Bad Wedding Reception Behavior

[Liberanosamalo]

At my reception, we have the video of xh ready to feed me the cake. Then we have one of my brothers approach the table in silhouette (sun behind us) and make a motion to xh to shove the cake in my face. Everyone had a good laugh. Even me. xh fed me the cake very properly and gently.

Had he not done so, I probably would have quietly wiped the cake off my face and told him he just made a huge mistake. I would have left the reception. I would have not consummated the marriage. To me, that would have been a horrible act of disrespect, making me look foolish in front of other people.

A year later, my brother married. As he fed his wife the cake, he smeared it up the side of her face into her hair. We have her turning from the camera and wiping it off. Probably said a bad word in there. His family and friends were very quiet. Horrified. Many of them were officers in the military, who Just. Don’t. Do. That. Sort. Of. Thing.

I ended up being the abused wife. My brother is still happily married almost two decades later. You can’t tell by that.

I also did not do the whole “undress the bride” thing with the garter. I never liked that tradition. Something unseemly about it. My opinion.

But the cake in the face makes many of the spectators uncomfortable. It’s not about vanity. It’s about the fact that buttercream frosting on your face makes you look ridiculous. And why would someone want to do that to you? I also feel it’s very passive-aggressive. Almost outrightly hostile. Completely out of place at a wedding.

 

[rayne89]

Got a little messy with the cake at the wedding, had frosting up my nose -it was hardly violent. When we had our marriage convalidated three years ago we did it again. It’s funny because if you watch both videos the cake feeding is almost identical 13 years apart. I got frosting up my nose again. My husband is a very gentle person. He is not disrepectful to me. It was funny and fun. I am not a prim little princess that can’t handle a little frosting on my face.

I am not low class . I am also not a stick in the mud. Jeez people lighten up. Oh my gosh he’s such a horrible husband he dared get cake on her 18 million dollar dress! Oh the horror! He must treat her as the gentle, fragile woman that she is lest she fall apart by crumbs getting in her hair. That’s going to be a looonnng hard marriage if one doesn’t have any sense of humor.

Shoving someone full face by grabbing the back of their head into the wedding cake is quite an extreme version of a harmless tradition. I have never seen that at any wedding I’ve been to. That would be in poor taste.

 

[Newzie52]

But the cake in the face makes many of the spectators uncomfortable. It’s not about vanity. It’s about the fact that buttercream frosting on your face makes you look ridiculous. And why would someone want to do that to you? I also feel it’s very passive-aggressive. Almost outrightly hostile. Completely out of place at a wedding.

That’s it exactly. Why would you want to make the person who you have vowed to love and cherish look foolish in front of other people? To this day, I cannot stand it when a husband or wife demean each other in front of me.

Clearly, this bothers many people. Even if the newlyweds view it as just “goofing around” many guests won’t. I think we must be careful with the signals we, as Catholic Christians, send.

 

[Liberanosamalo]

Rayne, some of us prim little princesses won’t necessarily fall apart with cake crumbs on us. That isn’t the issue. The issue is that there is a time and a place for things. A cake fight at a picnic is funny. A cake smearing at a wedding is out of place. If the wedding reception is just a party and has no significance, we are wasting a lot of money on it. Why don’t we just convene at the local IHop and have burgers and milkshakes.

 

[rayne89]

Wow, now I see why people think those that are religious are straight laced, holier than thou types. Just wow.:ehh:

Nobody was “uncomfortable” that I could see. Everyone laughed and we kissed frosting and all right afterward. My mother’s side of the family is very “high brow”. Their weddings look like something out of life styles of the rich and famous. Ice sculptures, huge dessert tables with every kind of mini-fancy confection you can think of, chocolate fondue fountains held in expensive reception halls. Fur coats, limos, the whole nine yards. And guess what? They do the cake feeding ending up on the cheek, nose etc thing.

What’s so Christian about looking down your nose at a couple having some playful fun?

I really, really can’t believe people take issue with is. My husband didn’t demean me. I founding nothing about getting cake on my face demeaning. A lot of people are doing a lot of projecting on this thread. I was not embarressed, I was not humiliated, I was not demeaned. This passive/aggressive diagnosis over cake feeding is ridiculous.:hypno:

I adore my husband and we had a blast being silly. There was no “uncomfortable silence” -there was laughing and clapping. It’s been almost 17 years and we’re still having a blast.

 

[rayne89]

Rayne, some of us prim little princesses won’t necessarily fall apart with cake crumbs on us. That isn’t the issue. The issue is that there is a time and a place for things. A cake fight at a picnic is funny. A cake smearing at a wedding is out of place. If the wedding reception is just a party and has no significance, we are wasting a lot of money on it. Why don’t we just convene at the local IHop and have burgers and milkshakes.

If you don’t want messy cake feeding at your wedding that’s completely fine. If it makes you (and/or your spouse)uncomfortable please don’t do it. If a couple doesn’t want it that’s their choice.

A wedding reception is a party with *great *significance. It’s the beginning of spending a life together. A life that will not always be easy and not always be fun. If I can’t celebrate my own wedding with a little silliness and laughter what is exactly is the point? There have very tough moments over the years but those fun, silly moments are what get you through. If you can’t be playful when times are good, what on earth will you do when times are not?

Nothing is wasted -joy, laughter, playfulness is never a waste. Money spent dictates whether one can be silly or not? Life is too darn short for that. I don’t have a wedding reception to impress my guests. I have it to celebrate the life I will spend with the man that I adore, and want to include the people I love in that celebration.

I have been sick as a dog in the hospital, I have been weak and tired and scared and guess what? That man that smooshed cake into my nose can still make me laugh even in those moments. I treasure that. I treasure that he can be stupid and silly and make me forget for a moment how hard things are sometimes. You keep your prim and proper, I wouldn’t trade mine for anything in the world.

 

[masondoggy]

Wow, now I see why people think those that are religious are straight laced, holier than thou types. Just wow.:ehh:

Nobody was “uncomfortable” that I could see. Everyone laughed and we kissed frosting and all right afterward. My mother’s side of the family is very “high brow”. Their weddings look like something out of life styles of the rich and famous. Ice sculptures, huge dessert tables with every kind of mini-fancy confection you can think of, chocolate fondue fountains held in expensive reception halls. Fur coats, limos, the whole nine yards. And guess what? They do the cake feeding ending up on the cheek, nose etc thing.

What’s so Christian about looking down your nose at a couple having some playful fun?

I really, really can’t believe people take issue with is. My husband didn’t demean me. I founding nothing about getting cake on my face demeaning. A lot of people are doing a lot of projecting on this thread. I was not embarressed, I was not humiliated, I was not demeaned. This passive/aggressive diagnosis over cake feeding is ridiculous.:hypno:

I adore my husband and we had a blast being silly. There was no “uncomfortable silence” -there was laughing and clapping. It’s been almost 17 years and we’re still having a blast.

ITA.

Frankly, I’m a little offended that others made the decision for me that I was “demeaned” at my own wedding.

Everybody is entitled to their own way of doing things. But for heavens sake, let people celebrate their wedding in whatever style they want to without the judgements, people! I did the “Christian” thing and got married in my Catholic parish the right and proper way, however my husband and I decided to celebrate after we walked out of that church is between me and him. And darnit, we had a blast.

 

[Jay2]

Well, I did feed her “frosting 1st”, and put a dot on her nose and chin, but not a smear-job… (as said there was about 2-hours work in make-up & hair - I’d be a dead-duck if the cake thing turned into a 3-Stooges pie fight.) We’ve got some cute picture of me “smootching” it off .

It depends on the couple. If they wanna have a food-fight, let them… it’s their night. (But it’s also their fault that 2/3rds of the reception pictures have them with cake all over themselves )

 

[masondoggy]

One more thought…

We have quite a few good pics from our little “incident” that tell quite a story.

And my kids get a KICK out of hearing about how their Dad shoved cake in mom’s face at our wedding. They think it’s hilarious. We have a good family laugh every now and then about it.

 

[housewife]

I think I can see the difference between a gentle smear of icing on the face compared to absolute caos.

I understand that a little smear is harmless, however, I can also see how total caos can make some people very very very uncomfortable while others can see it as something silly.

I think it all depends…

 

[lotusblossom]

We didn’t do smearing, but we did do a couple finger swipes (after we already fed each other), initiated by me . Of course, it was all in good humor and we were surrounded by friends and family who thought it was hilarious since we are both very gentle people.

But that reminds me of the first time I did something like that…I threatened to pour water on my DH (fiance at the time) and he didn’t believe me so I threw a trickle on him and with that he managed to turn the bottle nozzle toward me and got me fairly wet. We shocked each other and then burst out laughing because it was so unlike both of us . Anyway, the point of me saying this is that this is just our personality and we knew it wouldn’t hurt either of us - water or cake.

 

[KCT]

Dh and I agreed beforehand we wouldn’t do that.

I dont think it’s a moral issue, though, if couples want to.
—KCT

 

[ljprevo]

Dh and I agreed beforehand we wouldn’t do that.

I dont think it’s a moral issue, though, if couples want to.
—KCT

I agree, couples should talk about this before the big day. I spoke with my wife and she said she did not want frosting smashed in her face. I was ok with that, I asked her how about I dab a lil on your nose. She was ok with that.

It really depends on the couple.

My ex, at our reception she didn’t want cake smashed in her face, however come reception time, it was ok for her to smash me in the face. Well long story short, divorced, however there were other worse issues than that.

 

[darthsmozers]

It’s a tradition that should never have started. It is a vile perversion of the true tradition of feeding each other (showing a nourishing of one another and the relationship, just another symbol of what the married life is to be like). Instead, the guests are treated to the first act of domestic violence between the couple (whether it’s first and last or just the first of many) before the ink is even dry.

No, the cake is neither sacrament nor sacramental, but a food fight and domestic violence have no place at a wedding reception.

A little late here but…come now. Domestic violence? Its simply flirtatious and goofy, and (if agreed upon) usually quite lighthearted and silly Its a celebration and a party, after all And of course, no mess vs a little dab vs an all out handfull of cake is up to the couple beforehand.

 

[darthsmozers]

There is NOTHING “silly and fun” about shoving cake in each other’s faces at what should be such a special time. The problem lies in the fact that some people DO think it’s just fine. It’s passive aggressive, shows a distinct lack of maturity and respect and sets a very negative tone. I can’t begin to imagine how angry I would have been had my husband done this (he would not have dreamed of it.) It is ignorant, low class behavior, not to mention completely in contrast to how Christian husbands and wives should act towards each other.

If this is what happens at the “high point” when a couple is just starting out, I don’t hold out much hope.

There is no lack of maturity or respect if the couple enjoys a lighthearted laugh with each other during a celebration where they are celebrating their love, which includes having fun

 

[darthsmozers]

I take bigger issue with the garter thing. That has no place at a Catholic wedding. What’s the point of that anyway?

Agreed, no place at all.

 

[lizaanne]

Smashing food in the face of another person is utterly disrespectful and rude. And I don’t think it’s a good omen for the future of the marriage, regardless of whether or not it is agreed upon or “light hearted” to begin with. There is a slippery slope here that I will agree could border on domestic violence - it shows a level of physical contact that in other situations would not be acceptable.

How about smashing cake in her face at a barbecue or birthday party when she wasn’t expecting it? Would it still be as cute and festive and funny? How about after dinner one night at home when they are alone? Tell me what the difference is? I don’t see one - if it’s not appropriate to push food in someone’s face in one situation, then it’s not ok. Just because it’s a wedding reception does not give someone the clear path to be totally disrespectful to their spouse.

I would be absolutely embarrassed to show my children an example of their father disrespecting me on our wedding day in such a way. How very sad an example that would be for them of how a husband should love and cherish his wife.

Yep - this is my opinion. Like it or not, I guess that makes me the “religious, straight laced, holier than thou type” . Give me a break. Since when it is wrong to be respectful of your spouse? Sheesh.

~Liza

 

[rayne89]

Smashing food in the face of another person is utterly disrespectful and rude. And I don’t think it’s a good omen for the future of the marriage, regardless of whether or not it is agreed upon or “light hearted” to begin with. There is a slippery slope here that I will agree could border on domestic violence - it shows a level of physical contact that in other situations would not be acceptable.

How about smashing cake in her face at a barbecue or birthday party when she wasn’t expecting it? Would it still be as cute and festive and funny? How about after dinner one night at home when they are alone? Tell me what the difference is? I don’t see one - if it’s not appropriate to push food in someone’s face in one situation, then it’s not ok. Just because it’s a wedding reception does not give someone the clear path to be totally disrespectful to their spouse.

I would be absolutely embarrassed to show my children an example of their father disrespecting me on our wedding day in such a way. How very sad an example that would be for them of how a husband should love and cherish his wife.

Yep - this is my opinion. Like it or not, I guess that makes me the “religious, straight laced, holier than thou type” . Give me a break. Since when it is wrong to be respectful of your spouse? Sheesh.

~Liza

My husband of 17 years is one of the sweetest, kindest, tenderest men that I know. Not in a gazzillion years would he ever do anything violent toward me. I love watching our video with our silly cake scene and I did not find it at all disrespectful, neither did he -I got him with some cake too. Comparing getting a little cake up your nose to domestic violence is plain ridiculous. My goodness over the years we’ve had water fights, tickle fights - it called being playful. I completely do not understand your point of view at all. I’m trying, but I just can’t see how can being playful is considered violent.

 

[sarahraegraham]

Cake smashing is just plain stupid. Stupid, Stupid Stupid.

Yes, a reception should be fun, light-hearted, merry, etc. I don’t understand how a “tradition” like this continues. I don’t need a mess to have fun! To each his own, but again, it’s just stupid.

 

[homewardbound]

As a survivor of domestic violence, I am extremely offended by all of you who have compared putting cake on someones face to abuse. Your comparison is disgusting and rude. Obviously none of you have ever been abused or you would be more respectful and realize the sheer stupidity of comparing the two.

My boyfriend and I are fun loving people. Would I throw cake at him? No. I know there’s no way we’d smash cake into each others faces. Especially if he was in a rented tux and I was in a wedding dress. But I wouldn’t be past being silly and putting some icing on his nose or lips to kiss off. I know I’m not going to be all proper and ladylike, thats not me. A little icing out of place isn’t hurting anything. Plus, cake is messy…kinda hard not to get some on you when someone else is feeding it to you.

As for garters and all that, no way not doing that. I won’t have dancing unless I have too. Definitely nothing will be played that would have people grinding or anything.