Baptism canceled by Church due to age of child

[carenm]

We had a baptism scheduled for this coming Sunday. Our last baptism date had been canceled by this church because they ‘overbooked’ according to their coordinator. This time around, we received a phone call that they did not realize our child was a toddler (3) and so would not be allowed to participate in a ‘infants only’ baptism. There was no mention of this in the preparation classes we took. She said because he is a toddler we would have to wait until another toddler baptism came around and that would most likely be next January! She then told my husband that since we had waited this long, waiting longer shouldn’t matter. She also then told my husband that he had ‘violated their rules’ by not taking a baptism preparation class which he absolutely did take.The coordinator had a copy of our child’s birth certificate which clearly states the birthdate. We are speechless. Any advice?

 

[FrDavid96]

Talk to the pastor.

 

[Phemie]

We had a baptism scheduled for this coming Sunday. Our last baptism date had been canceled by this church because they ‘overbooked’ according to their coordinator. This time around, we received a phone call that they did not realize our child was a toddler (3) and so would not be allowed to participate in a ‘infants only’ baptism. There was no mention of this in the preparation classes we took. She said because he is a toddler we would have to wait until another toddler baptism came around and that would most likely be next January! She then told my husband that since we had waited this long, waiting longer shouldn’t matter. She also then told my husband that he had ‘violated their rules’ by not taking a baptism preparation class which he absolutely did take.The coordinator had a copy of our child’s birth certificate which clearly states the birthdate. We are speechless. Any advice?

Just had to pick my jaw up off the floor. You’d think she’d have been doing the Snoopy dance that you requested Baptism. Asking you to wait 7 more months?? Unconscionable!

No advice but I’d like to know what the heck the difference is between a Toddler Baptism and an Infant baptism.

 

[mdgspencer]

If there is another parish in town you like okay, I would consider taking to the priest about joining it and asking him, in a by-the-way matter, about baptizing your child.

 

[powerofk]

Talk to the pastor.

This. Seriously, we laypersons are the Church and should be given more authority, but many laypersons who have positions of authority in the parish end up making decisions that are the pastor’s to make! And, often times, the pastor, though delegating in good faith, ends up clueless to what is going on. There should be no “infant only” or “toddler only” baptisms - only baptisms for children younger than the age of reason (after the age of reason, the children should be enrolled in an RCIA group that is age-appropriate to their understanding and be baptized with the adult RCIA group during the Easter Vigil). And, there should be no “limit” to how many children can be baptized at any one given Mass! Honestly. “Let the children come to Me”, Jesus told His disciples. “Do not prevent them!” This requires a formal complaint.

 

[thequietsinger]

This. Seriously, we laypersons are the Church and should be given more authority, but many laypersons who have positions of authority in the parish end up making decisions that are the pastor’s to make! And, often times, the pastor, though delegating in good faith, ends up clueless to what is going on. There should be no “infant only” or “toddler only” baptisms - only baptisms for children younger than the age of reason (after the age of reason, the children should be enrolled in an RCIA group that is age-appropriate to their understanding and be baptized with the adult RCIA group during the Easter Vigil). And, there should be no “limit” to how many children can be baptized at any one given Mass! Honestly. “Let the children come to Me”, Jesus told His disciples. “Do not prevent them!” This requires a formal complaint.

 

[SAVINGRACE]

We had a baptism scheduled for this coming Sunday. Our last baptism date had been canceled by this church because they ‘overbooked’ according to their coordinator. This time around, we received a phone call that they did not realize our child was a toddler (3) and so would not be allowed to participate in a ‘infants only’ baptism. There was no mention of this in the preparation classes we took. She said because he is a toddler we would have to wait until another toddler baptism came around and that would most likely be next January! She then told my husband that since we had waited this long, waiting longer shouldn’t matter. She also then told my husband that he had ‘violated their rules’ by not taking a baptism preparation class which he absolutely did take.The coordinator had a copy of our child’s birth certificate which clearly states the birthdate. We are speechless. Any advice?

Speak to your Priest. I have never heard of ‘infants only’ baptisms. There are baptisms for those under the age of reason and those over the age of reason.

 

[Starrsmother]

We had a baptism scheduled for this coming Sunday. Our last baptism date had been canceled by this church because they ‘overbooked’ according to their coordinator. This time around, we received a phone call that they did not realize our child was a toddler (3) and so would not be allowed to participate in a ‘infants only’ baptism. There was no mention of this in the preparation classes we took. She said because he is a toddler we would have to wait until another toddler baptism came around and that would most likely be next January! She then told my husband that since we had waited this long, waiting longer shouldn’t matter. She also then told my husband that he had ‘violated their rules’ by not taking a baptism preparation class which he absolutely did take.The coordinator had a copy of our child’s birth certificate which clearly states the birthdate. We are speechless. Any advice?

My advice: change parishes already. If they are this [edited] about baptizing by age group can you picture what fun first communion and confirmation will be? It’s just parishes like this that drive Catholics to protestant churches in droves!!!

 

[Stillsosola]

Speak to your pastor this is very unusual I had my two oldest baptized together at ages 2 and 4 along with another family’s 3 month old. Your church cannot cancel baptisms for that reason I was under the impression that any time during ordinary time or outside of lent and holy days are open for baptisms. But if it doesn’t help you can just register at another parish and tell them the situation and get it done probably after a week day mass or sunday mass whichever your preference just look deeper into it.

 

[Phemie]

Speak to your pastor this is very unusual I had my two oldest baptized together at ages 2 and 4 along with another family’s 3 month old. Your church cannot cancel baptisms for that reason I was under the impression that any time during ordinary time or outside of lent and holy days are open for baptisms. But if it doesn’t help you can just register at another parish and tell them the situation and get it done probably after a week day mass or sunday mass whichever your preference just look deeper into it.

There are actually only two days when Baptism can’t be celebrated (unless they are emergencies) and that’s Good Friday and Holy Saturday. Although there are many priests who won’t baptize during Lent (including my pastor, who also removes Holy Water from the fonts) the Church has no such prohibition.

 

[DAML72]

My advice: change parishes already. If they are this [edited] about baptizing by age group can you picture what fun first communion and confirmation will be? It’s just parishes like this that drive Catholics to protestant churches in droves!!!

Lol! I agree. This is just nuts. Why can’t they schedule a baptism for just your child? I think our parish schedules baptisms twice a month.

 

[Casilda]

many laypersons who have positions of authority in the parish end up making decisions that are the pastor’s to make! And, often times, the pastor, though delegating in good faith, ends up clueless to what is going on…
…there should be no “limit” to how many children can be baptized at any one given Mass! Honestly. “Let the children come to Me”, Jesus told His disciples. “Do not prevent them!” This requires a formal complaint.

My advice: change parishes already. If they are this [edited] about baptizing by age group can you picture what fun first communion and confirmation will be? It’s just parishes like this that drive Catholics to protestant churches in droves!!!

Do formal complaints work? A somewhat similar experience with ‘church staff’ drove me away, its why I am an Eastern Catholic. But I was told to just grin and bear it. I think there has been too much of that and we need formal FORMAL as in tell-the-Bishop or better yet the-Pope complaints.

 

[agnes_therese]

Do formal complaints work? A somewhat similar experience with ‘church staff’ drove me away, its why I am an Eastern Catholic. But I was told to just grin and bear it. I think there has been too much of that and we need formal FORMAL as in tell-the-Bishop or better yet the-Pope complaints.

It’s possible that the priest doesn’t know the parents have been told this. But if he does, and agrees, then yes, a complaint needs to be made to the bishop. They knew the child’s age, scheduled the baptism, and then cancelled at the last minute over something they already knew? Unacceptable.

 

[Brigid34]

I agree with the previous posters who said to talk to the priest and if you are still not given a date (sooner than many months) to send a letter to the bishop while sending a copy to the priest.

 

[otjm]

There is another thread, about parishes (current) which explains that you are in a parish geographically, and that is the “parish of record” if you will. Another parish may or may not choose to baptize your child, leaving you in a more difficult position.

Never threaten.

Speak to the pastor; if (and only if) he will not proceed, then tell him plainly that you will next be speaking with the bishop. Never, ever threaten. Speaking with the bishop should never ever be brought up in a discussion such as this until it is clear that there is no way of achieving a peaceful resolution; no one responds positively to threats, and the likelihood is that this is going to be your parish until you move, so don’t go making life difficult.

If the pastor refuses, then you may choose to indicate your next step.

Never threaten.

But promise. And keep your promises. And be quick about it.

 

[carenm]

Thank you for all of your supportive responses. We called the pastor today and spoke with his admin early this morning. The call has not been returned. We are not likely to complain too strongly.We are in a very helpless position as this parish has a very good school where we were hoping to send our son one day-- although that possibility has probably now been tainted. We are in an urban area where good schools are scarce. The positive of being in this urban and heavily Catholic city is that we should be able to choose a different parish for the baptism with some ease.

It means a lot to us to hear your thoughts were similar to our own reactions. I think we were looking for support here because we feel quite alienated by the parish. We are appalled that they are giving preference to a certain age group (we do not know what their cutoff is) for no religious reason. As another contributor asked, what is the difference between an infant baptism and a toddler baptism?

Thank you. I promise to write when we resolve the matter.

 

[Elizium23]

Canonically, a toddler baptism IS an infant baptism. People are considered “infants” until they reach the age of reason, typically seven years old:
Code of Canon Law:

Can. 97 §1 A person who has completed the eighteenth year of age, has attained majority; below this age, a person is a minor.

§2 A minor who has not completed the seventh year of age is called an infant and is considered incapable of personal responsibility; on completion of the seventh year, however, the minor is presumed to have the use of reason.

The baptism of someone at or above the age of seven is termed an adult baptism, and is handled much differently than an infant baptism. Canonically, all infant baptisms should be handled the same way.

 

[dixieagle]

This. Seriously, we laypersons are the Church and should be given more authority, but many laypersons who have positions of authority in the parish end up making decisions that are the pastor’s to make! And, often times, the pastor, though delegating in good faith, ends up clueless to what is going on. There should be no “infant only” or “toddler only” baptisms - only baptisms for children younger than the age of reason (after the age of reason, the children should be enrolled in an RCIA group that is age-appropriate to their understanding and be baptized with the adult RCIA group during the Easter Vigil). And, there should be no “limit” to how many children can be baptized at any one given Mass! Honestly. “Let the children come to Me”, Jesus told His disciples. “Do not prevent them!” This requires a formal complaint.

I second this advice.

Give some folks a bit of power and they use it to pummel others over the head. This is perfectly idiotic.

 

[dixieagle]

Thank you for all of your supportive responses. We called the pastor today and spoke with his admin early this morning. The call has not been returned. We are not likely to complain too strongly.We are in a very helpless position as this parish has a very good school where we were hoping to send our son one day-- although that possibility has probably now been tainted. We are in an urban area where good schools are scarce. The positive of being in this urban and heavily Catholic city is that we should be able to choose a different parish for the baptism with some ease.

It means a lot to us to hear your thoughts were similar to our own reactions. I think we were looking for support here because we feel quite alienated by the parish. We are appalled that they are giving preference to a certain age group (we do not know what their cutoff is) for no religious reason. As another contributor asked, what is the difference between an infant baptism and a toddler baptism?

Thank you. I promise to write when we resolve the matter.

I would be relentless in trying to speak to the pastor; pleasant, but relentless, nonetheless.

If they would prevent your son from attending their school because of a non-canonical policy on their part, good riddance to them.

 

[CathConvert2013]

Seems strange. My kids were 7 and 8 last year when privately baptized after a weekday evening mass. We scheduled well in advance with the preferred priest. I was aware that they could have asked us to wait until the Easter vigil but I was so glad when they did not. I believe Father used the same rite as an infant baptism. The private baptism was lovely and we had several family members come and my SIL was allowed to take photos throughout. I think our parish holds one group baptism per month and it is probably all infants. They will also schedule private baptisms when possible.