Barriers to Confession? (1 of 2)

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I’m wondering if anyone else has experienced frustration over this issue and if so, how have you dealt with it? In the recent past, I’ve come to view confession as a burden, and not mainly due to the anxiety / nervousness associated with confessing one’s sins. Don’t get me wrong, that definitely makes confession difficult, but I’ve also been experiencing another, different burden related to confession.

Lately, confession has seemed to me to be a real pain. For one, it’s almost never a simple chore to just go and do. It always requires some sort of planning and logistics. I actually think Mass is 100% easier to plan for and go to than confession. Due to a busy schedule, especially on most weekends in the recent past, this has made weekend confession very difficult. Most churches have confession before the Saturday vigil Mass, but my wife and I almost never go to this Mass and have had most of our recent Saturdays monopolized by other activity. We almost always go on Sunday when there is rarely confession. Not only that, but if we do go to the Saturday vigil and I want to go to confession, it means I have to drag my wife to the church a good 30 minutes early if she isn’t going to confession. So for the recent times I have “squeezed in” a confession on a Saturday afternoon near where I live, it has mostly been “squeezed in” among running around and doing other things during the day, which has made it burdensome. And like most people, I can’t just cross the street to get to a church. I have to drive across town or go somewhere else in the metro region where I live.

Because of this, in the recent past near where I live, I believe most of my confessions have been on weekdays at churches that have them around lunchtime. This also has been a bit of a pain. Again here, it’s not as simple as just walking across the street from the office to a church. It has always involved planning for and traveling cross-town to get to an available church.

But these are just the simpler problems that I’ve encountered recently. I’ve also encountered many times recently where I have planned for and made it to a church to go to confession, but then for whatever reason, not being able to go after getting there. Here are some of the situations I’ve experienced after getting to a church to try to confess:
  • A line that is so long that I would have to wait for an unreasonable period – most often which I don’t have – to get into the confessional. In addition to the obvious time problem, there is also the factor of sitting there in a state of anxiety about the pending confession while waiting for such a ridiculously long period of time, during which my nerves boil over from frustration and anxiety.:eek::mad:
  • A line in which there are perhaps only five to ten people in front of me, but in which some of the confessions of those in front of me run on for extremely lengthy time periods and the line therefore barely moves, again presenting a time and anxiety issue.
  • Times where I myself have had a particularly long confession to give, but in which there are numerous people behind me and I feel that it is simply unacceptable for me to monopolize the confessional for myself when these other people are waiting.
  • There was one time where I waited for an unbelievably long period while I believe just two other people made confessions. I honestly could not believe how long each of these individuals took, especially the second person, and I finally got up and left while the second person was still in confession. For the second person, the priest ended up coming out of the confessional and bringing the person to a pew, where they sat and talked… and talked… and talked. After waiting for a completely unreasonable period, I finally gave up and left.
  • When confession has simply been canceled. This is what prompted me to bring this up today as I tried to go to confession during lunchtime, only to get to the church and find notes that said there was no confession today.
There have perhaps also been other situations, and there have also been situations that have been combinations of the above. But the fact is that I have grown extremely frustrated with what appear to be regular barriers that are thrown in the way to my being able to get to a church and make a confession. You would think the number one barrier would be sloth or fear. So it is so frustrating when you overcome that, only to run into difficulties with the logistics of getting to a church and/or not being able to confess even after you get there. There was one occasion this past Lent where I believe I made four (4) trips to different churches before finally getting to make one particular confession due to crowding and time restrictions. That’s right: four (4) trips for one confession.
 
And in addition to the “barrier” and “logistics” issues, this has also presented another problem: extreme frustration and anger. :mad: I cannot express how unbelievably infuriating it is to plan for a confession, examine my conscience and ascertain everything I need to confess, plan out the logistics for where and when I will go, make the drive or cross-town trek to get to the church, have my nerves pumping about the confession itself, walk into the church, sometimes sit there for a while in anticipation of going, and then to not be able to go and to have to walk out and go home or back to the office. It is also infuriating when I plan to go but for whatever reason run into barriers in simply getting to a church during the designated time. This is so unbelievably demoralizing and infuriating, and I have experienced it so many times in the recent past in the area where I live.

Someone will probably suggest that I should call the church to schedule an appointment. But this is also fairly unreasonable. I try to go to confession every few weeks, and because I am a bit scrupulous, there have even been periods where I have gone on pretty much a weekly basis. I don’t think it’s reasonable to schedule every single confession I make, nor do I think it’s reasonable to ask that of a priest when they have set times at the church. If I were looking to make a lengthy confession after years of not going, then I could understand making an appointment. But not for a regular, periodic confession, least of all every single one of them.

Has anyone else experienced this type of extreme frustration from planning for and intending to make a confession, only to not be able to due to logistics or barriers? And has anyone experienced this on a recurring basis? If so, how have you dealt with it?
 
Well I have experienced more reduced versions of this, but certainly one thing that I can include is the bit about thoroughly planning & preparation, followed by confession closing early, line being too long, etc.

I use a different strategy now. Rather than “schedule” them (even just privately), I ask the Spirit to move me when I need to go. Now, I know that this is not necessarily the way many on CAF do it. I also know that this is not the way people in religious life do it. All I am saying is that it works for me. The sense that then “this is the moment/ I need to go to Confession” (not necessarily for mortal sins, often just for the health of my soul, for self-awareness & those graces) makes it “obligatory,” and then that becomes the central scheduling need above everything else - above my fave Mass time/parish, above who is coming with me, who will be there, my work schedule, my play schedule, etc.

That orientation also got me to really investigate all the confession times at all the parishes in my wider region. Now I know that I can really find that opportunity within about 72 hours of that sense of urgency or optimum time, without having to move heaven and earth to do so. If I find that it is not possible on weekdays/workdays, then I will seek out weekend opportunities and plan my weekend around that, rather than having the sense that regular (but less important) activities are being displaced by confession. When the sacrament becomes the priority, everything else fades into the background.

It’s lovely to want to go to church regularly with your wife, but if not being frustrated with a missed confession opportunity necessitates going at a different time, or going twice, or bringing her early, then it’s worth it, i.m.o. It’s actually really nice to come to Mass 30 minutes early. It can help to center us and leave that rushed feeling behind, not to mention provide more opportunity for prayer.

Be at peace, brother.
🙂
 
Churches ought to make Confession more readily available. It seems like the most just schedule half an hour on Saturday afternoon and leave it at that. There are exceptions, though.

Are you familiar with the confession schedules for the other churches in your area? Saturday morning is a popular second choice around here for confession times (for the relatively few parishes that offer a second choice). You can get a list of most of the churches in your area here. You might be able to save yourself some research time by checking here for churches in your area that have the Latin Mass. They tend to be more generous in scheduling confession times. (Your confession would be in English).

Last year I had to go three times before I was able to make one of my confessions, because of long lines. I try to look at these situations as part of the penance I have to pay for my sins.

Ten years ago the lines were much shorter. For the sake of their souls, I am glad more Catholics seek Confession, although the longer lines can be an inconvenience.
 
Why do churches have like 10 masses a week and offer only 1 hour a week for confessions on Saturday usually. Granted you can schedule time with the priest if you are even more serious, but still I fell it should be at least a three hour block.
 
Steve, you may not wish to do it this way, but IMO, the best thing for you would be to have a regular confessor whom you see by appointment. Those who are troubled by scrupulosity should have only one confessor to help overcome this difficulty, and the fact that you encounter so many hardships in the course of getting to confession really shows the need for a regular appointment. That and the anger issue which would surely improve with a plan of attack you devise with a regular confessor. Also, not having to deal every time with a priest who is a stranger to you might ease some of your anxiety.

I would suggest you choose the confessor whom you find most helpful and call him for an appointment to discuss all your issues and see if he agrees that a regular confession appointment would be workable and beneficial.

Betsy
 
Little_Boy_Lost said:
Why do churches have like 10 masses a week and offer only 1 hour a week for confessions on Saturday usually. Granted you can schedule time with the priest if you are even more serious, but still I fell it should be at least a three hour block.
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I think it’s a vicious circle. They only have one hour (some places even less!) per week because “people don’t go.” People don’t go because it’s only one hour/week (or less).

There have been places that have experimented with offering Confession daily. Guess what? Lots more people went to Confession. (I know. Duh!) 🙂

I remember in the old days, the Confession lines on Saturday afternoon were LONG. I knew a fellow whose nickname was “Mousey” who always got extremely nervous going to Confession. He said invariably, he would be one or two away from going in and he’d hear, “You did WHAT!?” and he’d hit the door running! Once he calmed down, he’d have to come back and get in line again and go through all that waiting and worrying all over again. LOL
 
Little_Boy_Lost said:
Why do churches have like 10 masses a week and offer only 1 hour a week for confessions on Saturday usually. Granted you can schedule time with the priest if you are even more serious, but still I fell it should be at least a three hour block.
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Thank you! Exactly! I hadn’t even thought of this but I cannot describe how great of a point this is! Aside from the obligatory Masses, I believe a great case can be made that once a church has all of its Masses of obligation scheduled, confession should take precedence over extra Masses that are not on days of obligation. Assuming there is nothing in Canon Law that mandates daily Masses for churches (and maybe there is, I don’t know), I agree 100% that if a church cannot fit more confessions into the schedule of its clergy, then it’s time to cancel some weekday Masses and replace them with confession.

It is rarely, rarely a problem for me to get to Mass. Almost never, in fact. Yet confession presents regular, persistent problems. This is not to mention the fact that we can all go to all the Masses in the world all we want, but if we have unconfessed mortal sins, we are still in deep trouble. Extra Masses that are not obligatory are optional for practicing Catholics (unless it is a penance). Confession is not. The way I look at is that having all these Masses with extremely limited confessions is sort of like giving a homeless person a new necklace when he/she doesn’t have a shirt.

Also, why is it that in some (maybe most) regions, a lot of churches schedule their confessions during the same times? The vast majority of Saturday confessions are late afternoon. Also, there are several churches that I can commute to from my office that all have confessions for 15 minute – 30 minute periods during pretty much the same time over the lunch hour. This is great, but it means two things: 1) If someone is tied up over lunch, they can’t confess at any of them, and 2) if someone tries to confess at one but then finds out it’s too crowded (or canceled like today), it’s too late to have time to get to one of the other churches. An evening confession, on the other hand, would present more options.

Oh, and I thought of one more frustrating part about planning for a confession and then not being able to confess: the fact that now you have to remember the sins and carry the anxiety with you until the next chance you get.

Thanks for the other responses as well. I do appreciate your (name removed by moderator)ut very much.
 
steve975 said:
Someone will probably suggest that I should call the church to schedule an appointment. But this is also fairly unreasonable. I try to go to confession every few weeks, and because I am a bit scrupulous, there have even been periods where I have gone on pretty much a weekly basis. I don’t think it’s reasonable to schedule every single confession I make, nor do I think it’s reasonable to ask that of a priest when they have set times at the church. If I were looking to make a lengthy confession after years of not going, then I could understand making an appointment. But not for a regular, periodic confession, least of all every single one of them.
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I agree with Besty. You probably should have a standing appointment to help you deal with the scrupulosity, etc. If businessmen set up standing appointments for haircuts (read Frank Bettger’s book for details on that one) then you can make a standing appointment for confession and spiritual direction. Alternately, you might do enough to have a spiritual director, even if he isn’t a priest. Dealing with the scrupulosity might be enough even if you don’t have confession quite as often as you like.
 
I used to have a deep fear of going to confession. When I came back to the church (I was away for about 25 years), that fear came back. However, the more I went, the more comfortable I felt. The grace that God was giving me in the sacrament helped me to overcome that fear of confesssing my sins and faults. I go monthly now and look at it as a preparation and cleaning of my soul to meet God. Please do not be afraid. I do not know what city you are in, but if you are in NY City, try confession at St. Francis of Assisi on 31st street. They have confession during most of the day and the Franciscan priests are caring, gentle and make the experience rewarding.

May God Bless you. I will pray for you.
 
JohnnyK said:
I used to have a deep fear of going to confession. When I came back to the church (I was away for about 25 years), that fear came back. However, the more I went, the more comfortable I felt. The grace that God was giving me in the sacrament helped me to overcome that fear of confesssing my sins and faults. I go monthly now and look at it as a preparation and cleaning of my soul to meet God. Please do not be afraid. I do not know what city you are in, but if you are in NY City, try confession at St. Francis of Assisi on 31st street. They have confession during most of the day and the Franciscan priests are caring, gentle and make the experience rewarding.

May God Bless you. I will pray for you.
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Almost makes me want to move to NY. 🙂

FYI, Mother Theresa of Calcutta and Pope John Paul II went to Confession weekly.
 
For a long time, I felt like I’d accomplished something really special just by making it to the church in time for the allotted few minutes of confession. Kind of like sliding into home plate.

It is not often that I have to wait at my parish, although sometimes when it is close to First Friday, I’ve experienced a line. I guess that’s a mixed blessing - no other sinners means more time for me. We also have confession before Daily Mass @ 6:15 a.m. Seldom have I encountered a line then, and while it does take some sacrifice, planning, and rearranging, I can make it at that time.

I almost always take out my calendar in advance of confession and look for a “good” date.

As for having to go 30 minutes ahead of Mass, I’ve done that. Can your wife drive herself, if she doesn’t want to sit in church for 30 minutes? Actually our confessions are 3:00-3:30 and Mass is at 4:00. Last time I went to confession, I drove to the church for that, and then drove back home to pick up my boys who were serving 4:00 Mass.

My teenage sons have decided that our pastor knows them “too well” to be their confessor, so one Saturday I did take them to a nearby church. After rushing to get there, there was a sign that said, “No confessions today. Sorry for the inconvenience.” I thought that was a sign that no one should ever have to see. 😦

Last Lent, my husband waited until the last possible opportunity to go to confession before Easter. There were probably 200 people for 6 or 7 priests. We waited a LONG time (a couple of hours), but there were priests that hung in there until the end. God bless them!

If I were in your shoes, I think I would make an appointment for confession. It would probably help avoid the “near occasion of sin” that seems to happen when you make the [unsuccessful] effort to go.

I will pray that you find a way to knock down the barriers.
 
I believe the most serious problem with the Church today is the lack of availability of confessions.

I am fortunate, because the St John Cantius fathers sit in the confessional on weekend before and during the mass (sometimes 2 priests, and even so there are long lines) but in many Churches there is confession only on Saturday and only for a half our or so.

I do not belive that the reason is, that there are no confessants. In Rockford the Institute of Christ the King father sits in the confessional ever day between 11:25 and the Mass at noon, and always there is a line.

To hear confession should be the most important ministry of a priest along with the Mass. In the good old times a priest sat at least 5 hours a week in the confessional.
 
In his tips for making a good confession, I remember that Father Zulsdorf recommended strongly that the penitent needs to arrive before the start of the scheduled Confession time, and make it obvious with his posture that he is waiting to go to Confession, because quite often, if the priest arrives at the appointed time and sees that there is no one in line, he will simply return to his office to catch up on his work, rather than wait to see if anyone is arriving late.

That having been said, I, too, have been annoyed at times when I was traveling, and the local priest didn’t seem to place a priority on Confessions, or else the Confessional was hidden away and it wasn’t obvious where the line was supposed to start.
 
One thing I do that usually works if I need to go to confession is to arrive early before the stated confession time. If confessions are to begin at 3pm I show up at 2:45. At the church I regularly go to for confession that usually works. There may be one or two people in front of me but that’s about it.
 
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