Being a scientist and mom

[Iheartcoffee]

You can absolutely have a career and be a mom. The key is to marry a man that is supportive. You want a man that is willing to be a real partner in tackling life with you, because it will be a busy life. The right man will be one that is ready to support you 110% in whatever God calls you to do.

While you’re at it, find some Catholic women in the sciences that you can look to as mentors. Even if they are professors at a different university, or industry scientists in a biotech halfway around the world, they can be a mentor through e-mail, skype, etc.

 

[EasterJoy]

Of course, and motherhood doesn’t require marriage either. When I said “motherhood” and “celibacy” I was referring to the Catholic thought attached to those terms.

PS, celibacy, even while part of the laity, is be better than marriage.

Under normal circumstances, which is to say the vast majority of the time, motherhood is preceded by marriage, and complements fatherhood. Those mothers and fathers who are forced to raise their children alone (which requires a heroic effort) are the exceptions that prove the rule.

 

[EasterJoy]

You can absolutely have a career and be a mom. The key is to marry a man that is supportive. You want a man that is willing to be a real partner in tackling life with you, because it will be a busy life. The right man will be one that is ready to support you 110% in whatever God calls you to do.

While you’re at it, find some Catholic women in the sciences that you can look to as mentors. Even if they are professors at a different university, or industry scientists in a biotech halfway around the world, they can be a mentor through e-mail, skype, etc.

It is very important for anyone who wants a career as a research scientist at a university to realize this is a particularly challenging career, especially at the beginning, when it can seem all-consuming at times. It goes far beyond “busy”. Many research scientists I know are in marriages where the couple considers the research group to be their second family. (This goes so far as to have gatherings for the group in their home, going to the weddings of former group members, and sending out Christmas newsletters that keep essentially everyone who was ever in the group up on what everyone else is doing!)

If that is not the sentiment of the couple, the de facto competition between the family and the research group would be untenable. That is the kind of support we’re talking about. Your advice to have mentors who are already in the field with the kind of family situation you imagine yourself having is very important. That is excellent advice, and usually people who have managed to do it are very happy to help pay forward the help and support they got from former professors and older colleagues when they were starting out.

 

[bstorm]

It is very important for anyone who wants a career as a research scientist at a university to realize this is a particularly challenging career, especially at the beginning, when it can seem all-consuming at times. It goes far beyond “busy”. Many research scientists I know are in marriages where the couple considers the research group to be their second family. (This goes so far as to have gatherings for the group in their home, going to the weddings of former group members, and sending out Christmas newsletters that keep essentially everyone who was ever in the group up on what everyone else is doing!)

If that is not the sentiment of the couple, the de facto competition between the family and the research group would be untenable. That is the kind of support we’re talking about. Your advice to have mentors who are already in the field with the kind of family situation you imagine yourself having is very important. That is excellent advice, and usually people who have managed to do it are very happy to help pay forward the help and support they got from former professors and older colleagues when they were starting out.

I believe this is only partially true. Yes, there are some researchers that behave the way you have described. There are others who do not. There is a number of women who have a fulfilling career in science at a major research university, a happy family life and happy children. Each career choice comes with its own stress - there are good and bad parts to everything. In many ways, for a woman, career as a professor at a University can be more compatible with family life than a career in industry due to much flexibility such career brings.

 

[bstorm]

I always grew up wanting to be a scientist.
I had fascination with nature for all that i could remember. Now that i am older i am seriously thinking about how will i be able to be a scientist/professor, a devout catholic wife and future mother. This is probably a long ways off, but i have been seriously thinking about this now that i am 24 years old and wanting to convert to catholicism. I know that if it came to it i would put my family first, but i am scared that i will regret that decision.

What is your advice?

Has anyone faced a similar situation?

How did you get through it?

You are overthinking this. You do not have children right now. Are you married yet? You are not a scientist yet either. There is no choice you need to make at this point. My advice to you is to not let your fears of what might be one day paralyze you today. Go to graduate school (or continue your studies if you are already there) and train to be a scientist. Do your best. See how you like it and if you can do it. Deal with everything else - marriage, family, children, as it comes. It is very possible to be a devout catholic wife and mother and a professor at the same time. Is it where your life is going? Maybe, but who knows! You might not be able to obtain a faculty position. Maybe you will not be able to have children. Nobody knows the future. So don’t overthink it.

 

[EasterJoy]

I believe this is only partially true. Yes, there are some researchers that behave the way you have described. There are others who do not. There is a number of women who have a fulfilling career in science at a major research university, a happy family life and happy children. Each career choice comes with its own stress - there are good and bad parts to everything. In many ways, for a woman, career as a professor at a University can be more compatible with family life than a career in industry due to much flexibility such career brings.

I did not say they were unhappy. I said that people who actually gained tenure were well beyond what most people consider “busy”. If you can tell me anyone, male or female, who achieved tenure at “a major research university” without that kind of dedication, please tell me who it was. I have not seen it happen.

Still, many scientists, both male and female, opt out of even trying for that kind of position, for a variety of reasons. Those positions are the vast minority of available jobs for people with PhDs, and not everyone even wants one. My point was that consulting with people who have the job you think you want and finding out what their job really requires and how to best balance family and the demands of that job is excellent advice. When it has been done, those who did it have a lot to teach. The majority are very generous with advice that will help those who come after them.

 

[lutheran_farmer]

Begin with Catholicism, since you can do that with little kids much more easily, and your soul should take priority. Once your kids are in kindergarten, you can take a few college classes. Soeak to an advisor at your local university. It sounds like you should start with biology. Ask what you need to do to be accepted into a degree program and find out potential career paths. Knock out the lower division sciences and degree requirements first.

BTW, I am halfway through my master’s in molecular biology.

 

[bstorm]

I did not say they were unhappy. I said that people who actually gained tenure were well beyond what most people consider “busy”. If you can tell me anyone, male or female, who achieved tenure at “a major research university” without that kind of dedication, please tell me who it was. I have not seen it happen.

Still, many scientists, both male and female, opt out of even trying for that kind of position, for a variety of reasons. Those positions are the vast minority of available jobs for people with PhDs, and not everyone even wants one. My point was that consulting with people who have the job you think you want and finding out what their job really requires and how to best balance family and the demands of that job is excellent advice. When it has been done, those who did it have a lot to teach. The majority are very generous with advice that will help those who come after them.

I did not say you said they were unhappy. The picture you painted, however, does not apply to all people in academia. I do not doubt that you are commenting based on your own experience just as I am based on mine. I have seen people behave exactly the way you have described, but it is not how everybody behaves. I personally know people that go to work 8am to 5pm, never invite their group members into their homes, have a happy family life and a tenure at an R1 institution. I know women who had children during their tenure track years and achieved tenure. The beauty of this job is that it is what you make it - if you want to stress yourself and spend 70 hours per week at work, you can do that. But you do not have to. The large number of hours worked does not equal dedication nor it always correlates with productivity. I know of no other job that is as flexible as this one. Yes, it is not a job for everybody, just like being a doctor, policeman or an accountant is not for everybody. The bottom line is that being a scientist and professor is compatible with being a good catholic wife and mother. I also believe that it is a big mistake to opt out of a job like this just out of fear.

blogs.scientificamerican.com/guest-blog/2013/07/21/the-awesomest-7-year-postdoc-or-how-i-learned-to-stop-worrying-and-love-the-tenure-track-faculty-life/

 

[EasterJoy]

I did not say you said they were unhappy. The picture you painted, however, does not apply to all people in academia. I do not doubt that you are commenting based on your own experience just as I am based on mine. I have seen people behave exactly the way you have described, but it is not how everybody behaves. I personally know people that go to work 8am to 5pm, never invite their group members into their homes, have a happy family life and a tenure at an R1 institution. I know women who had children during their tenure track years and achieved tenure. The beauty of this job is that it is what you make it - if you want to stress yourself and spend 70 hours per week at work, you can do that. But you do not have to. The large number of hours worked does not equal dedication nor it always correlates with productivity. I know of no other job that is as flexible as this one. Yes, it is not a job for everybody, just like being a doctor, policeman or an accountant is not for everybody. The bottom line is that being a scientist and professor is compatible with being a good catholic wife and mother. I also believe that it is a big mistake to opt out of a job like this just out of fear.

blogs.scientificamerican.com/guest-blog/2013/07/21/the-awesomest-7-year-postdoc-or-how-i-learned-to-stop-worrying-and-love-the-tenure-track-faculty-life/

The piece makes a great point, which is that misery DOES NOT make for productivity. For instance, the researchers I know who entertain their research group do it because it is rewarding, not because they feel some pressure to do it. My intended point was not that this is a lot of work, but that it is something you are going to value. These are people you will want to be able to enjoy with your spouse, and that is hard if your spouse feels they are “the competition.”

I don’t know any postdocs who were clock-punchers, let alone people who are tenure-track, but it is true that most of the best ones were careful with their time and made sure they exercised, got sleep, and had a personal life. (Not all, but the majority.) How did they do it? They had clear goals and they stayed “on message”. They didn’t waste time at things that weren’t a priority.

Yes, it is a mistake to opt out of this job out of fear, rather than by looking at people who have the job and saying, “no, thanks.” If you do good work, you’ll find a position, even if you don’t get tenure where you start. If you get tenure and don’t like the grind, you can get a position somewhere else. Accepting a job offer at a very good place says something good about you, and if you take care of yourself and do the best work that taking care of yourself and those you love allows, with the energy level you have, that position will be a good one from which to choose something else that fits you. Take a lower-level academic position, though, and moving up from there is very difficult, almost to the point of being impossible. (It is not as if the professors at the less prestigious places don’t have to work just as hard!)

The other good thing is that even when I did my graduate work, the world of science was getting more and more sane. It was expected that no one, male or female, had a full-time spouse keeping the wheels on their life while they gave 115% to the institution. Now there is even more of an appreciation that we are not living in 1960, and that if you want a gifted person to work for you, you have to allow them to have the kind of life that a gifted person is going to want to have.

 

[alphawoman]

The academy is one of the most supportive places to balance career and motherhood. Don’t borrow trouble from the future. Talk openly, honestly, and often about your dreams and expectations with your future spouse. Therein lies the key to balance.

Don’t forget to pray! The rosary makes a great offering for discernment of vocation/balance.

 

[EasterJoy]

The academy is one of the most supportive places to balance career and motherhood. Don’t borrow trouble from the future. Talk openly, honestly, and often about your dreams and expectations with your future spouse. Therein lies the key to balance.

Don’t forget to pray! The rosary makes a great offering for discernment of vocation/balance.

Excellent advice.

 

[CharityTraveler]

Excellent advice.

Thank you guys so much!
I know i’m being a worry wart. I have just been seriously thinking of the future now that i have recovered emotionally from some difficult times, and i am finally on track to starting college. I guess i have doubts that i can live the life that i want. I will make sure to pray God and hope that i will know what he wants from me in my life. Hopefully he brings a future spous in my life that will also help me follows God’s plan.

 

[ynotzap]

Remember marriage is not a second rate vocation but and institution founded by Jesus. It is a Sacrament instituted by God to give grace, and to signify the grace it gives. It is a major Sacrament which should determine vocation. Too many marriages have broken up because of a desire to do something different.and over financial troubles. If one fulfills the marriage vows I can assure you those people will grow in sanctity, and that is what God desires for you, not world success, not money and not career out of your holy vocation. This is not to say that change of role can’t be done as long as the main responsibilities are met. The family is so threatened now-a-days, and many marriages wound up broken and many children are victims. Always keep spiritual priorities first, this is what will make the difference in the end and happiness in your vocation. As suggested by some. pray, pray and pray. Wishing you the best in Christ

 

[Tous_Logous]

I always grew up wanting to be a scientist.
I had fascination with nature for all that i could remember. Now that i am older i am seriously thinking about how will i be able to be a scientist/professor, a devout catholic wife and future mother. This is probably a long ways off, but i have been seriously thinking about this now that i am 24 years old and wanting to convert to catholicism. I know that if it came to it i would put my family first, but i am scared that i will regret that decision.

What is your advice?

Has anyone faced a similar situation?

How did you get through it?

I’m confused, are you pregnant and expecting? Or do you plan on getting married/having kids within the next few years?

I am female and am an environmental engineer (that’s not my educational background, but whatever). I’m not planning on marrying or having kids any time soon (unless, God decides for it to be). There are plenty of women I work with who are married and have kids, but I’m not sure if they’re practicing Christians/Catholics or even religious. One thing you should realize is that God takes precedence over career and family; don’t let education, work, or family life become your “worship.”

First of all what science are you interested in? Take note that “science” includes many sub-categories such as earth science, physical science, life science, liberal arts, mathematics? Speaking from experience, earth science is mentally demanding and if you’re not careful you may be driven to having a nervous breakdown. Basic calculus nearly killed me mentally and I almost didn’t pass the course. Plus you may come across some very rude (and I’m serious, VERY rude) female science professors. The women who taught some of my science courses had a strong superiority complex, so stick with male professors. If anything killed my “college experience” it was these female science professors.

I’m not sure what country you’re living in, but if you’re living in the USA, don’t make the mistake of taking out all loans to go to an expensive 4 year school like I did. You’ll regret it because you may be paying up to $1,000 a month in loan payments after (if) you graduate; I learned this the hard way.

Depending on what science you want to major in, realize that it will be time-consuming (you will literally have no free time) and you will need to stay extremely focused. Also try making friends with people since you can work on assignments together. Realize that your science education will do very little to actually prepare you for a real career; most of the time colleges make you take useless, not needed courses that do not prepare you for real life (this seems to be true of all college majors in general). It may also disrupt or destroy your spiritual life entirely.

So if you want a science education, I strongly suggest getting that over and done with before you start an actual family. Or perhaps, try looking into education programs that community colleges run. Those programs tend to be cheaper but sometimes it could take years for you to be accepted into that program (nursing, for example).

 

[Doeco]

At the college I went to I worked doing research under a devout Catholic woman who specialized in the study of tumors and who has her Ph.D. in genetics. She has around 5 kids I think, and is currently the chair of the biology department.

 

[Gliggle]

I am a scientist. I’m 35, I married at 33 and our daughter is 16 months. I currently work three days a week as an academic. Okay I have so much advice for you, I can tell you where I went wrong!!! And I really understand where you are coming from right now.

I always held back at your age because I worried about taking on too much in my career in case I ever did become a mother. I wanted to be a scientist and mother, but always felt it couldn’t be for me because it seemed impossible (also I dealt with alot of sexism in the engineering and physics groups I was part of, which didn’t help my confidence). So I always focused on finding a spouse. Also I had a very traditional idea that I didn’t ever want to put my children in daycare. So I started to feel like I was just biding my time in science.

This was a big mistake, everything God leads us to he wants us to do with love and attention, especially our work. So the first thing I want to tell you is; don’t worry like I did! Trust in Jesus and ask for the holy spirit to help you. Never forget God and you won’t go far wrong. Don’t try to second guess your condition in life; be sensible; statistics show you generally can become a mother in an instant very easily up to the age of 35. Being a scientist takes years of hard work and devotion. These are years you have. Don’t allow yourself to become distracted by possibilities. You know where you need to put in the effort now. And believe me, if you ever walk away from science to become a full time mother; you will NEVER regret the work you have done. Even if you only just finish your study, this will always be a part of you, and you will always find ways to apply it. I am sure others can attest to this.

On this issue of things like daycare and juggling work (this will come later in your career) do not be afraid!! All my fears were unfounded. My child LOVES daycare. Staying home with me was driving HER crazy. Whatever your situation may be in the future, don’t let possibilities hold you back. God is with you always and for him nothing is impossible.