Be Married or Be a Wife

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Be Married or Be a Wife
Carolyn McCulley
How do you define a “chick flick”? My definition is that it’s a movie women love and men are itching to turn off.
Chick flicks appeal to us because they are grown-up versions of fairy tales. As little girls, we read stories about how some plain girl becomes a dazzling princess and earns at first glance the undying devotion of a prince. Rescued from obscurity, she lives happily ever after.
This is the same storyline of every chick flick, but it’s set in a big city (usually Manhattan) and the heroine’s charms are her quirky personality and chutzpah. There’s no fairy godmother to wave a wand, but there’s always some sort of physical transformation to catch the eye of her prince. And in the end everything works out for the benefit of the heroine.
Good food for thought for husbands and wives, both present and future.
 
I thought a chick flick was defined as “a movie with no spaceships, and which does not treat the subject of combat nor of the apprehension of felons or other outlaws.”

Seriously, though, let’s look at the author’s complaint from the male side: what are fantasy movies aimed at males like? There is invariably some sort of combat joined in which the hero overcomes great odds, very often by defying authority and official guidelines, in order to single-handedly win a glorious victory over his enemies–very often after the delivery of a pithy put-down immediately before they are dispatched–after which all is forgiven by his awestruck and grateful superiors. This risky and self-aggrandizing behavior automatically wins him the heroine, who really didn’t care for him too much at first, because of his self-satisfied macho attitude, but who is won over by the ends reached, in spite of the means.

Well, a worse way to prepare each of the sexes for a humble and mutally-giving life of sacrificial love that will continue through the slings and arrows of life and into old age can hardly be imagined.

So yes, Hollywood is a very bad influence on us, if we take it seriously. I have no desire to kill myself off for an 18-inch waist, but I still like “Gone With the Wind.”
 
Couldn’t some of us ladies like chick flicks because they require no effort or thought to follow? More often then not I watch them cause I like the clothes ( I want Meg Ryans wardrobe in You’ve got Mail). I don’t expect some random guy to come in and sweep me off my feet, and is it all that wrong of me to have some chutzpah? I don’t think it is

And PS I like action movies too. Just not ones involving Stallone or Shwarzeneger.
 
I don’t like chick flicks unless its the type set in the past (Jane Austen) Mostly, I like comedies and horror with a lot of family movies thrown in.

My hubby, the military man, likes chick flicks and is amazed that I don’t want to watch movies like Sleepless in Seatle.

I do understand the concern with a steady diet of such movies though. There are some women who actually do believe that life should be like a romance movie or book. They have a view of the perfect man that is not based on reality.

The same, of course, can be said of men who view porn. Their view of female body types become distorted.
 
I think the important point from the story is that most movies end with commitment or marriage – be it the chick flick where the someone is left at the alter by or for the heroine (such as “Serendipity” or “the Sweetest Thing”) or the macho action flick where the guy wins the woman after wreckless subordination (such as “Top Gun”) – when the real story in real life would begins where the credits start rolling in these flicks, with the marriage.

The author is a woman, so it’s understandable she was more likely to write about chick flicks. But the point is the same – marriage is the beginning, not the conclusion.

God bless.
 
But the romance part of courtship is oh so much more exciting than watching people say for 2 horus " Honey can you pick up the dry cleaning? The kids have soccer and ballet today so I can’t get there before it closes." Ugh, no one would sit through that no matter how cute the clothes were!
 
But the romance part of courtship is oh so much more exciting than watching people say for 2 horus " Honey can you pick up the dry cleaning? The kids have soccer and ballet today so I can’t get there before it closes." Ugh, no one would sit through that no matter how cute the clothes were!
I agree. it is much more exciting and entertaining and romantic. I just think we should be careful not to let us cloud our judgment about real life. The dry-cleaning and soccer years linger long after the early romance.

God bless.
 
I agree. it is much more exciting and entertaining and romantic. I just think we should be careful not to let us cloud our judgment about real life. The dry-cleaning and soccer years linger long after the early romance.

God bless.
I agree and I do think that there are some modern women who are negatively influenced by such portrayals.

There is very little self sacrifice in romance movies. Everything works out completly well without any sort of compromise on the heroine’s part. This rarely happens in real life.
 
I agree and I do think that there are some modern women who are negatively influenced by such portrayals.

There is very little self sacrifice in romance movies. Everything works out completly well without any sort of compromise on the heroine’s part. This rarely happens in real life.
Exactly. Not to mention, everyone in movies has scriptwriters (and the reactions are scripted as well).

God bless.
 
Couldn’t some of us ladies like chick flicks because they require no effort or thought to follow? More often then not I watch them cause I like the clothes ( I want Meg Ryans wardrobe in You’ve got Mail). I don’t expect some random guy to come in and sweep me off my feet, and is it all that wrong of me to have some chutzpah? I don’t think it is

And PS I like action movies too. Just not ones involving Stallone or Shwarzeneger.
This would be me.
 
But the romance part of courtship is oh so much more exciting than watching people say for 2 horus " Honey can you pick up the dry cleaning? The kids have soccer and ballet today so I can’t get there before it closes." Ugh, no one would sit through that no matter how cute the clothes were!
Yeah, but aren’t movies like “Calendar Girls” and “Steel Magnolias” chick flicks, too? If there is somewhere that the plot can go, it is surprising what we’re happy to sit through!

Maybe I don’t know what a chick flick is. I always thought it was a movie that a group of women would see together, but that 95% of men would not dream of going to except to please their wives/girlfriends…or maybe just one where the heroines are given more depth than the heroes.
 
Oh there are plenty of chick flicks that are fun and have a good plot line, same as there are some super good action flicks that have them (like Serenity or the first Bourne movie. I have a teeny tiny crush on Matt Damon, or the Departed, which was totally my favorite movie of the last year). Some chick flicks are good for just tossing into the dvd player and having it on as background noise while doing other things, like cleaning the house, folding laundry or zoning out to take a nap . There are male equivalents to chick flicks to however, Old School (which still to this day makes me laugh out loud, like a giddy school girl, and I use “EARMUFFS” all the time) or Dodgeball.
 
Although I understand and agree with the Op’s general conclusion, I can understand what others are saying about simply enjoying a movie because it is fun.

Normally, I don’t watch movies to be educated. I watch them to be entertained, so I don’t have the most sophisticated movie tastes. Heck you can’t get much more improbable then the plot of some of the horror movies that I watch.

I’m not a big romantic movie fan but I can understand why someone wishing for some light entertainment might enjoy a movie like French Kiss with Meg Ryan.
 
Although I understand and agree with the Op’s general conclusion, I can understand what others are saying about simply enjoying a movie because it is fun.

Normally, I don’t watch movies to be educated. I watch them to be entertained, so I don’t have the most sophisticated movie tastes. Heck you can’t get much more improbable then the plot of some of the horror movies that I watch.

I’m not a big romantic movie fan but I can understand why someone wishing for some light entertainment might enjoy a movie like French Kiss with Meg Ryan.
Ditto. We should enjoy movies for the fun they are, but not let them have too much influence on our better judgment. 🙂
 
But the romance part of courtship is oh so much more exciting than watching people say for 2 horus " Honey can you pick up the dry cleaning? The kids have soccer and ballet today so I can’t get there before it closes." Ugh, no one would sit through that no matter how cute the clothes were!
Aaah! I think that your garden variety Catholic marriage has great potential as an adventure-romance…

John and Margaret are struggling to stay married in a society that wants to rip them apart. Together they defy all societal norms and have 3, 4, then 5 children! They are abandoned by their friends and family who whisper “divorce” at every opportunity. John has been toiling away at his dull 9 to 5 job for 11 years, when finally he sees his opportunity to make his career really blossom. He sees pin-stripes, corner offices, and frequent flier perks. But then he gets big news, Mag is expecting their 6th! At a time when John’s life is finally coming together his wife needs him more than ever…
 
I don’t see the article as being about movies, but about marriage. The “chick flick” was just an example of how modern society views relationships.

I completely agree that many women today see marriage as a goal. They think that once they “hook” a man that the hard work is over. HA! I used to be one of those women. Looking back on it, I married to be married, NOT to be a wife. I was concerned with how it would affect ME and make MY life better. I never thought of sacrifice or compromise. Boy did I get a wake up call!!!

Now my younger sister is engaged to be married. I worry for her and her fiance. I can see that she holds many of the selfish views on marriage that I used to. I need to find a way to get through to her…

Malia
 
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