O
Orionthehunter
Guest
Demeaning? I’m sorry you interpreted it as demeaning. My intent was to use irony to show that the issue isn’t simple. I think I reacted to what I interpreted as sanctimony (I’m willing to sacrifice and your are not). I’m sure that wasn’t your intent.
I understand personally and firsthand the issues of alcoholism. My father ultimately died because he could never kick the habit (it wasn’t the direct cause but indirectly from years of abusing his body). One of my best friends went thru treatment only 10 months ago. My wife worked years ago in a rehab facility as she is also a child of an alcholic. As we both know alcohol problems run in our family, except for special circumstances, we never consume alcohol more than once a week and when we do it is seldom more than one or two drinks.
And, I think the implication in Estesbob’s post is consistent with ours. The problem of alcoholism is first a problem of the drinker. Sobriety depends on them facing this fact. They can’t blame others for their problem. When those around the alcoholic treat it like the elephant in the room that nobody talks about or tries to protect the alcoholic at all costs, it is a different form of enabling. While grounded in the best of intentions, enabling is an insidous obstacle to first getting help and then (after rehab) to full recovery.
The reality is that alcohol is a problem for a group among us. We need to stand behind them and assist them in their recovery. However, the assistance has to be direct (friend-to-friend) and not indirect (trying to remove the temptation in every and all situations) as ultimately we have to help them learn to live in sobriety in society.
In my mind, rather than prohibiting it situations where in that locality alcohol consumption is ordinary and customary, you should search out someone who you think will be tempted and be with them as a friend during the social function. Help them integrate and become comfortable not drinking while others are. Depending on where they are in their recovery, you might drink lemonade with them or you might have a beer.
This is how we helped my friend who recently went thru treatment. We continued to golf with him on our regular Men’s Day and on Saturday morning. At first, after golf, we left the course and went to eat at a place that didn’t serve alcohol. But as soon as we thought him ready, we stayed at the course for dinner and allowed him to get comfortable having ice tea while people at other tables had their drinks. Maybe this summer, he might even stick around and play cards or we might consume a beer in his presence.
My point is that if a person never learns to live among society there can develop isolation and loss of friendships, which can be a major cause of relapse. And reality is that over half the people who are sober had a relapse. Integration by friends and vigilance by the alcoholic are the keys to success. And, unfortunately, we have to accept that for some relapse is a necessary step to permanent recovery. Have you ever heard the expression “dry drunk”? It refers to a person who substitutes their dependence on alcohol with another dependancy. This is a psuedo-recovery and not truly healthy. True recovery requires they rid themselves from all unhealthy dependencies.
Finally, if every church social event involves alcohol, the parish needs to reconsider their make-up of events. But occassionally having the parish provide mechanisms for a gradual integration is part of supporting these people among us with this particular cross.
Well, at least we now just see it differently and there isn’t necessarily a wrong or right answer (this is the lesson of Romans 14).
