Baptism of a child whose parents do not attend Mass

[Miraluna]

My cousin has asked my husband and me to be his daughters Baptismal Godparents. It is something we feel humbly honored to do. However, my cousin does not attend Mass (he and the mother are not together and she is not Catholic but agreed to the Baptism and the daughter is in his care). And in a coversation with a priest of the parish in which he is registered, he asked me why he is wanting to Baptize his daughter if he does not want to attend Mass and will not bring her to Mass on a regular basis and raise her in the faith. We live out of town and it is not possible for us to pick her up and take her with us every Sunday to Mass…if it were, we would certainly do that. So I need to have a talk with my cousin and encourage him to start attending Mass, ASAP. But how does one start this conversation? What does one say? A priest once told me that it is difficult for family to convert each other. However, others have told me that we have a duty to those we love to let them know what is the way…to Jesus and inform them when they seem fallen from that path.

 

[maryj]

Get her baptised and then let’s work on the parents…that’s what my pastor said when I asked him the same question. God works in mysterious ways, obviously this parent knows somehow that that child should be baptised. I am overjoyous for both of them. God Bless.

 

[PhilotheaZ]

You have a beautiful way with words in writing. Sometimes when I need to do some faith-sharing with a family member and conversation would be too awkward (or distance prevents it), I do it in writing.

Get some beautiful stationery, write a letter about how delighted you are to take part in the Baptism, how much the sacraments and your faith mean to you, and why …

Then say something along the lines of how the most important gift they can give their child is not wealth, or toys, or even a good education, but rather to share their Catholic faith with the child, since it is a gift that will last through eternity.

And how the birth of a child is often a time when many people re-connect with their faith after being away for a while …

And that the Church is God’s family, and their presence has been missed at the banquet table …

Or say whatever is on your heart. Do it with love, hope, and welcoming. Nothing accusatory (I’m sure you wouldn’t!).

Tuck it inside a gift, such as a family Bible in which they can record the Baptism date. Then send it off, asking the Holy Spirit to accompany it!

 

[Miraluna]

Philotheaz, thank you, that is a wonderful suggestion. My first son’s Baptism was most significant in my spiritual journey. I can certainly share that with my cousin and what I am experiencing as a parent. From that he can take what he will…and it will not be threatening to anyone.

 

[YADA]

Miraluna,

One way to begin the conversation is to inquire why he desires to have the child baptized?

Look at the rite of baptism … discuss the promises this father [and you] will be making … Does this father want to “lie” about his intentions for this child? If the father would lie about promising to raise this child in the faith … a promise made before witnesses [a church full of faithful catholics] - what other empty promises has he made [will he make]?

How can you in good conscience, promise to assist a parent in providing a faith filled up bringing when they hve no such intention?

I think it woud be better for you to encourage this father to investigate and reflect upon these questions and learn about their own faith …

One would hope that the parish would provide formation for parents seeking sacraments for their chidlren … yea it is important to be welcoming and kind but sacraments are serious and baptism is not somehting to be undertaken lightly …

 

[YADA]

Perhaps you can offer to attend a Returning Catholics formation or RCIA with him - if that is what his [or your] parish offers for adult formation …

Or home study with them on the faith and the importance of baptism …

 

[juliasmith]

I would agree to being the godparent on the condition that I could take the child to church with me…in that way the promise to help is kept. Then, I would work on the father. But I most assuredly would take the suggestions to discuss the father’s desire and reason for having the child baptized when he obviously does not practice himself. That is a wonderful idea and might make him think about seeing to his own spiritual growth as well as the child’s.