behavior in Mass

[jabelltulsa]

she then proceded to say “excuse me” to which I responded “you are excused”

LOL

For me, I would only take action on my own if it was during the Consecration, and I have, in fact. I don’t have a problem doing the “shhh” move to a small child when the Host and Blood are being Consecrated. This, for me, is a Miracle, and all should be quiet and focused.

If this is a consistent problem, I would definitely let the priest handle it, since he is the one in charge. He will, most likely, be able to kindly and compassionately get the situation under control. In this manner, you don’t cause problems with others in the parish. This could lead to mutual distraction from the Mass if there is unrest between people.

It’s aggravating to me, too.

Just to ramble a bit more, after Mass in the parish hall when our priest was talking about MP, there were many children making lots of noise. I had been waiting since MP came out for the priest to discuss this, and I missed most of it because of the noise. I was very angry and disappointed.

 

[Cat]

If this happened and I wasn’t an usher, I would have asked the ushers for help and let them take it from there.

If I were an usher, I would have approached the woman and asked, “May I help you?” That would have been kind (in case she had a legitimate reason for the tapping, like seeing a large spider sitting on their seat).

 

[Sheeniac]

I’m confused by the way posters are using the word ‘scandal’. Properly speaking, the Catholic definition of “scandal” is conduct that incites others to act immorally or do evil.

I don’t see how this is the case. To mis-use such words is to weaken the meaning of words.

Sorry for the mini-rant!

Given the fact the OP is an usher - I think it was not a bad act,

 

[RosalieM]

There is a woman in my parish who constantly keeps reciting the rosary during mass and also says some of what the priest says (in whispers). Whenever I am seated near her, I find it rather annoying. The other day, when I went into line to receive communion from the monsignor, which was my preference, she motioned in a bossy manner for me to get in the line she was in. Again, it was a little annoying. But later on I realized there is something wrong with her. She has very sad eyes and seems very nervous.
I’m going to pray to be more tolerant of people who are disruptive during mass. I think more often than not, there is something the matter with them in some way.

 

[promethius95945]

There is a woman in my parish who constantly keeps reciting the rosary during mass and also says some of what the priest says (in whispers). Whenever I am seated near her, I find it rather annoying. The other day, when I went into line to receive communion from the monsignor, which was my preference, she motioned in a bossy manner for me to get in the line she was in. Again, it was a little annoying. But later on I realized there is something wrong with her. She has very sad eyes and seems very nervous.
I’m going to pray to be more tolerant of people who are disruptive during mass. I think more often than not, there is something the matter with them in some way.

it sounds like she is trying, without knowing how, to be devout. I would approach her AFTER mass sometime and compliment her devotion, then KINDLY inform her of the liturgical abuses of not participating in mass and mouthing the words of the priest.

 

[Conciliar]

I’m confused by the way posters are using the word ‘scandal’.

Don’t be confused Sheeniac. It’s just a histrionic form of “ruckus.” They mean no harm.

but I wouldn’t be overly upset by your choice to leave.

Ouch. Thanks, Paul.

Haha, stick around, at least we’ll make things interesting.

I think I will.

 

[promethius95945]

Ouch. Thanks, Paul.

Haha! you know what i meant! your salvation is not dependent on your participation in Catholic Answers Forums… so I don’t have to mourn your possible loss of sanctifying grace as I do if someone causes you to stop attending mass.

 

[whatevergirl]

I’ve always marveled (in a bad way ha) over people who do not know how to behave…quietly during mass. A few Sundays ago, there was a woman telling her kids not to fall asleep…laughing…telling them to wake up…laughing…I mean, they are sleeping lady because it makes you laugh! LOL
I thought it was a little strange. I didn’t turn around, but my husband pretended to stretch and looked right at her…ha…and then she started to whisper. Hello? This isn’t a movie (and they should be quiet in a movie theater too) this is MASS.

If you want to whisper, fine…but your voice shouldn’t be trying to compete with the priest’s??

 

[KCT]

Her behavior sounds odd, but since she was not tapping you, I’m not sure why you got involved. —KCT

 

[whatevergirl]

Now if she was…tap…dancing…then maybe I would have said something. Ok…it’s time for me to go. Sorry…I had to throw a giggle in there.

 

[pammie]

May I ask this? We have a family that constantly raises their hands throughout the Mass in response to the priest saying, for example, The Lord be with you–they will raise their hands and say–and also with you. They do this often throughout the Mass. I have been a Catholic all my 40+years life and have not seen this done. It’s a distraction to me ( but that’s my problem ) and I wonder if it is liturgical abuse or should I just get over it?

Just curious.

 

[whatevergirl]

May I ask this? We have a family that constantly raises their hands throughout the Mass in response to the priest saying, for example, The Lord be with you–they will raise their hands and say–and also with you. They do this often throughout the Mass. I have been a Catholic all my 40+years life and have not seen this done. It’s a distraction to me ( but that’s my problem ) and I wonder if it is liturgical abuse or should I just get over it?

Just curious.

You should overlook it…I see this a lot in mass as well…when did this start becoming part of mass? But…it’s not abusing dogma or doctrine, so I would let it go.

 

[sojo]

I attended many Masses in San Francisco before we moved to the country. Inevitably in the inner-city, there would be some poor soul who was mentally unbalanced, especially in the colder weather (homeless getting out of the weather). Tapping and echolalia (repeating what you hear compulsively) were the least of the distracting behaviors I witnessed, though I saw a lot of those.

I learned a lot from seeing how the “regulars” handled such situations charitably (I was in the process of converting so hopped around everywhere to see the different churches) . I saw that directly addressing unbalanced folks’ behaviors generally is useless and only incites them further. Best to just ignore the behaviors and offer it up to God.

I have found that folks with serious issues will often respond well to charitable courtesy. Saying “hello, good to see you again,” and “it was so nice to see you today” after Mass can result in a visible calming of their body, and the next day when you greet them at Mass with a smile, I often saw their irritating behaviors greatly reduced. Again, just something I learned from others more holy than myself.

The woman who was repeating what the Priest said in whispers was probably working very hard NOT to repeat everything out loud – it probably took enormous effort and devotion. I had a foster child with echolalia, and I can attest that it is a near impossible compulsion to completely stop.

The family gently asking the tapping woman to stop, but not getting up and moving, or demanding the usher intervene showed great generosity of spirit. Or would we have the mentally ill stay home from Mass for the convenience of us so blessed as to not have such problems?

 

[TraditionalCath]

In Mass yesterday I saw a women nearby me keep tapping another family on the shoulder trying to get there attention, this other family kept asking the women to stop.

I then walked over (I was in the aisle) to the lady and asked her to stop tapping these people while there praying (after the prayer was over ofcourse) she then proceded to say “excuse me” to which I responded “you are excused” she gave me a look of rage and stormed out. after that she watched me through the glass doors from the vestibule, after about 10 minutes she left.

was I right in my reaction to her bothering these people during the our Father

no. your not correct. your there to be at the Mass to worship God and to hear His word. you should’ve politely taken the woman aside after the Mass and spoken to her then. her leaving like that could cause her to stumble. one must be careful how to treat others and to always do so in private, not publicly like that.

if you get the opportunity to see her again, take her aside if she will let you, and apologize to her. i was also heavily distracted at Mass a week ago when a couple had loud kids and i never said anything to them. i suffered through it. i did politely look back at them and they quieted their children down a bit.

if it truly bothers you, speak to the priest. not everyone has the best mannerisms at Mass, but it is not up to us to scold them either during the Mass. you take them aside or you speak to an usher or the priest.

 

[RosalieM]

I prefer to let the odd behavior go. There is a man who points to the priest for “and also with you” response. There is another who crouches and touches his head to the floor in a bow reminiscent of islam. There’s more than one person who mouths what the priest says. So I’ll just try to ignore the eccentricities unless it’s something horrid – and then I’ll tell a priest.

 

[s4angel]

I am sorry about this but I have another prospective.

About the mother of the small children??? You see I am a mother of small children and unfortunatly the smallest two 3 and 5 years have a real rough time sitting for an hour strait. When I had a vehicle I would drop them off at daycare or leave them with my dad who went to a seperate mass than I did. Before that I tried to use the cry room but would miss half the mass. The cry room in my church is located behind the alter and in front of everyone. I just could not get connected that way so I made some arrangements. Now that I do not have a vehicle I only get to church once in a very long while and when I get the chance because of some peoples additudes at the church I can’t go. Have you ever tried to stay focused when people are getting impatient with you??? not to mention that you can feel the Holy spirit untill you feel the censore so not even if I get the chance to go to church (and yes some people did complain) I have to make sure my youngest have someone to watch them first and that makes me feel more guilty for neglecting their religious needs. and yes children have a need for god. Did Jesus not say let the children come to me and forbid them not?? As for this lady I am not sure what her problem was but some adults have a hard time sitting through church too. I am not saying any thing was wrong with what you did and lord knows on the rare occation that I do get to church I am so into what I feel and hear that I just simply am transported out of myself. (My older two will tell you) that if someone would tap me I would probably say peace be with you.

 

[Sina]

I love this thread!

I think a lot of us, myself VERY included, get distracted easily, and it is something we need to pray about.

I attend an inner city church for mass every sunday. I concur that there are many different eccentric people at mass. I had sat next to a woman dangling her rosary VERY loudly. It annoyed me to no end. I couldn’t concentrate on mass. She appeared very devout but it made no sense to me that she was dangling her rosary all throughout mass.

Another time, my husband and I sat next to a couple. It was a VERY cold winter day and their coats were off and laying on the pews. There was hardly any room to squeeze in with them because their coats were lying flat. When more people came to sit down, we had to scoot over and this couple did NOT move.

Throughout mass, I noticed they were chewing GUM. Gross! How rude! When the man went up for communion, chewing gum, I nearly had it. How can you take communion whilst chewing gum? I saw Father looking at him in a certain way when he handed him communion. I didn’t see the man until I sat down again and he came back a few minutes later. The bread wafer was gone, and he was still chewing gum

Anyways, I noticed when it was time to shake their hands that they appeared to be mentally disabled ( so I knew this before communion ) and I was just so warmed that they were at mass and they were quiet despite the gum chewing. You can’t always assume everyone is like YOU.

Strangely, my non Catholic husband has NO issues with eccentric behaviour at mass. Only I seem to! Argh. I pray.

Last note: I TOTALLY CANNOT STAND when people arrive late at mass ( unless they have like… 4 kids ). Nealry half of my church parishioners are late for mass! Grrr.

 

[pammie]

or when people receive the host and head straight out the door!!!

 

[Sarabande]

If I were an usher, I would have approached the woman and asked, “May I help you?” That would have been kind (in case she had a legitimate reason for the tapping, like seeing a large spider sitting on their seat).

I would agree with this. Since you are an usher, you have a responsibility to make sure things are ok and I think if you said something like, “May I help you?” perhaps it would have ended better. But as they say, hindsight is always 20/20. If you weren’t an usher, I would not have done anything since the family was handling it themselves, unless the person looked like she was going to physically hurt them.

This woman might have some sort of psychological or mental problem as a couple of the other posters surmised. The only reason I suspect this is because where I attend mass and cantor for mass, we have mentally and emotionally challenged people that come to mass once in a while. Many of them are homeless, some live in homes. We’ve had violent ones who had physically attacked people in their pews, so mass had to be paused in order to escort the person out and call the police (this is rare, but has happened at least 3 times since I’ve been going to mass there) and gentle ones who will sit or kneel in their pews whispering to themselves or praying in front of the Virgin’s statue. (This is more common.)There have been ones who acted similarily to the woman in question. We’ve had sacristans and ushers handle situation very well and badly sometimes. Try to keep an eye out for her, approach her with an understanding heart and pray for her. If she does have mental problems your kindness and prayers will be a gift to her. If she is just a cranky, mean lady, your kindess and your prayers will still be a gift to her.

In regards to other forms of behaviour in mass, I’ve seen two different pastors handle situation like the ones above as well as others very differently. One past pastor took the “mean” approach and would just kick everyone out. The other pastor was always more gentle and docile. I’ve seen him even speak to the people - whether they were protesters (we get a lot of them, especially on Holy Days because we’re the Cathedral and these people think they are making a political statement.), homeless or whoever else. Since the gentle pastor has been here, I haven’t seen the problems that the other pastor has had. I still see some of the same people, but never any problems.

 

[Sina]

Yeah people leaving mass right after communion is bad. My church actually put info bulletins in the narthex advising people that this is akin to being invited to dinner and leaving as soon as the food is eaten. hah. very true.