Bad Wedding Reception Behavior

[PoliSciProf]

This is something I have seen all too often at wedding receptions: when the Bride and Groom cut the cake and share a bite, they mash it into each other’s faces. I once saw the Bride and Groom actuallly jump into a swimming pool in their wedding outfits as the reception neared its end. I just don’t get it. What do you think about this?

 

[Lucania]

That is one of my pet peeves! It really annoys me when the Bride (usually) gets cake smashed in her face. After all the care she took to look beautiful, getting her hair & make-up done! It’s really bad behavior. I’ve seen both Bride & Groom go at it, another time the Bride ran off to the ladies room in tears after her new husband grabbed her in almost a headlock & smashed it in her face & hair . My Daughter just went to a wedding last weekend & the Bride’s Father told the Groom to “get her good” with the cake . Thankfully, he didn’t! How about this story…there was a wedding I went to about five years ago & at the altar the Groom whispered to the Bride & Minister that he needed to use the restroom. I was sitting in the back and saw him actually run out of the Chapel & drive off in his car!! I looked back to the Bride & she was assuring everyone that he’s fine, just an upset stomach & that he would be right back:blush: . Not.

 

[CarrieH]

I agree! That is so tacky. This couple has just made a sacred vow to love and cherish each other, and then they turn around and act like that??? I remember a wedding of a coworker some years ago. The groom tenderly fed his bride a piece of cake, and then she turned around and smashed his cake in his face. He looked so hurt, as if he was about to cry. I felt sooo sad for him. So it’s not always the boys behaving badly! And nowadays, the whole event is recorded on DVD, so everyone will get a reminder of those bad behaviors every time they watch it. Yippee.

 

[Rawb]

At my cousin’s rehearsal dinner, he smashed cake into his fiance’s face, and she was…angry. She sent her brothers, his sister, and his brothers to track him down and smear cake all over his face, hair, and shoulders. Served him right, his mother gave him a talking to too. At least it was just the rehearsal dinner though.

Wasn’t that started as a symbol of taking care of each other? To feed one another? Now the divorce rate is so high.

I think the worse behavior is some of the dancing you see at weddings. It’s bad enough at clubs, but you’ve just been married, Mrs. Bride, do you really want your wedding video to show you ‘bumpin’ and grindin’ with your husband with a beer can in your hand? Mr. Groom, you want your children to see you pulling their mother’s garter off with your teeth?! Or sending your ‘best man’ in to do the same thing as a surprise for your new wife?!

 

[Tenebrae]

I’ve often wondered about the divorce rate for couples who smashed wedding cake in each other’s face.

 

[kage_ar]

My my! Maybe some people are lighthearted and find it a fun silly tradition?

The cake is not a sacrament or a sacramental, it is a party cake.

Of course, the couple in quesiton should know each other well enough by the day of that reception to KNOW if the other wants to do fun cake smashing or serious somber exchange of dessert. If the bride rushes off in tears, my wager is the couple did not take marriage prep seriously and that could be the cause of marriage break up moreso than cake crumbs.

 

[StratusRose]

How about this story…there was a wedding I went to about five years ago & at the altar the Groom whispered to the Bride & Minister that he needed to use the restroom. I was sitting in the back and saw him actually run out of the Chapel & drive off in his car!! I looked back to the Bride & she was assuring everyone that he’s fine, just an upset stomach & that he would be right back:blush: . Not.

Oh my gosh, that’s horrible!! Sounds like a scene in a movie or something…

My husband and I didn’t even have a cake cutting ceremony. One reason was my grandmother and her sister cut themselves a slice of it while everyone was still eating their meal. So they kind of did it for us. We had tiramisu as our cake so they didn’t know it was THE wedding cake. It was just as well because we didn’t want the formal cake cutting, we also didn’t want the first dance but we felt obligated to do it. While everyone was watching us dance we were whispering to each other how weird and awkward it felt.

DH and I think that the smashing of the cake in spouses faces is very passive agressive.

A friend of mine who went to my wedding in the morning and another one in the evening had an interesting story. The bride and the groom’s sister got into a fist fight, then the while trying to break it up other fights broke out. Then someone got pushed into the cake table and the cake fell on the floor. That’s how it ended. She said she should have stayed at my wedding. I agreed.

 

[PatienceAndLove]

I don’t know the statistics, but shoving cake in each other’s faces does have a significant divorce rate (if my wording makes sense)

I told DH in no uncertain terms what would happen if she shoved cake in my face. I think it’s passive aggressive and definitely shows a significant lack of respect for one or the other.

 

[housewife]

My my! Maybe some people are lighthearted and find it a fun silly tradition?

The cake is not a sacrament or a sacramental, it is a party cake.

Of course, the couple in quesiton should know each other well enough by the day of that reception to KNOW if the other wants to do fun cake smashing or serious somber exchange of dessert. If the bride rushes off in tears, my wager is the couple did not take marriage prep seriously and that could be the cause of marriage break up moreso than cake crumbs.

I agree.

 

[Truly_Beloved]

We didn’t smash cake in each others’ faces, either. I love the cake pictures we have, because we’re so gentle and careful not to make a mess.

I brought up the topic during the engagement, and said how I would be very upset if he smashed cake in my face. He looked at me, kinda horrified, and jokingly assured me that he would only do it to me if I did it to him first. I thought that was fair enough.

 

[Melissa]

My my! Maybe some people are lighthearted and find it a fun silly tradition?

The cake is not a sacrament or a sacramental, it is a party cake.

Of course, the couple in quesiton should know each other well enough by the day of that reception to KNOW if the other wants to do fun cake smashing or serious somber exchange of dessert. If the bride rushes off in tears, my wager is the couple did not take marriage prep seriously and that could be the cause of marriage break up moreso than cake crumbs.

It’s a tradition that should never have started. It is a vile perversion of the true tradition of feeding each other (showing a nourishing of one another and the relationship, just another symbol of what the married life is to be like). Instead, the guests are treated to the first act of domestic violence between the couple (whether it’s first and last or just the first of many) before the ink is even dry.

No, the cake is neither sacrament nor sacramental, but a food fight and domestic violence have no place at a wedding reception.

 

[kage_ar]

It’s a tradition that should never have started. It is a vile perversion of the true tradition of feeding each other (showing a nourishing of one another and the relationship, just another symbol of what the married life is to be like). Instead, the guests are treated to the first act of domestic violence between the couple (whether it’s first and last or just the first of many) before the ink is even dry.

No, the cake is neither sacrament nor sacramental, but a food fight and domestic violence have no place at a wedding reception.

Of course, just because you do not like the tradition does not make it domestic violence. Do not by any means have this at your wedding - but, do not put down those who see it as silly and fun.

 

[kevinsgirl]

I think it can be funny–but it should be something that the bride and groom both see as coming. Having one or the other run off in tears shouldn’t happen.

For our wedding, DH and I were polite and didn’t do any smashing…for one thing, I didn’t want to get all messed up and for another DH’s tux was rented…

But…we do play practical food jokes on each other sometimes…

I think the key is communication…if it is obviously mean then it’s a definite no-no. If the bride and groom are having fun with it, I see no problem–after all, they’re the ones that have to clean it up and treasure the wedding pictures!

 

[MCGar]

Domestic violence is a serious issue, I would be very careful not to generalize in this manner. It can be very upsetting and high-handed to those that are actual victims of domestic abuse.

Also it seems presumptous, judgmental and overly-critical on those that actually engage in this light hearted and well-meaning prank. I’m not married but if my new husband and I were to do this I would be disgusted to know that people in my wedding party were so sour-pussed and judgmental of our actions. I wouldn’t even want them as our guests if they were to be so uncharitable in their thoughts.

I think people tend to forget that their preferences in wedding or special occasion behavior doesn’t always wander into the moral and immoral sphere. It’s very dangerous ground to set oneself up as the moral monitor when you get confused between your special preference and what is objectively right or wrong.

As to my personal preference. There are MANY weddings and brides that get caught up in the ‘specialness’ of weddings that vanity slips in (even with the most well-intentioned people) and takes hold. Will messed up makeup and smears here and there ruin the wedding or marriage? Why? Must the bride or groom look perfect at all times? Why?

Does the tradition (Notice the little ‘t’) of feading each other cake HAVE to be exactly what you all believe it is? Do we all have to prescribe to that formula?

Or can it mean something different to each couple?
Maybe even sometimes, “I love the person I’m with and we’re going to get messy and have fun doing it because that’s what our marriage is going to be about.”

All of this needs to be looked at with some perspective and charitableness.

I think kage_ar, did the best summary of this whole thread.

 

[Newzie52]

Of course, just because you do not like the tradition does not make it domestic violence. Do not by any means have this at your wedding - but, do not put down those who see it as silly and fun.

There is NOTHING “silly and fun” about shoving cake in each other’s faces at what should be such a special time. The problem lies in the fact that some people DO think it’s just fine. It’s passive aggressive, shows a distinct lack of maturity and respect and sets a very negative tone. I can’t begin to imagine how angry I would have been had my husband done this (he would not have dreamed of it.) It is ignorant, low class behavior, not to mention completely in contrast to how Christian husbands and wives should act towards each other.

If this is what happens at the “high point” when a couple is just starting out, I don’t hold out much hope.

 

[StratusRose]

There is NOTHING “silly and fun” about shoving cake in each other’s faces at what should be such a special time. The problem lies in the fact that some people DO think it’s just fine. It’s passive aggressive, shows a distinct lack of maturity and respect and sets a very negative tone. I can’t begin to imagine how angry I would have been had my husband done this (he would not have dreamed of it.) It is ignorant, low class behavior, not to mention completely in contrast to how Christian husbands and wives should act towards each other.

If this is what happens at the “high point” when a couple is just starting out, I don’t hold out much hope.

I think some of you are taking this subject to an extreme. Sometimes people just get caught up in the moment and do stupid things. I would never do it or recommend it but certainly wouldn’t look down my nose those who did do that. If a couple wants to smash cake in each other’s faces and make asses out of themselves then that’s their perogative.

I take bigger issue with the garter thing. That has no place at a Catholic wedding. What’s the point of that anyway?

 

[MCGar]

I know this post is not directed at me but I hope I’m allowed to interject

There is NOTHING “silly and fun” about shoving cake in each other’s faces at what should be such a special time. The problem lies in the fact that some people DO think it’s just fine.

There is nothing ‘silly or fun’ about it to you. But I hope you realize that you are not the final say or the moral monitor on this issue when it comes to whether it is ‘silly or fun’ to other people.

It’s passive aggressive, shows a distinct lack of maturity and respect and sets a very negative tone. I can’t begin to imagine how angry I would have been had my husband done this (he would not have dreamed of it.) It is ignorant, low class behavior, not to mention completely in contrast to how Christian husbands and wives should act towards each other.

If this is what happens at the “high point” when a couple is just starting out, I don’t hold out much hope.

This, again, is only your opinion and shows, by your own writing, what passive aggressiveness is. The use of demeaning and derogatory remarks (ignorant and low-class) to prove your point is not condusive to discussion and is unChristian in and of itself. You can dislike an action and even view it as a sin but to degrade a human made in the image and likeness of God by calling them (whoever they are) as low-class is objectively wrong.

I’m so sorry you feel this strongly about this to the point where you would type like this.

When a hot ‘thread’ comes up forums, I find that it is ALWAYS best for all those involved to pray before they type.

 

[CarrieH]

Oh my gosh, that’s horrible!! Sounds like a scene in a movie or something…

It is horrible, but at least he ran off before they exchanged vows. Better a disaster of a wedding than a disaster of a marriage…

The bride and the groom’s sister got into a fist fight, then the while trying to break it up other fights broke out. Then someone got pushed into the cake table and the cake fell on the floor.

A friend told me about a wedding she attended. The bride’s parents were divorced after the father announced that he was gay. The mother was there unescorted, but the father and his “partner” were there as a couple. It just happened that there was another gay man present at the reception, and this other guy and the partner struck up a flirtation and sneaked off together for a little “rendezvous.” The alcohol was flowing like a river, which added to the fun. When the father of the bride found out about his partner’s infidelity, they got into a screaming cat-fight right there at the reception. And then someone left driving drunk, crashed their car, and wound up in the hospital. Oy, what a reception to remember!

 

[Newzie52]

I know this post is not directed at me but I hope I’m allowed to interject

There is nothing ‘silly or fun’ about it to you. But I hope you realize that you are not the final say or the moral monitor on this issue when it comes to whether it is ‘silly or fun’ to other people.

This, again, is only your opinion and shows, by your own writing, what passive aggressiveness is. The use of demeaning and derogatory remarks (ignorant and low-class) to prove your point is not condusive to discussion and is unChristian in and of itself. You can dislike an action and even view it as a sin but to degrade a human made in the image and likeness of God by calling them (whoever they are) as low-class is objectively wrong.

I’m so sorry you feel this strongly about this to the point where you would type like this.

When a hot ‘thread’ comes up forums, I find that it is ALWAYS best for all those involved to pray before they type.

If you read carefully, you will note that I referred to the ACTION as “low class and ignorant”, not the people.

I think the problem lies with a new spouse who would smear cake in the face of his/her partner who is “made in the image and likeness of God.”

We really are going to heck in a handbasket if Catholic people think this embarrassing, demeaning behavior is acceptable. It sends a horrible signal.

 

[First_of_9]

Is it a sign of impending divorce?

It sure is a long range sign in my case. My wife playfully fed me a much too big piece at our wedding. We thought it was funny.

Happened 37 years ago.