Being a better mom

[DisorientingSneeze]

I’m out of likes, but yes. You know whether they understand or not and you’re obviously the one doling out consequence so that part is easy. Now sometimes they’ve gotten used to ignoring a parent because they’re used to our reminders and realize they don’t have to listen.

 

[Allegra]

All the time I was in junior softball, my dad and stepdad were always yelling at me to “choke up on the bat.” No one ever bothered to tell me what that meant, so I just sort of wiggled it around so it looked like I was doing something. To this day, I have no idea what it means. Kids don’t always let on when they have no idea what you’re talking about.

 

[Vikki2973]

When my kids where little it was really overwhelming. You need to remove yourself from the situation, take 10 deep breaths, ask God for patience and understanding, and remember they are little. Once you do that you can respond to your child in a loving, positive way. I know it’s hard to remove your self but you can do this. If you have to walk away more than once, its ok. Better to do that than say or do something you can’t take back. May God bless you and your kiddo. You got this.

 

[DisorientingSneeze]

To this day, I have no idea what it means.

Curiosity wouldn’t beckon you to look it up after all this time?

I see what you mean. To some degree knowledge of their ages and personalities/temperaments helps there. My kids will blurt in an instant that they don’t know how to do something (whether true or not), whereas childhood me would just keep trying to do something I had no instructions for and fail to please whoever was asking, wallowing in dissappointment.

I think the teacher in me was falling into this repeat myself trap because repeating, modeling, saying things differently are all part of the job and part of what I’ve been doing long before I had my own kids. But my kids know what get your shoes on, get in the car, etc. mean. They’re just choosing not to listen. I’ve seemingly trained them not to have to listen because they learned I would repeat myself louder and louder.

 

[Allegra]

Yeah, I was the kind of kid that would die guessing rather than admit that I didn’t know what they were talking about, and I think my kids are kind of the same way, but I also think that when an adult is frustrated or hurried, they aren’t always a clear as they think they are. Over Christmas, I got on my stepfather because he was sitting in a room full of active grandchildren and began bellowing, “Get your hands off that!” and got really irate that the correct kid didn’t immediately drop the object he was referring to. I had to point out that,
a) No one knew who the heck he was even talking to.
b) Everyone in the room was touching at least one thing and he did not specify which “that” he was concerned about.
c) It was Christmas and at least 75% of the “decorations” in the room were either designed to look like children’s playthings or literally were antique toys, scattered among a pile of actual toys that the children were playing with. Unless it was wired to the tree, it was really hard for toddlers to know what was a toy and what was off limits.
and d) No one can read his mind.
(PS- It turned out that the kid in question didn’t even have their “hands” on the object anyway, but was leaning against it while reaching for something else.)

He had a really hard time believing that the kid in question didn’t know exactly who and what he was talking about and wasn’t just being defiant.