Baptism Question

[bekind]

My son and his girlfriend are going to have a baby in May. They say they want to have their baby baptized in the Catholic church, but they’ve heard our priest won’t perform the baptism because THEY aren’t married, and are “living together in sin.” I don’t understand how our priest can refuse to baptize an innocent baby because he doesn’t approve of his parents situation. Is that allowed? Isn’t it still true that the church says you can’t get into heaven unless you’ve been baptised? How can a priest refuse that gift to someone?

 

[agangbern]

My son and his girlfriend are going to have a baby in May. They say they want to have their baby baptized in the Catholic church, but they’ve heard our priest won’t perform the baptism because THEY aren’t married, and are “living together in sin.” I don’t understand how our priest can refuse to baptize an innocent baby because he doesn’t approve of his parents situation. Is that allowed? Isn’t it still true that the church says you can’t get into heaven unless you’ve been baptised? How can a priest refuse that gift to someone?

You called it a gift. I’m sure you know what is a “gift”. It is not demandable.It depends upon the generosity of the giver.

If they sincerely want that their child be baptized, then let them marry according to the rite of the Church. They should come to the Church with “clean hands”

 

[lak611]

My son and his girlfriend are going to have a baby in May. They say they want to have their baby baptized in the Catholic church, but they’ve heard our priest won’t perform the baptism because THEY aren’t married, and are “living together in sin.” I don’t understand how our priest can refuse to baptize an innocent baby because he doesn’t approve of his parents situation. Is that allowed? Isn’t it still true that the church says you can’t get into heaven unless you’ve been baptised? How can a priest refuse that gift to someone?

Does the priest have reason to believe that the child will be raised as a Catholic? Do your son and his girlfriend go to Mass? Are there godparents who would ensure that the child is raised as a Catholic? The priest may delay the baptism if there is no evidence that shows that the child will be raised as a Catholic and the child is not is danger of death. If there is evidence that the child will be raised as a Catholic, then the baptism can take place. The priest wants to make sure that children who are baptized as Catholics will be taught the Catholic faith and will become practicing Catholics.

From the Code of Canon Law:

Can. 868 §1. For an infant to be baptized licitly:

1/ the parents or at least one of them or the person who legitimately takes their place must consent;

2/ there must be a founded hope that the infant will be brought up in the Catholic religion; if such hope is altogether lacking, the baptism is to be delayed according to the prescripts of particular law after the parents have been advised about the reason.

 

[teachccd]

My son and his girlfriend are going to have a baby in May. They say they want to have their baby baptized in the Catholic church, but they’ve heard our priest won’t perform the baptism because THEY aren’t married, and are “living together in sin.” I don’t understand how our priest can refuse to baptize an innocent baby because he doesn’t approve of his parents situation. Is that allowed? Isn’t it still true that the church says you can’t get into heaven unless you’ve been baptised? How can a priest refuse that gift to someone?

Baptizing a child presents that child as a new member in the Body of Christ. When parents bring their child forth for Baptism they are telling God and His Church that they intend to raise that child in the Catholic Faith which is the life of Jesus Christ. A person cannot say to God," I will raise this child according to the Gospel that I refuse to follow." Yes, the Church teaches that baptism is necessary for salvation but God is not bound to His commands, we are. We are not to presume His infinite mercy but we can be assured of it. Your questioning should not be directed to the Church but rather to a couple who refuse the teachings of the Church. They are the ones choosing to refuse a gift and are continually deciding to return it. Pray for them and the child who was fortunate for the gift of physical life but is impaired in his experience of a proper spiritual life…God Bless…teachccd

 

[teachccd]

My son and his girlfriend are going to have a baby in May. They say they want to have their baby baptized in the Catholic church, but they’ve heard our priest won’t perform the baptism because THEY aren’t married, and are “living together in sin.” I don’t understand how our priest can refuse to baptize an innocent baby because he doesn’t approve of his parents situation. Is that allowed? Isn’t it still true that the church says you can’t get into heaven unless you’ve been baptised? How can a priest refuse that gift to someone?

Two quick questions and a comment. Why do you put living together in sin in quotes as if it were not? Shouldn’t there be any concern for a couple who refuses the sacramental union instituted by God (starting with Adam and Eve) before rendering judgment on the very Church that upholds such unions?

The priest is merely refusing to undermine the moral teachings of Chirst’s Church by not condoning sinful behavior. This is a most invaluable gift. Go back and thank that priest as there are some who would look the other way and baptize their child. Our Church rests on the virtues of those priests who hold true to the Gospel.

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

My son and his girlfriend are going to have a baby in May. They say they want to have their baby baptized in the Catholic church, but they’ve heard our priest won’t perform the baptism because THEY aren’t married, and are “living together in sin.” I don’t understand how our priest can refuse to baptize an innocent baby because he doesn’t approve of his parents situation. Is that allowed? Isn’t it still true that the church says you can’t get into heaven unless you’ve been baptised? How can a priest refuse that gift to someone?

His pastor is delaying the childs Baptism because it is clear that they are not practicing Catholics (Living together, not Married, Fornication, etc.) It would be hard to convince his pastor that he intends to raise the child Catholic when he himself is confused about just what consitutes living the Catholic Faith.

 

[puzzleannie]

My son and his girlfriend are going to have a baby in May. They say they want to have their baby baptized in the Catholic church, but they’ve heard our priest won’t perform the baptism because THEY aren’t married, and are “living together in sin.” I don’t understand how our priest can refuse to baptize an innocent baby because he doesn’t approve of his parents situation. Is that allowed? Isn’t it still true that the church says you can’t get into heaven unless you’ve been baptised? How can a priest refuse that gift to someone?

they heard wrong, or you only heard their side of the story

no, canonically the priest cannot deny baptism to the child if the parents are not married. However he can and must be assured they intend to raise the child Catholic. Persistent refusal to marry in the Church certainly casts doubt on that intent, and he is justified in looking for more assurance, and delaying baptism until assurance is forthcoming. He may not baptize an infant of people who do not intend to raise the child Catholic.

 

[bekind]

Thanks to all who have replied. There are some extenuating circumstances that I didn’t get into on my first post. My son is a confirmed, and practicing catholic. His girlfriend comes from a family of non-practicing catholics, and she was never baptised. She does hope to become a catholic soon, and she often goes to church with us.

Here’s the problem. My son and his girlfriend broke up just before he left for college last fall (she broke up with him). She is only a senior in high school. When she found out she was pregnant she called him, wanting to get back together. It was a very difficult decision for my son, but he chose to quit college at semester and come home to get a job so he could take care of his girlfriend and his baby. His girlfriend’s father then lost his job and moved out of his rental house and moved in with some friends, leaving her with no place to go. So, we let her move in here. They haven’t gotten married, because they don’t want to rush into something that may be another mistake. They love each other, but have some issues that they need to deal with. They are both very young, and know they can’t afford to move out and get their own home and raise a baby on their own. My husband and I are willing to help, because we feel they are trying to be mature and responsible. They could have chosen abortion, heaven forbid.

Believe me, none of this has been easy for me, but I already love this baby with all my heart, and will do anything to help make his life better. I also feel confident that eventually my son and his girlfriend will get married. I already know they will love their baby and be wonderful parents. They’ve given up so much for him already. I also know they will raise him in the faith.

 

[teachccd]

It is a difficult situation now that you expounded on the details. However, you need to make sure that those two do not share a room even if one sleeps on the couch in the living room. Living together before marriage and continuing a sexual relationship is non conducive to living as a practicing Catholic. Obviously due to the ages and situation of this girl, I would not render her homeless but can there not be other living arrangements made for her with relatives?

I’m not one to judge so I won’t. Talk to another priest and emphasize the fact that these kids are under your direct supervision and that you will see to it that this child receives Catholic upbringing. Talk to the bishop if you need to and see if anything can be done. Your parish priest is carrying out the norms, however your circumstance needs a review.

See if there is ANY way that this young lady can stay with someone else. While your hospitality is gracious it seems to condone cohabitation which your son, whom you describe as a practicing Catholic, should agree goes against all that Jesus teaches. God bless you and you remain in my prayers.

Oh, and thanks be to God that this young lady did not choose an abortion. You describe a situation that will one day be great but in the meantime it needs some ironing out…teachccd

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

Thanks to all who have replied. There are some extenuating circumstances that I didn’t get into on my first post. My son is a confirmed, and practicing catholic. His girlfriend comes from a family of non-practicing catholics, and she was never baptised. She does hope to become a catholic soon, and she often goes to church with us.

Here’s the problem. My son and his girlfriend broke up just before he left for college last fall (she broke up with him). She is only a senior in high school. When she found out she was pregnant she called him, wanting to get back together. It was a very difficult decision for my son, but he chose to quit college at semester and come home to get a job so he could take care of his girlfriend and his baby. His girlfriend’s father then lost his job and moved out of his rental house and moved in with some friends, leaving her with no place to go. So, we let her move in here. They haven’t gotten married, because they don’t want to rush into something that may be another mistake. They love each other, but have some issues that they need to deal with. They are both very young, and know they can’t afford to move out and get their own home and raise a baby on their own. My husband and I are willing to help, because we feel they are trying to be mature and responsible. They could have chosen abortion, heaven forbid.

Believe me, none of this has been easy for me, but I already love this baby with all my heart, and will do anything to help make his life better. I also feel confident that eventually my son and his girlfriend will get married. I already know they will love their baby and be wonderful parents. They’ve given up so much for him already. I also know they will raise him in the faith.

That does change the situation a bit. They should both go and speak with the pastor again. Explaining that they do intend to Marry after the Baby is born (some postors require the child to be a year old) Entering a Marriage because of the pregnancy could be grounds for annulment. Considering the support structure, it would be worth asking to meet with the pastor again.

 

[puzzleannie]

they will probably be discouraged from marrying solely because of the baby, because that circumstance could be construed as force and militate against full, free consent.

if the non-Catholic girlfriend is the parent with custody the priest might very well have valid doubts about the intent to raise the child as Catholic

given that they are college age, not HS, it is probably best for the parents to step back and offer prayer and support, and let the young people work this out without undue pressure, and let the priest do his job, which is to be a pastor

 

[grandfather]

they will probably be discouraged from marrying solely because of the baby, because that circumstance could be construed as force and militate against full, free consent.

if the non-Catholic girlfriend is the parent with custody the priest might very well have valid doubts about the intent to raise the child as Catholic

given that they are college age, not HS, it is probably best for the parents to step back and offer prayer and support, and let the young people work this out without undue pressure, and let the priest do his job, which is to be a pastor

So here is an interesting dilemma in our modern Church. A young couple has sexual relations and she gets pregnant. Nothing new there. But today they are told more often than not by the local priest that he will not marry them, because their decision to marry is made under pressure. Then they are told that they can not get their baby baptized, because they are not married. What are they supposed to do?

I know that the Church makes it more difficult for babies to be baprized today, requiring parental commitments,etc. I understand the reasoning behind it. Here is another perspective. Let’s say that a non-practicing couple wants their baby baptized and the Church baptizes tha baby and the baby is never raised Catholic, just as predicted. Now lets say this baby grows into adulthood with no religion, just as predicted. Presume that all this person knows about religion is that his or her parents explained that he or she was baptized Catholic as an infant. And now assume that this person runs into some difficulties in life and has spiritiaul needs as we all do. Is there a chance that this person would have some identification as a Catholic? The person might seek information or help due to this from a Catholic source? Small odds, but there is some chance.

Do we believe that grace is conferred at baptism? There is baptismal grace that is infused into the baby’s soul, right? Then why withhold the grace? Don’t we think that this might be efficacious later in life in a time of need, even if there is no further training?

 

[puzzleannie]

. Then they are told that they can not get their baby baptized, because they are not married. What are they supposed to do?

I ?

no, they are not told this unless by a parish staff or family member who does not know what they are talking about.

they may very well be counselled by their pastor on each of the several issues they are facing, and the baptism may well be delayed NOT denied until he is assured the child will be raised CAtholic.

please re-read OP. couple in question says “they heard” the priest would not baptize the baby. No where does it say “they talked to the priest and he categorically refused to baptize”.