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Irishmom2
Guest
Believe me, it’s not my insecurity. You do not know my situation one way or the other to be pointing fingers at me quite frankly.
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catholicwifeforlife1
Guest
Absolutely. That’s precisely why I’m working so hard on curing my health issues but in the meantime, I’m doing as much as I can to support my husband.
Both husbands and wives in marriage are called to be a blessing to each other.
Working for the sole purpose of extra money is not a blessing in some marriages and conversely, staying home when finances dictate otherwise is not a blessing either.
It’s up to the couple to decide that. As for your MIL, I would thank her for her feedback and not engage in an arguments.
I thank alot of people for thier feedback,and change the subject
Working for the sole purpose of extra money is not a blessing in some marriages and conversely, staying home when finances dictate otherwise is not a blessing either.
It’s up to the couple to decide that. As for your MIL, I would thank her for her feedback and not engage in an arguments.
I thank alot of people for thier feedback,and change the subject
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bstorm
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Catholicwife, you are (1) going to school, (2) dealing with health issue, (3) taking care of your home. Sounds to me like you have a lot on your plate even not having the responsibility to take care of children. I do not see why anyone should pressure you to work outside of home on top of everything. Going to school can actually be a lot of work! I think there is not much you can do to change your mother in law, my only suggestion would be not to engage in discussions with her about your situation. The most important thing is whether you and your husband are on the same page, not whether other people approve.
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oldgraymare2
Guest
I was going to say some of the same things that you’ve said.
There have been times when I have been able to work, and times when I didn’t due to some serious illnesses.
On top of that, I was always helping to take care of an ill and/or elderly family member, plus be the female head of my own household.
I was never idle, with nothing to do.
When I was ill myself and taking care of one of my family members at one time, I was juggling my own medical appointments plus hers. I would go over to her place to get her mail, and then come home and make our dinner and do our chores.
I’m not trying to sound like I’m complaining or ranting here, or anything like that.
What I’m describing is how it is for many families who are juggling trying to take care of others, plus their own families, too.
As I mentioned, I wasn’t well on top of that, so it was really difficult during those specific times of family care-giving.
If someone has children, then they are juggling their schedules and care on top of that, too.
I don’t personally concern myself with how others want to live their lives, as I’m too busy trying to help my own family.
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catholicwifeforlife1
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That’s the thing though, I never do.
She brings it up. She reminds me who is hiring and has made other comments in the past along these lines. And, with all of the other things she does, it’s apparent I have no worth in her eyes until I make money. I never comment on what she does though. I don’t think it’s my place to.
She had made multiple comments to my husband in the past that were very strange as well. It sounded like she felt like I invaded their bond. My husband had a talk with her though, but she likes to use the silent treatment. So, I feel bad pressuring my husband to start arguments with his mom about things so trivial. I’m strong enough to endure it. Maybe its just a cross the Lord has given me that I have to bear.
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bstorm
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Unfortunately, you cannot control whether she brings it up or not, the only thing you can control is your response. When people I know bring up something personal I do not want to discuss I do not respond to it, say something very non-committal (like “that’s interesting”), or deflect the conversation (“how about the weather?”). That tends to minimize the time they dwell on the topic as trying to explain myself just draws out the conversation.
It is also quite likely that you finding a job and earning money would not help your relationship with your MIL, as she may just find something else to criticize. Your husband is the best person to help you with this situation. You can also try to minimize your alone time with her, if possible.
It is also quite likely that you finding a job and earning money would not help your relationship with your MIL, as she may just find something else to criticize. Your husband is the best person to help you with this situation. You can also try to minimize your alone time with her, if possible.
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oldgraymare2
Guest
I agree with your post.
Unfortunately, I think that some Mother-in-laws are just going to find something to criticize, no matter what the situation.
Why I believe this, is because they would feel this way no matter who their son married, because they didn’t want anyone to come between them and their son, and their particular relationship.
Editing to add, what I mean by this is that they didn’t want their son to marry anyone.
Unfortunately, I think that some Mother-in-laws are just going to find something to criticize, no matter what the situation.
Why I believe this, is because they would feel this way no matter who their son married, because they didn’t want anyone to come between them and their son, and their particular relationship.
Editing to add, what I mean by this is that they didn’t want their son to marry anyone.
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alice24
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I would like to go a step further and say " in most circles here in germany it´s not seen as acceptable for anyone to work less than full if full employment is available".
For example, my husband and me are stil studying right now but we have no more student loans or support we can take to finace our life. He has a 20 h/week job in intensive care service which is often conected with night/weekend work. I´m working part time at a chocolate store (less than him) and do some tailoring studd fom at home. We moved in another county where we can pay our flat and life costs not easily, but managable with those two small incomes. We hope to have children soon and the plan is me staying at home for the first time and then going back on 12 hours/week if we get a childcare place who allows the child staying there for only two days/week. If we could afford it when we hopefully one day find a job in our studied profession, I would like to be at home (but work from at home part time).
To my statement above, I have to say that both my husband and me experienced in our families that two parents working full leads often to a damaged or stressed relationship. Still, the decision to work less is absolutely out of order in germany. You need to be silly or crazy or lazy or all of this in the eyes of this society.
Also, I don´t want to be at home and don´t see my husband all the week. If there´s no other option then we have to to this as all the other people on the world, but if we have to choose less money or less time, we will go for less money and be a happy family.
For example, my husband and me are stil studying right now but we have no more student loans or support we can take to finace our life. He has a 20 h/week job in intensive care service which is often conected with night/weekend work. I´m working part time at a chocolate store (less than him) and do some tailoring studd fom at home. We moved in another county where we can pay our flat and life costs not easily, but managable with those two small incomes. We hope to have children soon and the plan is me staying at home for the first time and then going back on 12 hours/week if we get a childcare place who allows the child staying there for only two days/week. If we could afford it when we hopefully one day find a job in our studied profession, I would like to be at home (but work from at home part time).
To my statement above, I have to say that both my husband and me experienced in our families that two parents working full leads often to a damaged or stressed relationship. Still, the decision to work less is absolutely out of order in germany. You need to be silly or crazy or lazy or all of this in the eyes of this society.
Also, I don´t want to be at home and don´t see my husband all the week. If there´s no other option then we have to to this as all the other people on the world, but if we have to choose less money or less time, we will go for less money and be a happy family.
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PaulinVA
Guest
I respect my wife more than anyone else on the planet.
She stayed at home for about twenty tears taking care of our children. She put her professional dreams on hold and sacrificed a lot to give our children what they needed when they needed it.
Our family is so much better for her sacrifice.
She stayed at home for about twenty tears taking care of our children. She put her professional dreams on hold and sacrificed a lot to give our children what they needed when they needed it.
Our family is so much better for her sacrifice.
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catholicwifeforlife1
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Wow, that’s amazing. I think homemaking as a vocation is underappreciated in our society. Its refreshing to hear about devoted women who put the needs of their family above their own (whether their work or stay home). God bless her!
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PaulinVA
Guest
I actually wrote that on treadmill at the gym, so I wasn’t able to elaborate.
My sainted wife took care of our first son, who had a severe birth defect, at home for three years until he died.
Our youngest is dyslexic and has a “constellation” of learning problems. My wife worked with her every day for years and years and years to overcome her problems and develop coping strategies. She’ll graduate from college next year!
So, yes, my wife is the most awesome person I know!
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catholicwifeforlife1
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Wow. That’s incredible. I’m so sorry for your loss though. That trial must have been so difficult to endure. I can’t even imagine losing a child.
Women like your wife show the world what love really is. It is also amazing to see husbands who love their wives like you clearly do (and my husband does as well). I firmly beleive that a tightknit family begins with the love of the spouses. I grew up in a home that was pretty turbulent at times, so I want to create a loving and selfless environment for my future children like you and your wife have done for yours.
Also, congrats on your daughter’s achievement! Best wishes to her!
Women like your wife show the world what love really is. It is also amazing to see husbands who love their wives like you clearly do (and my husband does as well). I firmly beleive that a tightknit family begins with the love of the spouses. I grew up in a home that was pretty turbulent at times, so I want to create a loving and selfless environment for my future children like you and your wife have done for yours.
Also, congrats on your daughter’s achievement! Best wishes to her!
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Viki63
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That’s a shame. I’ve visited Germany, and the people I met there were very nice.
But I will never forget a German-American landlord I had, who came over one Sunday mid-morning as my husband and I were relaxing and recovering from a hard week, and asked, “Why aren’t you two working?” It was funny. I think Germans might tend to overdo the work ethic.
But I will never forget a German-American landlord I had, who came over one Sunday mid-morning as my husband and I were relaxing and recovering from a hard week, and asked, “Why aren’t you two working?” It was funny. I think Germans might tend to overdo the work ethic.
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alice24
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Sounds familiar…work has some kind of worth out of itself here. You hear very often here people complaining with a touch of pride that they went to work so sick. I would (if there´s no fear or jobloss or unpaid sick days, of course) this behavior just stupid. No one has a benefit of spreading the flu in your office or going down with a heart attack because of a not well-cured virus infection. But, working when sick is part of this german suffering-pride.
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Demetra
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To the Op, you need not defend or explain to us or anyone else including your MIL. It’s a decision that you made with your husband and as long as its not immoral or illegal it is nobody’s business. Have your husband tell his mom that her attitude needs to change. And then take the advice of others and do not be alone with her. Give her a chance to improve and if she doesn’t then you and hubby may decide to visit less often. But it is also important to forgive and move on especially if she changes.
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Vanny
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This exactly
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dochawk
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While we didn’t want her to, we looked at the numbers of my wife working after my first was born.
It wouldn’t just have been expensive, we would have flat-out lost money on the deal . . . As a practical matter, this is the case for many two income coupes, especially those with multiple children in day care.
Two incomes with children only tends to actually yield a financial benefit when both have high-paying, professional jobs.
I also don’t see where woe would have had the time to get everything done if she’d been working full time, too; it was hard enough as it was.
Today, she works at the church pre-school–OK, she mostly gets paid to play with kids
hawk
It wouldn’t just have been expensive, we would have flat-out lost money on the deal . . . As a practical matter, this is the case for many two income coupes, especially those with multiple children in day care.
Two incomes with children only tends to actually yield a financial benefit when both have high-paying, professional jobs.
I also don’t see where woe would have had the time to get everything done if she’d been working full time, too; it was hard enough as it was.
Today, she works at the church pre-school–OK, she mostly gets paid to play with kids
hawk
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