Bachelor Party/Peer Pressure

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Recently I attended an all day bachelor party event which included a day filled of fun activities that about 20 of us participated in. Then we all got cleaned up and went out to a fancy restaurant, which was also very nice and enjoyable. However, at this point, the groomsmen had planned to take ‘the bachelor’ to a strip club (that info was provided in the agenda for the day/night, so I knew it was coming). I had already told them I wouldn’t be going to that and anything that followed, so I figured that would be suitable. I also found out 1-2 other people couldn’t go to the strip club as well, which was a bit of a relief since I wouldn’t be the only person not going. However, at dinner I found out they had reversed their position and now I was the only person not going there out of all of them. I got a lot of peer pressure from some of the guys I never met and some of my friends. I felt bad not spending the entire evening with them, but I held my ground and said ‘no’ because I feel that strip clubs are morally wrong.

Anyway, it was the first time I’ve been subjected to significant peer pressure since high school or college (to a lesser degree) I suppose. I didn’t really think it existed in adult life, but I guess people face elements of peer pressure throughout life. It made it quite challenging to reaffirm my decision not to go, but I did never the less. It was good to make the right choice this time around because I know I’ll be faced with similar situations in the future as more and more guys I know get married.

I don’t really have a question here, but I figured I would share my experience in the event other people are faced with the same or similar situation, so they know they aren’t the only one having to deal with peer pressure.
 
I know excatly how you feel. It’s tough sometimes when your friends make chocies that you don’t agree with.

For what it’s worth, I think all of us here are proud of you for holding your ground.
 
Good for you!

One thing to keep in mind, choose peers who have values and the pressure will be more like support!
 
I’m still in college, so peer pressure comes up a lot, BUT it doesn’t affect me because I consistently respond to those situations. It’s actually amazing what simply saying “No. I don’t do xyz,” can do for you. It’s important to mention that “No” is completely different from maybe, or eventually. Once you say “No” to a situation, 95% of the time (in my experience) people will stop pressuring you as long as you have been consistently saying “No.”

I visited my sister’s college, and one night, a bunch of her guy friends (I’m her little brother) wanted me to do xyz. I said “No” two or three times, and one of them literally said that he had no idea how to pressure me into doing xyz-- he didn’t ask again after that.

So, when dealing with these situations, people need to give confident, consistent and concise answers-- Answers like maybe only lead to more peer pressuring.
 
musicality said:
So, when dealing with these situations, people need to give confident, consistent and concise answers-- Answers like maybe only lead to more peer pressuring.
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Excellent advice! I’m really happy to see men like you and the OP who are able to stand up to peer pressure and be a witness to how a moral man leads his life. I will be praying for you.
 
One of my favorite hallmarks of adulthood is not having to explain my actions or make excuses. If someone invites me to an event and I don’t want to go, all I need to say is “Thanks for the invitation, but we’re going to have to pass.”

Realizing that you don’t owe anyone an explanation for begging off from social engagements is somewhat liberating. It also removes any drama. The other thing is, you don’t need to come up with a face saving excuse. If you don’t want to go do something – don’t do it! You don’t need any more reason than that. Once it becomes clear that you’re not going to be offering excuses, most people are polite enough not to ask and will accept your regrets. The other interesting to note is that most people move on rather quickly. It can be a bit humbling to realize you are not the life of the party, but once you inform your friends you are headed home, they’ll soon move on to other topics.
 
Good for you. Normally, I try to arrange my schedule to have an “excuse” to be busy for bachelor parties, unless I know that the groom is a committed Catholic who is also morally opposed to those shenanigans.

Another tactic you could use is to tell them that you will take care of getting the stripper, and then proceed to Home Depot to get a can of paint stripper.
 
Never understood the ‘need’ for these types of bachelor parties. I am so happy you did the right thing, Jay, and didn’t bend to the pressure. You’re your own man, and the Holy Spirit was right by your side–God bless!
 
Jay82 said:
…I figured I would share my experience in the event other people are faced with the same or similar situation, so they know they aren’t the only one having to deal with peer pressure.
Click to expand...
I heard a Catholic radio show discussing the intensity of children’s sports these days compared to previous generations. A phsychologist attributed it to “parental peer pressure.”

Peer pressure still exists for adults. Peer pressure in adulthood is usually not as intense as was during adolescense–it’s usually much more subtle, which makes it harder to detect.

I bet you pricked your friends’ consciences. They wanted you to go not just for your company but so they’d feel better–then they could justify their action by saying “everyone else is going…” You proved that not everyone who attends a bachelor party must participate in activities that degrade women.
 
Good for you.

You may have planted seeds . . . who knows what some of them will do the next time a similar situation presents itself.
 
Jay,

Let me congratulate you for having the courage to do the right thing… it’s not easy and you really set a good example by your actions! You’re right that we don’t think of “peer pressure” when we get out of school, but it does happen, especially in the workplace.

Thanks for sharing that story with us. You may never know how many people you helped.

God Bless,
Gary
 
Sr_Sally said:
Excellent advice! I’m really happy to see men like you and the OP who are able to stand up to peer pressure and be a witness to how a moral man leads his life. I will be praying for you.
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Thank you so much! God knows we need it! (Or at least that I do…)
 
Thanks to everyone who responded. I will try to respond to several posts below:
musicality said:
I’m still in college, so peer pressure comes up a lot, BUT it doesn’t affect me because I consistently respond to those situations. It’s actually amazing what simply saying “No. I don’t do xyz,” can do for you. It’s important to mention that “No” is completely different from maybe, or eventually. Once you say “No” to a situation, 95% of the time (in my experience) people will stop pressuring you as long as you have been consistently saying “No.”

I visited my sister’s college, and one night, a bunch of her guy friends (I’m her little brother) wanted me to do xyz. I said “No” two or three times, and one of them literally said that he had no idea how to pressure me into doing xyz-- he didn’t ask again after that.

So, when dealing with these situations, people need to give confident, consistent and concise answers-- Answers like maybe only lead to more peer pressuring.
Click to expand...
Very well said, I agree with you here. If you are unwaivering and consistent, most of the time people get the message and accept your decision. The people I knew there didn’t bother me about it besides a simple - ‘Are you sure you don’t want to go?’, since they know I have pretty strong morals and such, but I think they were just disappointed I was not going to be around to spend time with them more so than anything else. Surprisingly, I got a bit of peer pressure from some of the other guys I met that night who hasseled me a bit, but eventually gave up.
tcm22 said:
One of my favorite hallmarks of adulthood is not having to explain my actions or make excuses. If someone invites me to an event and I don’t want to go, all I need to say is “Thanks for the invitation, but we’re going to have to pass.”

Realizing that you don’t owe anyone an explanation for begging off from social engagements is somewhat liberating. It also removes any drama. The other thing is, you don’t need to come up with a face saving excuse. If you don’t want to go do something – don’t do it! You don’t need any more reason than that. Once it becomes clear that you’re not going to be offering excuses, most people are polite enough not to ask and will accept your regrets. The other interesting to note is that most people move on rather quickly. It can be a bit humbling to realize you are not the life of the party, but once you inform your friends you are headed home, they’ll soon move on to other topics.
Click to expand...
Very good point here. This is something I like very much… Due to my busy schedule I have to pass on things quite a bit because of conflicts and no one really asks why or complains, etc.
whatevergirl said:
Never understood the ‘need’ for these types of bachelor parties. I am so happy you did the right thing, Jay, and didn’t bend to the pressure. You’re your own man, and the Holy Spirit was right by your side–God bless!
Click to expand...
Thanks, and I never understood the need for any of ‘those types’ of parties either. I don’t get it. I am sure I would skip the whole bachelor party thing when/if I end up getting married.
 
Jay82 said:
Thanks, and I never understood the need for any of ‘those types’ of parties either. I don’t get it. I am sure I would skip the whole bachelor party thing when/if I end up getting married.
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I’ve never understood it either.
When DD got married her fiancé was actually ‘kidnapped’ by his friends as he was coming out of his exam, bundled into a rental van and taken out for the night. Part of the entertainment was a visit to a strip club. They brought him home early because, although he was trying to be a good sport, his obvious mortification at being at such a place made him stick out like a sore thumb and he became a downer for the crowd – just goes to show that one need not be Catholic or even religious to know that something is not ‘right’.
 
Jay82 said:
Recently I attended an all day bachelor party event which included a day filled of fun activities that about 20 of us participated in. Then we all got cleaned up and went out to a fancy restaurant, which was also very nice and enjoyable. However, at this point, the groomsmen had planned to take ‘the bachelor’ to a strip club (that info was provided in the agenda for the day/night, so I knew it was coming). I had already told them I wouldn’t be going to that and anything that followed, so I figured that would be suitable. I also found out 1-2 other people couldn’t go to the strip club as well, which was a bit of a relief since I wouldn’t be the only person not going. However, at dinner I found out they had reversed their position and now I was the only person not going there out of all of them. I got a lot of peer pressure from some of the guys I never met and some of my friends. I felt bad not spending the entire evening with them, but I held my ground and said ‘no’ because I feel that strip clubs are morally wrong.

Anyway, it was the first time I’ve been subjected to significant peer pressure since high school or college (to a lesser degree) I suppose. I didn’t really think it existed in adult life, but I guess people face elements of peer pressure throughout life. It made it quite challenging to reaffirm my decision not to go, but I did never the less. It was good to make the right choice this time around because I know I’ll be faced with similar situations in the future as more and more guys I know get married.

I don’t really have a question here, but I figured I would share my experience in the event other people are faced with the same or similar situation, so they know they aren’t the only one having to deal with peer pressure.
Click to expand...
Good day and GOD BLESS! Congratulations on being able to actually stand up for yourself and your beliefs!!! Not many men are able to do that…I know of only one man around my life whom was able to stand up to peer pressure and he and his wife are happily married! It’s great that there are people out here whom can stand up against such temptations…

It’s hard for me on many occassions when I am with friends and having adult time to say no to certain temptaions, and I have failed on a couple of times, feel very ashamed but I try to stick to my faith and be a little stronger every time a situation I am not comfortable with comes up!

Thanks for sharing and hope you have a wonderfully blessded day!
 
[SIGN]You the man!!![/SIGN]:clapping::dancing::extrahappy::bounce:

Seriously, that is a story that gives me hope. You’ve done a wonderful thing. 🙂
 
one of my good friends who got married 3 years ago is pretty liberal and her then fiance was going to a strip club for his bachelor party.

It wasn’t till he left that she felt so depressed and expressed that she was hoping he would have said no. I felt really bad for her.

My girlfriends who aren’t Catholic already understand my views but they look at me like I’m from Mars. (or is it Venus?) While most would like to see me turn red at those “XXX toy” parties, I always opt out.

But ya know what? It’s all worth it. My future husband will understand perfectly, if God so Wills that I marry. And I won’t ever have to ask him to NOT go to a strip club.

Actually, he would go to a strip club with his group of friends and many times with me.

But only on the “Porn No More” Tour to hold signs that read “Real Men don’t exploit Women”. 👍
 
My husband always uses this example when he gets invited to strip clubs. Have you even seen that Christmas movie with Mathew Broderick and Danny Devito? Ok so they are at a Christmas festival and and there are 3 really shapely girls in Santa suits. Very revealing, but they have their backs turned. They are dancing very provocatively as well. So these guys Mathew and Danny’s characters are getting into it as well as the other men around and wolf calling and stuff. Then Mathews character says “WHOOS YOUR DADDY WHOS YOUR DADDY!!!” and the girls turn around. It turned out that those sexy young “vixens” were their girls and he yells out “OH GOD IM YOUR DADDY IM YOUR DADDY!!!” in disbelief of course.

He tells them you never know who your going to encounter there. What if it was a niece, or sister, or a friends young daughter? Now a days teens and young adults get pressured or feel the need to make easy fast cash. How do we know it wasn’t one of our own daughters sneaking behind our backs? Then you go and you are feasting your eyes on that young lady?

It changed my brothers idea of that. I told my brother that what if one day he goes to a strip club and sees one of my girls and lets say she has a mask on. She has no top on and he is fantasising about it. Then her mask comes off and he realizes what he has done. How would he feel then? Well you can guess that he felt very sick after that.

So I guess make it a lesson next time, not a long one. But let them know women are not objects. They are someones daughters, and one day it may be their daughter up there dancing for someone else. You never know.

By the way…Im applaud you for standing up for your morals. Thanks…👍
 
Jay82 said:
Thanks, and I never understood the need for any of ‘those types’ of parties either. I don’t get it. I am sure I would skip the whole bachelor party thing when/if I end up getting married.
Click to expand...
These ‘types’ of parties need to be more masculine and more Christian, but it’s a great idea to have a male bonding experience before marriage. As men we need the support and companionship of other men. This is completely different from the help we need from our wife. In the Bible, there are two who are a helper to man: God and wife. But we need positive male role models, to continually learn to be and to grow as men. Strip clubs will never come close to giving us this example, but let’s not throw away the whole concept of male bonding because of its gross distortions.
Galandriel said:
one of my good friends who got married 3 years ago is pretty liberal and her then fiance was going to a strip club for his bachelor party.

…

But ya know what? It’s all worth it. My future husband will understand perfectly, if God so Wills that I marry. And I won’t ever have to ask him to NOT go to a strip club.

Actually, he would go to a strip club with his group of friends and many times with me.

But only on the “Porn No More” Tour to hold signs that read “Real Men don’t exploit Women”. 👍
Click to expand...
I wonder if your future beloved will go to the strip club for his party. That would be an awesome statement.

I’m still trying to figure it out/get the tour to come down to my city. We have men interested, but aren’t sure how to start.

At any rate though, I don’t know that it’s a woman’s place to be on the Tour. Thoughts?
 
Good for you! My husband went on a business trip once, and it was a guy’s birthday party. Being out of town, the group went to a strip club, and my husband went with them. He told me about it, but it still really upset me. I told him that it was no different than being in the house or the same room with a naked woman. Putting a sign outside and inviting in a bunch of loud guys does not make it different in my eyes. He is a married man, and the ONLY woman he needs to be around naked it me. LOL. Sorry if too much information, but seriously guys!

Thanks for the post!
 
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