Being around people who are getting drunk

[NewsTheMan]

I’m starting to wrestle with this, and how it would be sinful for me. I have a group of friends (some believers, some unbelievers) and obviously we hang a lot and that kind of thing. Now, Friday night comes around and we all hang at each others houses playing video games, talking and that kind of thing. I have a few drinks but never enough to feel tipsy, and if I feel slightly affected I stop drinking and have water until I go home. Anyway, my friends all of course have no problem getting drunk. Often, in fact most Fridays, while we are playing video games and talking they end up drinking to get drunk. Last night it was particularly bad as they were taking shots (straight shots of 60 proof/30% alcohol) and I kind of just sat there. They usually then go out at around 11 and I go home and sleep because I don’t think clubs are good for Christians.

I guess the question is - am I participating in their sin by being there? Is it scandal? When and if they start drinking to get drunk should I excuse myself? They know I am Catholic and I have zero tolerance for sinful behaviour and I am quite outspoken about it to my friends about what I don’t approve of in their behaviour when I am around (e.g. making jokes about sexual things). But only recently I realized that I might be sinning in this situation too and that I should have no part of it it all, not only because it puts me in the near occasion of sin but because I should be showing my distaste and repugnance for people who are getting drunk.

So I am leaning towards leaving when they start getting drunk, what say you friends? Also, is this something I should bring to confession urgently or can it wait for my next confession with my confessor (due in 2-3 weeks).

Thanks

 

[Paul_theApostle]

maybe as they start to have one too many or become less sober ,you could exuse yourself go and spend your time with more sober people or do more productive things with yourself,go home and read about God or the Church or something.

 

[Pfaffenhoffen]

I’m starting to wrestle with this, and how it would be sinful for me. I have a group of friends (some believers, some unbelievers) and obviously we hang a lot and that kind of thing. Now, Friday night comes around and we all hang at each others houses playing video games, talking and that kind of thing. I have a few drinks but never enough to feel tipsy, and if I feel slightly affected I stop drinking and have water until I go home. Anyway, my friends all of course have no problem getting drunk. Often, in fact most Fridays, while we are playing video games and talking they end up drinking to get drunk. Last night it was particularly bad as they were taking shots (straight shots of 60 proof/30% alcohol) and I kind of just sat there. They usually then go out at around 11 and I go home and sleep because I don’t think clubs are good for Christians.

I guess the question is - am I participating in their sin by being there? Is it scandal? When and if they start drinking to get drunk should I excuse myself? They know I am Catholic and I have zero tolerance for sinful behaviour and I am quite outspoken about it to my friends about what I don’t approve of in their behaviour when I am around (e.g. making jokes about sexual things). But only recently I realized that I might be sinning in this situation too and that I should have no part of it it all, not only because it puts me in the near occasion of sin but because I should be showing my distaste and repugnance for people who are getting drunk.

So I am leaning towards leaving when they start getting drunk, what say you friends? Also, is this something I should bring to confession urgently or can it wait for my next confession with my confessor (due in 2-3 weeks).

Thanks

I do not think that very around with people whose behavior is not Christian is problem. If it was a problem, then you could not be with anybody, not even with me, for all of us are sinners.

Jesus said: You are in this world but you are not of this world. Be prudent as a snake and simple as a dove.

Think that your friends need you. You are a good example for them. I have been around with the worst kind of my generation. No problem. I like them. But I follow as far as i want. They know that. They respect me for they know I respect them and I like them. I think we cannot think on us, on preserving our Soul but on aiding others. I know of a kid who has a good behavior because he saw what abuses can do to his father. sometimes, seeing bad behavior makes us nauseate it more than if we get away from it.

 

[Saburo]

It sounds like your friends are still kind of young. Don’t worry – most of them will grow out of shots and general idiocy in a few years. If you turn your back on them, you run the risk of both not having many close friends and them not having you as an example of Christian life. That could be a great loss. Christ played rock and stick games (that’s all they had ) with terrible sinners and managed not to sin. I’ll bet you could limit your sins to something managable while still setting a good example. They would reject you if they didn’t appreciate your Christian standards, so give them time to age and reflect. You should see what a bunch of scoundrels some of my friends used to be, but they straightened up.

 

[Marc_Aupiais]

I’m starting to wrestle with this, and how it would be sinful for me. I have a group of friends (some believers, some unbelievers) and obviously we hang a lot and that kind of thing. Now, Friday night comes around and we all hang at each others houses playing video games, talking and that kind of thing. I have a few drinks but never enough to feel tipsy, and if I feel slightly affected I stop drinking and have water until I go home. Anyway, my friends all of course have no problem getting drunk. Often, in fact most Fridays, while we are playing video games and talking they end up drinking to get drunk. Last night it was particularly bad as they were taking shots (straight shots of 60 proof/30% alcohol) and I kind of just sat there. They usually then go out at around 11 and I go home and sleep because I don’t think clubs are good for Christians.

I guess the question is - am I participating in their sin by being there? Is it scandal? When and if they start drinking to get drunk should I excuse myself? They know I am Catholic and I have zero tolerance for sinful behaviour and I am quite outspoken about it to my friends about what I don’t approve of in their behaviour when I am around (e.g. making jokes about sexual things). But only recently I realized that I might be sinning in this situation too and that I should have no part of it it all, not only because it puts me in the near occasion of sin but because I should be showing my distaste and repugnance for people who are getting drunk.

So I am leaning towards leaving when they start getting drunk, what say you friends? Also, is this something I should bring to confession urgently or can it wait for my next confession with my confessor (due in 2-3 weeks).

Thanks

Birds of a feather Flock together; light can have Nothing in Common with Darkness.

When Jesus associated with sinful PEOPLE, he always did so with honesty about their actions. If you told your friends to stop drinking, I doubt you’d be welcome there. You yourself drink, and thus provide scandal to them: the sin Jesus said was worse than being drowned at sea. If you cared for them, truly cared, would you be an influence there not disapproving, passively affirming their actions? I’ve had a friend be in a similar situation, and something terrible happened. People on alcohol or anything usually are not the most alert, or moral. I can imagine the video games are either lewd or violent also, does this help your faith? And alcohol, does it not give rise to sexualised conversation?

It is your choice to be there or not. I spend my Friday nights either with a single friend, or at home or the like.

Correct me if I am wrong, but you sound like a teenager. Now, I am 21, but in my country it was legal to drink since 18. I have never gotten even tipsy, in fact I am a tea toller. I have been around drunk people, and it wasn’t a pleasant experience ever.

Birds of a feather flock together. Why do you find the company of drunks so appealing when you know that what they are doing is mortal sin, is destroying their souls. And these are your friends, this is what you enjoy. I could not party by an abortion factory, or hang with friends playing russian roulette.

Birds of a feather flock together.

Evil is lack where there should be good. What are you missing while filling your mind with all this?

Our small choices make big impacts.

I can assure you that if these are to be your group of friends:

one day you will drive with them drunk, see them fight even kill someone, and one day od on drugs or alcohol. That will be your life.

Otherwise find better friends, or friends in a better condition. Drunks are no fun to be around. They are a hassle and I think you are unduly influenced even to be there.

If they really are your true friends they won’t miss you there. They will find you another time.

BELIEVE ME, YOU DON’T WANT TO BE THERE. and you needn’t be there!

 

[Stevonsky]

I have this exact same thing. I am a student and the modern “student” lifestyle dictates that you MUST get absolutely trashed regularly. However I have no problem sitting with friends who are drinking. They appreciate how I feel and dont pressure me into it or mock me and I understand how they feel. There is no reason at all you cannot stay around them as long as they dont try and pressure you.

Also as far as clubs go, there is again no reason you cannot go to clubs. If you do not enjoy them then thats another thing but around me some of our favorite artists play in the clubs and I would have missed out on some great times with my friends if I hadnt gone!

Keep on as you are! Your doing the right thing.

 

[Marc_Aupiais]

I’m starting to wrestle with this, and how it would be sinful for me. I have a group of friends (some believers, some unbelievers) and obviously we hang a lot and that kind of thing. Now, Friday night comes around and we all hang at each others houses playing video games, talking and that kind of thing. I have a few drinks but never enough to feel tipsy, and if I feel slightly affected I stop drinking and have water until I go home. Anyway, my friends all of course have no problem getting drunk. Often, in fact most Fridays, while we are playing video games and talking they end up drinking to get drunk. Last night it was particularly bad as they were taking shots (straight shots of 60 proof/30% alcohol) and I kind of just sat there. They usually then go out at around 11 and I go home and sleep because I don’t think clubs are good for Christians.

I guess the question is - am I participating in their sin by being there? Is it scandal? When and if they start drinking to get drunk should I excuse myself? They know I am Catholic and I have zero tolerance for sinful behaviour and I am quite outspoken about it to my friends about what I don’t approve of in their behaviour when I am around (e.g. making jokes about sexual things). But only recently I realized that I might be sinning in this situation too and that I should have no part of it it all, not only because it puts me in the near occasion of sin but because I should be showing my distaste and repugnance for people who are getting drunk.

So I am leaning towards leaving when they start getting drunk, what say you friends? Also, is this something I should bring to confession urgently or can it wait for my next confession with my confessor (due in 2-3 weeks).

Thanks

P.s. be careful of drunkenness in Public legislation, and they plan to introduce zero tolerance of alcohol. I see you are South African. If ur friends drink here They certainly drive drunk, and probably bribe cops.

As for confession, try it weekly for a change. Yes, you should bring it to confession, but also remember our priests here are often also not the best judge of your soul. You need to follow that voice below thought and emotion. If it says sin then it is.

From my experience of such things: its the mortal sin of scandal, or at the least venial sin.

Its not nice when you heard someone you knew OD’ed on Alcohol. Most youth groups should maybe have a Friday version. See if parish has one. May meet better people there.

Video games will become clubbing. And then there’ll be drunk driving.

 

[Dorothy]

Try to find some new friends. It sounds like a great trial to be with those you describe. I’m not sure I agree with those who say that you can influence them in a Christian way. It doesn’t seem possible in that environment.

 

[Marc_Aupiais]

I have this exact same thing. I am a student and the modern “student” lifestyle dictates that you MUST get absolutely trashed regularly. However I have no problem sitting with friends who are drinking. They appreciate how I feel and dont pressure me into it or mock me and I understand how they feel. There is no reason at all you cannot stay around them as long as they dont try and pressure you.

Also as far as clubs go, there is again no reason you cannot go to clubs. If you do not enjoy them then thats another thing but around me some of our favorite artists play in the clubs and I would have missed out on some great times with my friends if I hadnt gone!

Keep on as you are! Your doing the right thing.

Perhaps you also missed great experiences with other friends. I am also a student, I don’t find that to be my lifestyle, not a Catholic one. Do you also sit around while they sleep around, do drugs? Would you sit around while strip teases happen? Russian Roulette. Drunkenness is a Mortal Sin.

Ephesians, Douay Rheims:

"3 But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not so much as be named among you, as becometh saints: 4 Or obscenity, or foolish talking, or scurrility, which is to no purpose; but rather giving of thanks. 5 For know you this and understand, that no fornicator, or unclean, or covetous person (which is a serving of idols), hath inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.

6 Let no man deceive you with vain words. For because of these things cometh the anger of God upon the children of unbelief. 7 Be ye not therefore partakers with them. 8 For you were heretofore darkness, but now light in the Lord. Walk then as children of the light. 9 For the fruit of the light is in all goodness, and justice, and truth; 10 Proving what is well pleasing to God: 11 And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them. 12 For the things that are done by them in secret, it is a shame even to speak of. 13 But all things that are reproved, are made manifest by the light; for all that is made manifest is light.

14 Wherefore he saith: Rise thou that sleepest, and arise from the dead: and Christ shall enlighten thee."

 

[puzzleannie]

I’m
So I am leaning towards leaving when they start getting drunk, what say you friends? Also, is this something I should bring to confession urgently or can it wait for my next confession with my confessor (due in 2-3 weeks).

Thanks

net every action that is ill-advised or even stupid, a total waste of time, and depressing is necessarily sinful

get new friends, these are losers

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

I think it is possible to be friends in your circumstances as long as you stick to your principles and these guys don’t pressure you into getting drunk. However, the situation obviously bothers you enough to bring it up here and ask for advice on what to do. It sounds like you’d rather be somewhere else. So why not try and change that, find new people with whom you have more in common? You are not obliged to spend time with this group and watch them get drunk. I don’t see how you can be a good example of Christian life in such circumstances. They would probably notice something is wrong if you actually left and refused to witness to their stupid behaviour. That said, other people drinking is not your sin to confess, but you could ask a priest about it to be on the safe side.

 

[LaSainte]

I believe according to Father Hardon, it is only “drunkenness” if it causes you to lose your reason or to put yourself in a position where you might be likely to commit other mortal sins. I don’t think getting a little tipsy, loud, and having fun with friends once in awhile qualifies as “drunkenness” the way the Bible means it.

“As a general norm, intoxication that results in a partial loss of reason is a venial sin, although it can become a mortal sin by reason of the scandal given, injury to health, harm to one’s family or the neighbor. Drunkenness that ends in complete loss of the rational faculty is a grave sin if brought on without a sufficient reason and with some advertence to what a person was doing.”

-Father Hardon

Either way, I would relax and have fun with your friends and stop when you feel you should.

 

[Big_Dummy]

I suggest you read through the book of proverbs, and Gal 5

Jesus himself hanged out with “sinners and drunkards”,

Since you are joining in with them in drinking, you should avoid them.

If you were not drinking with them and were making sure they did not drive drunk, that would be a different matter.

1 Corinthians 5:11
But now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolator, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such an one no not to eat.

1 Corinthians 15:33
Don’t let anyone deceive you. Associating with bad people will ruin decent people.

Gal 5
16This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.

17For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would.

18But if ye be led of the Spirit, ye are not under the law.

19Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness,

20Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies,

21Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.

22But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,

23Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.

24And they that are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.

25If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.

 

[fred_conty]

My point of view is not gospel but just down home advice.
Don’t drink. Don’t drink. Don’t drink.
Problems. Problems. Problems.
Give it to Jesus. Better than meat on Friday.
As followers of Jesus, “pick up your cross and follow me.”
Best advice, don’t smoke, and don’t drink, and don’t do
drugs of any kind.
Let’s hear from former drinkers.
What do you think?

 

[jmcrae]

I’m starting to wrestle with this, and how it would be sinful for me. I have a group of friends (some believers, some unbelievers) and obviously we hang a lot and that kind of thing. Now, Friday night comes around and we all hang at each others houses playing video games, talking and that kind of thing. I have a few drinks but never enough to feel tipsy, and if I feel slightly affected I stop drinking and have water until I go home. Anyway, my friends all of course have no problem getting drunk. Often, in fact most Fridays, while we are playing video games and talking they end up drinking to get drunk. Last night it was particularly bad as they were taking shots (straight shots of 60 proof/30% alcohol) and I kind of just sat there. They usually then go out at around 11 and I go home and sleep because I don’t think clubs are good for Christians.

I guess the question is - am I participating in their sin by being there? Is it scandal? When and if they start drinking to get drunk should I excuse myself? They know I am Catholic and I have zero tolerance for sinful behaviour and I am quite outspoken about it to my friends about what I don’t approve of in their behaviour when I am around (e.g. making jokes about sexual things). But only recently I realized that I might be sinning in this situation too and that I should have no part of it it all, not only because it puts me in the near occasion of sin but because I should be showing my distaste and repugnance for people who are getting drunk.

So I am leaning towards leaving when they start getting drunk, what say you friends? Also, is this something I should bring to confession urgently or can it wait for my next confession with my confessor (due in 2-3 weeks).

Thanks

I have no idea whether being around people when they are drunk is a sin, but I do know from experience that it is deadly dull.

I much prefer being with my Catholic friends to pray the Rosary, share a meal, and go for a nice walk, or else read books to each other - it’s way more fun, I think.

Sitting around getting drunk, or sitting around watching other people get drunk, is very boring, actually.

 

[NewsTheMan]

Hopefully I can respond to everybody individually tomorrow, but I will say this.

Marc Aupiais, I do appreciate your comments. I really do brother, I understand you care and a lot of what you said has been good food for thought. But please, please, start reading the post for what it is and stop reading into it.

They certainly drive drunk, and probably bribe cops.

No, on both accounts, it never happens.

Video games will become clubbing. And then there’ll be drunk driving.

How do video games become clubbing? Do you have insight into my weaknesses? And how do video games become drunk driving?

As for confession, try it weekly for a change

Thank you. I would if I could. I am happy that there are some who can, but I am not posting in this thread for spiritual guidance with regards to confession frequency.

If you told your friends to stop drinking, I doubt you’d be welcome there. You yourself drink, and thus provide scandal to them: the sin Jesus said was worse than being drowned at sea?

Drinking alcohol in itself is not scandalous or sinful, so you are off target here. Catholics are not teetotallers. People at pubs I have lunch at might be getting drunk but if they see me having a glass of wine with lunch it doesn’t mean I am creating scandal.

Why do you find the company of drunks so appealing

I find the company of my friends appealing, not mere drunks.

What are you missing while filling your mind with all this?

Filling my mind with…?

one day you will drive with them drunk, see them fight even kill someone, and one day od on drugs or alcohol. That will be your life.

Huh.?

Furthermore, I checked out your blog where you posted the following, mentioning my thread. On a public space, so that others can have access to my information and your misinformation.

these were seemingly teenagers, illegally drinking alcohol, playing violent likely video games, and likely having lewd talk as drunkenness creates.

1. I am a 21 year old post-graduate student. My friends are either Masters or Doctoral students.
2. We aren’t drinking illegaly
3. Violent video games? Where did I mention that?
4. Where did I mention we have lewd talk (I merely mentioned I show my disproval if they ever do talk lewdly!)

So, I believe I will have to ask the Moderator to close this thread and delete it after all.

Thanks for the posts everybody, I have a lot to think about!

 

[Mrs_Sally]

A few drinks is fine. Shots usually means you are trying to get drunk. Drinking and then go out (in cars?) is just stupid.

Definitely leave after the first few drinks. I assume the conversation and level of game skill goes down about then anyway. I also recommend looking for something new to do on Friday nights entirely. To tell the truth, this group sounds like a bunch of losers.

 

[fred_conty]

A few drinks is fine. Shots usually means you are trying to get drunk. Drinking and then go out (in cars?) is just stupid.

Definitely leave after the first few drinks. I assume the conversation and level of game skill goes down about then anyway. I also recommend looking for something new to do on Friday nights entirely. To tell the truth, this group sounds like a bunch of losers.

amen

 

[Stevonsky]

@Marc Aupiais

I dont think you can compare having a few drinks and going out with friends doing perfectly acceptable activities to sitting around with them whilst they do drugs…

As long as you are strong enough not to compromise yourself and break your own rules then there is no issue. If we wernt around people who commited sins, then hell we wouldnt have ANY friends at all.

You say maybe i missed out on great times with other friends. Have you ever thought that maybe YOU missed out on great times??
Works both ways.

Also since when are people considered losers just because what they enjoy is not what we enjoy? Thats a pretty harsh judgement in my opinion. His friends seem like your average 20 somethings raised in towers society. How on earth are they ever expected to change or even find their way to God when we simply call them losers and find “new friends”. Its actions like this that give us such a bad name of harsh judgments and being unwelcoming.

 

[Newbie2]

**I have no idea whether being around people when they are drunk is a sin, but I do know from experience that it is deadly dull. **

I much prefer being with my Catholic friends to pray the Rosary, share a meal, and go for a nice walk, or else read books to each other - it’s way more fun, I think.

Sitting around getting drunk, or sitting around watching other people get drunk, is very boring, actually.

Haven’t you heard that the more one drinks, the more interesting they become to themslves?

A few drinks is fine. Shots usually means you are trying to get drunk. Drinking and then go out (in cars?) is just stupid.

Definitely leave after the first few drinks. I assume the conversation and level of game skill goes down about then anyway. I also recommend looking for something new to do on Friday nights entirely. To tell the truth, this group sounds like a bunch of losers.

Or…try an experiment. Go out with them and don’t dink. Play video games, whatever, just don’t drink. It will perhaps give you a different perspecitve.

I didn’t drink to excess (regularly) in college…just a couple times, and learned my lesson by getting sick-drunk one last time…about 30-some years ago. Have never drank to excess since. We used to have one friend in our group that never drank…never touched a drop. He had just as much fun at parties and such as the rest of us…probably more. I never asked him why he avoided alcohol, but admired that the never felt a need to drink.

But I’d agee with Mrs Sally if you do decide to drink with your friends. One or two, then leave. There has to be something more interesting to do other than hanging out with drunk friends…and if you leave early, you won’t be hanging out with drunk friends.