Babysitting problem and the mother-in-law. Advice PLEASE

[redtech]

I guess I shot myself in the foot when I told DH yesterday to ask if he could get off work.

I texted him this morning to remind him to ask off for wednesday. I called him around 2pm and asked him if he’d asked yet. His answer “Well NO!” I was quiet and asked him to do it today sometime. He said he would ask off if his mom couldn’t watch them. My heart started to race and I asked him “didn’t we talk about this last night? I want YOU to take time off to watch your kids. If you could take a day off to go watch basketball and have fun, why can’t you take a day off to be with your kids?” His reply “My mom might not even be able to watch them, I’m going to ask her first” I didn’t even know how to respond to that. It didn’t seem like a valid thing to say. I think DH tries to confuse me when we talk so I will quit talking to him. I said that I didn’t care if his mom was busy or not, he should be asking for himself to be off first before asking his mom. I think he should quit volunteering his mom instead of stepping up and doing stuff himself (but I didn’t say that)

However… I did tell him that he had a bad attitude and it was really sad that “C” (a guy he works with and doesn’t like) races home every evening to take care of a kid thats not even his and now DH won’t even ask to take a day off. Then I think I said something like Thanks for the effort.

DH is a farmer. I know they’ve started to get busier but all they are doing right now is cleaning equipment. He’s gotten to the point where he has stopped playing cards in the afternoon and now only has time to drink a coke with his friends at the elevator. Its been raining alot here lately. I KNOW they aren’t going to be in the field for at least 3 more weeks, probably longer. If it was the middle of May then I wouldn’t even bother asking him.

 

[redtech]

I guess I posted too soon. As soon as I hit Submit, my DH called. I asked him if he’d asked off and he said No. I asked him if he was going to and he said he probably would on Monday. The key word being “probably”.

I give up. I’m going to ask off for that day myself. So much for saving up my vacation time. Truthfully, I have many years to come to take the kids on vacations.

My husband is the epitomy of inconsiderate AND selfish.

 

[mariam1976]

I guess I posted too soon. As soon as I hit Submit, my DH called. I asked him if he’d asked off and he said No. I asked him if he was going to and he said he probably would on Monday. The key word being “probably”.

I give up. I’m going to ask off for that day myself. So much for saving up my vacation time. Truthfully, I have many years to come to take the kids on vacations.

My husband is the epitomy of inconsiderate AND selfish.

my dear… he will regret it in the years to come when the kids will just remember you taking care of them and he being off with his buddies…

unfortunately it will be too late for him by then and most probably seeing how immature and selfish he is, he will end up blaming you for it ( happened to a friend of mine)

 

[1ke]

and it’s due to how he was raised. His parents divorced when he was only five. His mother had three more husbands before he was 14 years old. My husband did not grow up with any family unity, in fact he and his sister were used by their parents to hurt each other. They had a very psychologically damaging upbringing. So I can’t expect that my husband and I will ever really have the deep unity that I crave (that we both crave actually), because he’s frankly not learned how.

You know what Bee Sweet, that is a load of cr*p that your husband is giving you. He has choices.

My parents divorced when I was 4. My dad is on wife #4. I was shipped off to live with my elderly grandparents when I was 5. I have spoiled half and step brothers/sisters who got everything in the world and all the attention one could want. Me-- watching for my mom’s car out the window waiting for a visit that didn’t come.

I would put my miserable childhood toe to toe with your husband’s any day of the week and twice on Sunday. And, you know what… I survived, I overcame. It’s a learned behavior-- being the victim. I refused that role and have made my own life and have a wonderful marriage, a loving husband, and no “issues” with my family or past.

 

[1ke]

DH is a farmer. I know they’ve started to get busier but all they are doing right now is cleaning equipment. He’s gotten to the point where he has stopped playing cards in the afternoon and now only has time to drink a coke with his friends at the elevator. Its been raining alot here lately. I KNOW they aren’t going to be in the field for at least 3 more weeks, probably longer. If it was the middle of May then I wouldn’t even bother asking him.

My husband is a farmer, and you know what-- he’s not too busy to do the things I ask him to do.

Your husband is lazy. I’m sorry to say it. I feel really bad for you and will pray for you.

 

[mariam1976]

My husband is a farmer, and you know what-- he’s not too busy to do the things I ask him to do.

Your husband is lazy. I’m sorry to say it. I feel really bad for you and will pray for you.

he is obviously not too busy as he still has time to have drinks with his buddies… his priorities are just not right!!!

some men think that they can get married and still be able to enjoy all the perks of a single life!!!

he is just plain selfish!!!

 

[redtech]

Its almost funny, isn’t it?

 

[BeeSweet]

You know what Bee Sweet, that is a load of cr*p that your husband is giving you. He has choices.

My parents divorced when I was 4. My dad is on wife #4. I was shipped off to live with my elderly grandparents when I was 5. I have spoiled half and step brothers/sisters who got everything in the world and all the attention one could want. Me-- watching for my mom’s car out the window waiting for a visit that didn’t come.

I would put my miserable childhood toe to toe with your husband’s any day of the week and twice on Sunday. And, you know what… I survived, I overcame. It’s a learned behavior-- being the victim. I refused that role and have made my own life and have a wonderful marriage, a loving husband, and no “issues” with my family or past.

Oh, he doesn’t use his childhood as an excuse for anything. He’s quite proud, and if I bring up some of the abuses he’s told me of, he becomes totally defensive. He would NEVER NEVER say he was a victim. But I can’t expect him to know some things, such as how to be considerate at times, because he was not treated that way himself. And like I said, he does a real good job, we’re together a loooooong time now in spite of ourselves. You’re right saying he has choices, and so far he’s made entirely different choices than his parents did.

We are each other’s cross to bear. My parents don’t have the best relationship either, but they’re together 41 years now. There are things about their marriage that I would like to see in my own, and there are things in my marriage that would make my parents better off than they are.

redtech ~ you and your family are in my prayers (keep us in yours too )! I think you’re doing the right thing to take the day off yourself. You can always go in anyway if your husband comes round, right?

 

[whatevergirl]

That’s why I said “most of the men in my life”. I knew someone (but I thought it would more likely be a man) would chime in and defend them! I didn’t grow up with any female family except my mom. My dad and an older and a younger brother was my family make-up. My longest known best friend is a man. I live with two cats and a dog that are male (not that that’s applicable, but I think it’s funny). I really truely deep in my heart believe they are innately selfish. They have to be taught how to be considerate of others. It just doesn’t come naturally to them. Even my dad, who’s one of the most considerate men I’ve ever seen, has regrets about spending his time doing things that he liked, rather than spending time with his kids when we were little.

LOL–ok…I understand. sometimes i skim through…sorry

 

[Robaynne]

To be totally honest with you I think that you should think about putting both your kids in full time day care. Hear me out first. There should be a routine at least at the day care you are gauranteed that you kids are taken cared of. Everytime your mother needs to go somewhere then you have to run around either taking off work or putting him in the day care or having you MIL look after him which I know you are not happy with.

I decided a long time ago not to worry or inconvenience anybody I have a full time nannny that has looked after my kids since they were 3 months old. They are now my son will be 10 yrs this year and my daughter is soon to be 7 yrs so the lady has looked after both of then since they were babies. I am happy with her and have no issues or problems. Once a year in December the kids go and visit my MIL for the holidays as she does not see them during the year.

Think about it and also both your kids will be in the same place so fetching and dropping off is convenient. There is no issue about who looks after your son be it your mother, MIL or you taking off work. And loosing your leave days and when you really want to take a break and spend time with your family you will have exhausted your days. So it gets rid of the dilemna of who looks after your son.

It is always the women who do the running around and men just lay back and do nothing. If you are not comfortable with your MIL looking after the kids for health reasons etc the choice is yours. I am sure that if your mother was the say way you would make it very clear to her how you feel.