Battling Pre-Marital Sex

[nickybr38]

“We were already married in our hearts so we didn’t have to wait for some government document to prove our devotion to each other.”

I have several non-Christian and/or shaky Christian friends who have shared the above sentiment with me. They go around sharing this idea with other friends who aren’t yet married as well. As you can imagine it frustrates me a lot. They’re encouraging engaged people to have sex because they’re ‘already married’ in each other’s eyes already.

Some of the people sharing this idea ARE Christian.

I hear this alot. What do I say in response to try and share some Truth with these people? I’m at a complete loss because I can’t sit by and hear this being said but on the same hand I’m not sure how to respond in a way that will be convincing.

Any strong arguments for this idea out there?

 

[bamaster47]

“We were already married in our hearts so we didn’t have to wait for some government document to prove our devotion to each other.”

I have several non-Christian and/or shaky Christian friends who have shared the above sentiment with me. They go around sharing this idea with other friends who aren’t yet married as well. As you can imagine it frustrates me a lot. They’re encouraging engaged people to have sex because they’re ‘already married’ in each other’s eyes already.

Some of the people sharing this idea ARE Christian.

I hear this alot. What do I say in response to try and share some Truth with these people? I’m at a complete loss because I can’t sit by and hear this being said but on the same hand I’m not sure how to respond in a way that will be convincing.

Any strong arguments for this idea out there?

By having sex before marriage, even if they are engaged, they are making false promises to each other. Sex is giving yourself completely to your partner. If you haven’t yet vowed to give yourself to your partner and only your partner, and you have sex with them anyway, what are you really saying? It’s like a child who makes a promise with their fingers crossed behind their back. You or your partner could back out of the promise at any time, and take with you/them something that does not belong to you/them: you or your partner’s dignity.

It is NOT impossible for an engagement to be broken. The only way to protect yourself and your fiancé (and a potential child, mind you!) from the possible physical and emotional damages of sex is to wait until you have committed yourselves to each other. What would become of a relationship if the man impregnated the woman while they were engaged, only to break the engagement and leave the child with an unmarried couple for parents?

 

[ndeparis88]

I think a good person to get the answer from is Jason Evert in his book If You Really Loved me. I know that exact question you were asking is in that book. or you can go to the Chastity section on this main site and look in the Q&A section.

For me I can tell you that a good way to respond is to read the passage in 1 Corinthians about how love is Patient. That;s the first thing St. Paul puts. It may be that said couple does love each other and they are virtually married any way, but They are already playing house sort to speak, and if they are already having sex then they must not love each as much as they should. Because well love is patient. Also if they end up breaking off the engagement well they are damaged goods, and she wasn’t even meant to be with that guy. Why would you do that to yourself. A married life has to have the couples in completeness with each other. They have to sacrifice for the good of each other which means waiting to get your rocks off to put it rather bluntly. It’s a great way to see if the guy or girl is really willing to go through hell and back to be with you. sadly people don’t get that and only want instant gratification.Men and Women have to master there sexual urges or else it will consume them and then that’s what the relationship will be about. I know a couple that had premarital sex and now they have it because there bored. That’s not a recipe for a long and happy marriage. It doesn’t teach anybody responsibility.

 

[bamaster47]

I think a good person to get the answer from is Jason Evert in his book If You Really Loved me. I know that exact question you were asking is in that book. or you can go to the Chastity section on this main site and look in the Q&A section.

Jason Evert is wonderful! I would recommend looking up any of his works as well. A version of his presentation, Romance without Regret, is available for viewing on YouTube: youtube.com/watch?v=REj1rhc4RUk This presentation was given a few years ago, and one of the studies he mentions is a little outdated, but the points he makes are still very much valid.

 

[fanatic1]

“We were already married in our hearts so we didn’t have to wait for some government document to prove our devotion to each other.”

I have several non-Christian and/or shaky Christian friends who have shared the above sentiment with me. They go around sharing this idea with other friends who aren’t yet married as well. As you can imagine it frustrates me a lot. They’re encouraging engaged people to have sex because they’re ‘already married’ in each other’s eyes already.

Some of the people sharing this idea ARE Christian.

I hear this alot. What do I say in response to try and share some Truth with these people? I’m at a complete loss because I can’t sit by and hear this being said but on the same hand I’m not sure how to respond in a way that will be convincing.

Any strong arguments for this idea out there?

just the fact that the Original Church forbids fornication (the Bible does) should be the end of the discussion

But not all acknowledge the aurhority of the Church. Some think they know better than Jesus. Some think this out of ignorance because if you are never taugth that the RCC has the answers to all moral questions, well, why wouldn’t you just go by your own thoughts/feelings, etc?

fornication results in pregnancy, abortion, STDs, heartache and misery

if someone doesn’t want to marry you & spend the rest of his life w/ you, he doesn’t love you and so… Why are you sleeping w/ him? If he is not sure he wants to live w/ you 4 the rest of your lives, Well, again, Why sleep w/ him?

i dont know why those who fornicate want to put themselves through all that heartache and misery

There are reasons why God said Do this and Dont do that. It wasn’t just for the fun of it.

God loves people and does not want them heartbroken

He doesn’t want them struggling as a single parent, resenting their children who tie them down when they are young & want (thus & so) out of life, and etc

I wish the Catholic Church would teach its own members this kind of thing better. Then maybe those outside the Church would listen as well.

It seems that Catholics are too “ashamed” of their faith these days, dont evangelize like they should, etc

Some Catholic Churches look very protestant. Its like we are conforming oursleves to their way of doing things TOO MUCH - so that they will accept us, when (my opinion) the protestants are looking 4 what the RCC has - sometimes w/o evern realizing it…

Even so, t he RCC will never be utterly destroyed (protestantized) as per Mt 16:18

 

[fanatic1]

I think a good person to get the answer from is Jason Evert in his book If You Really Loved me. I know that exact question you were asking is in that book. or you can go to the Chastity section on this main site and look in the Q&A section.

For me I can tell you that a good way to respond is to read the passage in 1 Corinthians about how love is Patient. That;s the first thing St. Paul puts. It may be that said couple does love each other and they are virtually married any way, but They are already playing house sort to speak, and if they are already having sex then they must not love each as much as they should. Because well love is patient. Also if they end up breaking off the engagement well they are damaged goods, and she wasn’t even meant to be with that guy. Why would you do that to yourself. A married life has to have the couples in completeness with each other. They have to sacrifice for the good of each other which means waiting to get your rocks off to put it rather bluntly. It’s a great way to see if the guy or girl is really willing to go through hell and back to be with you. sadly people don’t get that and only want instant gratification.Men and Women have to master there sexual urges or else it will consume them and then that’s what the relationship will be about. I know a couple that had premarital sex and now they have it because there bored. That’s not a recipe for a long and happy marriage. It doesn’t teach anybody responsibility.

i agree.

abstainin from any sexual gratification is not always easy, to say the least. I have done so for a LONG time & sometimes the body just wants what it had b4 and doesn’t want to take NO for an answer

But when one stops paying attn to the body, interesting things happen in the soul

hard to put into words, but the sexuality is given back to God from whence it came. God is the one who gives us all that we have, including THAT part of us

As the Word says You are not your own

and yet natural urges can be very strong.

I guess that makes it a bigger gift when given back to God.

 

[ndeparis88]

This I also agree on. I battle with sexual temptation all the time, and I totally agree that the body does long for what it had before. Satan loves to poke that button. Images flashbacks, a little voice that says you can have this. IT is said the spirit is against the flesh and the flesh against the spirit. I see now when I stop and make sure I don’t take a step back, I feel so much more worthy, like It’s such a clean feeling, it’s wholesome and I feel this unfathomable connected feeling. I’m seeing things a lot better. I’d also like to thank JA25, I work harder at purity because of her. Of course God too lol. God gave us something so great in our sexuality. I do know the love you can show to your spouse, and it’s more loving to wait until you are united and each others so then sparks can fly the best way possible.

i agree.

abstainin from any sexual gratification is not always easy, to say the least. I have done so for a LONG time & sometimes the body just wants what it had b4 and doesn’t want to take NO for an answer

But when one stops paying attn to the body, interesting things happen in the soul

hard to put into words, but the sexuality is given back to God from whence it came. God is the one who gives us all that we have, including THAT part of us

As the Word says You are not your own

and yet natural urges can be very strong.

I guess that makes it a bigger gift when given back to God.