Baptism canceled by Church due to age of child

[buc_fan33]

Allow me to chime in here. First, I agree completely with Fr. David. In our parish, we deal with this all of the time. Personally, I’ve never heard of the distinction between a “toddler” baptism and an “infant” baptism. As others have correctly noted, no such distinction exists canonically. However, as we all know, what is SAID is not always what is HEARD. We only have one side of the story here. So, let’s be careful to judge the priest, DRE, parish, whomever.

Regardless, there ARE good reasons to delay a baptism. Many times, there are other factors at work. Does the family attend Mass regularly? Are they intending to raise their children in the faith? These are questions only the pastor can answer, and he is well within his rights to delay a baptism if he believes there are serious doubts that the child will be brought up in the faith.

While Baptism isn’t a “carrot” to hold in front of people to get them back to church, to stop cohabiting (sometimes after DECADES together) and have their marriage convalidated, to get them to take seriously the responsibility they have to educate their children in the faith, it nevertheless is an opportunity to catechize on these matters. Are there perhaps requirements for baptism that your parish has that the OP has not yet met?

Regardless, this is why Fr. David is correct. Your pastor knows you. If someone who was not a member of my parish were to come and ask for baptism, the first thing I would do is send the person to his/her own parish. The person’s own pastor would know best why baptism is being delayed. To even be baptized outside of one’s canonical parish requires the permission of the person’s pastor.

 

[carenm]

Update…We have still not had a call returned. I called one more time and explained in more detail to the pastor’s administrative assistant the details of the situation. She explained that the pastor had his own family issue’s he was currently dealing with and was behind in returning calls and work. She also explained that he was adamant about not baptizing infants and toddlers together and would absolutely not do it. She also said that he was aware of our calls and would return it eventually. She was very nice.

Because there was a suggestion that there might be other issues at play in this situation, let me clarify that we completed all of the church’s baptismal requirements. Also we have been married for 15 years.

 

[powerofk]

Update…We have still not had a call returned. I called one more time and explained in more detail to the pastor’s administrative assistant the details of the situation. She explained that the pastor had his own family issue’s he was currently dealing with and was behind in returning calls and work. She also explained that he was adamant about not baptizing infants and toddlers together and would absolutely not do it. She also said that he was aware of our calls and would return it eventually. She was very nice.

Because there was a suggestion that there might be other issues at play in this situation, let me clarify that we completed all of the church’s baptismal requirements. Also we have been married for 15 years.

Okay, then the next thing to do is to go to the diocesan offices, as it seems as if your pastor may not be being very accommodating. There may be logistical reasons why he doesn’t like baptizing small infants and toddlers together, but there is no sacramental reason why.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Update…We have still not had a call returned. I called one more time and explained in more detail to the pastor’s administrative assistant the details of the situation. She explained that the pastor had his own family issue’s he was currently dealing with and was behind in returning calls and work. She also explained that he was adamant about not baptizing infants and toddlers together and would absolutely not do it. She also said that he was aware of our calls and would return it eventually. She was very nice.

Because there was a suggestion that there might be other issues at play in this situation, let me clarify that we completed all of the church’s baptismal requirements. Also we have been married for 15 years.

Notify the Bishop and talk to your pastor as soon as you can.

Also, I would keep a little bottle of Holy Water with you. And I would make sure the parish knew I had to keep a bottle near me because of the problems getting my child baptized.

Now, there could be some other issues here. I know that in an old parish I was in they scheduled out baptisms and it was a lot of red tape, if you wanted your child baptized at a Mass, but if you wanted your child baptized ASAP you could schedule that anytime. Could this be more about the setting of the baptism?

 

[Casilda]

If getting someone baptized is reduced to appointments and schedules we have lost our way.

Sadly, as a revert, I see this issue ALL TOO CLEARLY. When I remark about my experiences here on CAF, more likely than not my posts vanish. Its the truth, its reality. There are not enough priests or deacons to handle all our sacraments, the situation is beyond critical.

Please pray for more priests and deacons.

 

[carenm]

Private baptisms are only done here in emergencies as far as we know. We don’t care at all about the setting and would be happy to do it that way- but not an option.

 

[Starrsmother]

Update…We have still not had a call returned. I called one more time and explained in more detail to the pastor’s administrative assistant the details of the situation. She explained that the pastor had his own family issue’s he was currently dealing with and was behind in returning calls and work. She also explained that he was adamant about not baptizing infants and toddlers together and would absolutely not do it. She also said that he was aware of our calls and would return it eventually. She was very nice.

Because there was a suggestion that there might be other issues at play in this situation, let me clarify that we completed all of the church’s baptismal requirements. Also we have been married for 15 years.

In the first place, the Pastor is just that–a PASTOR—and as such, unless the “family issues” that he’s referring to are his own serious illness or potential death, he should at least be available to baptize his parishoners. The guy sounds pretty much like a jerk to me.

I’d find a Catholic church within driving distance, begin going there and get my child baptized and then write a letter to the bishop telling him exactly what behavior had happened and that you changed parishes over it. If they wanted me back after what you’ve been through, Father Lame-priest would have to call me personally and apologize–and even then, I’d have to think about it! but that’s just me.

 

[PrayPsalm51]

[edited]

Please let’s be charitable. The OP has been told that the priest is dealing with a personal issue. Also, the OP has good reason to remain in this parish so her child can go to the parish school. Yes, it is a very frustrating situation but humility and kindness are what Jesus teaches. The OP has been very patient and apparently the office staff has been trying to be accommodating. I bet her patience is going to be blessed many times over.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Sadly, as a revert, I see this issue ALL TOO CLEARLY. When I remark about my experiences here on CAF, more likely than not my posts vanish. Its the truth, its reality. There are not enough priests or deacons to handle all our sacraments, the situation is beyond critical.

Please pray for more priests and deacons.

While I do agree that there needs to be more priests, It is not true that there are not enough to handle our sacraments.

As we read on Sunday May 11th. From Acts

38 Peter said to them, “Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven; and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. 39 For the promise is for you, for your children, and for all who are far away, everyone whom the Lord our God calls to him.” 40 And he testified with many other arguments and exhorted them, saying, “Save yourselves from this corrupt generation.” 41 So those who welcomed his message were baptized, and that day about three thousand persons were added.

Three thousand in one day. Not to mention all the miracles that had similar results. (Guadalupe)

And the Pope has been vocal about this. Using martians he explained that every one who seeks baptism at a Church door should be baptized.

“Who are we to close doors? In the early Church, even today, there is the ministry of the ostiary [usher]. And what did the ostiary do? He opened the door, received the people, allowed them to pass. But it was never the ministry of the closed door, never.”

 

[Phemie]

She also explained that he was adamant about not baptizing infants and toddlers together and would absolutely not do it.

So how many toddlers does he require to make it worthwhile to have toddler Baptism? 1? 2? 4? 10? And do you get refused Baptism until he reaches the quota? Sounds like it when you’re told that there won’t be another one for about 7 months. I’ve never heard of such foolishness.

In our parish we have a variety of ages and even both methods of Baptism (immersion and pouring) in one ceremony. We don’t often have toddlers but it’s certainly no more difficult to baptize them than to baptize infants.

 

[NewEnglandPriest]

I find this situation to be very odd. I’ve never heard of such an absolute separation of age groups. On top of that, if the pastor is so absolute about this separation then I would think he’d be more accommodating to a private baptism than requiring the family to wait 6-7 more months. That just doesn’t make any sense.

I recommend waiting another week or so to see if the pastor calls you back. Otherwise it appears your only two options would be to either find another parish or contact the bishop’s office and see if his office will force the pastor’s hand. Which option you choose has its own pluses and minuses. Its an unfortunate set of circumstances but we also don’t know what the family issues he’s dealing with are. Hopefully this will all be resolved soon.

As for those who mention walking in off the street without an appointment, that is usually a bad way to go about things. Even if I’m alone in my office, I too have office work to do. Running a parish requires paperwork, organization, planning, etc. There’s only so many hours in day and so much energy a person can have to get things done day in and day out. I may be free to talk with someone, or I may actually be in the middle of a paperwork issue for the insurance company, state/city issues, diocesan paperwork, going through expenses, etc. And I also may have a pressing appointment coming up soon and we might not be able to resolve your issue in the 10 minutes I have before I have to fly out the door and pray for green lights. And yes, sometimes I have a light day (like today, lol) and have plenty of time to meet with someone who walks in off the street, but not always.
Bottom line, appointments are the best way to go to ensure actually being able to see the priest and that he has set aside time for your matter.

 

[Joe_5859]

Some parishes do have…um…odd practices in certain areas. I know a parish that puts all Baptisms on three dates in a given year. If you miss one date (or the parent prep sessions leading up to it), you have to wait three or four months (or longer if summer falls during the gap).

I would continue to try to talk to the pastor – in person if possible.

 

[Phemie]

Some parishes do have…um…odd practices in certain areas. I know a parish that puts all Baptisms on three dates in a given year. If you miss one date (or the parent prep sessions leading up to it), you have to wait three or four months (or longer if summer falls during the gap).

I would continue to try to talk to the pastor – in person if possible.

Our Pastor likes to celebrate all Baptisms on the last Sunday of every month. Will he make an exception? Of course. I’ve seen him make an exception when the godparents or the grandparents can only be there on the second Sunday, or Dad works out of town and only comes in once every 6 weeks or so, or Dad works most weekends so needs a middle of the week Baptism to be there, etc.

As for preparation, I’ll never figure out why parents, who have at least 6 months before the birth (say they were late finding out they were pregnant) to do the preparation, wait until 2 weeks before they want the Baptism, usually when the baby’s 5 or 6 months old, to call up to set it up. We try to be accommodating but we all have lives. I work shift work, often working both days and evenings, and the other gal who does preparation with me has to be out of town for work on a regular basis.

Right now we’ve advertised the next session (two one hour meetings on June 7 & 14) for the past 4 weeks. We’ve made it clear that there will be none in the summer, since we are in and out of town during July and August, and the next ones will not be until the end of September. I’d be willing to bet dollars to donuts that before the end of June someone who has not been in church in months, if not years, will call up and ask to have their child baptized in June or July and will be very put out that there is no preparation until the fall.

 

[Casilda]

“So those who welcomed his message were baptized, and that day about three thousand persons were added.”

If that was here and now, they’d be baptized after rcia for a year, if they registered on time, if not they would have to wait til next year.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

“So those who welcomed his message were baptized, and that day about three thousand persons were added.”

If that was here and now, they’d be baptized after rcia for a year, if they registered on time, if not they would have to wait til next year.

Yup. Well not in all Parishes in all countries. I get the feeling HH is not a fan of the current “business strategy”

 

[carenm]

We did finally receive a call. It was not from the pastor or his assistant. It was from the baptism coordinator. She informed us that someone had cancelled their spot in a September ‘toddler baptism’ and we could have that slot if we called her back ‘right away’. That was the extent of the message. We did take the spot, but after the treatment we have received, we are questioning our involvement in this church and for our child in it’s school. My husband is in disbelief that his church could behave this way in regard to anyone’s babptism, let alone a 3 year old.

 

[Joe_5859]

We did finally receive a call. It was not from the pastor or his assistant. It was from the baptism coordinator. She informed us that someone had cancelled their spot in a September ‘toddler baptism’ and we could have that slot if we called her back ‘right away’. That was the extent of the message. We did take the spot, but after the treatment we have received, we are questioning our involvement in this church and for our child in it’s school. My husband is in disbelief that his church could behave this way in regard to anyone’s babptism, let alone a 3 year old.

So they did have another “Toddler Baptism” scheduled prior to next January, it’s just that all the “slots” were full? That’s kind of peculiar.

 

[carenm]

It has all been so peculiar. I did finally call the Bishop’s office this morning. I did not identify the parish. They said they could intervene or we could go to another church to have the baptism done. The woman I spoke to was very kind and supportive. She found the toddler/infant separation to be questionable. I think it is likely that we will move on to another church. I would think bringing in a new child whatever their age would be of the highest priority.

 

[Joe_5859]

It has all been so peculiar. I did finally call the Bishop’s office this morning. I did not identify the parish. They said they could intervene or we could go to another church to have the baptism done. The woman I spoke to was very kind and supportive. She found the toddler/infant separation to be questionable. I think it is likely that we will move on to another church. I would think bringing in a new child whatever their age would be of the highest priority.

I hope it all works out for your family!

 

[carenm]

Thank you