Beginning discernment-help?

[jrs88]

How did your family react when you told them you were discerning a vocation? I am afraid to tell mine because I think it will be pretty unexpected. Maybe. I mean, I have been getting a lot deeper into my faith in the last year and they know that, but they don’t know the extent. My family, and I up until fairly recently, just have never seen it as an option, it was something other people did. But a few months ago I felt like God might be calling me to be a religious sister and that it was actually a real option. So I’m in a pretty weird spot right now. I am really at the very beginning of discernment, but I know that when I imagine myself married, I could be happy but I would always feel like, what if He had been calling me and I ignored it? When I think of being a sister it makes me very happy because I would belong only to Christ. I have fallen deeply in love with Him and I just feel this possible call.
I would really appreciate any advice, on how you told your parents, when in the process of discernment did you tell them, and anything else like advice with discernment in general. Should I say something to my priest? Thank you so much to those who respond!

 

[SenorSalsa]

How old are you?

If you are high school age, when it gets the point where a lot of questions about college and career choices come up, it is a good time to bring it up.

I officially told my parents after they asked me why i put ministry as one of my career choices on the SAT. And believe me, it isnt always an easy topic to bring up, because it is so counter-cultural and it is such a huge decision.

Perhaps if there is a convent near you, you could bring it up to your mom that you would like to go visit

 

[Poor_Clare_tobe]

How did your family react when you told them you were discerning a vocation? I am afraid to tell mine because I think it will be pretty unexpected. Maybe. I mean, I have been getting a lot deeper into my faith in the last year and they know that, but they don’t know the extent. My family, and I up until fairly recently, just have never seen it as an option, it was something other people did. But a few months ago I felt like God might be calling me to be a religious sister and that it was actually a real option. So I’m in a pretty weird spot right now. I am really at the very beginning of discernment, but I know that when I imagine myself married, I could be happy but I would always feel like, what if He had been calling me and I ignored it? When I think of being a sister it makes me very happy because I would belong only to Christ. I have fallen deeply in love with Him and I just feel this possible call.
I would really appreciate any advice, on how you told your parents, when in the process of discernment did you tell them, and anything else like advice with discernment in general. Should I say something to my priest? Thank you so much to those who respond!

Much depends on your age and at what point in the discernment process you are in?

I would definatly contact your priest and speak to him. You may also wish to go on a few retreats… start visiting various convents.
Maybe try to connect with other young people in your area who are considering a vocation???
If you think your family will be supportive you might share with them now… if you are worried that they won’t be… then perhaps you might wait for a bit until you have either spoken to a priest or a religious who might help direct you in the best next step to take and might provide some conversation starters with your parents.

Are you in college?? What type of communities are you thining of???[You might start by looking at the various posts here… there are many general websites that might help you to begin your journey … many posted in this forum and many specific to an order as well as general information.

Good Luck on your journey … and keep us informed…
**

 

[jrs88]

I am 19 and in sophomore year of college. I will be transferring to Steubenville this year. I am not sure if I should say something to them before I get to Steubie or after, because I don’t want them to think I am only doing it because of being there.
I think I am most interested in active-contemplative communities or missionary orders.

 

[SenorSalsa]

I just started my freshman year here at Steubenville, as a member of the Pre-Theologate program, and I can tell you that it is an absolutely astounding place to further your discernment process.

But my guess at some point you will have at least one conversation with your parents about why you are transferring, so take the opportunity. And remember, you are just discerning, so don’t make it sound like you are going to join tomorrow, that would probably surprise them. Just tell them that you are looking into if the religious life is for you. Depending on how Catholic your parents are, be careful with the word Discernment, it can be kinda confusing to those who don’t quite understand what that means.

 

[Poor_Clare_tobe]

I am 19 and in sophomore year of college. I will be transferring to Steubenville this year. I am not sure if I should say something to them before I get to Steubie or after, because I don’t want them to think I am only doing it because of being there.
I think I am most interested in active-contemplative communities or missionary orders.

How wonderful! There will be many opportunities to explore the possibility of a vocation, [while there]…

It sounds as though you are unsure of what their reaction will be to the news of your possibly having a vocation?
Do you think they would be more likely to be upset at your not telling them before [transfering there?][If so …open the discussion now]
Or do you think that the whole idea of possibly being called might be more upsetting to them???[If that is the case maybe wait?]
[Maybe the answer to that will help??? ]

Blessings and hopefully some others will pop on with some ideas…Keep us informed… and maybe there are other young people going through the same experience?? [who can help with ideas or at least moral support]

 

[jrs88]

I just started my freshman year here at Steubenville, as a member of the Pre-Theologate program, and I can tell you that it is an absolutely astounding place to further your discernment process.

But my guess at some point you will have at least one conversation with your parents about why you are transferring, so take the opportunity. And remember, you are just discerning, so don’t make it sound like you are going to join tomorrow, that would probably surprise them. Just tell them that you are looking into if the religious life is for you. Depending on how Catholic your parents are, be careful with the word Discernment, it can be kinda confusing to those who don’t quite understand what that means.

That’s so great that you are at Steubenville! I am so excited to go. I’m transferring in for this Spring semester. I think it will be just about the best place to discern that I could possibly get.

That’s what I’m afraid of, I am afraid they will think that I am 100% dead-set on entering…which I am not, I am just discerning and figuring it out. When I told them I was thinking of transferring to Steubie, immediately my mom got upset because she thought I was definitely dead-set on going at that time-which I wasn’t then, but I am going now so it kind of furthurs her point, but this is not the same situation as it would be a lifetime commitment rather than a few years, like college. I guess I will have to word it very, very carefully.

 

[jrs88]

How wonderful! There will be many opportunities to explore the possibility of a vocation, [while there]…

It sounds as though you are unsure of what their reaction will be to the news of your possibly having a vocation?
Do you think they would be more likely to be upset at your not telling them before [transfering there?][If so …open the discussion now]
Or do you think that the whole idea of possibly being called might be more upsetting to them???[If that is the case maybe wait?]
[Maybe the answer to that will help??? ]

Blessings and hopefully some others will pop on with some ideas…Keep us informed… and maybe there are other young people going through the same experience?? [who can help with ideas or at least moral support]

Yes, I am very unsure of their reaction. When I came back from visiting Steubenville, my dad was talking about how it is very Catholic, and my mom said to me, “Is that what you want, (jrs88)? You want to go to a very Catholic** college?” in sort of a tone like this was somehow negative. And I said yes, that I liked it a lot, and then she asked, “(jrs88), do you want to be a nun?” Now at this point I was still thinking it was kind of not possible and I said NO! and walked away. Then a few months later, after I had started thinking about it, we were talking about church or Franciscan or something, and my mom said “she’s going to be a nun”, not negatively but I don;t know if she was serious, and so I just said “Mom…” and didn’t say anything. My dad said “No she’s not”, and I didn’t say anything.
But on the other hand, I think they’d warm up to it if they saw that it was what was going to make me happy, since with transferring to Franciscan, they didn’t like the ideaof my being so far from home but they let me go because they want me to be happy.
So I am very confused as to what to expect for a reaction. My family doesn’t have many vocations in it, my dad has an uncle who is a priest, but that’s it.
I just fear that if I wait until I have been at Franciscan for a semester and then come home and tell them I am discerning, it might seem like something I am only thinking due to being at Franciscan, which it is not, as I am thinking of it now. I guess what’s stopping me from mentioning it now is that I am nervous to do so, and I have not met many religious so I thought it might be better to keep this to myself until I have met more nuns/sisters to see what it’s really like and make sure I am not idealizing it or anything.

 

[Poor_Clare_tobe]

Yes, I am very unsure of their reaction. When I came back from visiting Steubenville, my dad was talking about how it is very Catholic, and my mom said to me, “Is that what you want, (jrs88)? You want to go to a very Catholic** college?” in sort of a tone like this was somehow negative. And I said yes, that I liked it a lot, and then she asked, “(jrs88), do you want to be a nun?” Now at this point I was still thinking it was kind of not possible and I said NO! and walked away. Then a few months later, after I had started thinking about it, we were talking about church or Franciscan or something, and my mom said “she’s going to be a nun”, not negatively but I don;t know if she was serious, and so I just said “Mom…” and didn’t say anything. My dad said “No she’s not”, and I didn’t say anything.
But on the other hand, I think they’d warm up to it if they saw that it was what was going to make me happy, since with transferring to Franciscan, they didn’t like the ideaof my being so far from home but they let me go because they want me to be happy.
So I am very confused as to what to expect for a reaction. My family doesn’t have many vocations in it, my dad has an uncle who is a priest, but that’s it.
I just fear that if I wait until I have been at Franciscan for a semester and then come home and tell them I am discerning, it might seem like something I am only thinking due to being at Franciscan, which it is not, as I am thinking of it now. I guess what’s stopping me from mentioning it now is that I am nervous to do so, and I have not met many religious so I thought it might be better to keep this to myself until I have met more nuns/sisters to see what it’s really like and make sure I am not idealizing it or anything.

*Maybe you could look into some communities of sisters to see what rule and way of life and ministry you might be attracted to.
After all it seems that you are going to plan on finishing college so the process will naturally take some time. I would suggest investigating a bit on paper at least [computer] while waiting for spring. Maybe see if there are any retreats or days of discernment in your area in the meantime? [If you are not sure call the vocations office for your Diocese]… Just take it a step at a time… Sometimes opportunities for “talks” with the parents come at the most unexpected times.
Good Luck to you! Keep asking questions… there are lots of kind and knowledgeable people on this site who are here to help!

Blessings of Peace and Good!*

 

[jrs88]

Thank you for all your help. I think God will let me know when it is right to tell them. I will keep researching communities as you have said. I feel sort of drawn to the Franciscans. Thank you so much again! And God bless you as you become a Poor Clare.

 

[Poor_Clare_tobe]

Thank you for all your help. I think God will let me know when it is right to tell them. I will keep researching communities as you have said. I feel sort of drawn to the Franciscans. Thank you so much again! And God bless you as you become a Poor Clare.

Thank You… and be assured of my prayers along with many others as you explore “Gods plan for you”…

The nice thing about the University you have chosen is the availability of learning Franciscan Spirituality.

There are many threads already posted here on many different general vocation websites that might begin your search… time of course is on your side… Do go and visit some communities in your area… and good luck…keep posting and let us know how things go for you???

Peace and All Good!

 

[Alycin]

Yes, I am very unsure of their reaction. When I came back from visiting Steubenville, my dad was talking about how it is very Catholic, and my mom said to me, “Is that what you want, (jrs88)? You want to go to a very Catholic** college?” in sort of a tone like this was somehow negative. And I said yes, that I liked it a lot, and then she asked, “(jrs88), do you want to be a nun?” Now at this point I was still thinking it was kind of not possible and I said NO! and walked away. Then a few months later, after I had started thinking about it, we were talking about church or Franciscan or something, and my mom said “she’s going to be a nun”, not negatively but I don;t know if she was serious, and so I just said “Mom…” and didn’t say anything. My dad said “No she’s not”, and I didn’t say anything.
But on the other hand, I think they’d warm up to it if they saw that it was what was going to make me happy, since with transferring to Franciscan, they didn’t like the ideaof my being so far from home but they let me go because they want me to be happy.
So I am very confused as to what to expect for a reaction. My family doesn’t have many vocations in it, my dad has an uncle who is a priest, but that’s it.
I just fear that if I wait until I have been at Franciscan for a semester and then come home and tell them I am discerning, it might seem like something I am only thinking due to being at Franciscan, which it is not, as I am thinking of it now. I guess what’s stopping me from mentioning it now is that I am nervous to do so, and I have not met many religious so I thought it might be better to keep this to myself until I have met more nuns/sisters to see what it’s really like and make sure I am not idealizing it or anything.

Sounds like my parents! lol…