Baptism/Confirmation before marriage

[RoseMary131]

And finally, our kids will be baptized and they’ll go to church. But you can’t MAKE anyone have faith in anything or agree with any particular doctrines if it doesn’t ring true to them. That part will be up to them to decide.

It sounds like you and your dear boyfriend have discussed lots of important issues about marriage and children.

Do you expect your children will be Baptized in the Catholic Church?

You may enjoy reading Kimberly Hahn’s conversation story. Her husband, Scott Hahn had left being a Protestant preacher to join the Catholic Church. This was very hard for Kimberly as there was a lot she did not agree with on Church teachings.

You and your dear boyfriend may both like Scott and Kimberly’s writings. You can find a lot of their writings on line.

You might find their book *Rome Sweet Home: Our Journey to Catholicism * in your parish library.

 

[TheWarriorMonk]

Also, last I checked the Catholic Church was fine w/ cross-denominational marriages, and that alone is not reason for annulment,

The Church is not fine with Catholics marrying non-Catholics, ESPECIALLY when involves unbaptized people, and ESPECIALLY when they reject basic tenants of Catholicism. It’s best to say these situations are tolerated, and they always require approval. The approval varies from permission of the pastor for non-Catholic Christians, to a the Bishop’s permission for the unbaptized (disparity of cult).

so there must have been some other flaw there as well for her to be your “first” wife.

Ultimately, it was because she rejected basic tenants of Catholicism and marital obligations. She didn’t believe them at the outset. The marriage would’ve ended much sooner if either of us was devout.

 

[jmcrae]

True love conquers all

Christ’s love conquers all, but romantic love doesn’t conquer much of anything - it’s best if the romantic couple have as many things as possible in common, so that when the bloom is off the rose in the days following the honeymoon and there are dishes to be done, and floors to be swept, and rent to be paid, the relationship can continue with as few arguments as possible.

 

[QuasiCatholic]

I don’t know, maybe it’s me, but spending your whole life with someone who agrees with you on everything sounds awful. Where’s the debate? Where’s the learning? Where’s the push to look at things differently, or even just again, and to be able to articulate why you feel or believe a certain thing? I think relationships die because people stop talking about things beyond grocery lists and soccer schedules. A little extra incentive to engage on a philosophical level might actually be a good thing.

 

[QuasiCatholic]

Ps - sorry this thread has meandered so much. But like I said, I enjoy a good discussion

 

[jmcrae]

I don’t know, maybe it’s me, but spending your whole life with someone who agrees with you on everything sounds awful.

Excitement is for young people - when you get old, you’ll appreciate a bit of peace and quiet.

Where’s the debate?

Everywhere you look, these days.

Where’s the learning? Where’s the push to look at things differently, or even just again, and to be able to articulate why you feel or believe a certain thing?

You want to spend your whole life doing that, over and over and over again? Once you know your answer, you don’t want to debate it again every breakfast, every supper, every bed time, and every Sunday morning.

I think relationships die because people stop talking about things beyond grocery lists and soccer schedules. A little extra incentive to engage on a philosophical level might actually be a good thing.

Actually, it’s the grocery lists and the soccer schedules that are the important things in life - but just because two people share the same culture and religion doesn’t mean they don’t have anything to talk about - they have even more to talk about, because each knows where the other is coming from, and what the ground rules are, and they share experiences in common.

It’s hard to talk about the meaning of the sermon with someone who wasn’t in Church.

 

[RoseMary131]

I don’t know, maybe it’s me, but spending your whole life with someone who agrees with you on everything sounds awful. Where’s the debate? Where’s the learning? Where’s the push to look at things differently, or even just again, and to be able to articulate why you feel or believe a certain thing? I think relationships die because people stop talking about things beyond grocery lists and soccer schedules. A little extra incentive to engage on a philosophical level might actually be a good thing.

My great grandparents were from Germany and both Catholic. My grandfather was Catholic. Sometime after marrying my grandfather, my grandmother joined the Church.

My father was Catholic and when I was a very young girl, my mother joined the Catholic Church. We had a very strong Catholic family.

When I meet my wonderful husband, he was a Baptized Christian, but didn’t really go to church. His mother went to a Protestant church each week. (Many years after we married, his father would later be Baptized and become a strong Christian.)

I was a very strong Catholic when we married… maybe I didn’t know as much as I could / should have known - but I believed that in all teachings I could know, without a doubt, that the Church was True.

To prepare for our Sacrament of Matrimony, we met weekly with the Deacon. I remember very clearly, from over 30 years ago, what the Deacon said one evening. He said, “Maybe one day you both can worship together,” meaning with one Faith belief. I remember laughing about that after we left the Deacon’s home. Why would we need to worship with one faith.? … that was so silly… (or so I thought.)

I never intended that my husband should join the Church. He never had any intentions of going to Church - he wanted to be like his father - Sunday would be “his day”. (That made me laugh as well, sounds like he’s made himself God… funny humor… or so I thought…)

I was a young woman teaching CCD classes to 5th graders. I needed practice… how else could I be ready to teach for an hour on Sunday to the 5th graders? My sweet husband let me use him to practice. (The 5th grade focus is The Sacraments.)

He went with me to Mass every week… He still got to have Sunday as “his day”. Growing up, our family always went to Mass on Saturday for the Vigil Mass… So, I followed that practice for many years. My dear husband sat next to me at every Sunday Mass (Vigil) and every Holy Day of Obligation.

One day, he came home from a long military exercise in the Arctic and said, “I’m joining the Church!” WOW!!! … and he did.

He is a very strong Catholic; he knows that everything the Church teaches is True.

Our first child was born less than a year after he joined the Church.

I can not imagine having a spouse at my side during Holy Mass who does not believe we are sitting in the REAL Presence of Our Lord and Savior, who does not believe we are truly, truly, amen, amen, receiving the Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity of Our Dear Lord.

I can not imagine a spouse who could not say to our children, “Yes, that is Truly the Body and Blood of Jesus.”

I always am so thankful to God that He brought my husband to the beauty of the Church before we had children. I had never even thought about how important it would be for our children to hear from both parents that the Eucharist is truly the Body and Blood of Christ.

I know now that being able to worship with one Faith, like the wise Deacon spoke about to us, is extremely important.

Its okay that we didn’t know having one Faith was important when we got married.

We’re about to celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary. We have many, many things to talk about every day. We have lots of adventures to continue together. We do not lack for conversation… and being of One Faith - actually solidifies the Oneness - the being of One Body that we have in our marriage.

I do hope you and your dear boyfriend will be able to worship in one Faith - just like the wise Deacon mentioned to us. That’s probably why I have taken so much interest in your walk - next to your wonderful Catholic boyfriend - joining him for Mass - longing for Baptism for yourself and for a Sacramental Marriage.

Peace to you and your dear boyfriend.

 

[TheWarriorMonk]

I don’t know, maybe it’s me, but spending your whole life with someone who agrees with you on everything sounds awful. Where’s the debate? Where’s the learning? Where’s the push to look at things differently, or even just again, and to be able to articulate why you feel or believe a certain thing? I think relationships die because people stop talking about things beyond grocery lists and soccer schedules. A little extra incentive to engage on a philosophical level might actually be a good thing.

I never stated my wife and I agree on everything. In fact, people are STUNNED…repeat…STUNNED…about how different we are. In fact, I always describe our relationship as a complementary one: she has many of the characteristics that I don’t have, and vice versa. However, the very core elements upon which marriage is based are exactly the same. We are both practicing Catholics, faithful to each other to the end, who have (adopted) children that we are raising Catholic. Plus we have wide-open lines of communication.

Marriage between people of different faiths can have successful marriages, but when difference in core elements are present, the marriage starts off at a disadvantage. In fact, this is well recognized in Catholicism. It’s why permission/dispensation is needed for marriage involving a Catholic and non-Catholic.

 

[adrift]

What the original Protestants separated from was a church that had begun to “sell” salvation to the rich to line the coffers of corrupt bishops. I’m pretty sure that’s not what Jesus had in mind when he drove the merchants from the Temple. Much as the Republican and Democratic parties have stayed the same in name for years, but have actually switched positions politically over the years ( livescience.com/34241-democratic-republican-parties-switch-platforms.html ) the Catholic church has existed in name since the beginning but its leadership had clearly swerved off course by the time Martin Luther (who was himself a Catholic priest) wrote the “95 Theses” in the 1500s. He was later excommunicated for, among other things, questioning why the Pope was demanding money from the poor for a vanity project: “Why does the pope, whose wealth today is greater than the wealth of the richest Crassus, build the basilica of St. Peter with the money of poor believers rather than with his own money?”[Thesis 86]

Between that, the earlier blood bath that was the crusades and the inquisition, and some of the more recent scandals, I think it’s safe to say there were several hundred years when the Roman Catholic Church wasn’t actually preserving Jesus’ legacy of love,mercy and charity appropriately. (Then again, the protestants were busy executing witches in the 1600s … so no one’s perfect. Which is sort of why I refuse to align myself with a particular church …)

The myth that the Church sold salvation is just that a myth.

 

[RoseMary131]

QuasiCatholic, I sent you a private message entitled Faith and Marriage.