Baptism Question

[MTH]

I have a friend who was born and raised Catholic. I recently went to visit her and she relayed this story to me. She married a Catholic man and was married in the Church. After the birth of their first son, they wanted to have him baptized. They called their local parish to make the arrangements. The priest told them he would not baptize them unless they both went and completed a course (what course, I’m not sure as she did not elaborate). Anyway, her husband decided that since they were both born and raised Catholic they should not have to take this “course”. They did not take this course and now their 3 children have never been baptised. I know that when my 2 children were born, they were both baptized and I didn’t have to take any “course”. Does anyone know why a priest would tell them that had to do this before he would baptize their children? What would happen to her children if they don’t get baptised, can they be saved? I’m not even sure if her children even know they have not been baptised? By the way, she and her husband are now divorced for almost 16 years now and she has left the Church. She has not been to Church or confession for over 20 years. Her children are now young adults (early 20’s). During my visit, she indicated that she was thinking about going back but was nervous about the whole thing. I invited her to go to Mass with me some weekend and she indicated that she may “take me up on my offer”. I hope she really does.

Thank you and may you all have a very blessed and joyous Christmas.

Mark

 

[Della]

I too hope she takes you up on your offer to attend Mass with her. As to the decisions she and her ex made, I think they were based in pride and were wrong. Why couldn’t they have just taken the course instead of making a thing out of it? To have sacrificed their children’s baptisms for so little a thing tells me they were poor Catholics in spite of their protestations otherwise. It hardly surprises me they divorced, either, because they plainly put their own interests above any other. It’s too bad because the damage has been done, hasn’t it? How sad! I will pray for her and her family, though, because God is still capable of turning things around, if they are open to that kind grace in their lives.

 

[Dan-Man916]

I don’t understand your friend.

At our parish, they require a 1 hour class for parents. IN this class (just went through this earlier this year), we watch a short video and the priest goes over what teh Sacrament is, what the expectations are of the Church ie, what the responsibilities of the parents and grandparents are, and then a short going through of the ceremony.

Baptism isn’t some magic, and neither is it just anexcuse for a party where the baby will get gifts and savings bonds.

Choosing to baptize your child means that there must be well founded hope that the child will be brought up in the faith. Perhaps your friends did not understand that the Church takes Baptism seriously and that this is the first step in an eternal relationship, and is not to be taken lightly.

It frustrates me when parents cannot be bothered to take a short class for the benefit of their child.
As a new parent, I just don’t get it.

 

[steve99]

In a previous parish there was a course spread over several sessions. The idea was to help parents to understand

1. What Baptism was about - why a child was being Baptised - its not just a naming ceremony.
2. What their responsibilities were,; what they were promising.
3. What actually happens at the ceremony

It is unfortunate that some parents just seem to want Baptism as a naming ceremony, or an excuse for a party, or as an entry ticket into a Catholic School.

 

[Pug]

MTH:

Does anyone know why a priest would tell them that had to do this before he would baptize their children?

He probably wished to instruct them about baptism, as in the second section of the canon below.

Can. 851 The celebration of baptism must be prepared properly; consequently:

1/ an adult who intends to receive baptism is to be admitted to the catechumenate and is to be led insofar as possible through the various stages to sacramental initiation, according to the order of initiation adapted by the conference of bishops and the special norms issued by it;

2/ the parents of an infant to be baptized and those who are to undertake the function of sponsor are to be instructed properly on the meaning of this sacrament and the obligations attached to it. The pastor personally or through others is to take care that the parents are properly instructed through both pastoral advice and common prayer, bringing several families together and, where possible, visiting them.

 

[Lillith]

I know two rabidly anti- ex-catholics who go around boldly professing that they would never take their children to a catholic mass ever again because they were refused Baptism…

When I dug a little deeper…asking questions…I found that they had not attended Church in years…had not married in the Church…and walked in to a priest who had never laid eyes on them before to request their babied be Baptised. The priest refused Baptism to save the parents from making false promises…will you raise this child Catholic type promises. It is I suppose…a way to get the parent into Church with the child. If they truely believe in the nessesity of Baptism…they’ll attend church…if they don’t they will not bother.

Personally I never had to take a class with my three children…it just isn’t done around here I suppose…or possibly the Priest felt certain I knew what Baptism meant…

anyway…don’t even know if this pertains to the situation or not…Just something I have come across a lot…a lot of times…

Good luck in bringing your friend back!
God Bless

 

[itsjustdave1988]

MTH:

… Anyway, her husband decided that since they were both born and raised Catholic they should not have to take this “course”. They did not take this course and now their 3 children have never been baptised.

Sounds like the priest knew that these people really needed to take this course afterall. The parents proved by their actions to be rather contrary to Catholic teaching. They should have obeyed their pastor (see Heb 13:17).

Does anyone know why a priest would tell them that had to do this before he would baptize their children?

It’s his job. Perhaps he knew these people were not well-catechized (and by their subsequent actions, this appears to be the case).

What would happen to her children if they don’t get baptised, can they be saved?

God can certainly sanctify children extra-sacramentally, if he so chooses. However, Catholics ought not to presume such extra-sacramental grace, which is precisely why we pray sacramentally.

I recommend she simply go to confession. I took me 25 years to go back to confession. It is very nerve racking, but God would not have had it any other way.

 

[BlestOne]

Ditto Here on the one hour “What is Baptism” course. Actually, it only took 15 mins because it was just me there and the priest just wanted to know if I understood what all happens and what my responsibilities are…then a 30 second spiel about where godparents stand and where pictures can be taken from. If the husband couldn’t be bothered with this, he shouldn’t be a father! Really, I can’t imagine not doing whatever it takes for my children!