldn’t find it in their hearts to take her in. It was her high school track coach and his wife who called us, as they found her on their doorstep. Both are also ex law enforcement officers. They gave her the same rules as she had here, she chose not go along with it, so they turned her out, and Coach suggested she go home and do the right thing. She did.

The result is a child has a home, parents who prayed for a child, were answered. Our daughter has “learned” a valuable lesson, and has come to understand why her father and I stood our ground. This is the same girl, who now at 21, gets up on a Saturday morning, and walks into the living room, and climbs into my lap…and says, “I love you mom”. She comes to me for advice, she talks to me, we don’t get into shouting matches anymore. Her counselor from the agency calls her, emails her and on occasion my DH and I will get a call from her. The agency worked with the whole family, not just my daughter. I am looking forward to Thanksgiving…I got and email from Suzy (the adoptive mom) and a short video of the little guy banging pots and pans with a spoon.

You see EXALT…it’s all about the “baby”. Life was chosen, Life was given, prayers were answered. Yes, I think Jesus would smile on that one.

I am curious,sorry, but why did you send your daughter to an unwed mothers home? Did you still have young children at home and you did not want them to see your older daughter visibly pregnant?