Baptized non-Christian boyfriend and the Sacrament of Matrimony

[laschai]

My boyfriend was baptized as a baby, I believe it was in a Lutheran church. However, he is not a practicing Christian. He believes in God but does not worship Him. He says that when he was young, whenever he prayed, the opposite of what he asked would happen. For example, “God please help my dog get better” and the dog suddenly gets 10x worse and dies shortly after with no medical explanation even after the autopsy. “Please protect my friend who is in a gang”, friend gets shot in the head and (clearly) dies. He lost any faith he had in God after these experiences. He goes to the Lutheran church on Christmas and Easter because his family drags him there (why do they think going to church twice a year is a good idea? Shouldn’t they go every Sunday?) He is now basically, well, I’m not actually sure. What do you call someone who believes in God but doesn’t serve God? He’s a believer but not a follower, kind of. He doesn’t believe in the bible or anything else, just that God exists and Hell exists.

Anyway, that’s his basic religious background. I am in the inquiry process of RCIA (I have to wait until September to start classes). Once I become Catholic, when we decide it’s time to get married, the religious difference will be an issue.

I have read that marrying a baptized non-Catholic Christian counts for the sacrament, but marrying a non-baptized person does not. What if they are baptized but not a Christian? I don’t want him to have to lie and say he believes something he doesn’t. That would make the sacrament invalid in God’s eyes, wouldn’t it? In pre-Cana I think the priest asks him about his beliefs, and I don’t want the priest to say no because he’s not a Christian but I also don’t want my boyfriend to lie. I could try bringing him to church and evangelizing to him, but I doubt it will change his mind.

I have years before this is an issue, but when I get a question in my head, I need the answer. Thank you in advance to all who answer!

 

[Gorgias]

I have read that marrying a baptized non-Catholic Christian counts for the sacrament, but marrying a non-baptized person does not. What if they are baptized but not a Christian?

This isn’t a matter for a poll (i.e., truth is found by virtue of majority vote), but a matter for simple analysis (i.e., canon law and the teaching of the Church).

Your fiance isn’t “baptized but not a Christian”; rather, he’s a “baptized but not a practicing Christian.”

I don’t want him to have to lie and say he believes something he doesn’t. That would make the sacrament invalid in God’s eyes, wouldn’t it?

No. He’s a Christian, whether or not he practices the faith. Your marriage will be sacramental. He will not be asked to affirm his belief, or promise to practice his faith. If you go through the Catholic process for marriage (which you should do, if you want your marriage to be valid in the Catholic Church!), you will be advised that it can be difficult to maintain your Catholic faith if you marry a non-Catholic Christian, and you will be asked to affirm that you will retain your practice of the Catholic faith and you will do all possible to baptize and raise any children in the marriage as Catholic. Your fiance won’t be asked to make any promises, but will be asked to witness your promises.

In pre-Cana I think the priest asks him about his beliefs, and I don’t want the priest to say no because he’s not a Christian but I also don’t want my boyfriend to lie.

‘Pre-Cana’, or the pre-marital interview? Your fiance could certainly answer, “I was baptized in the Lutheran Church, but I no longer practice my faith.”

 

[laschai]

This isn’t a matter for a poll (i.e., truth is found by virtue of majority vote), but a matter for simple analysis (i.e., canon law and the teaching of the Church).

Your fiance isn’t “baptized but not a Christian”; rather, he’s a “baptized but not a practicing Christian.”

No. He’s a Christian, whether or not he practices the faith. Your marriage will be sacramental. He will not be asked to affirm his belief, or promise to practice his faith. If you go through the Catholic process for marriage (which you should do, if you want your marriage to be valid in the Catholic Church!), you will be advised that it can be difficult to maintain your Catholic faith if you marry a non-Catholic Christian, and you will be asked to affirm that you will retain your practice of the Catholic faith and you will do all possible to baptize and raise any children in the marriage as Catholic. Your fiance won’t be asked to make any promises, but will be asked to witness your promises.

‘Pre-Cana’, or the pre-marital interview? Your fiance could certainly answer, “I was baptized in the Lutheran Church, but I no longer practice my faith.”

Thank you so much for the response! I was wondering if he counted as a Christian due to be baptized. Thank you for this information. I apologize for offending you with the poll.

 

[Gorgias]

I apologize for offending you with the poll.

LOL! No offense taken!

 

[Catholic1954]

I married (in the Catholic Church) a non-practicing Lutheran, with pretty much the same attitude about religion. It took 20 years, but the Holy Spirit called him into the Catholic Church and he has been there for the last 16 years.

 

[Abiding_in_Love]

I married (in the Catholic Church) a non-practicing Lutheran, with pretty much the same attitude about religion. ** It took 20 years, but the Holy Spirit called him into the Catholic Church and he has been there for the last 16 years.**

That’s wonderful! I’m glad that your husband entered the Catholic Church.

To the OP:

If your boyfriend was baptized in a Trinitarian formula, the Baptism was valid. Follow the advice of your priest as you go along. I don’t think either of you will have a problem so long as your boyfriend agrees to let you raise the children as Catholics. And who knows? Maybe your boyfriend will convert to Catholicism someday due to your prayers, sacrifices, and witness.

 

[Cloisters]

That’s wonderful! I’m glad that your husband entered the Catholic Church.

To the OP:

If your boyfriend was baptized in a Trinitarian formula, the Baptism was valid. Follow the advice of your priest as you go along. I don’t think either of you will have a problem so long as your boyfriend agrees to let you raise the children as Catholics. And who knows? Maybe your boyfriend will convert to Catholicism someday due to your prayers, sacrifices, and witness.

Read not only Proverbs, but 1 Corinthians 13, and the letters of St. Peter. The latter exhorts wives to be holy examples, so that they may bring their husbands to the Lord.

Hubby was practicing until the sex abuse scandal. He also didn’t trust any SDs here locally. Glad I found out about Dominicans being very hands-off, with the directee checking in if they had a problem.

Your boyfriend has a bad case of “my will be done.” That’s what the occult does, and the reason why Christians pray “THY will be done” in the Lord’s Prayer. Learning to trust the Lord’s will is very hard, but it’s going to be done anyway, so why waste the energy? Just defend Truth when you have to – gently – and get on with life.

Blessings,
Cloisters

 

[Gorgias]

I don’t think either of you will have a problem so long as your boyfriend agrees to let you raise the children as Catholics.

That used to be the requirement; technically speaking, it is no longer. Nowadays, only the Catholic party makes a promise, and that promise is only “to do all in your power” to have children baptized and raised Catholic…

 

[Micosil]

What does “baptized non-Christian” mean? It is precisely a valid Trinitarian baptism that makes one a Christian.

 

[laschai]

What does “baptized non-Christian” mean? It is precisely a valid Trinitarian baptism that makes one a Christian.

He’s baptized with a valid trinitarian baptism but he does not practice Christianity.

 

[CJsmommy]

My husband is also a baptized (in the Trinitarian form as a Methodist) non-practicing Christian. We had to get co-validated when I was almost through RCIA as I was already a baptized Catholic. His not being Catholic was a non issue, and we’d even already had our daughter baptized a Catholic too.