Becoming Patient

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scameter18

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I have never been a patient person - with myself, with others, with life. I become anxious, wanting things to happen correctly, whether by me or others, and that anxiety makes me impatient. I try to be intelligent, gregarious and sociable, and in those attempts, I become impatient, trying too hard as they say. This causes many problems in my life, in many areas, from school to relationships to hobbies.

How do I grow in patience? My impatience seems rooted in anxiety, which is itself rooted in deeper psychological issues, such as perfectionism and low self-esteem. But, as a virtue itself, how does one grow in patience?
 
I have the same issues with patience as you do. I pray for patience a lot and when I catch myself in the moment, depending on the situation, I will for help from the Lord or Mother Mary or even the Holy Spirit. They know are weaknesses better then we do and are more than willing to help if we just ask. It’s just hard to ask for help when we think we are strong enough to handle it when we really aren’t 😉
 
“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just, to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all iniquity” (I John 1:9).

I think we all struggle mightily with various sins. Have you spoken to a priest during confession about your particular struggle? I have found that seeking the advice of a good and holy priest can provide much assistance in our path toward holiness.

I earnestly seek to have that perfect union with God, but I recognize that I have a lifetime of struggle ahead of me to achieve that goal. I am very far from perfect.

May I suggest that you set aside one day a week for the next two or three months to fast and pray before the Holy Eucharist about this particular issue?

I would also recommend reading An Introduction to the Devout Life by St. Francis de Sales. I remember reading that he struggled with anger and impatience during his life, but through prayer, fasting and internal discipline God helped him to overcome. That book is an excellent source of inspiration.

I would also highly recommend Christian Perfection and Contemplation by Fr. Reginald Garrigou-Lagrange and Growth in Holiness by Fr. Frederick Faber. I have read both of these books more than once and they are truly wonderful guides toward that narrow path.

I think you are very brave to even admit this difficulty, and I am quite certain that God is very pleased with your efforts to master yourself. I will pray that your feelings of impatience will be turned into a heroic passion for holiness!

God bless you and guide you, and grant you the patience that you seek and the peace that passes all understanding.
 
scameter18 said:
I have never been a patient person - with myself, with others, with life. I become anxious, wanting things to happen correctly, whether by me or others, and that anxiety makes me impatient. I try to be intelligent, gregarious and sociable, and in those attempts, I become impatient, trying too hard as they say. This causes many problems in my life, in many areas, from school to relationships to hobbies.

How do I grow in patience? My impatience seems rooted in anxiety, which is itself rooted in deeper psychological issues, such as perfectionism and low self-esteem. But, as a virtue itself, how does one grow in patience?
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A couple thoughts. First get rid of the idea 'low self esteem" …it is better to rather to understand the reality of your being “in Christ” as a Christian and thus a child of God. You are thus a disciple of the Lord Jesus Christ by faith and baptism…have this as your focus …

Our life is a gift from God and our being in Christ…as a new creation!

Christ is our hope our joy and our anchor in the trials of life. He is the ‘security’ we need…so seek to cast any anxiety on him … onto the Father…and seek to live as a confident child of God …walking in the Spirit. Having confidence in Christ.

And as Paul reminds us frequently …thanksgiving …is important…

As for patience…

Patience is a virtue. A virtue is a habitus that is a stable disposition …a kind of second nature …

How do we get this virtue? The acquired virtue of patience is acquired by many many repeated acts of patience…and as St. Catherine of Siena tells us…it is built by its opposite…so all the things that would make you impatient are the means by which increase ones patience…a thousand little choices…a thousand acts of patience…

Patience is also a fruit of the Holy Spirit…but we still need to cooperate and make our choices…

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
gentleness, self-control… (Gal 5 RSV)

oh and well…be patient with your not having the patience you desire 🙂

A few little readings for lectio divina for ya:

Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. ((1 Peter 4:6)

…in any and all circumstances I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and want. I can do all things in him who strengthens me. (Phil 4)

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice.
Let all men know your forbearance. The Lord is at hand.
Have no anxiety about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. (Phil 4)

May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy, giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified us to share in the inheritance of the saints in light. (Col 1:11 RSV all here are)

I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all lowliness and meekness, with patience, forbearing one another in love…(Eph 4:2)

Love is patient and kind (1 Cor 13)

Rejoice in your hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. (Rm 12:12)
 
scameter18 said:
I have never been a patient person - with myself, with others, with life. I become anxious, wanting things to happen correctly, whether by me or others, and that anxiety makes me impatient. I try to be intelligent, gregarious and sociable, and in those attempts, I become impatient, trying too hard as they say. This causes many problems in my life, in many areas, from school to relationships to hobbies.

How do I grow in patience? My impatience seems rooted in anxiety, which is itself rooted in deeper psychological issues, such as perfectionism and low self-esteem. But, as a virtue itself, how does one grow in patience?
Click to expand...
**Whatever the root of your impatience, the call to patience is profound and essential.

It helps me to remember these two lines from Scripture:

“God is love.”
and
“Love is patient, love is kind … .”**
 
Thank you all very much for your help and guidance. I deeply appreciate it. God bless. 🙂
 
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