"Bad" Born-Again Experience - Anyone?

[andrewstx]

My born again experience was pretty much nyeh. I was an usher in a theater where they were showing a film by Billy Graham. At the end they had an invitation to ‘get saved’ and I walked forward where a lot of my Baptist friends from high school were.
They talked me into ‘accepting Jesus as my personal savior’ and I repeated the sinner’s prayer.

The problem was we were talking two different languages. I had no idea what a personal savior was, and still don’t. It was outside my frame of experience.

 

[jlhargus]

I don’t think he’s entirely correct, can’t be exclusively Evangelical
Protestant, because I never was one, I was actually a Pagan for
a time then was suddenly reborn.

I rejoice at your restoration to faith and life but you would have been born agian at baptism, by water and of the Spirit, as Christ clearly tells us, Jn3:5. I would call your expirence a prodical son, restored to faith, conversion. The son was alive when he lived in his father’s house and died leaving his father’s house living a sinful life. When the son had a bad expirence he recognized his condition, repented and returned to his father confessing he had sinned. As his father said when he returned.

[Lk15:2424 For this **my son was dead, and is alive AGAIN; he was lost, and is found. And they began to be merry.] When you returned to the Church and confessed your sins you were restored to life the fathers house AGAIN and the Eucharistic feast.

[Lk14:21 And **the son said unto him, **Father, I have sinned **against heaven, and in thy sight, and am no more worthy to be called thy son.]

 

[Judas_Thaddeus]

This isn’t going where I wanted it to go.

 

[LightandHeat]

Well without knowing exactly where you want this to go, I think I might and will add my story in hopes that it is more in-line with the topic of the thread.

This past summer, I did have a born-again experience so to speak, but it was a terrible, frightening experience rather than a ecstatic or loving one. I believe this is possible because God can speak to us in different ways, with different messages and messengers based on what may be needed in every particular case.

Before the experience, I had drifted from my religious beliefs, which were never all that strongly held anyway. I fell into a cynical and negative view of myself and of life itself. I was engaged in many sorts of sinful activity, and thought if I only had one life, with no God, I might as well make the most of it. I was hardened against the idea of the Abrahamic God for sure, perhaps in my mind I was still open to some non-persona Deity who would demand nothing from me.

Anyway, I was in pretty bad mental/spiritual shape. I was suffering from terrible insomnia and sleeping 3-4 hours at most at night. One night, I took the wrong combination of sleeping pills, and I didn’t realize until they had started to take effect. Theoretically this combination could kill me, although I’ll never know if the dose I took was large enough.

That night I had what a skeptic would call a “vivid nightmare”, but what I believe to be a vision or NDE. (keep in mind the sleeping pills I had been on had been giving me extremely vivid dreams for quite some time so I knew what those were like)

In the middle of my sleep, suddenly everything faded from whatever I was dreaming at the time to a darker and darker growing black. In fact, I would say this experience was darker than black, if you can even wrap your head around that, and was growing like a sphere in the center of my vision, engulfing and surrounding me.

As the blackness engulfed me, I felt like my soul was being ripped from my body-and was being ripped itself, being torn apart. It was a pain unlike a phsyical pain, but far worse. I could feel myself losing parts of my self until nothing remained but the most essential part of myself. As even that started to feel the tearing sensation, I had the strong sensation of death. I suddenly said “NO!”, I wasn’t going to let this happen. I immediately snapped awake and took what felt like my first breath for an eternity.

After this experience, I became inexplicably open to the Bible and the Gospel. I gained an appreciation for my life which I had taken for granted and a sense that our God truly is a living God. It was a terrifying experience, but I feel that it was a necessary purging of what I had become, perhaps that God had shown me my future if I didn’t change my ways.

 

[LegoGE1947]

Well without knowing exactly where you want this to go, I think I might and will add my story in hopes that it is more in-line with the topic of the thread.

This past summer, I did have a born-again experience so to speak, but it was a terrible, frightening experience rather than a ecstatic or loving one. I believe this is possible because God can speak to us in different ways, with different messages and messengers based on what may be needed in every particular case.

Before the experience, I had drifted from my religious beliefs, which were never all that strongly held anyway. I fell into a cynical and negative view of myself and of life itself. I was engaged in many sorts of sinful activity, and thought if I only had one life, with no God, I might as well make the most of it. I was hardened against the idea of the Abrahamic God for sure, perhaps in my mind I was still open to some non-persona Deity who would demand nothing from me.

Anyway, I was in pretty bad mental/spiritual shape. I was suffering from terrible insomnia and sleeping 3-4 hours at most at night. One night, I took the wrong combination of sleeping pills, and I didn’t realize until they had started to take effect. Theoretically this combination could kill me, although I’ll never know if the dose I took was large enough.

That night I had what a skeptic would call a “vivid nightmare”, but what I believe to be a vision or NDE. (keep in mind the sleeping pills I had been on had been giving me extremely vivid dreams for quite some time so I knew what those were like)

In the middle of my sleep, suddenly everything faded from whatever I was dreaming at the time to a darker and darker growing black. In fact, I would say this experience was darker than black, if you can even wrap your head around that, and was growing like a sphere in the center of my vision, engulfing and surrounding me.

As the blackness engulfed me, I felt like my soul was being ripped from my body-and was being ripped itself, being torn apart. It was a pain unlike a phsyical pain, but far worse. I could feel myself losing parts of my self until nothing remained but the most essential part of myself. As even that started to feel the tearing sensation, I had the strong sensation of death. I suddenly said “NO!”, I wasn’t going to let this happen. I immediately snapped awake and took what felt like my first breath for an eternity.

After this experience, I became inexplicably open to the Bible and the Gospel. I gained an appreciation for my life which I had taken for granted and a sense that our God truly is a living God. It was a terrifying experience, but I feel that it was a necessary purging of what I had become, perhaps that God had shown me my future if I didn’t change my ways.

Would this be like getting on a plane thinking you are going to New York but finding out that the plane is headed to Dallas?

 

[Judas_Thaddeus]

Well without knowing exactly where you want this to go, I think I might and will add my story in hopes that it is more in-line with the topic of the thread.

This past summer, I did have a born-again experience so to speak, but it was a terrible, frightening experience rather than a ecstatic or loving one. I believe this is possible because God can speak to us in different ways, with different messages and messengers based on what may be needed in every particular case.

Before the experience, I had drifted from my religious beliefs, which were never all that strongly held anyway. I fell into a cynical and negative view of myself and of life itself. I was engaged in many sorts of sinful activity, and thought if I only had one life, with no God, I might as well make the most of it. I was hardened against the idea of the Abrahamic God for sure, perhaps in my mind I was still open to some non-persona Deity who would demand nothing from me.

Anyway, I was in pretty bad mental/spiritual shape. I was suffering from terrible insomnia and sleeping 3-4 hours at most at night. One night, I took the wrong combination of sleeping pills, and I didn’t realize until they had started to take effect. Theoretically this combination could kill me, although I’ll never know if the dose I took was large enough.

That night I had what a skeptic would call a “vivid nightmare”, but what I believe to be a vision or NDE. (keep in mind the sleeping pills I had been on had been giving me extremely vivid dreams for quite some time so I knew what those were like)

In the middle of my sleep, suddenly everything faded from whatever I was dreaming at the time to a darker and darker growing black. In fact, I would say this experience was darker than black, if you can even wrap your head around that, and was growing like a sphere in the center of my vision, engulfing and surrounding me.

As the blackness engulfed me, I felt like my soul was being ripped from my body-and was being ripped itself, being torn apart. It was a pain unlike a phsyical pain, but far worse. I could feel myself losing parts of my self until nothing remained but the most essential part of myself. As even that started to feel the tearing sensation, I had the strong sensation of death. I suddenly said “NO!”, I wasn’t going to let this happen. I immediately snapped awake and took what felt like my first breath for an eternity.

After this experience, I became inexplicably open to the Bible and the Gospel. I gained an appreciation for my life which I had taken for granted and a sense that our God truly is a living God. It was a terrifying experience, but I feel that it was a necessary purging of what I had become, perhaps that God had shown me my future if I didn’t change my ways.

Wow, amazing story, and thanks, because I didn’t want to share my story but just
wanted to know if others are like what I briefly described. Sadly though, first sever-
al posts everyone was kinda talking about me me me me me. Kinda got off target
I wanted, so again, thanks for sharing your story.

 

[LegoGE1947]

Wow, amazing story, and thanks, because I didn’t want to share my story but just
wanted to know if others are like what I briefly described. Sadly though, first sever-
al posts everyone was kinda talking about me me me me me. Kinda got off target
I wanted, so again, thanks for sharing your story.

Maybe they are singers rehearsing (ME, ME, ME, ME…)

 

[Judas_Thaddeus]

Maybe they are singers rehearsing (ME, ME, ME, ME…)

not like they were talking about themselves, which is the point of the thread,
but somehow I became the focus of the tread, and I did not like that.

 

[iepuras]

I have technically not been reborn yet because I haven’t been baptized (Easter Vigil 2014 baby!). I’ll relate some of my experiences that have gotten me on the path to Christian baptism.

I was raised LDS, but during high school, I went through an agnostic phase where I wasn’t sure about the existence of God. I didn’t want to go to church but my mother forced me. I had two very good friends, a deist and a Catholic. We liked to talk philosophically, to the extent know it all teenagers can. Through them I was able to reason my way to God through Aristotlean and Thomist philosophy (without actually knowing that was what I was using at the time). When I finally understood that God existed, I felt an ecstasy and joy that is undescribable. At that moment, I knew that God existed and that He is mindful of me.

Unfortunately, I made the mistake of confusing God with the Mormon Heavenly Father so I continued in Mormonism until almost one year ago. There were several times during my young adulthood where God was trying to reach me and get me out of the LDS church. I wasn’t ready until after I married my Orthodox husband, and I had to study my way out of the LDS church.

We decided as a couple to become Catholic, and I started RCIA. I still wasn’t 100% sure. I even started doubting the existence of God despite my previous experience. I knew deep down inside God was there but I was angry and unsure about what to do. One Saturday afternoon while the kids were napping, I had what could be described as a vision. I was thinking about whether God existed and if I should not believe and become an atheist despite what God had previously revealed to me. That day, I saw the consequences of choosing atheism. I saw a deep and consuming darkness filled with loneliness and despair and God gave me a taste of that despair. After that, I had to choose God no matter what. I could not feel that despair again.

I knew I needed to move forward to obtain baptism. I became a catechumen and now cannot wait for baptism!

 

[gigi_mvn]

Just like the example of St Paul in Acts.

I don’t think Saint Paul is the best correlation. He is Jewish Pharisee who kept in line with the first law/commandment.

 

[ChurchSoldier]

I was in a bad place when I had the experience. I was 17 and going through a rough period and had been for several years. Without great detail there was a lot of rejection, emotional abuse, depression and ostricizing. The possibility of eternal blackness appeared a viable option to the pain of daily life. One night when the pain was unbearable I said (screamed actually) the shortest prayer of my life “GOD HELP ME !!!”. I was instantly filled with God’s peace, one which truly does pass all understanding. As I understand it now, the Holy Spirit enterd my soul at that time. I felt/knew (best human word to describe the indescribable) that Jesus was holding me as I was able to close my eyes and sleep. That experienced changed the direction of my life. Not that there weren’t bumps in the road, but they never threw me off track.

The experience wasn’t bad mind you, it was AWESOME. I was in a bad place when it happened though…

Thanks for the topic.

 

[Judas_Thaddeus]

. . . The experience wasn’t bad mind you, it was AWESOME. I was in a bad place when it happened though…

Thanks for the topic.

Yeah I was about to say, but always
good nevertheless to hear stories of
“good” born-again experiences.

 

[Oldtimer_7]

Judas, help me understand what you seek. In your original post, you asked if anyONE had EXPERIENCED a bad “born-again” situation. The tenor of your question assumed personal experience, especially cast in the mold of a Protestant understanding of “born-again.” Then when you got replies detailing these experiences, you say it’s all about ME, ME, ME.

What I took from the answers was that a lot of people found their faith renewed profoundly by some life crisis, not just Protestants. This seems to me to be good news, and shows that no denomination has a corner on the idea of being born again.

Trying to eliminate the personal and Me, Me, Me, I can think of one man who I knew. He was raised Catholic, later converted to Baptist, took a degree at a conservative (even for Baptists) college, and committed suicide ahead of being charge with sexual abuse. Is this closer to what you are seeking?

 

[Stilldreamn]

… and like open-
ing a door on a very gusty day or the door of a submarine deep underwater, the Holy
Spirit just FLOODED in me, and it felt so terrifying …

Friend, I know EXACTLY how that felt. Overwhelming. HUGE. Fear and ecstasy at the same time. And then a feeling of perfect Peace, completeness, being bouyed up.

I knew what needed to be done, and was fearless because I knew I didn’t rely on my own strength to do it.

I won’t mention the circumstances because it is deeply personal but it was a tragedy in the making without the intercession of the HS.

 

[Judas_Thaddeus]

Judas, help me understand what you seek. In your original post, you asked if anyONE had EXPERIENCED a bad “born-again” situation. The tenor of your question assumed personal experience, especially cast in the mold of a Protestant understanding of “born-again.” Then when you got replies detailing these experiences, you say it’s all about ME, ME, ME.

First, the me me me was me complaining that I kinda became the focus in the first few responses.
That annoyed me a little, 'cause I wanted to hear of everybody else.

Trying to eliminate the personal and Me, Me, Me, I can think of one man who I knew. He was raised Catholic, later converted to Baptist, took a degree at a conservative (even for Baptists) college, and committed suicide ahead of being charge with sexual abuse. Is this closer to what you are seeking?

uh, I don’t think so.

 

[Oldtimer_7]

OK, thanks for clearing that up. Have a merry Christmas!

 

[JustaServant]

Since salvation is an ongoing process and not a “one time zap” into the Kingdom, I would say every “experience” is troubled due to the presupposition of “once saved (a one time experience), always saved (a denial of salvation as process)”.
That is where fantasy clashes with reality. It does not have to lead, as one poster above describes, to suicide. But it does lead to a crisis when my life does not match up to the “zap” I recieved when prayed the “sinner’s prayer” at the revival meeting.

 

[hockeyfan]

I would not call this a bad born again experience but this is the story as to how my heart caught fire.

So, I was 16, and a boy of mild faith and no real confidence. I really hated myself and thought it foolish for God to create me. I had been raised in the church and after I was Confirmed, I stuck around because I liked the people. I had also been the kid who had the religious questions come easy to him.

In 2000, I went to WYD in Rome, on the Jubilee year. I went because it sounded like fun, it wasn’t the religious pilgrimage to me as it should have been. At one point, we went to St. Peter’s Basilica and entered through the Holy Door. If you don’t know, that is only opened every 25 years on the Jubilee year. Passing through them grants a plenary indulgence.

When I went through, not only did I get a indulgence but I had a little revelation/vision. I did not pop somewhere but I felt this in my heart as if it were real, though it probably only lasted for a second. In it, I was standing at a beach and I got hit by a tsunami. when I got underwater, I looked to swim for the surface but I couldn’t see it. So, I tried to blow bubbles and see what direction they went to follow them up but nothing happened. Then I realized that I was breathing just fine though I was underwater. At that point it dawned on me that I was not underwater but I was in God’s love. Then I saw that I could not see the ground or the sky because there was no end to his love.

Then, someone behind me told me to stop holding up the line and I went in and saw Michelangelo’s Pieta, and my heart totally melted.

I think this is a happy story and I am sorry it doesn’t qualify as a bad experience. Still, I think these stories of our hearts catching fire is not too far from what you want and they are good to hear from people either way.

Thanks for starting the thread.

 

[Considerate]

I don’t know how someone can have a bad born again experience. Once Jesus reveals Himself to you, that He is God, that He loves you so much that He died to forgive you your sins, you have that assurance and understanding that you are sealed for heaven… everyday of your mortal life.

Jesus is the only constant.

The heart of man is evil and wicked. Every single person, saved or unsaved, christian or non christian. Let’s stop the pretense that you or you minister is good or good enough. What we deserve is death and death is what we’ve got coming. Accepting Jesus is the only way to assure eternity in heaven with Him.

Thanks

 

[CB_Catholic]

Ok, I’ll share a “born again”, or “conversion” experience that was both wonderful and awful. I was nearly 30 years old, a baptized, lukewarm Catholic, at a terrible place in my life dealing with a dysfunctional past because of alcoholism in the family and then a marriage headed for the rocks. I was a mental and emotional mess and I wanted to die. That is only the tip of the iceberg.

But then, unexpectedly, in an answer to desperate prayer seeking God in a 12-step program, I had a wonderful conversion experience. God became real to me, and my mind was being transformed. I wanted to pray and read Scripture and go to church, and the Holy Spirit seemed to fill my mind. Amazing.

And almost immediately Satan attacked. He tried to fill me with doubt and despair and depression. I could literally feel a tug-of-war like thing going on for my soul. I had not ever before and had never since felt such a spiritual attack in my soul. Satan did not want to let me go. My soul was a battleground. At times I thought I was going crazy. But the Lord won, because I had decided to follow Him, and He had promised that NOTHING or NO ONE could snatch me from His hand. That promise is true. I can leave Him, but Satan cannot take me from Him.

That was nearly 35 years ago. I am still learning and growing. People can debate theology and call it a conversion, a born again experience, asking Jesus into your heart, whatever, I don’t argue these things. When someone talks about it, I understand what they mean, and how it changed their lives and how they developed a relationship with their Savior, Jesus Christ.