Being Christlike & having boundaries

[erine]

Christ said to turn the other cheek and to give someone our cloak and more than they ask. How does this come in when itcomes to setting boundaries with people who have been taking advantage of one’s tendency to give a lot? Even a priest who is very conservative and doesn’t believe in being a “victim” told me I’m getting taken advantage of in one case. I realize that enabling someone to take advantage and not grow on their own power doesn’t help them…but I always feel really guilty when I have to use tough love and set what I feel like are harsh boundaries. And then I worry I’m just following a secular psychological model for dealing with uneven relationships, and not following Jesus at all. I also feel like I have no friends and even my family sometimes when I stop taking abuse from them, which is a whole different thread.

I am just wondering, if Jesus was tortured and died on the cross for people some of whom didn’t even like him or want him around, how am I supposed to navigate setting boundaries vs giving everything…? So confused, would love (name removed by moderator)ut. Thanks.

 

[Bearontherun]

Great question - thanks for putting it out there.

I have no answers(sorry) but have also wondered about this.

I will pray that people start treating you better.

 

[Barbkw]

IMO, it’s my Christian responsibility to instruct people who take advantage.

Taking advantage of others is the sinful act of greed and of disrespect of persons.

It’s unChristian to cooperate with or aid others in their actions.

 

[PJD1987]

Didn’t Christ cooperate and aid the Pharisees and Romans by not putting up a vigorous defense and/or preventing His execution (which He could have done, being God and all)?

Just sayin…

 

[JRKH]

Without specific circumstances one cannot give specific advice.
The issue really becomes what is the best way to use God’s gifts to their greatest advantage. Also, who and what are your responsibility based on your station and vocation in life? For instance if giving food to the food pantry means your children go hungry - you have failed to properly carry out your responsibility in your parental vocation.

Likewise if the matter is time - certainly we need to be as accommodating as possible, but if we are so accommodating that we make ourselves sick, or wind up neglecting some more central responsibility…have we properly served God?

A third case - where a child needs to be taught to stand on their own, it can become necessary to say no just as we did when they were small. Only the particulars change in this case, the basic underlying principle remains the same.

Pray that God show you the best and most effective way to serve Him and do His Will.

Peace
James

 

[Neil_Anthony]

I struggled with this for a long time. Here are some insights I’ve had that have helped.

1. The examples of turning the other cheek may have been in the context of political and religious quarrels. Will we take up arms against the Romans? No, we’ll in fact bend over backward to obey them. Will we insult people who reject the gospel? No, we’ll pray for them and turn the other cheek to insults. These are powerful political and religious ideas. They may not have been intended to apply literally to situations involving criminal activity or everyday manners and interactions with other people.
2. We have to balance these notions against our responsibilities. If we have a responsibility to protect our spouse, that is incompatible to ‘turning the other cheek’ if our spouse is being attacked. If we have a responsibility to feed our family and ourself, we can’t just give away our entire income without consideration of how our more immediate responsibilities will be met.

The gospels don’t tell us exactly how Christ behaved in day-to-day events. Did he actually let any person who wanted to take his clothes and walk around naked? Did he stand by and do nothing if someone was getting robbed? If someone would spit on him would he at least speak up for himself? There’s no indication that he actually went to extremes and allowed all of these weird things to go on around him. If he did, surely the gospels would have mentioned it. Instead, we see him turning the other cheek to Pilate and the Sanhedrin (religious/political context).

 

[Barbkw]

Didn’t Christ cooperate and aid the Pharisees and Romans by not putting up a vigorous defense and/or preventing His execution (which He could have done, being God and all)?

Just sayin…

And then the OT prophecies wouldn’t have been fulfilled.

P.S. Jesus spoke more of the sinful acts that lead people into eternal Hell, than He ever did of Heaven.

Encouraging sinful actions in other people is a sinful action for me.

All it takes to start the reversal of these negative actions is for one person to speak up and informing the abusers that their actions are wrong.

 

[erine]

Thanks everyone. The priest in confession today talked about tough love and what most of you mentioned here. Letting someone use only hurts them too isn’t Christian. Thanks for the replies. And it does require reason and the understanding of each situation.