Bad Wedding Reception Behavior

[MCGar]

People made in the image and likeness of God are allowed to get messy, it’s not sinful.

It’s embarrassing and demeaning to you. But it may not be to others. I strongly suggest you talk to a variety of priests who attend wedding receptions and ask them if this act is sinful.

prayers for this thread.

 

[MCGar]

Newzie, I notice in another thread you talk about your daughter that is soon to be wed.

Do you think you have strong emotions about this because of the impending marriage?

What would you do if, at the last minute your daughter and her new husband decided to have fun and start smearing some cake? What if they had a very enjoyable experiance and later loved showing pictures of the moment?

 

[duskyjewel]

From what I have heard, this started out as something only the bride did to her husband, and it was supposed to be small, like getting a dollop of frosting on the end of his nose or a little smear next to his mouth. It was supposed to be a playful show of defiance from a woman who had just promised to “obey” in her wedding vows. I forget where I heard that, but it was during my own wedding prep.

DH and I agreed ahead of time that there would be no cake smashing or smearing. We love and respect each other, and our wedding day is supposed to reflect that. So we just fed each other cake, lovingly. I know some people were waiting for the smashing, but no one seemed upset that we didn’t do it. And since the story above is what I heard about the tradition, since my vows did not include “obey” (and I wouldn’t have agreed to say it anyway!) I felt that the whole thing would have been unnecessary. We had seen many examples of people literally beating each other in the face with cake, and wondered what the heck they were thinking. Didn’t they just promise to love and cherish each other? I agree with thinking the behavior is low-class. We never wanted to do it.

I have to say, also, that I think calling it domestic violence is a bit over the top. That trivializes the real danger of women who are being beaten bloody, choked, raped, and all the other horrible things that happen in real domestic violence.

To comment on the garter thing: I guess I am OK with some tacky wedding traditions, because one of my favorite pictures from our reception is the one where the best man knelt down so I could sit on his leg, and my husband is removing my garter. I guess I can see how some people wouldn’t like that tradition, as it seems to support the whole idea of free, happy bachelors being snared by scheming women and cut down in their prime through marriage, but we really weren’t thinking about all that. We just thought it was fun.

 

[He_Man]

People made in the image and likeness of God are allowed to get messy, it’s not sinful.

It’s embarrassing and demeaning to you. But it may not be to others. I strongly suggest you talk to a variety of priests who attend wedding receptions and ask them if this act is sinful.

prayers for this thread.

Sinful is debatable. But some people have the opinion it is low-brow and not classy. I don’t need a Priests’s opinion to form my own on ettiqute.

If you like, by all means. I think it looks terrible.

 

[mercygate]

I guess it’s time for me to die. I’m so old that I have never seen or heard of such a thing. If my bridegroom had tried such a thing with me, the marriage would never have been consummated.

Good grief! How unspeakably coarsened we are becoming. The last wedding I attended, the whole bridal party got in a line and squatted, sort of sitting in the lap of the person behind him/her and hip-thrusted themselves around the room in a grotesque turn on the conga line. The bride was first in line and kept grabbing her dress as close to her crotch as she could reach in a rather ample gown. That was enough for me!

Marriage ended 18 months later. The party wasn’t even close to being paid for.

 

[SMHW]

The practice of smashing cake into each others faces has been around for a LONG time. Centuries? While I agree that it is not a classy activity, for some families it has probably been a multi-generational tradition. It is hard for some people to buck tradition.

I know that my husband kept ‘threatening’ me that he would do so at our wedding reception. In his case I know he thought most reception traditions were fairly childish and silly. What was one more? He apparently figured out I was serious when I said I didn’t want him to smash cake in my face because he didn’t do it. (He would have gotten cake in his face if he’d done it to me.) At most of the weddings I’ve attended for my friends (mostly the early to mid 1980s) the guests never got so attentive as when waiting to figure out the fates of the married couple’s faces.

So while I think the tradition is rather tacky, I don’t think it’s really any stranger than tossing bouquets or garters.

 

[Newzie52]

Newzie, I notice in another thread you talk about your daughter that is soon to be wed.

Do you think you have strong emotions about this because of the impending marriage?

What would you do if, at the last minute your daughter and her new husband decided to have fun and start smearing some cake? What if they had a very enjoyable experiance and later loved showing pictures of the moment?

My daughter and her soon-to be-husband would not dream of showing disrespect to each other this way; they have already discussed, in front of me, how appalling they think this is. They show tenderness and care for each other. I would think they had lost their minds.

Understand, I am speaking of the aggressive smashing of cake into the other’s face that I have, all too often, seen. I have also seen a playful little "dab " of frosting on the nose, done with affection; that isn’t what concerns me (though I still would not want to be on the receiving end, what with makeup, hair, veil, gown, etc.)

 

[Newzie52]

I guess it’s time for me to die. I’m so old that I have never seen or heard of such a thing. If my bridegroom had tried such a thing with me, the marriage would never have been consummated.

Good grief! How unspeakably coarsened we are becoming. The last wedding I attended, the whole bridal party got in a line and squatted, sort of sitting in the lap of the person behind him/her and hip-thrusted themselves around the room in a grotesque turn on the conga line. The bride was first in line and kept grabbing her dress as close to her crotch as she could reach in a rather ample gown. That was enough for me!

Marriage ended 18 months later. The party wasn’t even close to being paid for.

Oh my! I’m with you on this one (though I HOPE it’s not time for either of us to bow out and die

I’m not old, just middle-aged (we boomers will NEVER think of ourselves as old) and have seen plenty of outrageous behavior. I am old fashioned enough to believe that a wedding is a very special and sacred event, and while our family wedding receptions are wonderful fun, behavior such as this is simply out of bounds.

 

[MCGar]

Well, I think we can reach a sort of comprimise in thinking. Aggressive smashing to where it is even slightly hurtful is not good in both our thinking.

Light smearing of other people’s noses is not of concern on both our thinking also

Where we differ mostly would be a messy smearing with messed up makeup, hair and even accidental smearing of an outfit.

To me, all those things can be entrapments of vanity so if I get upset about it even after I’ve just participated in a wonderous sacrament, then it would be giving in to vanity.
I would want to be able to get married in a simple outfit (like the kinds waaaaaayyyyyyy before the bridal white came into popular fashion) and still be of mind to enjoy the experiance without bother if I get messy. Just as long as we both are having a joyous time and celebrating the spirit of the moment.

I just can’t help but think. Did Mary worry about her wedding makeup or dress? Obviously she didn’t wear makeup but if she did, the question stands.

Would Christ want me so wrapped up in my ecroutements that I would burst into tears if I didn’t look perfect at all times?

But this is just my preference and I believe that when I get married if I were to engage in cake smearing that I would not be acting low-class or ignorant. I’m not low-class and I’m not ignorant (I know just enough to know that I don’t know everything )

 

[masondoggy]

Sheesh, people.

DH really got me good with the cake at our wedding. Real good. I tried to get him back without success. We all laughed about it. Yes, I had cake all over my face and dress (it’s not like I had to wear it again).

No, we’re not divorced. No, he doesn’t beat me to a pulp every night. In fact, we have a pretty good marriage. Definitely a better relationship than most couples we know. Bil and Sil laugh at us because they wish they could joke around with each other like we do and just goof off all the time. they love coming over to our house because of the lighthearted, goofy atmosphere.

Sometimes it’s the sense of humor that makes the marriage.

If you’re not into the cake-smearing, then make sure ya discuss that before the wedding with your fiance. Otherwise, lighten up.

 

[StratusRose]

Good grief! How unspeakably coarsened we are becoming. The last wedding I attended, the whole bridal party got in a line and squatted, sort of sitting in the lap of the person behind him/her and hip-thrusted themselves around the room in a grotesque turn on the conga line. The bride was first in line and kept grabbing her dress as close to her crotch as she could reach in a rather ample gown. That was enough for me!

Marriage ended 18 months later. The party wasn’t even close to being paid for.

To me, weddings like these are indicative of what the marriage will be like down the road. That’s just ridiculous. My friends and I danced our little hineys off at my reception and it was all in good taste. Definitely didn’t look like people having sex vertically like some “dancing.” It helps not to play vulgar rap songs. I asked my DJ to play some 40s swing for the older crowd then later he progressed into some classic 80s and 90s songs. We had one Justin Timberlake song b/c my brother requested it.

I have a theory about your last comment. Since so many couples nowadays are having sex before marriage, cohabitating, and doing other stuff that only married people should do, they have nothing else to look forward to. So they feel that having a huge, savings account busting party is all they have left. I’ve noticed that a lot of these marriages don’t make it past the 3 year mark. Sad.

 

[mercygate]

To me, weddings like these are indicative of what the marriage will be like down the road. That’s just ridiculous. My friends and I danced our little hineys off at my reception and it was all in good taste. Definitely didn’t look like people having sex vertically like some “dancing.” It helps not to play vulgar rap songs. I asked my DJ to play some 40s swing for the older crowd then later he progressed into some classic 80s and 90s songs. We had one Justin Timberlake song b/c my brother requested it.

I have a theory about your last comment. Since so many couples nowadays are having sex before marriage, cohabitating, and doing other stuff that only married people should do, they have nothing else to look forward to. So they feel that having a huge, savings account busting party is all they have left. I’ve noticed that a lot of these marriages don’t make it past the 3 year mark. Sad.

Ah-MEN! But that’s another thread: Should you go into debt for your wedding reception?

For me that’s a one-post thread. NO!

 

[StratusRose]

To comment on the garter thing: I guess I am OK with some tacky wedding traditions, because one of my favorite pictures from our reception is the one where the best man knelt down so I could sit on his leg, and my husband is removing my garter. I guess I can see how some people wouldn’t like that tradition, as it seems to support the whole idea of free, happy bachelors being snared by scheming women and cut down in their prime through marriage, but we really weren’t thinking about all that. We just thought it was fun.

I guess I was mostly talking about when a drunken man puts his head under a young lady’s dress in an attempt to be funny and entertaining. Yuk. I’d be worried if I had clean underwear on. I got caught up with this at my cousin’s wedding 2 years ago. I caught the bouquet and some French dude caught the garter. He danced around me sleazily with the garter and thrusted his hips in my face. I didn’t know WHAT to do and I don’t think he knew either because in France they don’t have this tradition. The worst part is that all this is on the videographer’s DVD.

 

[jrabs]

You know what??? If it’s not your wedding, then let it be. Let people celebrate as they see fit. It’s not a precursor to abuse or divorce.
If you like the playfulness of a dab of frosting, then have at it.

If it’s barbaric in your opinion, then don’t.
Why can’t we seem to let people make their own choices?

Gosh.

 

[ljprevo]

I know I am a tad late here, but I agree with the posters about the cake mashing. I was just married in August and my wife and I were nice, however I did dab a lil bit of frosting on her nose (she knew I was going to).

It was a lil playful, but not degrading.

Here is the clip of the cake cutting.

youtube.com/watch?v=xWmNO8_EBF0

It is 2 min 25 secs into the video that I tap her nose.

I did not think that was bad behavior.

 

[He_Man]

Sheesh, people.

DH really got me good with the cake at our wedding. Real good. I tried to get him back without success. We all laughed about it. Yes, I had cake all over my face and dress (it’s not like I had to wear it again).

No, we’re not divorced. No, he doesn’t beat me to a pulp every night. In fact, we have a pretty good marriage. Definitely a better relationship than most couples we know. Bil and Sil laugh at us because they wish they could joke around with each other like we do and just goof off all the time. they love coming over to our house because of the lighthearted, goofy atmosphere.

Sometimes it’s the sense of humor that makes the marriage.

If you’re not into the cake-smearing, then make sure ya discuss that before the wedding with your fiance. Otherwise, lighten up.

I hear what you are saying, but in fairness, one can’t expect to ask a question on a message board and only get positive answers. This IS a public forum, and I see a LOT of topics where people have VERY different opinions.

If the OP doesn’t want more than one opinion, then they should avoid CA.

Catholic Answers, not California, though they have issues too.

 

[Em_in_FL]

Sheesh, people.

DH really got me good with the cake at our wedding. Real good. I tried to get him back without success. We all laughed about it. Yes, I had cake all over my face and dress (it’s not like I had to wear it again).

No, we’re not divorced. No, he doesn’t beat me to a pulp every night. In fact, we have a pretty good marriage. Definitely a better relationship than most couples we know. Bil and Sil laugh at us because they wish they could joke around with each other like we do and just goof off all the time. they love coming over to our house because of the lighthearted, goofy atmosphere.

Sometimes it’s the sense of humor that makes the marriage.

If you’re not into the cake-smearing, then make sure ya discuss that before the wedding with your fiance. Otherwise, lighten up.

I agree!
I honestly had no idea people thought so poorly of this!

Now, we didn’t smash cake in each other faces… maybe got a little frosting on the nose… but that was only because that was our choice! I’ve been to several weddings that have been “messy” and I viewed it entirely in good humor and fun!
It’s a celebration, people! If a couple sees that a celebratory, then that’s cool… have fun!

Of course… if one spouse is insulted or embarrassed then that’s an entirely different story… these things have got to be discussed ahead of time…

But fun is fun… don’t assume all fun people are abusive people… sheesh!

 

[armywife]

This is my absolute favorite picture of the RECEPTION. NOT the wedding. I had told him for months before the wedding to not put cake on me. That was the first and last prank I have ever gotten away with in out married days.This picture sits on our mantle and every time I see it I smile, to this day. We laugh a lot in our marriage.

If you don’t like the behavoir, then simply don’t do it. But I think it’s a little extreme to say it leads to abusive relationship or is passive-aggressive. Why can’t it just be funny, even if it is “low-class”

 

[armywife]

Man, it came out too small. You can’t see our cheezy grins.

 

[masondoggy]

This is my absolute favorite picture of the RECEPTION. NOT the wedding. I had told him for months before the wedding to not put cake on me. That was the first and last prank I have ever gotten away with in out married days.This picture sits on our mantle and every time I see it I smile, to this day. We laugh a lot in our marriage.

If you don’t like the behavoir, then simply don’t do it. But I think it’s a little extreme to say it leads to abusive relationship or is passive-aggressive. Why can’t it just be funny, even if it is “low-class”

LOL, you’ve got the most devilish look on your face!