Bad Excuses for considering Religious Life? Priesthood?

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goforgoal

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I’m not too sure if this is the “right” question to ask but what are some bad excuses (you’ve heard) for considering the Religious Life? Priesthood?

My Aunt asked me if I still wanted to go back to the convent. I told her, “Yes. Of course.” My Aunt explained to me that she wants her daughter (my cousin) to join the Discalced Carmelite Nuns as well since they don’t have to deal with people.

I don’t want to say it’s not a good idea but I don’t think it’s a good idea for someone else to decide your Vocation.

My cousin doesn’t like to socialize with people. As a matter of fact, when she was in High school, she stayed in the bathroom at school this one day. If you try to communicate with her she doesn’t really talk. She also dropped out of High School.

I explained all of this to the Discalced Carmelite Nuns who I am discerning with and this is what they told me, In Italics

As for your cousin that you mentioned about a vocation… we are not in solitude because we do not want to be sociable…far from it. She may need some help. She certainly does not have a Carmelite vocation.

I do pray for my cousin…

Here are some more poor excuses I’ve heard of joining the Religious life? Priesthood?

“I don’t like children”

“I’ll never get married”

“I had a lousy relationship”
 
For me, the most heartbreaking stories are those of women who saw the religious life as an escape from memories of childhood sexual abuse. I haven’t met someone in this situation, but I’ve read about it, and can’t imagine anything worse.
 
goforgoal, your cousin is shy, it’s like a disorder these days and often family can’t cope with it, in your case, they opted to find some place to shut her away at without having to spend any money on it…sad, really, really sad, . It may be time you took action rather then just talk, I highly suggest you take some time out of your life to look out for her better interests, it doesn’t seem other family members are doing that well in that area… She needs you, know that, if you have the means to help her directly, please do so and it doesn’t mean shutting her away to some convent.
 
From what I’ve heard from a couple of good vocations directors and spiritual directors, the worst reason to consider Religious Life is running away from… something, anything… Like someone else mentioned, it could be childhood abuse. Perhaps it’s anti-social tendancies, phobias, etc. Joining Religious Life will cause all of these to come right to the surface, maybe not at first, but eventually it WILL come up, especially when one belongs to a contemplative community. When one is in solitude with only God and his or herself for company, one can only face God and his or herself. And whatever that person was running from will have to be faced… or even sadder, run away from him or herself.

But, I was also assured that even if someone, who had a true vocation, but tried to live it for the wrong reasons, it would eventually become the right reason through God’s grace. Who knows, perhaps the only place where that particular person could face, and allow God to heal, their wounded self is in the solitude of a monastery. And if it’s a good monastic community one has joined, then the Brothers or Sisters could be God’s instrument of change and healing in that person’s life, at the very least through prayer, but I suspect just living community life could be a major help, along with good spiritual direction.
 
goforgoal said:
I’mMy Aunt explained to me that she wants her daughter (my cousin) to join the Discalced Carmelite Nuns as well since they don’t have to deal with people.

I "
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all those excuses are lousy, but this takes the cake, obviously your aunt and cousin have no idea what community life entails, which is above all close encounter with other people in every aspect of daily life.

any of the attitudes expressed that denote running away from failures in other areas of life are sure indications this person does not have a religious vocation
 
Spiritu said:
For me, the most heartbreaking stories are those of women who saw the religious life as an escape from memories of childhood sexual abuse. I haven’t met someone in this situation, but I’ve read about it, and can’t imagine anything worse.
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What if a woman has had a past of somekind of childhood abuse, but she really does have a calling to the religious life and she’s not using the religious life as an escape or escuse to forget her past?

How can you make a determination to discriminate these woman, how do you know they really don’t have a vocation.
 
Hi Katiebelle,

If a woman who has survived childhood abuse makes a healthy and independent choice about her future, then her vocation is as true as anyone else’s, and entry into a convent will be a positive thing for her.

My post referred to the stories I’ve read about women who did see it as an escape, entered a convent, and suffered until they underwent counselling and/or left. In other words, cases where the primary motivation (as acknowledged by the woman, at the time or in retrospect) was to run away from the past, and the choice resulted in further pain for her. It isn’t meant to be a judgement about whether that will be true for all survivors of abuse; and it definitely isn’t meant to condemn women who did once enter as a means of escape. It’s heartbreaking that their suffering got worse in the religious life, not better, because they didn’t find the peace they expected.

As I said, I don’t know any women personally who have been in that situation; nor, if I met a fellow discerner who had been abused as a child, would I dare to pass judgement on whether or not she had a true vocation. That’s between the woman and God, with the help of her spiritual director.
 
goforgoal said:
Here are some more poor excuses I’ve heard of joining the Religious life? Priesthood?“I don’t like children”“I’ll never get married”“I had a lousy relationship”
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“I want to serve people” is another one. There’s nothing wrong with serving people, but you should follow a vocation with the Church because you love God. If you truly love God, you will want to help other people- and some people are called to a religious vocation in a community that does a lot of social justice work. Mass, prayer, and the other things that are essential to the spiritual life must be the focus of everybody’s lives- especially for priests and religious- the apostolic work, even of apostolic communities, will come together as a result of a healthy spiritual life.
 
katiebelle08 said:
What if a woman has had a past of somekind of childhood abuse, but she really does have a calling to the religious life and she’s not using the religious life as an escape or escuse to forget her past?

How can you make a determination to discriminate these woman, how do you know they really don’t have a vocation.
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she would discern her vocation on the same basis as anyone else, but if she gives that escape as her reason for seeking a vocation, she will very likely be discouraged from joining that order until she gives evidence of a real positive calling for the religious life, not a rejection of other facets of life. Merely having a disinclination for marriage is not an indication there is no religious calling, nor is any past experience, but making those feelings the sole basis of one’s reason for seeking to join an order is a counter-indication of a true vocation.
 
If a person does not like dealing with people then community life is not for them. Especially cloistered community life.

We interact daily with members of our community. I am in a active order so we do have times when we can “get away” and find some alone time but in a cloister it is much harder to do so.
 
Since the Discalced Carmelites are where this individual is being suggested I would suggest that the person read St Thérèse of Lisieux autobiography Story of a Soul and they will see that the cloister is not a place for people who do not want to be around people.
 
prodigalson12 said:
goforgoal, your cousin is shy, it’s like a disorder these days and often family can’t cope with it, in your case, they opted to find some place to shut her away at without having to spend any money on it…sad, really, really sad, . It may be time you took action rather then just talk, I highly suggest you take some time out of your life to look out for her better interests, it doesn’t seem other family members are doing that well in that area… She needs you, know that, if you have the means to help her directly, please do so and it doesn’t mean shutting her away to some convent.
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More than likely she has social anxiety disorder/social phobia and not “shyness”

medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=52033

However, I’m not too sure if my cousin has this or not since she hasn’t been diagnosed.

I love my aunt but she has a really bizarre way of raising her children. It’s very complexed and I’d rather not discuss it on here.

By talking to my cousin is actually how I would like to “help” her out. But, I would like to talk to her alone.

ByzCath- “Story of a soul the autobiograpy of St. Therese” is a wonderful story. I loved this book.

Here is a very interesting article about Vocations:

vocations.com/discern/signs_pable.html
 
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