Being Bullied at School and Work :(

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thomaspeter

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Dear Catholic Answers,

How are you doing? I hope that everyone is doing alright. I wanted to write start this thread to ask for advice about my past experiences regarding bullying. Throughout elementary and into high school, and into college, I have been bullied by other people, and it has made me feel very sad. I know that God loves me more than I can imagine, and I know that I have the Eucharist and The Virgin Mary, but deep down in my heart, I remember how some people have bullied me, and it hurts.

I don’t know what to do about these feelings? How do I move on with my life? In a few months, I will have to move away for graduate school. Do you think that after moving away into a new school, I will be able to move on from all this bullying?

I plan to keep to myself, not speak to anyone, and spend my time in Mass and adoration. Do you think that I am being too paranoid? I’m scared that these bullies in the past are going to find some way to hurt me again. I’m exhausted and tired. Please help me.
 
If you feel physically threatened, contact the police.

If it’s more psychological bullying, then ignore them. May not be easy, but it will absolutely work. don’t dwell on them, don’t give them any power over you. Just ignore them.

For any parents reading this thread, there is and has always been only one good way to deal with bullies. We’ve lost track of that and so, today, it’s become a huge problem. Teach your children to stand up for themselves. Or teach them to be victims.

I’ll say a prayer for you as well.
 
I hate to see you planning on keeping to yourself. Sure, you want to be careful to avoid negative or toxic people, but I hope you don’t eliminate the possibility of a positive friendship. There are nice people in the world. I am so sorry that you have encountered unkind

I believe that Mass and Adoration will bring you peace and joy. Perhaps discussing these past hurts with a priest may help as well. I will pray for you.
 
I’m so sorry that you have encountered so many bullies in life. I have horrible memories of being bullied in middle school and high school. Those memories still haunt me from time to time and here is how I deal with them: I come to the Lord with a spirit of forgiveness and pray that the souls of these bullies will not be eternally lost (maybe all it takes is to pray and/or fast for them). As for current bullies, I would simply try to avoid them. I’m a very non-confrontational person and it’s hard for me to approach others when there is a conflict. Hope this helps and I will keep you in prayer!
 
I think it would be great for you to immediately join a prayer group or bible reading group when you arrive at your new school. There is usually something going on at the church that you could benefit from, even if it’s just a group of students or people who go to mass together. You are more likely to meet kind people that way. I am also an introvert and have found that sometimes my actions call for people to act a certain way towards me. If you act more confident, you will really start to feel more confident. I didn’t learn this myself until I was a real “adult” but that was my responsibility and I didn’t get to it until later. Worth a try, no?

I will pray for you today. Be well,
-novila
 
Hi,
I’ve been bullied before. I have been bullied at work too. There is a certain group of nurses on a rotation at work that engage in some bullying, worse when they are all together.

One piece of advice is that you should find an ally at work. More than likely there are others who dislike the bully but are afraid to speak because the bully often uses the tactic of deceiving people into thinking they are isolated and everyone else thinks they are very cool.

I was really relieved when I found out that a bunch of people were feeling bullied by the night charge nurse ‘Sue’ (not real name) and her sometimes nasty sidekick ‘Julia’. It really relieved my stress to vent with them. Also, a young vivacious newer hire was feeling ostracized by them. She came from another facility where our nurse manager previously was a manager, and I’m pretty certain that she helped in getting me my request to be scheduled with the nurturing and kind people from the other rotation most of the time!

Another tactic is to find the achilles heel of the bully. You sound like a timid person, so it may be too difficult for you to fight fire with fire. If the bully gets a flaw of theirs pointed out, it can be that they are 200 pounds overweight, have bad skin, their father is a drunk, anything, then he or she will definitely back off. If you can ally yourself with a stronger person, they can do that for you.
 
Pray to Guardian Angel when you think you are going to be bullied
 
You should consider seeking counseling or therapy to help you deal with the bullies. It is not your fault you are bullied, but something is attracting these people to act as they do, and it may be as easy as changing something you are doing to prevent it. Student Health Services might be able to refer you. Hiding in the Adoration Chapel or Mass will not solve the problem or help you deal with it later in life. God loves you and you can get your life in order.
 
thomaspeter said:
Dear Catholic Answers,

How are you doing? I hope that everyone is doing alright. I wanted to write start this thread to ask for advice about my past experiences regarding bullying. Throughout elementary and into high school, and into college, I have been bullied by other people, and it has made me feel very sad. I know that God loves me more than I can imagine, and I know that I have the Eucharist and The Virgin Mary, but deep down in my heart, I remember how some people have bullied me, and it hurts.

I don’t know what to do about these feelings? How do I move on with my life? In a few months, I will have to move away for graduate school. Do you think that after moving away into a new school, I will be able to move on from all this bullying?

I plan to keep to myself, not speak to anyone, and spend my time in Mass and adoration. Do you think that I am being too paranoid? I’m scared that these bullies in the past are going to find some way to hurt me again. I’m exhausted and tired. Please help me.
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Been there so I will try to help:
  1. Become on good terms if not push it towards being a confidante of your managers. If they are aware of the issue they might stop it.
  2. File a grievance or harassment form against work bullies with corporate.
  3. You can try to speak to the bully alone. Explain that you have treated them with respect and you deserve it back. Also state how they are affecting your work, etc.
4.At school look for friends that can help fight for you
5. Seek counseling, discuss issues with school staff, etc.
6. Pray for help and attend meetings with a counselor or life coach.
 
Dear thomaspeter,

:hug1: :hug1: I know exactly what you’re going through. I was bullied and alienated from a young age myself. When I’m feeling down and depressed, those old feelings of anger, unhappiness and despair surface. Of course, each of these times I wish I didn’t feel this way. I’m in a better place and my relationship with God is stronger than before.

We hurt because we’re human. We grieve for the parts of ourselves which have died due to the senseless words or actions of others. People can be cruel. They don’t know that they have the power-the power to destroy in a few seconds what has taken years to build up.

If you need to, seek out a counselor or a therapist. Sometimes the process of moving away can be a trigger in itself so it’s good to have someone to talk and work out your issues before they snowball into something huge. But whatever happens, don’t lose hope. God is with you, and He will carry you through the storm.
 
thomaspeter said:
Dear Catholic Answers,

How are you doing? I hope that everyone is doing alright. I wanted to write start this thread to ask for advice about my past experiences regarding bullying. Throughout elementary and into high school, and into college, I have been bullied by other people, and it has made me feel very sad. I know that God loves me more than I can imagine, and I know that I have the Eucharist and The Virgin Mary, but deep down in my heart, I remember how some people have bullied me, and it hurts.

I don’t know what to do about these feelings? How do I move on with my life? In a few months, I will have to move away for graduate school. Do you think that after moving away into a new school, I will be able to move on from all this bullying?

I plan to keep to myself, not speak to anyone, and spend my time in Mass and adoration. Do you think that I am being too paranoid? I’m scared that these bullies in the past are going to find some way to hurt me again. I’m exhausted and tired. Please help me.
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I do understand where you’re coming from. I had to deal with bullies for most of my life, including in undergrad. There was one professor from whom I was required to take a certain class every semester due to my degree plan; he seemed to enjoy singling me out and being nasty to me. I can tell you that the last day I ever had to see that man was a very happy day indeed!

That having been said, you can’t let people like that form your view of humanity as a whole.

Going to Mass and Adoration are good, absolutely! Try finding the Catholic student group on campus as well. If you’re going to a large school, it may have a Newman Center on campus. Get involved with either one. Volunteer at the nearby parish. Join the Knights of Columbus. Being around kind people will help you to open up more and gain confidence, and that will also help repel bullies. Looking back, if I had just once told that professor that his behavior was unacceptable and that if it continued I’d go to his department head, then the behavior would probably have stopped. For that matter, it might not have started if I hadn’t been so timid and afraid in his class. I’m not blaming myself, of course; it’s just the bully mentality.

(The behavior I described included asking the class a question, and when I answered it correctly, ignoring my answer in order to berate the class in general but me in particular for “not knowing the answer.” It got to the point that my classmates, most of whom I wouldn’t have considered my friends at all, would get this “WTF is the matter with him?” look on their faces when he’d start ranting.)
 
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