Baptism quandary

[ZxM]

ok, so i want to get my kids baptized. the problem we are running into is that you have to have godparents for the kids. we dont know any practicing catholics, as family or at our parish as we are not good at making friends. i understand the role that a godparent does but i also see it in that we wont be here forever in this town and are not very good at keeping in touch with people.

so what do i do?

1. baptize them in the tub myself (against wifes wishes, she wants the ceremony)
2. find an episcopal/presbyterian/methodist/etc. church that will do it without the god parent.
3. ask someone online to be the godparent and have a proxy stand in for them at the ceremony?

i just really feel weird about asking someone out of the blue or fast tracking a friendship with an ulterior motive.

 

[TheDoctor]

1. baptize them in the tub myself (against wifes wishes, she wants the ceremony).

Against the Churches wishes as well. This would be highly illicit.

1. find an episcopal/presbyterian/methodist/etc. church that will do it without the god parent.

Only if you want to raise your child as episcopalian, presbyterian or methodist. If yoiu want them raised Catholic, they get a Catholic baptism.

1. Ssk someone online to be the godparent and have a proxy stand in for them at the ceremony?

Only if you really know the online person and they can fulfill their duties as a Baptism Sponsor.

Technically, you don’t need a baptism sponsor. The code of canon law reads:
Can. 872 Insofar as possible, a person to be baptized is to be given a sponsor who assists an adult in Christian initiation or together with the parents presents an infant for baptism. A sponsor also helps the baptized person to lead a Christian life in keeping with baptism and to fulfill faithfully the obligations inherent in it.
If you really don’t know any other Catholics then I believe you can have the baby baptised without a sponsor and add a sponsor later. Your first step is to speak with the Priest or Deacon who is handling the Baptism and ask for their guidance. Perhaps there are some good and holy people known to them who would be glad to be Sponsors.

If I may stray off the topic for a second, why do you want to get them baptised in the Catholic Church? The reason I ask is that the tone of your posting, along with options (1) and (2), paints a picture of someone who is not deeply in touch with their faith or who fully understands what Baptism does and their obligations as a parent to the child being baptised. I humbly apologize if I have read more into this than there is.

For example, when you say “we wont be here forever in this town and are not very good at keeping in touch with people” - suppose you die the day after the Baptism? Would not you want to know there is someone who will look after the faith of your kids? I don’t care how good you are about keeping in touch, it is your duty and obligation to keep your kids sponsor aware of what is going on in their lives.

May I also point out that asking someone to be a sponsor is not an ulterior motive, it is an honor.

 

[Corki]

None of the above.

1. This practice, while valid is supposed to be for emergencies as when no Church is available and/or the child is in danger of death. You still have to go to the parish to register the Baptism and they will ask who the godparents are.
2. Assuming you are Catholic, this would be a grave sin.
3. Online godparent is a bad idea since you are likely to run into problems with their paperwork. If you know someone who would be a good proxy, why can’t he/she be a good godparent.

Ask your pastor if he can recommend someone in the parish. There is probably a Baptism class too and the class facilitator might be able to make a recommendation. As has been pointed out, godparents aren’t an abosolute requirement but if your wife is concerned about the ceremonial aspects, a godparent there is part of the rite.

 

[juno24]

Speak with your parish priest. I know there are many people who volunteer to be sponsors for the very reason that there are parish members who are Catholic converts and don’t have close friends or family who can be their child’s sponsor.

 

[ZxM]

Only if you want to raise your child as episcopalian, presbyterian or methodist. If yoiu want them raised Catholic, they get a Catholic baptism.

not true, as my wife or i were not baptized catholic, but are now.

 

[ZxM]

Speak with your parish priest. I know there are many people who volunteer to be sponsors for the very reason that there are parish members who are Catholic converts and don’t have close friends or family who can be their child’s sponsor.

he just says to go meet people.

 

[ZxM]

i guess i dont understand why a baptism in the correct trinitarian formula by whoever would be a grave sin as long as the intention is to raise the child catholic?

im seeing the godparent issue as an impediment to the sacramental grace that my child would receive.

 

[Corki]

i guess i dont understand why a baptism in the correct trinitarian formula by whoever would be a grave sin as long as the intention is to raise the child catholic?

im seeing the godparent issue as an impediment to the sacramental grace that my child would receive.

Godparents are not a conduit to Sacrmental grace and lack of godparents is not an impediment to sacramental grace.

You and your wife are both Catholic (now). Part of your responsibility to your children is to bring them to the Church as early as possible in their life. Getting them Baptized in a non-Catholic church doesn’t make them Catholic. They will be non-Catholic Christians being raised with Catholic faith traditions. To willfully keep them from the Church is grave matter.

You didn’t say how many kid or their ages. If they were Baptized non-Catholics under the age of reason when you entered the Church, they could have become Catholic with you. Now they will be going through a process to enter the Church as you did; in many parishes its called RCIC.

 

[TheDoctor]

i guess i dont understand why a baptism in the correct trinitarian formula by whoever would be a grave sin as long as the intention is to raise the child catholic?

im seeing the godparent issue as an impediment to the sacramental grace that my child would receive.

It is a grave sin because you are Catholic. I understand you and the wife are converts (welcome home!) so let’s approach it simply:

Being a Catholic is more than just “coming over” into a new Church, it means that you follow the Church and her teachings. One of those teachings is that as a member of the faithful you must follow the Churches laws and a number of those laws relate to how the faithful licitly receive the sacraments. When you illicitly baptise a child (by taking them to a Methodist Church, for example), you incur a grave sin by knowingly violating Church law. Your intention may be good, but the ends do not justify the means.

I agree that the sacramental grace your child will receive is being unduly delayed however when they receive that grace, don’t you want it to be in the fullness of faith the way the Jesus’ Church has ordained? Remember, when the Church speaks she does so with the full authority of God.

To be Catholic is also to accept the crosses He gives us and to bear wrongs patiently. I don’t understand they your Priest told you to “just meet people”, perhaps there is another Priest or Deacon you can talk to?

By the way, as converts, did you have a Confirmation Sponsor when you came into the Church? Did you convert in the city you are in or someplace else? Was there someone in RCIA with your or who taught RCIA that you might be able to reach out to as sponsors?

 

[TheDoctor]

not true, as my wife or i were not baptized catholic, but are now.

See Corki’s response above. If they are not baptized Catholic, they are not Catholic. They will have to go through RCIA (as you and your wife have probably done, praise GOD!!)

 

[ZxM]

^my wife went to catholic school as a child and received first communion/reconciliation but hasnt been confirmed yet, the priest says she is catholic.

 

[TheDoctor]

^my wife went to catholic school as a child and received first communion/reconciliation but hasnt been confirmed yet, the priest says she is catholic.

O.K… That helps.

Father is partially right. Your wife is Catholic although by not receiving Confirmation she is not fully a member of the Church. The sacrament of Confirmation is the 3rd of the Sacraments of Initiation (Baptism and Eucharist are the other two) and she should be working with the Priest or Director of Religious Education on receiving that Sacrament.

Zx - when you converted, did you go through RCIA and receive Reconcillation / Eucharist / Confirmation?

 

[choy]

ok, so i want to get my kids baptized. the problem we are running into is that you have to have godparents for the kids. we dont know any practicing catholics, as family or at our parish as we are not good at making friends. i understand the role that a godparent does but i also see it in that we wont be here forever in this town and are not very good at keeping in touch with people.

so what do i do?

1. baptize them in the tub myself (against wifes wishes, she wants the ceremony)

the Church asks that only the ordinary ministers of Baptism (bishop, priest, decon) perform baptism unless there is necessity (emergency situations). your situation is ordinary and thus you should follow what the Church asks.

1. find an episcopal/presbyterian/methodist/etc. church that will do it without the god parent.

not a good idea. while they may have valid baptism (i’m not sure which one has, that is why i said MAY), if you with to remain Catholic you should have your children baptized in the Catholic Rite

1. ask someone online to be the godparent and have a proxy stand in for them at the ceremony?

yes, you can do this. i think this is your best option. get a relative or a really good friend who even if they live far away, you know they are a good Catholic and is willing

i just really feel weird about asking someone out of the blue or fast tracking a friendship with an ulterior motive.

some people may be honored by it. why not try asking if the Catechists from your parish is willing. but try #3 first