Baptism of older kids question

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diannebe

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Hi,
I’m new to the forum, and have a pressing question.

I converted to the catholic church when I was a teenager, and was very dedicated. Our parish priest used to joke that I would be the first woman priest if ever there were such a thing.

Due to some family trauma, and going away to college, I strayed from the church… for 20 years!! Now I’m nearly 40 with 4 children who I have not baptized or anything! I know that I need to go to confession to get myself back into good graces… and believe me, I have a lot to say!! I think understand my part okay.

But what I am plagued by, and feeling so horrible about, is my children!! I married a non-religious but wonderful man who is a great father and very supportive of my return to the church.

My oldest child just turned 7. If he was baptized, he would be going into second grade CCD next year, and preparing for his first communion. I have heard that he will have all the first sacraments together now though since he’s already reached the age of reason. Is there any ‘give’ in that rule? I think it would be so great for him to have his first communion with his peers… and start to build his faith community by bonding with them in that way.

Where do I start in getting back on track? I Have been attending mass with my children, but feel lost and overwhelmed with all the possibilities.

Thanks in advance for any feedback/answers you might have!
 
diannebe said:
Hi,
I’m new to the forum, and have a pressing question.

I converted to the catholic church when I was a teenager, and was very dedicated. Our parish priest used to joke that I would be the first woman priest if ever there were such a thing.

Due to some family trauma, and going away to college, I strayed from the church… for 20 years!! Now I’m nearly 40 with 4 children who I have not baptized or anything! I know that I need to go to confession to get myself back into good graces… and believe me, I have a lot to say!! I think understand my part okay.

But what I am plagued by, and feeling so horrible about, is my children!! I married a non-religious but wonderful man who is a great father and very supportive of my return to the church.

My oldest child just turned 7. If he was baptized, he would be going into second grade CCD next year, and preparing for his first communion. I have heard that he will have all the first sacraments together now though since he’s already reached the age of reason. Is there any ‘give’ in that rule? I think it would be so great for him to have his first communion with his peers… and start to build his faith community by bonding with them in that way.

Where do I start in getting back on track? I Have been attending mass with my children, but feel lost and overwhelmed with all the possibilities.

Thanks in advance for any feedback/answers you might have!
Click to expand...
Hi Diane!
Welcome “home” Like you, I was away from the church for many many years. One day God “thumped” me on my head and I went to confession. Told the whole story and here I am. I feel soooooo good now. Then last year my 7 y/o grand daughter who had not beeen baptized, was baptized at a special Saturday evening mass. All we had to do was attend a “class” offered monthly in our parish and pick a day and voila…Chloe is now a Catholic. She has to take CCD classes as she attends a private but not Catholic school and then hopefully next Easter she too will receive first Communion. Talk to your parish priest. They really are wonderful!
Kathy
 
diannebe said:
Hi,
I’m new to the forum, and have a pressing question.

I converted to the catholic church when I was a teenager, and was very dedicated. Our parish priest used to joke that I would be the first woman priest if ever there were such a thing.

Due to some family trauma, and going away to college, I strayed from the church… for 20 years!! Now I’m nearly 40 with 4 children who I have not baptized or anything! I know that I need to go to confession to get myself back into good graces… and believe me, I have a lot to say!! I think understand my part okay.

But what I am plagued by, and feeling so horrible about, is my children!! I married a non-religious but wonderful man who is a great father and very supportive of my return to the church.

My oldest child just turned 7. If he was baptized, he would be going into second grade CCD next year, and preparing for his first communion. I have heard that he will have all the first sacraments together now though since he’s already reached the age of reason. Is there any ‘give’ in that rule? I think it would be so great for him to have his first communion with his peers… and start to build his faith community by bonding with them in that way.

Where do I start in getting back on track? I Have been attending mass with my children, but feel lost and overwhelmed with all the possibilities.

Thanks in advance for any feedback/answers you might have!
Click to expand...
The Law says “About the age of seven” you need to speak with your pastor, since he is 7 your pastor will need to judge if he can be Baptized as an infant or “adult” requiring a childrens form of RCIA.
 
diannebe said:
…My oldest child just turned 7. If he was baptized, he would be going into second grade CCD next year, and preparing for his first communion. I have heard that he will have all the first sacraments together now though since he’s already reached the age of reason. Is there any ‘give’ in that rule? I think it would be so great for him to have his first communion with his peers… and start to build his faith community by bonding with them in that way.
Click to expand...
I think the answer is no, all three sacraments of initiation (baptism, confirmation and Communion) are to be received together.
From the book “Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults” the section CHRISTIAN INITIATION OF CHILDREN WHO HAVE REACHED CATECHETICAL AGE:

“246 In regard to the time for the celebration of the steps of initiation, it is preferable that, if possible, the final period of preparation, begun by the second step, the penitential rites, coincide with Lent and that the final step, celebration of the sacraments of initiation, take place at the Easter Vigil (see no. 8). Nevertheless before the children are admitted to the sacraments at Easter, it should be established that they are ready for the sacraments. Celebration at this time must also be consistent with the programme of catechetical instruction they are receiving, since the candidates should, if possible, come to the sacraments of initiation at the time that their baptised companions are to receive confirmation or eucharist.”

But it does have: “248 Each conference of bishops may adapt and add to the form of the rite given here, in order that the rite will more effectively satisfy local needs, conditions, and pastoral requirements.”

For more information, the RCIA introductions for England and Wales are at catholic-ew.org.uk/liturgy/Resources/Rites/RiteRitual.html#RCIA . Download the PDF file and go to page 32. In the USA edition the above paragraphs are numbers 256 and 258 (The Rites Volume One, Liturgical Press, 1990, ISBN: 0-8146-6015-0, pages 171-172.)
 
“Celebration at this time must also be consistent with the programme of catechetical instruction they are receiving, since the candidates should, if possible, come to the sacraments of initiation at the time that their baptised companions are to receive confirmation or eucharist.”

See, I took that to mean that he SHOULD receive his first communion with his companions who will be readying themselves for the eucharist in 2nd grade CCD. He’ll be learning about all the sacrements… seems perfect to me.

I have decided that I am going to have to take a deep breath and dive right in with a nearby pastor. Our local parish has a pastor who is very judgemental about people who have strayed from the faith. I found out today that the pastor of the other parish nearby has no judgements about it… this is his first parish and he’s got the kind of inspiration I need right now!!

Peace
 
Why would you deprive your child of the grace that comes from the reception of the sacrament, of the spiritual armor the Holy Spirit provides through the sacrament, and of the indwelling of the Holy Spirit brought about through the sacrament of Confirmation during the very years of his life when he is most vulnerable (his youth), all in exchange for a few friendships he could get in the Blue Knights or Boy Scouts?

I encourage you to look into what the church teaches happens during Confirmation and to think about your child receiving this freely given grace to help fight the spiritual battles he will be encountering–with or without the Holy Spirit. I’m sure you can think of other ways for him to form friendships with other Catholic children.
 
Some things to note:

Make sure you aren’t mistaking your desire to see your child make his First Communion with a class of second graders for what is best for him.

Many parishes require baptized children to complete two years of preparation prior to receiving First Communion. Your son might have to wait until the third or fourth grade even if he were baptized as a young child rather than as an adult. (At least in the United States it is not uncommon for first year Sacrament classes to have first and second graders and second year Sacrament classes to have second and third graders. Older children probably would attend special classes.)

Receiving First Communion with a class of other children can be special. Being baptized at the Easter Vigil and then receiving First Communion and Confirmation can be just as special. There’s a good chance there will be other children needing baptism and he won’t be alone.

Your child can still attend some CCD/RE/FF classes with his peers once he has been baptized. Your parish hopefully has special classes geered toward those children who are baptized, receive First Communion, and are confirmed at the same time. Standard Sacrament programs assume the child was baptized and probably would make an unbaptized child feel out of place.
 
“Make sure you aren’t mistaking your desire to see your child make his First Communion with a class of second graders for what is best for him.”

I think I’m more confused now that when I posted this question.

My son is a young 7… to ME is just makes sense that he would be baptized now, and wait to receive the other sacraments just like most people do even though he’s getting a very late start.
I’ll be interested to see what our nearby priest has to say about it.

In my experience, it was no small thing to build relationships in my church. That group of teenagers that I was confirmed with continued to pray for me while I wandered around lost, and were instrumental in my finding my way home. We grew together in Christ and that was definately no small thing. I do want that for my son.

Pray for us. I’m sure our Lord will have his hand in leading us the right way… and I will respect whatever the final word is.

Thank You!
 
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