Hah! The best part about my birthday this year was the NOBODY knew it was my birthday at work! I made up a new birthday list to add our new co-workers to and intentionally took mine off. I hate getting that birthday card that everyone’s forced to sign. I also hate everyone asking me all day long what I’m doing/getting b/c it’s usually nothing. Our office also voted awhile back that the birthday person has to bring treats for their own birthday b/c it was getting to be too much of a hardship for EVERYONE to bring something every time someone else had a birthday. Since nobody knew it was my birthday, I didn’t feel bad about not bringing treats. No matter what, it’s usually the same people participating no matter the event. I think it’s lame to make the birthday person treat everyone else. I may propose that we just have one treat day a month in honor of all the birthdays that month.
Technichally I work for both the upstairs AND downstairs staff, so I’d have to bring double the treats. Ah, forget it! Now I just bring treats when I’m able/feel like it, usually for no other reason than I had something else to make them for and just decided to double my batch.
Gordon Sims, yes, being the outsider has afforded me the benefit of not feeling pressured to spend my own money (which I’m not able to spare) on office projects. I know our dying patients are in need, but I have 4 little ones to feed and I don’t need to be a martyr in order to appear charitable.
Don’t you see that you are making yourself the outsider?
Why would you “deliberately” leave your birthday off the list?!
You say that you “hate getting that birthday card that everyone is forced to sign.” No one is “forced” to sign a birthday card. People sign birthday cards because they honestly want to wish the best to the one who is experiencing a birthday. Have you ever been in a restaurant where the entire crowd is invited by the wait staff to sing Happy Birthday to someone? Many of us joing in, not because “we are forced to,” but because we honestly–I’m not kidding you–honestly wish the birthday person happiness in the coming year. Birthdays are very special.
You say, “I also hate everyone asking me all day long what I’m doing/getting b/c it’s usually nothing.” What a terrible attitude! Here people are trying to show that they are interested in you and care for you, and you “hate this?” And why do you have “nothing” to do on your birthday? Find something to do, and tell people about it–tell them, “I’m just hanging out and relaxing at my place and having a little homemade dinner.” Or take yourself ice skating or to a movie or to a pet shelter to volunteer for the evening or to whatever pleases you, and then TELL your co-workers, not in a bragging way, but in a way that says, “Thank you for asking.”
You say, “Since nobody knew it was my birthday, I didn’t feel bad about not bringing treats. I think it’s lame to make the birthday person treat everyone else.” Why would you object to bringing treats?! You don’t bring treats because “everyone voted on it.” You bring treats because you want to be nice to others and share your happiness with others. We used to bring treats for our birthdays back in GRADE SCHOOL and no one ever complained. It was fun, not a chore (back then, most moms were home and had time to bake cookies or a cake). I think your idea of bringing treats once a month is OK, but don’t you see that it takes away the personal touch and the “honoring” of the birthday person.
I think you have gotten into the habit of thinking only of yourself, and that others in your office see this, and they’re not quite sure how to handle you. You act hurt because they forget about you, but you don’t seem to care very much for them either. You’re sending them mixed messages.
You’re socially awkward–here’s an example. It’s fine to tell people that you tend to get caught up in your work, but then you expect THEM to drag you away from your work, instead of taking responsibility yourself. And telling them that you get caught up in your work gives a subtle message that you are superior to them, because THEY don’t get caught up in their work. They feel that you are rebuking them for professional laziness. I would never mention that I get caught up in my work. Instead, I would set timers to remind myself that it’s time to stop and interact positively with my co-workers.
If I were you, I would find a coach who can teach you friendship skills that you didn’t seem to learn back when you were young. In order to have friends (or work acquaintances) YOU have to take the initiative, and you have to demonstrate that you honestly care for people, whether or not they seem (to you) to care for you.
I know I sound harsh, but frankly, I find it hard enough to go to work in a stressful job day after day, year after year, as I’m getting older and have less time left on this earth. I do not want to put up day after day at work with someone who is always thinking about themselves instead of everyone else in the workplace, and who isn’t willing to take responsibility for their unhappiness. I want to enjoy working, not feel like I have to constantly walk on eggshells not to hurt your feeling or to help you feel like we all like you.
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