Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties

[AmazingGrace13]

This is something that I’ve been wondering about for a while because I have a wedding coming up. Do you think it’s appropriate for a married man or woman to attend one a bachelor/bachelorette party if the people going to be there aren’t Catholic (or aren’t practicing) and will probably go to a strip club/hire a stripper? What should one do in this situation? What if you’re in the wedding party? It’s easy to say you’ll leave before everyone goes to the strip club but with peer pressure and drinking…is that realistic? Should you completely skip the party? I’d love your opinions. Thanks!

 

[Petaro]

I would enquire of the Host whether there were extra-curriculum activities planned. If there are I would not go. Strip clubs demean men as well as the women involved. Such adolescent activities should be beyond the pale of any real man even with 'peer pressure". These people are not your peers.

 

[jritenour]

Definitely have to agree here. Nothing wrong with a party and a drink but there is something wrong with the aim of getting drunk and unedifying behavior. I’m certain no one would feel good about it if they saw that Jesus was there (He is everywhere after all) - even if they are not Catholic or other Christians. What do you think he would think about it?

I say this with love and humility. I did these things (attend strip clubs, drunken revelry, etc.) some time ago. I am very ashamed and I deeply regret them. If you’re asking this question, it is because the Holy Spirit is prompting you to think about them.

God bless you and may Christ’s peace be with you.

 

[MJJean]

The last Bachelorette party I attended did include a stripper portion of the evening. However, for me, that was no reason not to attend. Just go to the party then make your excuses and head home before anything like that begins. That way your friend knows you care and want to celebrate with him/her and you aren’t participating in anything immoral.

 

[AmazingGrace13]

Thanks for your opinions. I was asking this just to get everyone’s take on the situation. I have already made the decision not to go if there is going to be anything inappropriate. I guess I’m wondering what the right thing is to do if you’re in the wedding party… Also, what do you think about a husband or wife saying “I’ll go but I’ll leave if anything inappropriate happens”. Having a stripper isn’t always planned. I have been to parties where this was a last minute decision and then I had to leave. What if you’ve already been drinking when they decide to get the stripper and then make a poor decision? Is it better to avoid these parties alltogether for that reason?

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

I have already made the decision not to go if there is going to be anything inappropriate. (…) What if you’ve already been drinking when they decide to get the stripper and then make a poor decision? Is it better to avoid these parties alltogether for that reason?

Is this likely to happen? Do you know the people who will be there? If you think there is a chance of something like that happening, then don’t go. Or have one drink, keep your head clear and leave if things get sleazy.

 

[PaulfromIowa]

Why don’t you host an appropriate type of party? Something involving a sport or physical activity, something that does not celebrate drunkenness and sexual immorality.

 

[Aggies08]

We’ve always left after the restaurant/meal if that type of activity is planned, or not attended depending on distance/relationship.

 

[UbiCaritas]

This is something that I’ve been wondering about for a while because I have a wedding coming up. Do you think it’s appropriate for a married man or woman to attend one a bachelor/bachelorette party if the people going to be there aren’t Catholic (or aren’t practicing) and will probably go to a strip club/hire a stripper? What should one do in this situation? What if you’re in the wedding party? It’s easy to say you’ll leave before everyone goes to the strip club but with peer pressure and drinking…is that realistic? Should you completely skip the party? I’d love your opinions. Thanks!

The Catholicism and marital status of the guests isn’t important. What, exactly, the events will be are.

No, one can’t in good conscience go to a strip club or be at a party with a stripper. Doesn’t matter if you’re in the wedding party.

I was in a situation a few years ago in which a (married) female friend and I were in a wedding for a mutual friend. I was single at the time. The friend and I were practicing Catholics, the bride was…well…that was between her and God. My friend’s husband was in the groom’s party.

We all had a pretty good idea that there was going to be some unsavory stuff going on later in the night, but the party started at a bar (one without strippers, I should hasten to add). The bachelor party was going on across town at the same time.

I drove my friend to the bachelorette party, and we had a glass or two of champagne while hanging out with the other girls. When the rest of the party was about to leave to an unspecified (though we could guess) location, my friend and I made our excuses graciously at that point, went and picked up her husband, and adjourned to their apartment for a late dinner.

No muss, no fuss. Though we never said why we were leaving, the rest of the party probably guessed, but they respected us enough to be polite about it. I’d certainly expect similar behavior from any of my friends.

 

[Joe_5859]

The Catholicism and marital status of the guests isn’t important. What, exactly, the events will be are.

Exactly. Going to strip clubs is wrong for anyone to do. It doesn’t matter if they are married or not.

The key is to know yourself. If you think you would easily succumb to peer pressure in the given moment, then don’t go at all. If you think it won’t be a problem for you to excuse yourself at the opportune moment, then you could go to the portion of the evening that will not include immorality.

 

[105lynne]

Real, true friends will understand if you opt out of the stripper stuff. If they don’t understand that, or give you a hard time about it, so what? What God thinks is all that matters. I never understood the logic behind doing the stripper thing…you’re about to participate in a very holy sacrament, so you want to do something scandalous beforehand? To me, it’s like watching a bunch of pornography on a Saturday night, just to squeeze it in before confession the next morning. For me, it almost makes receiving the sacrament less precious. Doesn’t make sense to me. Peer pressure is a very real thing, I know, but it’s another thing I’ve never understood. No one makes decision for me or forces me to do anything. Ever. I think for myself, always have. Fortunately, when I was a bride to be, I told the ladies in my wedding party that I wanted to have a girls night without any of the dirty stuff. They said that was fine. Whatever I wanted to do. I’ve been invited to many bachelorette parties where they made it very clear what the plans were. I just sent a gift and didn’t attend. And guess what?..I’m still friends with these people and they respect me more for standing up for what I believe in. Be strong. Do what’s right. You will survive. I promise.

 

[1ke]

.Do you think it’s appropriate for a married man or woman to attend one a bachelor/bachelorette party if the people going to be there aren’t Catholic (or aren’t practicing) and will probably go to a strip club/hire a stripper?

No, a Catholic cannot attend such an event. But if you just “think” these activities will be included, ask. You may be pleasantly surprised that they had not planned on such things. If your suspicions are correct, simply decline.

And it is not just married Catholics for whom it is wrong. All such past invitations for me were when I was single. DECLINED.

What should one do in this situation?

Make a prudent decision based on information available. Leave if it takes a turn in a bad direction while in progress.

.What if you’re in the wedding party?

Does not matter. But you may have more influence on the activities if you are a planner. If there is insistence on attending such events, you must decline to attend but also to be a host of such an event.

.It’s easy to say you’ll leave before everyone goes to the strip club but with peer pressure and drinking…is that realistic?

Yes, it is. Peer pressure, as adults, should not be a factor. An adult should be able to let their yes mean yes and their no mean no. If any of my friends actually gave me grief about not going to a strip bar, they would probably no longer be my friends. I don’t know any friend who would actually expect me to go to something like that.

And yes, I have been in the wedding party and had to decline such an event. I attended the dinner and the went home while my roommate (the bachelorette) and others went to a male strip club. I think her new SIL thought I was being a prude, but I really couldn’t care less what others think about my decisions.

.Should you completely skip the party? I’d love your opinions. Thanks!

Maybe. Maybe not. I have gone to several dinners, and departed for home as the rest went on to clubs or other sorts of things,

I also left one in progress, when it went from dinner and some fun dancing as a group of girls at a pop music type club to a dirty scavenger hunt… That was the deacon’s daugher’s bachelorette party! She was all for it, but I and others just thought it was gross. She and her old high school buddies did the scavenger hunt.

 

[Evania]

A lot of bachelor/bachelorette parties are tame. I would simply ask, and make my decision off of that. Usually there’s a plan in advance if a stripper is going to attend, and if one happens to be hired at the last moment, politely excuse yourself.

 

[marymary1975]

I went to a bachelorette party where there was a stripped included. The bride and most of her friends were all petty faithful Catholics, but the maid of honor who organized the party was not. Long story short the bride was really pissed when the stripper came out, she stood up, she turned her back to the stripper, sat far from him then took her phone out and started playing with the phone and ignoring the stripper. The stripper kinda tried to call her attention but she did quite a good job ignoring him so he gave up and came to bug the rest of the girls. I cannot hold my tongue so I told the guy that he was really gross and I thought this was pathetic (I know I was mean but again…I can’t hold my tongue) and after that I sat back and started played with my smart phone and checking Facebook. The majority of the girls in the party also took their phones out and either were ignoring the stripper or had an angry face. Even one girl took a rosary out of her pocket book and started praying in front of the stripper and told him she was going to pray for.his conversion ti which the bride said she happily would join her!!! (You all can imagine the stripper’s.face) . The stripper didn’t last in that party twenty minutes! After noticing that 95% of the girls were brutally ignoring him and that the bride was busy praying for his conversion, he got pissed, called us a bunch of boring prudes and left. We spent the rest of the party cracking up laughing about us being a.stripper’s worst nightmare

 

[Kelfa28]

Do you know that they are absolutely, 100% going to hire a stripper or visit a strip club?

The reason why I’m asking is because my husband and BIL have gone to a couple of Bachelor parties where I would assume (given the kind of people who are attending) a trip to the strip club would be in order…the guys ended up spending the day playing golf and going to a normal bar/restaurant for beers that evening.

One of my closest girlfriends had a bar crawl for her bachelorette party…she is the type of girl who would get crazy enough for strippers…and it didn’t happen. We took a party bus through town to some fun bars…that was it.

Ask if there is plans for something like this. Also ask if you will be going in a limo or a party bus and stuck for a ride. I would only say don’t go if everyone is taking a limo or something…together and plan to end (or begin) the night at a strip club.

To answer your question, no it’s never appropriate for anyone to go to a strip club. Bachelor party or not and Christian or not.
But that doesn’t mean you can’t just ask the planner for an itinerary of the nights activities and plan how your going to go about this.
They should absolutely understand if you say no to strip clubs or strippers.

 

[bsf]

I truly understand that people have different paradigms. Additionally, when you are “in” the situation, you sometimes do not see things as clearly as others may see it at the time, or as you may see it afterward. However, I think you are complicating this too much.

First, do not sin. Regardless of how the situation unfolds, no one can make you sin. The choice is yours to make. Do not go to strip clubs. Leave before strippers are brought to a location. There is nothing wrong with inquiring about this in advance. Do not commit to transporting others or be dependent on anyone for transportation if it is going to interfere with you leaving when you need.

Regarding alcohol, do not consume or only a little. Problem solved.

Your relationship with God is far more important that your relationships to these “peers”. Choose loyalty to God first. If your peers cannot accept this, then they do not accept you. You should be respected for putting God first. I admire you for putting God first.

 

[Evania]

I went to a bachelorette party where there was a stripped included. The bride and most of her friends were all petty faithful Catholics, but the maid of honor who organized the party was not. Long story short the bride was really pissed when the stripper came out, she stood up, she turned her back to the stripper, sat far from him then took her phone out and started playing with the phone and ignoring the stripper. The stripper kinda tried to call her attention but she did quite a good job ignoring him so he gave up and came to bug the rest of the girls. I cannot hold my tongue so I told the guy that he was really gross and I thought this was pathetic (I know I was mean but again…I can’t hold my tongue) and after that I sat back and started played with my smart phone and checking Facebook. The majority of the girls in the party also took their phones out and either were ignoring the stripper or had an angry face. Even one girl took a rosary out of her pocket book and started praying in front of the stripper and told him she was going to pray for.his conversion ti which the bride said she happily would join her!!! (You all can imagine the stripper’s.face) . The stripper didn’t last in that party twenty minutes! After noticing that 95% of the girls were brutally ignoring him and that the bride was busy praying for his conversion, he got pissed, called us a bunch of boring prudes and left. We spent the rest of the party cracking up laughing about us being a.stripper’s worst nightmare

I bet the maid of honor never will never try that again.

Love this story

 

[marymary1975]

P.S. I must confess now I would love to go to another party with a stripper just to take my rosary out in the middle of the party and start praying for the stripper’s conversion I am sure more than one would join me !

Evania, the maid of.honor was not happy…at all! The bride told the maid of honor that she knew beforehand she (the bride) didn’t like and didn’t want a stripper so she (maid of honor) shouldn’t be complaining. I think both the maid of honor and the stripper learned a good lesson lol

 

[UbiCaritas]

The bride told the maid of honor that she knew beforehand she (the bride) didn’t like and didn’t want a stripper so she (maid of honor) shouldn’t be complaining. I think both the maid of honor and the stripper learned a good lesson lol

No kidding.

I should add to my previous story that when I got married a few years later, the bride in the story I told helped arrange a bridal shower for me with some women who I would have considered more acquaintances than friends: well-meaning, and all that, but didn’t know me well. I heard later from an attendee that this friend found out that they wanted to get a stripper, but she kept that from happening by explaining that I wouldn’t be at all comfortable with it, and generally made sure that the shower was a very pleasant, classy event. Needless to say, I thanked her!

 

[Joe_5859]

I went to a bachelorette party where there was a stripped included. The bride and most of her friends were all petty faithful Catholics, but the maid of honor who organized the party was not. Long story short the bride was really pissed when the stripper came out, she stood up, she turned her back to the stripper, sat far from him then took her phone out and started playing with the phone and ignoring the stripper. The stripper kinda tried to call her attention but she did quite a good job ignoring him so he gave up and came to bug the rest of the girls. I cannot hold my tongue so I told the guy that he was really gross and I thought this was pathetic (I know I was mean but again…I can’t hold my tongue) and after that I sat back and started played with my smart phone and checking Facebook. The majority of the girls in the party also took their phones out and either were ignoring the stripper or had an angry face. Even one girl took a rosary out of her pocket book and started praying in front of the stripper and told him she was going to pray for.his conversion ti which the bride said she happily would join her!!! (You all can imagine the stripper’s.face) . The stripper didn’t last in that party twenty minutes! After noticing that 95% of the girls were brutally ignoring him and that the bride was busy praying for his conversion, he got pissed, called us a bunch of boring prudes and left. We spent the rest of the party cracking up laughing about us being a.stripper’s worst nightmare

That’s a great story.