Being a doormat vs standing up for oneself vs letting things go

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I am very confused about these. It seems like Catholicism says we should always be meek and humble and forgive people.

But I did that and the results were bad.

So recently at my work, two separate customers were rude because they had made a mistake which resulted in our being unable to give our normal service. So, basically, if you order the wrong thing, or give the wrong address, or (name removed by moderator)ut your payment wrong, there will be a delay which is not our fault but yours!

So when the customers were rude, I stood up for myself and pointed out the problem caused by their mistake.

Well, OTOH, I have made mistakes too, and others have helped me out with them, so maybe I should not have said anything.

So how do we think about these issues as Catholics?

Thanks very much.
 
It’s possible to be a strong but meek and humble catholic ,not to retaliate but stand firm in what’s right and say it out of the kindness of our heart.
It’s good to look around and see catholic role models you admire and see how they speak to people,go about resolving issues.
 
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Being meek from a position of strength is the key.

As a teacher I do not want my (young) students to be doormats. I might as well beat them over the back with a rod.

I want them to be strong, confident (little) people.

So strong and confident that they can start to think about others.

Without the strength and confidence then I think meekness can be a destructive outlook.
By strength and confidence I mean a quiet wise strength not a brash dominating one.

Regards.
 
I think the best is to give them what they want since they pay for your salary. Forgive them as you also want God to forgive you. Then, when you returned home, quietly pray for them.

Also, when you stood up, don’t show them an angry face. Continue to smile and jokingly said they made a mistake so you ended up sending to your own mom’s house. Laughed together and everything will be forgotten very soon.
 
I think that standing up to a rude person, or being polite in return ( turning the other cheek ) is something to be determined on a case by case basis. There isn’t a blanket Catholic response.
At Work, especially, one is expected to be polite to Customers. Humans are often rude, unlovable, self centered, inconsiderate. So part of one’s job ( at work and as a Catholics ) is to field that.
Sometimes gently putting someone straight, sometimes letting the situation glide past.
 
As the others have replied, you can defend your position without being aggressive. Humility means being willing to admit another person may be right. Humility does not mean resignation: automatically giving way to another person.

Listen to them. Find out why they made the mistake. In your eyes, the mistake may be silly. In theirs, it could be due to difficulty with the data entry. Humility would be acknowledging their issue even if you yourself wouldn’t make the same mistake. Dissecting the problem and being open-minded is definitely different from lying down and resigning right away.
 
I am trying to stop standing up or defending myself but I am not doing a good job of that.
 
I don’t use the phrase ‘door mat’ in Catholicism. To me it is a secular term. Either you are humble or you are not. If you choose the first, there are ways to go about it. If you are not, meaning you need to justify yourself, you can have all the reasons in the world to do so.

As for the customer incident, the best way to follow would be your company policy, which is most likely ‘the customer is alright right’. You don’t have to justify yourself but to let it go.

Im being humble we can never go wrong. Jesus is humble. He humbled himself and took the nature of man as men were, and obedient to the Father even to death on the cross. Because of that he was raise from the dead where every knee would kneel and every tongue confess that He is Lord, to the glory of the Father.

The meaning and the extent of humility would be difficult to grasp but if the example of Jesus is abything to go by, it is enormous.

Good bless.
 
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It’s wise to pick your battles carefully. Not everything is worthy of an argument/confrontation, and in those cases, turning the other cheek would be prudent.

But there are times when a rational, truthful, defense of oneself is required. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that, and I don’t think we are not permitted to use truth and facts to set situations straight.
 
It is possible to calmly explain to the customer the service issue in a polite and patient way without being rude. That is what God calls us to do.
And, as someone said, follow your company policies.

Being Catholic does not mean you act the fool at your work.
 
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Harmony said:
So how do we think about these issues as Catholics?
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Meek and humble doesn’t = weak and feeble.

Meekness and humility are virtues that involve not drawing undue attention to oneself, not bragging etc.

We can and should defend ourselves and stand up for ourselves when necessary. We are not supposed to be doormats.
 
Getting better at it, because being assertive was tried and made things worse. But instead ,i often take the coward’s way out, and humor people 'til they walk away, and then do what i think is right. Not a great system!
 
Thanks so much for all the reliesit’sgreat to know these are similar struggles.
 
I was polite to them; I realized these particular people got to me because they were taking advantage of the fact I am in a “lowly” position compared to them. The first one was annoyed; the second one was practically gloating.

There are a lot of people who make similar mistakes, but they are nice aboutyt it.

Sigh. I think I just don’t have enough “give” or reserves or something.
 
Harmony said:
I was polite to them; I realized these particular people got to me because they were taking advantage of the fact I am in a “lowly” position compared to them. The first one was annoyed; the second one was practically gloating.
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Just deal with them in a polite but firm way. Kill them with kindness.
 
Harmony said:
I am very confused about these. It seems like Catholicism says we should always be meek and humble and forgive people.
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Harmony said:
Well, OTOH, I have made mistakes too, and others have helped me out with them, so maybe I should not have said anything.

So how do we think about these issues as Catholics?
Click to expand...
You can be meek and kind while having healthy boundaries. Those two aren’t dichotomously opposed.

The saying is that a assertiveness is a positive, productive expression of the self. Any less than that is passivity, and any more than that is aggression.

“I’m sorry, SIr. It looks like there was an error in how you entered your address, and that’s what caused the delay. What is the best way to reach you when it arrives?”

A rude customer will probably persist in shifting the blame because some people are proud and have a hard time admitting to mistakes. That’s their issue and not yours. Just focus on, “Well, let’s just do what we can to get this fixed, OK?”
 
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Harmony said:
So recently at my work, two separate customers were rude because they had made a mistake which resulted in our being unable to give our normal service. So, basically, if you order the wrong thing, or give the wrong address, or (name removed by moderator)ut your payment wrong, there will be a delay which is not our fault but yours!

So how do we think about these issues as Catholics?
Click to expand...
If you are in business, regardless of whether you are Catholic or not, you can’t win an argument with a customer. He doesn’t have to come back- you have to be accommodating.

As a manager, in most lines of business, I wouldn’t accept an employee being rude to a customer, regardless of how rude the customer was first.
 
From my understanding, the word “meek” when used in the Bible in proper translated to keeping your sword sheathed. It meant having the ability and readiness to fight, but not fighting unless absolutely necessary. Unlike “timid” as we tend to think.

Catholics are not taught to be timid – we are taught to be meek, strong, ready for battle, and ready to offer mercy and love as God did for us. We should have the heart of a child but the mind of a grownup.

Be aware of when you offer mercy, but also remember mercy can only be offered when it is ready to be accepted. It can’t be given if it is unwanted. We’re certainly not taught to be doormats.
 
“Forgive them Father for they do not know what they are doing”, is a very hard act to follow.
 
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