Baptism canceled by Church due to age of child

[Hopey]

What you have gone through is so odd.
I think I would call the Bishop’s office back and let them know what parish, etc and what you have been through. Maybe the priest is so overworked that he is having a hard time scheduling everything.
But there is nothing more frustrating that to get a person who is all business when you are needing some help, kindness and understanding. There would come a point where your child would come in at Easter as, well, they had no slots available?!
I would let the Bishop know and move on. He is the one that gets to correct him.

 

[CatholicSooner]

Such an odd series of events.

If it was me, I would definelty find the priest in person. Either after mass or during the day and let him know the situation. If he agrees with what the secretary has communicated with you, then I would let him know that you don’t think that it is right and will be going to speak with the Bishop.

If you and your wife are practical CAthlolics, I can’t see why there is so much push back. It’s not like a bapstism takes up much time. It could be completed in 10 minutes.

 

[cmodrmac]

I have read all the posts and as a Christian I am stunned-so to clarify a Roman Catholic can not choose a Parish -one has to go to the Parish one is zoned for ( sort of like a school district) & the Parish feels no sense of “urgency” to baptize a child? - I am aware that the concept of “Limbo” has been revoked- but still???

 

[ccmcmg]

I have read all the posts and as a Christian I am stunned-so to clarify a Roman Catholic can not choose a Parish -one has to go to the Parish one is zoned for ( sort of like a school district) & the Parish feels no sense of “urgency” to baptize a child? - I am aware that the concept of “Limbo” has been revoked- but still???

A Roman Catholic can choose his parish, but it is often strongly recommended to attend the one in your vicinity. Well meaning people often make mistakes, such as the one in my own archdiocese that told me I had no choice; that was not true. As for the parish feeling no urgency, this was one parish, one person, not the Archdiocese/Diocese/Church as a whole. This was a more isolated case, and not the norm.

 

[Starrsmother]

We did finally receive a call. It was not from the pastor or his assistant. It was from the baptism coordinator. She informed us that someone had cancelled their spot in a September ‘toddler baptism’ and we could have that slot if we called her back ‘right away’. That was the extent of the message. We did take the spot, but after the treatment we have received, we are questioning our involvement in this church and for our child in it’s school. My husband is in disbelief that his church could behave this way in regard to anyone’s babptism, let alone a 3 year old.

I agree with you. Just remember though, that in any church—protestant, jewish or catholic----you run into some truly good people and some that really shouldn’t be representing their faith in any way. I went to such a Catholic church growing up and to their parochial school for 9 of the longest years of my life. The result? As soon as I was an adult, I dropped out of the Catholic church and stayed away for over 30 years–which broke my mother’'s heart. The funny thing, as I think of it, is the sin of pride I committed which my mother tried to explain to me, but I was too insulted by the particular church’s behaviors to lower my guard and think it through. My Mom used to tell me that the Catholic church was more than any one group of people. The church is the sacraments and that since I no longer lived in the town I grew up in, I should try going back to my catholic beginnings. Still, I was too proud. Every time my mom would bring up one good thing about the church, I’d counter with a bad thing: pedophile priests, the vaccuous riches in the Vatican owned by a church started by a poor carpenter, etc.

My Mom died at age 98 and I know she prayed for me every day of her life. I had to go to our local Catholic church to make arrangements for her funeral—as of course, she’d made it plain that she was to be buried in the church. Something happened inside me as I set talking with our local pastor–and I’ll skip to the chase, I’ve been back to the church ever since. Believe me, all Catholic churches aren’t born equal. If you accidentally end up in one that feels wrong to you, don’t fall into pride. Say a heartfelt prayer for them–and then look into joining another parish–even if you must drive a little further! It will be worth it to you!

 

[Isca]

It’s strange to think that although we are One Church, there are so many local differences. It makes it very confusing for people and we shouldn’t make additional “rules” that are unnecessary.

At my church in Italy, there is a baptism every other week or so during Sunday Mass. Last Sunday, it was a child who was about 9 years old. A week or two ago, it was a newborn. I can’t see why the little child can’t just be baptised!

 

[Marysann]

It is only the beginning of June, so to ask you to wait until September to baptize your three year old is rediculous. You have tried everything, but here is one more suggestion. I think that you should write a letter to your Bishop, and send a copy of it to your pastor and to the Congrgegation for Divine Worship and the Discipline of the Sacraments in Rome. Catholics have always had the right to appeal to Rome, and they will read what you send them. Father Z has suggestions on how to write to them, and I will summarize them here. This also goes for writing to your own bishop who will be the original recipient of your letter. First of all type the letter, and keep it to one page. Don’t quote canon law or the Catechism, these people know it already. Just state the fact that you wanted to have your child baptized, and outline the chain of events as they happened, with dates, as close as you can for phone calls, who you talked to or didn’t talk to, and what you were told. If you have anything in writing, including e-mails, and the parish’s baptism policy from their website or the church bulletin if it exists, attach copies of them. Be respectful. Don’t vent, and keep remarks about your personal feelings short. Father Z says that the nastier a letter is, the weaker it is. You could say that you were hurt or disappointed or what ever, but leave it at that. I think that you could also say that you want to see this parish policy changed to make it easier and more welcoming for those who are returning to the practice of the faith. At the end thank the bishop for his service, and offer your prayers for him. He has a hard job.

You can get your bishop’s mailing address from the diocese’s website. You could send your letter to the bishop registered so that someone would have to sign for it, and you would know that they got, if you wish. That wouldn’t be necessary for the copy for the pastor. Check at the post office for directions on how to do this. Here is the address for Rome: (don’t worry about writing in English)

His Eminence Antonio Card. Llovera
Prefect of the Congregation for Divine Worship and Discipline of the Sacraments
Palazzo delle Congregazioni
P.za Pio XII
00120 VATICAN CITY

My prayers are with you that your little one will be baptized soon, and that this never happens to anyone else in your parish.

 

[Joe_5859]

I have read all the posts and as a Christian I am stunned-so to clarify a Roman Catholic can not choose a Parish -one has to go to the Parish one is zoned for ( sort of like a school district) & the Parish feels no sense of “urgency” to baptize a child? - I am aware that the concept of “Limbo” has been revoked- but still???

Well, yes and no. In the technical sense, a parish is a geographic region, just like a city or a state. You cannot live in Illinois but say that you live in Indiana just because you like that state better. That wouldn’t make sense. But you are free to cross the border whenever you like, spend time in their state parks, even get a job there. But none of that changes where you live.

So, yes, all Catholics have a territorial parish by virtue of their address. But they can attend, get involved, and even “register” at any parish they choose.

 

[QuasiCatholic]

And he can answer that way because registration is merely putting a name into a database, but has no effect on parish membership.

It does not change the fact that the Church defines parish membership as territorial.

Can. 107 §1. Through both domicile and quasi-domicile, each person acquires his or her pastor and ordinary.

Domicile means long-term residence, quasi-domicile means shorter residence of at least 3 months.

Since the OP is asking about baptism, parish membership (ie, proper parish membership) is very relevant to the topic.

a) I have never heard this. I picked a church where I felt comfortable, started attending and was eventually baptized there. No one ever asked where I lived beyond having me fill out my address and phone number on a registration form.

b) How exactly is one supposed to know which territory they live in? I live in an area where there are multiple churches per town, and I live fairly equidistant between two of them.

 

[Casilda]

I was told by a deacon at a parish 26 miles from where we live to register at our local parish. I told them there was no permanent priest there. The deacon dissuaded us from joining his parish, knowing that this was the 6th parish I had attempted to speak to a priest. It was like being swept out the door like unwanted dust and dirt. I still attend a woman’s fellowship there, they were all willing to vouch for me, but I told them it should not have to come to that.

Please pray for more dedicated deacons and priests, we do not have enough and most of the ones in place are deterring the truly faithful.

 

[johnnyc176]

b) How exactly is one supposed to know which territory they live in? I live in an area where there are multiple churches per town, and I live fairly equidistant between two of them.

The parish where ever you inquire will tell you when you give your address. There are many parishes in a relatively small square mile where I live. When I moved here I was not sure which one was my home parish. I asked at a parish that turned out not to be my home parish and they told me which one it was and gave me contact info.

 

[Phemie]

I was told by a deacon at a parish 26 miles from where we live to register at our local parish. I told them there was no permanent priest there. The deacon dissuaded us from joining his parish, knowing that this was the 6th parish I had attempted to speak to a priest. It was like being swept out the door like unwanted dust and dirt. I still attend a woman’s fellowship there, they were all willing to vouch for me, but I told them it should not have to come to that.

Please pray for more dedicated deacons and priests, we do not have enough and most of the ones in place are deterring the truly faithful.

Well, the deacon was telling you that you HAD a parish, the one where you live. Whether or not you had a Pastor was irrelevant, it was your parish. There are many people in the same boat, all over the world.

My birth parish used to serve several communities, communities which eventually grew to become parishes in their own right. Today my birth parish (1200 parishioners) has no Pastor, just an administrator. The administrator is the Pastor of the parish in the nearby town (1500 parishioners), he’s the chaplain for the local RCMP, and administrator for another 3 village parishes (1650, 1500, 1000 parishioners respectively, most of the population in those villages is Francophone and Catholic), all of which had their own Pastor and multiple Sunday Masses 30 years ago. If I want to see that priest I have to make an appointment to see him on the one afternoon a week he spends in my village.

Today each of the 5 parishes has 1 Mass during the week and one Sunday Mass. Two have Mass on Saturday evening, one at 4:30, mine at 7; the other three all have their Sunday Mass at 11 am on Sunday according to the diocesan website and that’s because there are 2 retired priests available to celebrate them because even 2 or 3 years ago the administrator celebrated most of those Masses himself.

I foresee a time, probably by the time I move back home in a couple of years, when a decision might be made to close our parish – a lot of the land and the rectory were sold many years ago. I foresee a time when the parish in town will again have multiple Sunday Masses and serve the people of the surrounding villages.

 

[TheFixer]

I agree with all other posters that this is very odd. In general, why not ask a Deacon perform a private Baptism on any given Saturday if the priest is too busy? Private Baptisms are special.

I am glad OP called the Chancery and is receiving help. I fear the lay person was given instructions and/or she(?) is placing a need to be organized and orderly over the administration of the Sacrament. It sounds like someone in the Diocese will address it.
OP you are being forgiving and patient. It’s wonderful to see.

For our Episcopalian friend, I will try to explain my own reasoning as to why this parish/territory idea is quite sensible.

By staying in our community, we are most likely to be a vital part of our parish and enable the priest to serve his flock. If one joins a parish too far from one’s home, the pastor cannot be there in times of crisis or Last Rites. He can’t know his flock as well. Between daily Mass, Confession times, office hours, visiting the sick and homebound, funerals and countless other matters, priests work practically 24/7. Expecting them to add an extra hour round trip to visit each person outside their parish area would be selfish on our part.

Also, a parishioner is more likely to participate in the parish and have a more active, healthy spiritual life if they are able to attend daily Mass, Adoration, Reconciliation, participate in Bible studies, and join parish “ministries” that serve the community.
If a friend from the parish needs my help, can I be there at a moment’s notice? At 26 miles as Casilda suggests would be reasonable, what sort of support could one provide their fellow parishioners who are their Catholic family?

With today’s gas prices, to drive 26 miles would translate into over $300 a month for a devout, active Catholic. Practically speaking, those funds could do alot of good if spent charitably instead.

Casilda, I understand wanting a permanent priest, but if people don’t join and stay in those parishes and make them active, I doubt the Bishop could justify the need to assign a permanent priest. Agree about praying for vocations. Amen! It is highly likely that God wants you right where you are planted. It would be nice to invest yourself fully in that parish and see what miracles God works. Why can’t your parish office set up a meeting with one of the visiting priests? It doesn’t make sense that you have such difficulty seeing a visiting priest at your own parish. Maybe a call to the Chancery could rectify that, too.

 

[babochka]

By staying in our community, we are most likely to be a vital part of our parish and enable the priest to serve his flock. If one joins a parish too far from one’s home, the pastor cannot be there in times of crisis or Last Rites. He can’t know his flock as well. Between daily Mass, Confession times, office hours, visiting the sick and homebound, funerals and countless other matters, priests work practically 24/7. Expecting them to add an extra hour round trip to visit each person outside their parish area would be selfish on our part.

Also, a parishioner is more likely to participate in the parish and have a more active, healthy spiritual life if they are able to attend daily Mass, Adoration, Reconciliation, participate in Bible studies, and join parish “ministries” that serve the community.
If a friend from the parish needs my help, can I be there at a moment’s notice? At 26 miles as Casilda suggests would be reasonable, what sort of support could one provide their fellow parishioners who are their Catholic family?..

Casilda, I understand wanting a permanent priest, but if people don’t join and stay in those parishes and make them active, I doubt the Bishop could justify the need to assign a permanent priest. Agree about praying for vocations. Amen! It is highly likely that God wants you right where you are planted. It would be nice to invest yourself fully in that parish and see what miracles God works. Why can’t your parish office set up a meeting with one of the visiting priests? It doesn’t make sense that you have such difficulty seeing a visiting priest at your own parish. Maybe a call to the Chancery could rectify that, too.

In general I agree with you. My own territorial parish is 15 miles from my home. There are at least 27 parishes geographically closer (according to masstimes.org), but I travel to my territorial parish every Sunday, and generally at least once during the week. We used to bounce around because we didn’t want to make the drive (quite reasonable) but many years ago we made a commitment to be at our parish every week. It is a very small parish and if members of the parish don’t make a commitment to it, it will cease to exist. Everyone in my parish travels some distance to be there; the next closest Byzantine Catholic parish is over a 2 hour drive away.

With today’s gas prices, to drive 26 miles would translate into over $300 a month for a devout, active Catholic. Practically speaking, those funds could do alot of good if spent charitably instead.

Sure, this is possible if one attends daily Mass, but daily Mass attendance is hardly necessary in order to be a devout, active Catholic. Plenty of devout, active Catholics are not in a phase of life in which daily Mass attendance is a part of their prayer life. Besides, daily Mass attendance is not possible at a parish without a priest assigned.

 

[Tyler_Larew]

Yeah that is unacceptable. Baptism is very important, and considering that your child is only 3 it should not matter if they are baptized with infants. I mean if they were 13 that is a different story, and they would have to be Baptized with RCIA as mentioned by someone else. However this is not the case! I would highly recommend talking to your parish priest! Let us all know how it goes! God bless.

P.S. If talking to your priest still doesn’t fix the issue, then just move to another parish, because at that point it isn’t worth staying.

 

[CaptFun]

We had a baptism scheduled for this coming Sunday. Our last baptism date had been canceled by this church because they ‘overbooked’ according to their coordinator. This time around, we received a phone call that they did not realize our child was a toddler (3) and so would not be allowed to participate in a ‘infants only’ baptism. There was no mention of this in the preparation classes we took. She said because he is a toddler we would have to wait until another toddler baptism came around and that would most likely be next January! She then told my husband that since we had waited this long, waiting longer shouldn’t matter. She also then told my husband that he had ‘violated their rules’ by not taking a baptism preparation class which he absolutely did take.The coordinator had a copy of our child’s birth certificate which clearly states the birthdate. We are speechless. Any advice?

Send them a copy of Matthew 23:13

"Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, you hypocrites. You lock the kingdom of heaven before human beings. You do not enter yourselves, nor do you allow entrance to those trying to enter. – Jesus Christ

Scripture is a nice gift. And can cause right minded Christians to see things in a clearer light sometimes.

When one’s local church refuses to baptise a child on such flimsy excuses it might constitute enough of an “emergency” for you to baptise your child yourself (being careful to follow the approved form, words, etc.). Being a toddler perhaps the child can answer for himself instead of being answered for (as an infant couldn’t).

Of course the Baptismal Certificates become a problem possibly. But a minor problem compared to denying graces to your child in favor of supporting an erratic local parish bureaucracy that seems to be more into their processes than your child’s salvation.

Maybe mail the parish a copy of the Baptism with a similarly designed and witness signed
Baptismal Certificate for their records. And ask for a copy from them a few months from now to satisfy future clerical prerequisites.

Or just wait and do the Baptism in January. If they let you.

 

[felsguy]

With today’s gas prices, to drive 26 miles would translate into over $300 a month for a devout, active Catholic.

It would appear that you need a) a more fuel efficient vehicle or b) a new calculator.