Bad Confession Experiences - What to Make of Them?

[Tis_Bearself]

We were told in RCIA to go to Reconciliation once during Lent and once during Advent, unless we had something important that we really had to say in between.

Unfortunately, if that was said it falls in the category of “poor catechizing in RCIA”. People should be left to decide how often they personally wish to go to confession. If a priest feels someone is going too often, as in having scruples, he’s the one who should give that guidance. Not the RCIA director, who with a statement like this seems to be encouraging Chreasterism. I’m not one to go running to the pastor about stuff but that statement is disturbing enough that I would have taken it to the pastor and if he’d agreed with it I would have called the Bishop.

If “best practice” for a Catholic was to go twice a year, there would not be several Church-endorsed devotional practices that require people to go once a month. You are getting grace by going to a reasonably frequent Confession, even if you only have venial sins to confess. For me personally, I rarely have a grave sin to confess any more because I’m old and lead a dull life, but I feel much better going to confession 1-2 times a month than I did when I left it to once or twice a year, and I attribute most of that good feeling to grace received, and the rest of the good feeling to making confession a habit rather than a big rare scary deal. It’s not like I’m spending more than 5 minutes per confession or getting tons of advice from priests in there. Sometimes the priest says one or two good sentences and sometimes they are just in a rush to get done. Doesn’t matter, I still get the grace.

If Father is the type who is going to boot someone out of his confessional for coming to confession more than twice a year, there are plenty of priests out there who don’t hold the same view.

Since this is an individual choice, it’s technically okay for people to choose to only go twice a year, and many do. But it should NOT be presented as a “You should only go twice a year unless you have something big to say in between.” The person should be free to decide how often he needs to go.

 

[PatK63]

You can make an act of contrition in your own words. However, there are elements that have to be included. Sorrow for our sins. Sorrow for the right reason like offending God, loss of heaven or the pains of hell. Finally a firm purpose of amendment.
The priest you spoke of probable didn’t hear that you included all that. That is not a bad experience but a good one in that the priest wanted to be sure for the sake of your soul.

 

[Shasta-Rose]

I rarely have a grave sin to confess any more because I’m old and lead a dull life,

Yes, that’s me, too. I would go more often if I could think of what I wanted to say succinctly. I guess I’m waiting for some big urge to propel me forward into going in between those times. I don’t feel very articulate on the subject and need to get my thoughts more organized. But I do admire those who go more often.

 

[JimG]

I recall a Redemptorist priest at a retreat once saying that the very fact that you come to confession is evidence of repentance. The spoken act of contrition is merely a confirmation of it. And in the past, priests often gave absolution while the penitent was saying the act of contrition, so he wasn’t listening to it anyway.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

You’re probably not going to get a big urge to go. That’s why some of the Church devotions require people to go. Devotions are structured that way to encourage certain behaviors.

One thing about confession is that it also gives you grace to help you NOT sin.
I used to commit various little (or maybe even big) sins of impurity and when I stopped doing them, it was a bit hard to quit, but over several years of extra Mass and monthly confession, I just don’t find that stuff so attractive any more. I’m pretty sure that’s due in large part to received grace.

 

[graciew]

There is generally a card taped to the penitent’s kneeler or the partition that the penitent can read the Act off of.

I was hoping somebody would mention this …We had it.
And since I never learnt it in English it was there just in case. It was ok for me say it in Spanish though, they understood…

 

[babochka]

I recall a Redemptorist priest at a retreat once saying that the very fact that you come to confession is evidence of repentance. The spoken act of contrition is merely a confirmation of it. And in the past, priests often gave absolution while the penitent was saying the act of contrition, so he wasn’t listening to it anyway.

I recently had an FSSP priest tell me that the Act of Contrition is mostly for the benefit of the penitent and is catechetical in nature. If you are there confessing your sins and there is no evidence to the contrary, contrition and purpose of amendment are assumed.

This came up because I went to confession to him and am not used to Confession in the Latin Rite and I stumbled a bit when I came to the Act of Contrition. We were discussing some of the differences after the confession was over. Thankfully, he was kind, understanding, and was aware of the fact that I’m not Latin Rite. He did say that he definitely prefers it when penitents come in and say the traditional Act of Contrition and if they come in with something like the Jesus prayer, he will ask them to pray the act of contrition as it is printed in the confessional. He always reassures them that what they were doing is valid, but that he believes that the traditional way is better and he gives his explanation as to why.

 

[Shasta-Rose]

When I was at retreat, they sprung an opportunity for confession on us which, of course, I took advantage of. But I don’t have an Act of Contrition memorized. They had given us numerous pamphlets, one little one of which had an act inside in teensy print.

We talked for a while about various things, and I was thinking I had probably used up more than my time. So at the end I said, Well, I think there is an Act of Contrition somewhere in a pamphlet in my bag, which I could dredge out along with my specs and read to you, or I could just say I’m sorry for my sins, with the help of God I’m going to try and not sin as much, and I’ll avoid the near occasion of sin. He said, GOOD!—Sins absolved Father Son Holy Spirit go in peace! Or something close to that. Hey, he’s a man of action and doesn’t obsess over the word-by-word.

In my regular bag I have copies of things I don’t have memorized word-perfect yet: prayer to St. Michael, Hail Holy Queen, and an Act of Contrition. But I was caught flat-footed at retreat, which Father could see. He made it a good experience for me.