Being Driven Crazy at Mass

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noryar2025

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Good evening friends. Let me start by saying that I love going to Mass and Adoration. I know that several of you have posted on the proper “etiquette” at Mass. When I see people treating Mass so flippantly, it drives me bananas. Chewing gum, wearing flip flops, texting on their phones, and dressing extremely inappropriately are unacceptable. We have a Eucharistic minister who went up to the altar wearing a skirt that left little to the imagination, high (HIGH) heels and a shirt to match. I honestly couldn’t believe it. This wasn’t the first time…

I usually arrive early at Mass to pray quietly by myself. I find that finding quiet time at Mass is almost impossible now. I understand that the choir needs to practice, but it drives me crazy that there is never even a moment of silence. Isn’t silence at Mass an important part of prayer? There is SO MUCH noise everywhere you go in today’s world, and I’ve noticed that most people don’t seem to like silence.

I’ve noticed that our parish is now offering “Centering Prayer” and other meditation “retreats.” It feels very New Age.

So, my question is, am I the only one to notice these things? Am I being over-sensitive? What exactly is happening to our churches? Of course, I would never consider leaving. I just feel like the church has gone in a more “worldly” direction. I feel like I am the one who is out of step with the Church.

Tell me what you think!
 
I agree with that – you can’t control other people. Custody of the eyes goes a long way toward bringing peace at Mass. No worries about what someone else is wearing or doing.
 
The atmosphere at one parish can vary strongly from another. I’ve been to parishes where they tend to be quite noisy before Mass and other parishes where it remains fairly quiet.

I would guess a lot of this comes down to leadership, namely the priest but also the laity that work directly with him. Silence before Mass is the ideal but the human mind naturally leans towards making noise. The occasional respectful reminder to keep the sanctuary quiet is enough to create a different culture vs a different parish where this isn’t said, probably for the sake of not hurting anyone’s feelings.

If newcomers walk into a sanctuary that is kept fairly quiet, they’ll instinctively be quiet themselves. If it’s noisy, they’ll instinctively be noisy.
 
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In addition to some of these great suggestions I have had it suggested to me to offer up my distractions, and I also try to comfort Jesus amid the ‘crazy making’ clothing and behaviors at Mass.

You and a handful of others there might be the only people who have a clue. Be there for Jesus.
 
It is generally true that you can’t control other people. However, I recall the nuns who accompanied their elementary school children to Mass before school, and they would never accept that as an operating philosophy. We kept quiet.
 
noryar2025 said:
We have a Eucharistic minister who went up to the altar wearing a skirt that left little to the imagination, high (HIGH) heels and a shirt to match. I honestly couldn’t believe it.
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Guessing that there is a crossed wire on some terms. Do you mean “Extraordinary Minister of Holy Communion” (lay persons who are appointed to assist with distribution of the Eucharist)?

Perhaps you could volunteer for this ministry and work to help with a dress code?
 
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noryar2025 said:
Let me start by saying that I love going to Mass and Adoration.
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Don’t hesitate to explore different parishes, and different times for adoration. Sunday Mass is the only time most people come, and though we are glad they do come, it is very difficult for those of us that prefer the reverence and silence that is overshadowed by the entrance of worldly noise.
noryar2025 said:
When I see people treating Mass so flippantly, it drives me bananas.
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Part of the development of the fruit of the Spirit in each of us is to strive so that we are not driven bananas. It was mentioned that you should be there for Jesus, and join your suffering with His. His heart weeps at the noise, flippancy, and lack of reverence.

“… the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, and self-control.” (Gal. 5:21).

I would NEVER encourage that one pray for patience, as that will give God permission to give you circumstances that try you all the time! However, when situations such as this occur, it is an opportunity to fertilize the fruit. We know how pungent organic matter is so essential to the growing of produce!
noryar2025 said:
it drives me crazy that there is never even a moment of silence
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Sadly, you will need to find your silence outside of the Mass.
noryar2025 said:
“Centering Prayer”
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There is a lot of controversy over Centering prayer, but whatever else is said, there is plenty of silence!
noryar2025 said:
I feel like I am the one who is out of step with the Church.
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You are not out of step with the Church, you are out of step with the modern culture, which is full of noise. As frustrating as this may be, it is a good thing.
 
Speak with your pastor about your concerns. Suggest that the parish list a dress code that attendees and EMHCs have to follow.
 
I’ll second some of the previous ideas and perhaps give a new one or two.
  1. Look for another parish, or even a different Mass at the current parish–maybe the 9 AM Mass is more to your taste than the 11 AM?
  2. Sit in the front row. Then you can’t see what other people are doing and you can ignore them.
  3. Be willing to give people the benefit of the doubt. As someone else said, maybe the person using their phone isn’t texting a friend, maybe they’re reading a prayer. You don’t know.
  4. Go to Latin Mass. Poof, problem solved. Those who attend Latin Masses–yes, I’m going to generalize based on my own experience–dress more appropriately, act more appropriately, etc.
  5. Recognize that different people have different ways of approaching religion. Some are extremely emotional. Some are almost entirely intellectual. Some feel Mass should be much more of a social, communal experience. Some see religion almost entirely as social service. And so on. You do your thing, they do their thing. Live and let live, as long as it doesn’t intrude onto your thing (in other words, you’re asked to start hugging people before Mass, etc.)
 
Yes and how many of those elementary school children became diilluisioned and were effectively driven away from the Church by the harshness of those nuns?
 
LilyM said:
Yes and how many of those elementary school children became diilluisioned and were effectively driven away from the Church by the harshness of those nuns?
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Millions.

Because using sarcasm/spite/temper with children is abusive.

Huge portions of nuns in the 20th century never had a vocation. They used religious orders to hide.
 
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It might not be the right or popular answer, but if it were like that all the time, I would shop around for a different parish. It obviously works for a lot of people there, and that is fine, it just wouldn’t work for me either.
 
LilyM said:
Yes and how many of those elementary school children became diilluisioned and were effectively driven away from the Church by the harshness of those nuns?
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Well, not me, and not anyone I know. Maintaining order in the classroom or in church did not require harshness. In all eight grades of an elementary school taught by nuns, I never knew one nun who was a harsh disciplinarian. Like any good teacher, they cared about their children; but they didn’t let them run wild.
 
You are extraordinarily blessed then.

One person’s ‘running wild’ is another persom’s ‘children simply being children - high-energy and low-attention-span’

I vividly recall a certain Gospel episode where the Apostles sought to restrain the ‘wild’’ children surrounding Our Lord and He told them in no uncertain terms to leave them be.

I am an ex ‘wild’ child. Thank God that my parents and teachers were both understanding and very patient, which helped me grow into a relatively stable and productive adult who is not overly fussed by children when they act up as children often do.
 
Well, kids will be kids, but I think that a good teacher can maintain order without being abusive. I mentioned before that we kept quiet in the church when the nuns were accompanying and supervising. But I should also mention that one could enter the church on a Sunday morning before Mass and the church was perfectly quiet without nuns to supervise, so the parents also managed to maintain order. There was a lot of chatter in the vestibule, but as soon as one entered the main church, there was silence. It was a different time, and that’s what was expected.
 
If you feel people are not honoring God correctly at a church you’re going to and you see all these different things… maybe God is allowing you to see this to pray for the church you’re attending. ( although remember some people might possibly were talked into going to mass by relatives/family/ parents. They could be atheist or agnostic. Some people might be living a life not pleasing to God and they’re trying to get back to practicing correctly the Catholic faith… )
💐💐💐💐
Maybe pray for people to honor the Eucharist more and the mass at the church you attend for example.

And if it’s okay to do( … Catholics let me know if it’s not…) Maybe pray for that churches safety from the evil one. Maybe the Saint Michael the archangel prayer for that church and those you see that attend it?
🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻
 
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Find another parish, ideally one that offers Latin Mass. Most of these problems will disappear and you’ll be able to worship in peace. Oh, except for the flip flops. Sometimes people wear them to Latin Mass because there is nothing immodest about them. 😜
 
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Hello there. I just created an account because there are elderly women without kids that sit in the cry room and treat the room like a club and it upsets me. I was looking for advice on how to politely get them out of there & into the main church so that I wouldn’t be bothered. At first I read your post thinking that what you are saying was completely different from my problem, but is it?

When I read your dilemma, I thought that you need to be looking at Jesus and paying attention to the Mass, not other people around you. We don’t know their hearts. We should pray for others. But then I think that I should be able to get rid of the elderly ladies who sit in the designated quieting room for young children… I guess that I’m being hypocritical if I look at my response to you. Which is the right answer? I can’t control other people, but I want other people to be respectful to me using the cry room & not worry about older women using it for their own purpose. Is that a Christian desire? What about yours? I do not know… How do we navigate these dilemmas? Hopefully someone can help. Until then we pray 🙂
 
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