Bachelor Party/Peer Pressure

[whatevergirl]

one of my good friends who got married 3 years ago is pretty liberal and her then fiance was going to a strip club for his bachelor party.

It wasn’t till he left that she felt so depressed and expressed that she was hoping he would have said no. I felt really bad for her.

My girlfriends who aren’t Catholic already understand my views but they look at me like I’m from Mars. (or is it Venus?) While most would like to see me turn red at those “XXX toy” parties, I always opt out.

But ya know what? It’s all worth it. My future husband will understand perfectly, if God so Wills that I marry. And I won’t ever have to ask him to NOT go to a strip club.

Actually, he would go to a strip club with his group of friends and many times with me.

But only on the “Porn No More” Tour to hold signs that read “Real Men don’t exploit Women”.

I LOVE that mantra…"real men don’t exploit women.’’

 

[Galandriel]

At any rate though, I don’t know that it’s a woman’s place to be on the Tour. Thoughts?

I believe so. I think a woman who is there on the sidelines can also encourage another woman to leave that lifestyle behind.

It is very much like the pro-life movement. Men and Women need to be there to protect and uphold the dignity of life. Most people at abortion clinics are mothers and young women and really old men. However, young men in particular need to make the stand and be protectors, whether that be in front of an abortion clinic or strip club. It is sorely lacking in our Church today.

 

[TLM08]

Recently I attended an all day bachelor party event which included a day filled of fun activities that about 20 of us participated in. Then we all got cleaned up and went out to a fancy restaurant, which was also very nice and enjoyable. However, at this point, the groomsmen had planned to take ‘the bachelor’ to a strip club (that info was provided in the agenda for the day/night, so I knew it was coming). I had already told them I wouldn’t be going to that and anything that followed, so I figured that would be suitable. I also found out 1-2 other people couldn’t go to the strip club as well, which was a bit of a relief since I wouldn’t be the only person not going. However, at dinner I found out they had reversed their position and now I was the only person not going there out of all of them. I got a lot of peer pressure from some of the guys I never met and some of my friends. I felt bad not spending the entire evening with them, but I held my ground and said ‘no’ because I feel that strip clubs are morally wrong.

Anyway, it was the first time I’ve been subjected to significant peer pressure since high school or college (to a lesser degree) I suppose. I didn’t really think it existed in adult life, but I guess people face elements of peer pressure throughout life. It made it quite challenging to reaffirm my decision not to go, but I did never the less. It was good to make the right choice this time around because I know I’ll be faced with similar situations in the future as more and more guys I know get married.

I don’t really have a question here, but I figured I would share my experience in the event other people are faced with the same or similar situation, so they know they aren’t the only one having to deal with peer pressure.

Back in my early 20’s my buddies hired a stripper to come to his bachelor party. I left before she got there because I think it’s just creepy to sit around with a bunch of other guys and watch a girl dance naked.

Truly, I am not a prude by any means. Attractive naked women are a major turn on for any normal male. But sexual arousal is a private thing by it’s very nature. Maybe it’s the public aspect of it all.

From a moral standpoint I think it’s sinful to be around that stuff. Stick to your guns!

 

[shannyk]

But only on the "Porn No More

" Tour to hold signs that read “Real Men don’t exploit Women”.

I too like that mantra, however, in dealing with men (one who was my own husband) who are into porn and that whole ilk of ‘entertainment’, they never think it’s exploitation and you can’t convince them it is. They figure a willing and paid woman isn’t being exploited. The women who pose nude or near nude, or perform sex acts etc., are always seemingly more than happy to and are equally hard on those they perceive as prudes. They think they are freely expressing themselves, and earning darn good money to boot (which is really what mater to them). So, it’s a really hard thing to nix, because no one thinks they are doing anything even remotely wrong.

Why anyone would ever bring this kind of junk into their lives to begin with is beyond me. Sorry to get off topic but the whole subject hits home for me. I just find the whole thing so…gross.

 

[Mike_BioProf]

Hi Jay,

I was in a similar situation many years ago. The bachelor party was a long day (brewery tour, then baseball game, then bars, then strip club). Of course my buddy’s friends and brothers were invited, but so was his sister. She was a tomboy and always thought of as ‘one of the guys’. So when we got to the strip club I had a good excuse. I said I didn’t want to go in, and besides someone had to hang out with his sister in the parking lot. We played catch with a football for a long time and then just talked. We got married two years later. Sometimes a small good decision can lead to a big great one.

Mike

P.S. I should be completely honest… My avoidance of strip clubs is not totally based on morality. They just give me the creeps, and make me feel embarrassed.

 

[Jay82]

Hi Jay,

I was in a similar situation many years ago. The bachelor party was a long day (brewery tour, then baseball game, then bars, then strip club). Of course my buddy’s friends and brothers were invited, but so was his sister. She was a tomboy and always thought of as ‘one of the guys’. So when we got to the strip club I had a good excuse. I said I didn’t want to go in, and besides someone had to hang out with his sister in the parking lot. We played catch with a football for a long time and then just talked. We got married two years later. Sometimes a small good decision can lead to a big great one.

Mike

P.S. I should be completely honest… My avoidance of strip clubs is not totally based on morality. They just give me the creeps, and make me feel embarrassed.

That is great you had someone else to hangout with instead of going to the strip club…I was hoping that would be the case for me, but it wasn’t, so I just went home early.

It is also wonderful you and her ended up getting married… worked out well for you both.

 

[cephas161619]

I believe so. I think a woman who is there on the sidelines can also encourage another woman to leave that lifestyle behind.

It is very much like the pro-life movement. Men and Women need to be there to protect and uphold the dignity of life. Most people at abortion clinics are mothers and young women and really old men. However, young men in particular need to make the stand and be protectors, whether that be in front of an abortion clinic or strip club. It is sorely lacking in our Church today.

I guess I was thinking more in terms of a porn shop as opposed to a strip club. While the latter has some women coming in (although I’m guessing not many and only at certain hours - start and end of shift), the former wouldn’t really have female clientèle, I presume. Of course I’m probably wrong, but I think it’s at least safe to assume that it’s mostly men.

As to the pro-life movement, I agree completely that men need to step up and be the protectors, but at the same time, there is often the aspect of approaching the women going in who have likely had bad experiences with men and can trust a woman approaching easier. It seems then that we need women there to approach the women going in, but men to be there to lead the way and create a safer environment. :knight2:

I too like that mantra, however, in dealing with men (one who was my own husband) who are into porn and that whole ilk of ‘entertainment’…

Why anyone would ever bring this kind of junk into their lives to begin with is beyond me. Sorry to get off topic but the whole subject hits home for me. I just find the whole thing so…gross.

It sounds like it does really really hit home, very close to your heart. Prayers for you, Shannyk.

I was in a similar situation many years ago. The bachelor party was a long day (brewery tour, then baseball game, then bars, then strip club). Of course my buddy’s friends and brothers were invited, but so was his sister. She was a tomboy and always thought of as ‘one of the guys’. So when we got to the strip club I had a good excuse. I said I didn’t want to go in, and besides someone had to hang out with his sister in the parking lot. We played catch with a football for a long time and then just talked. We got married two years later. Sometimes a small good decision can lead to a big great one.

Now there’s a good ending!

 

[j2c99]

Great thread, exactly what I would do in that and similar situations.

Father Corapi is a great orator, and one of his talks he discussed the priesthood and Faith…

Step 1. Have humility! Without this , nothing will happen and no one will listen to you.

Step 2. Go to Sacrament, to boost yourself spiritually.

Step 3. HAVE A BACKBONE! Stand firm on your decisions and have moral courage.

Good thread.

 

[ML561]

Some women have “bachelorette” parties which can be just as wild as bachelor parties, with male strippers, gifts to the bride-to-be of racy underwear and sex toys, as well as drunkenness. I have, fortunately, not been invited to any of these affairs, but I hear that they are quite common. I too do not see the need for such parties as they imply that the bride and groom are somehow leaving behind a life of fun for a life of dreariness. I think it is a very negative way to look at marriage. The prewedding parties I have been to have always been fun, but sedate affairs which honor the solemn occasion which a wedding is.

 

[canne]

To the OP


Good for you, for sticking to your values and having a backbone. Someday you will make some lucky young women a great husband.

 

[RachelKH]

My brother was kind of wild in high school, but by the time he finished college and married, he was more conventional. For his bachelor party he showed home movies – real home movies, like my siblings and me playing in the yard, my sister on her unicycle, our camping trips and hiking in the woody paths, etc. It was a healthy goodbye to childhood, and clean, and very unjoyed by all the guys.

 

[psalm23now]

Nice to see so many good examples here !!!

Unfortunately, I would have caved in…

 

[Donna_Mc]

You did the right thing and most of all you can bet that Jesus was happy with you!