Bad anniversary

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lynnehelen

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First of all, it is a Blessed Christmas Season. The Lord is turning everything to the good.
Second, today is the 34th anniversary (and tomorrow) of my father’s sexually abusing me and, worse still, what he and my mother did to cover it up.

I can’t even go to my blog with it, where I have been handling some sensitive issues, so I have gone back to the support group I found, and I am finding help there.

I involved my son by texting him about it–my parents have always taken care of him as I have been so ill so he trusts them that I am just mentally ill and not to believe anything I say.

Please pray for him, he stays with them, I won’t be wanting to go there for New Year’s as planned as the memories are coming back in sequence for the first time, which is a sign of healing.

What I am looking for help with is that through this intense time in my life I am trying to quit smoking, Jesus is helping me, He has been asking me to for some time. I am at a loss as I have just put the cigarettes in the back room with the boxes where the smoke detector chirps loudly (does that mean it needs a battery?)–what’s the word for it? adverse conditioning or something like that.

Dancing around my Mom, especially, and my Dad, Jesus has them both, we all talk to each other in our minds–like black people–it’s a fact–I passed the WORD to my brother in Hawaii who has been sex-crazed all his life and is ill in his soul, and through my mother Jesus passes to my sister.

No gory details.
Please pray for us
and also for my husband, who thought they’d never get caught and played along with them
now he is alone
for the intentions of my heart as regards my husband and son
 
You are in my prayer sweet heart. I am so deeply sorry for all of this. Your cross is heavy to carry but as you do it as Jesus did, you will share his glory in heaven. Find a way to forgive. Forgiveness isn’t necessary saying that you agree with what they did but a necessary step for your own sake.

I pray for your son, your parent to have remorse, for you to be safe and protected in all ways and for God to allow all the perfect miracles for your highest love. Amen
 
I will include your intentions in my rosary everyday this week.:crossrc:

Peace and all good
 
vacanebrake said:
I will include your intentions in my rosary everyday this week.
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Same here, Lynn. I’d like to offer a piece of advice for next year: You need to stop thinking of this as an anniversary. Instead, next year, go to early morning Mass, offer your day to God, and then plan a day full of things that reaffirm you as a worthwhile human being. A hike in the woods. A brief road trip to a flea market. Lunch with a good friend, and talk about something else, ANYTHING else! Dinner out and an evening at a concert, even if it’s by yourself. Launching into a really good book that engages your intellect and requires effort, thought and concentration. Even if it’s something as trivial as a session at a day spa getting a facial and a pedicure, or some “retail therapy,” you need to separate this date from what happened. If funds are tight, get yourself a jar and every day throw some change into it. Keep it strictly for that day. You’ve got 364 days to save up, even if it’s a quarter a day, that would add up to close to $100 for you to enjoy yourself with. You need to take care of yourself, and you really need to understand, down to the very marrow of your bones, that what happened WAS NOT YOUR FAULT.

The problem with being victimized is this (and I know this from firsthand experience, twice being a victim of violent assaults, both times resulted in surgery.) I found that the more I thought about the offense, the greater power it had over me. It took over my thinking, my decision making, and my ability to be a strong and independent woman of God. It caused me to live in fear. We are not called to live in fear. We are called to live in the freedom and joy that only a closer relationship with the Lord can give us. However, I will share with you this: Thinking about both incidents gave the perpetrator more power over me, not less. It was almost as if I was rehearsing the emotions.

Don’t count on expressions of remorse or apologies from the perpetrator, either. That won’t offer you any closure, it will only reopen the wound. These people are usually sociopathic, and apologies from them are meaningless, and may have the ulterior motive of victimizing you further. They don’t even possess the “hardwiring” that would make you or I feel guilty about far lesser offenses. They see other people as objects, the same way you would see a stapler on your desk. The more you think about them, the more power they have. Forgiving them does not mean reconciling with them and resuscitating a relationship with them, in fact, that would not be in your best interests. Make a decision to forgive them, or even make a decision to be willing to forgive them, if that is as far as you can get, and maintain a healthy distance and boundaries. Your energy for healing needs to be applied to healing, not to recalling and experiencing the emotions of such egregious and heinous acts again. It’s not “stuffing” the emotion: It’s celebrating the very fact that, after all, you did survive the experience. Survivorship is a wonderful thing.

Instead, focus on you being a precious and beloved child of God. You are a daughter of the King of King and Lord of Lords. Even if nobody else recognizes the fact, that day, treat yourself like the princess you truly are.

I recently acquired, and am reading, a wonderful book called “Days of Deepening Friendship.” It is aimed at women, and offers various insights and exercises of becoming a friend of the very best Friend one could possibly ever have–Our Lord. I got it through Ignatius Press, and there are sections in it about letting go and recovering from our pain. The fact that Jesus Christ became human, born as a vulnerable baby, grew to adulthood, and was challenged by the very same things that we all face, demonstrates that He understands our wounds, our tears, our fears, our hopes, and our longings, and wants us to share those things with Him. The book was about fifteen bucks (along with shipping,) and I mention it because I think you would enjoy it.

God bless you, and I hope that next year will be better for you.
 
Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be
done, on earth as it is in heaven Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our
trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us, and lead us not into temptation
but deliver us from evil. Amen

Hail Mary full of grace the Lord is with thee
blessed art thou among women and
blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus
Holy Mary mother of God pray for us
sinners now and at the hour of our death
Amen.

Glory Be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit.
As it was in the beginning is now ever shall be world without end
Amen
 
I commend you and your family to the Blessed Virgin Mary. May she bring each one of you closer to her Son and help you each to live faithfully. May God heal you and ease your suffering. May He help you to grow in virtue by the future trials he sends your way. Amen.
 
Hail, holy Queen, Mother of mercy,
our life, our sweetness, and our hope.
To you do we cry, the children of Eve;
to you do we send up our sighs,
mourning and weeping in this valley of tears.
Turn, then, most gracious advocate,
your eyes of mercy toward us;
And after this our exile,
show unto us the blessed fruit of your womb, Jesus.
O clement, O loving, O sweet Virgin Mary. Amen.
 
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