Brian, let’s look at this from another angle for a moment:
Instead of discussing the tragic case of a child who dies in infancy, let us instead consider the opposite.
Two children–Each lives, grows up, reaches his teens, & as teens will do,
rebels against their parents & their teaching, and their faith.
Child (A) [let us call her Anne] was baptized as a child. Her parents brought her to the house of God, had her baptized, and thereby placed an indelible mark on her soul.
Child (B) [whom we shall call–forgive me, but I

cannot resist
, Brian], is raised by equally devout & loving parents. He was, however, left to decide for himslef, whether or not he would be baptized; and in which church he would have this done. (If any).
Now, I would submit to you, that the graces of baptism which were imparted to Anne, are a part of her very being. Those graces are there. She rebels, & spends years, even decades, believing in nothing at all…And then, decades later, she feels a strange yearning for something she thought she had forgotten, had left behind. She finds herself collecting momentoes, wherever she travels, of a faith she has rejected, out of hand. And yet…and yet…In her 50s, she finds herself drawn back into faith, first as a mere form, but gradually, more deeply, & more truly,she turns back…to the Person of Jesus Christ.:extrahappy:
Whilst Brian…We can only pray for

poor Brian. Lost, anchorless, unhappy, he :imsorry:wanders. Like a ship without sails or rudder…
You may not (indeed, it would appear, do not) believe that there is any real grace in the waters of baptism…But you see-- It does not matter that you disbelieve. Because, like it or no–there** is** grace to be found there.
And I submit to you that, on the Day of Judgment, I would far rather be one of the parents of “Anne”, than to be one of the parents of “Brian”. Because I would truly have done ALL that I could to insure my child’s soul. I would not, at least, have “neglected so great a salvation”.
That is a strange scenario you presented there, Zooey.
You said that both sets of parents were equally devout, which means both would have considered religious instruction extremely important. Yet your scenario has Brian completely lost while Ann is drawn to “
something she thought she had forgotten.” What did she forget? Was it her infant baptism? Do you think she started to recall having water sprinkled on her head? No, if anything she recalled her faith and Christian instruction, as you said, “
a faith she has rejected.”
Now let’s look at poor Brian. You didn’t bother to tell me whether or not he made the decision to be baptized. If he did, that demonstrates tremendous faith for a young child. In terms of being drawn back to the faith later in life, there is absolutely no advantage for Ann in your scenario. At least Brian could remember the commitment he made to God when he chose to be baptized in the name of Christ.
Do you really think God needs you to “save” an innocent life from damnation? Is His power constrained by your actions? Did you create life or did God? The responsible thing to do is to make sure your child understands what he or she is being baptized into.