Baptism ?

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Tiffinay

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Can anyone help me consider whether or not my husband and I should baptize his daughter from his affair? I have forgiven him and let him know that he needs to honor his child. I love her and want to give her forgiveness of sins and christian community. It is my faith and church that gave me the strength to get through this. Praise be to God!
 
Why **wouldn’t **you baptize the child? I don’t understand the question.
 
Thank you for responding Ike. We are currently in a temporary agreement with visitation only. The court date is set and at that time we will find out how much actual custody we get. The birth mother wants full custody for herself. She is not religious and doesn’t want us to raise (part-time) the baby religiously. I’m trying to think of potential reasons that we should notbaptize her ie: what could be the potential problems for baptizing her without her birthmother’s knowledge?
 
Tiffinay said:
Can anyone help me consider whether or not my husband and I should baptize his daughter from his affair? I have forgiven him and let him know that he needs to honor his child. I love her and want to give her forgiveness of sins and christian community. It is my faith and church that gave me the strength to get through this. Praise be to God!
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is the child going to be raised Catholic?
this is a matter for the parents to decide
will you and your husband be raising her?
the child’s religious upbringing us usually something established in the custody agreement, but if you cannot assure the child will be raised Catholic the pastor may be very hesitant to baptize her at this time.
 
Thank you for your response PuzzleAnnie. We currently only get to raise her 8 days per month. I anticipate that increasing. We do our best to see that she is being raised Catholic. Our sons go to Catholic school and we would like to send her as well. We pay child support and will finance Catholic school for her as well. I guess I wonder what will be answered in the custody agreement as far as religion goes. Her birthmother lives in a neighboring state so there is a two hour car ride for baby everytime she comes. I worry about a car accident.
If you are saying that Baptism is only appropriate when you know the child will be raised Catholic- I guess I just wonder if part time/daddy days is enough.
 
Tiffinay said:
Thank you for your response PuzzleAnnie. We currently only get to raise her 8 days per month. I anticipate that increasing. We do our best to see that she is being raised Catholic. Our sons go to Catholic school and we would like to send her as well. We pay child support and will finance Catholic school for her as well. I guess I wonder what will be answered in the custody agreement as far as religion goes. Her birthmother lives in a neighboring state so there is a two hour car ride for baby everytime she comes. I worry about a car accident.
If you are saying that Baptism is only appropriate when you know the child will be raised Catholic- I guess I just wonder if part time/daddy days is enough.
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You will need the birth-mothers consent to baptize the child as well.
 
You need to talk to your pastor. In any event, I would wait until the custody status is resolved.

Free advice is worth every penny you pay for it.
 
Thank you for answering greeter and Martininthefeil. We have made a local Monsignor aware of the situation and were counseled by him regarding our marriage. The birthmother let us know, in no uncertain terms, that we will never have her consent to baptize the child. I’m trying to come up with reasons for why I would need her consent other than: it would be nice.
 
Unless the child will be raised Catholic I would not recommend baptizing the child. The child can choose baptism for himself/herself with your help and guidance with the mother’s consent once the child has reached the age of reason but baptism also places an indellible mark on the soul that comes with promises. There is also set of promises that you will make (or in this case your husband and God parents will make) that you may or may not be able to uphold. Better to make sure that the situation is stable and that these promises can be upheld.
 
I didn’t have my children’s father’s consent when I baptized them Catholic, so I’m not sure why someone said it was necessary. Your priest can give you the answer you’re looking for. I’ll remember you in my prayers.

God bless.
 
Thank you Joanofarc2008 and Prayerwarrior. It is true that on the internet (or in any arena), you can get answers that are polar opposites. I appreciate the comments though.
I’ve decided I’ll do what my priest says. I know what is in my heart and that is to baptize her and do my best at raising her Catholic. I know lots of children who were baptized and then little else was given to them in the way of Catholic upbringing. I am already doing more than some for her. I suppose it is a little like a service after someone has died. It is just as much for the community as for the individual. Not making light of the sacrement but realize it means nothing if your not a Catholic. It just so happens that our priest won’t be available until after the final custody decision is made. I know we won’t get any less visitation than we have now. We will do our best.

God Bless!
Tiffinay
 
Tiffinay said:
Thank . The birthmother let us know, in no uncertain terms, that we will never have her consent to baptize the child. I’m trying to come up with reasons for why I would need her consent other than: it would be nice.
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I can tell you if you brought the child here the pastor would almost certainly not baptize on the father’s request if he does not have legal custody. You unfortunately are not a player unless you share legal custody with him so your role may have to be that of silent waiting and praying, and setting an example of Christian life for the child when she is with you. In short, the baptism rite has the parents making promises, and if those promise cannot reasonably be kept, the child is not a candidate for baptism. Most priests will weigh on the side of conferring the sacrament if at all possible and still be faithful to canon law. You are doing the right thing in taking this situation to the priest directly.
 
Absolutely, PuzzleAnnie. Thank you for your response. I appreciate all of the wise words I have heard here and we have decided that we will wait. Can I ask though if the priest there would baptize when just the father (with legal rights) is requesting baptism for his child?

Thank you,
Tiffinay
 
Tiffinay said:
Absolutely, PuzzleAnnie. Thank you for your response. I appreciate all of the wise words I have heard here and we have decided that we will wait. Can I ask though if the priest there would baptize when just the father (with legal rights) is requesting baptism for his child?

Thank you,
Tiffinay
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I think it would be well worth while for you and your husband together to have this conversation with your priest and also get his guidance on how you can introduce the child to the faith when she is with you. The situation may change as she gets older, and getting to know her father includes getting to know his faith.
 
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