Being Happy

[holyrood]

Lost Sheep, I can relate–somewhat–to your feelings. Although I think in fairness, God has rather let a lot of hard stuff come at me for the last 9 years.

Still, the things that help me are:

• Prayer.
• More prayer.
• Thanksgiving.
• Thinking of others.
• Doing something for others, whether that’s a smile, a positive word, a listening ear.
• Keeping my home somewhat neat and orderly.
• More prayer.
• Gratitude. Gratitude lists, if possible.
• Remembering God has a plan for my life.
• Thanking God.
• More prayer.
• Skullcap (an herbal supplement.)
• Salt, water, rest, exercise–in my case, I have severely low blood pressure, and I’m seeing more and more clearly the correlation between health and mood. When I don’t take care of myself, my thoughts become more depressed.
• Deciding I’m going to be cheerful for my kids (fake it till you make it)
• Getting some relaxation with friends.
• Accomplishing things that are important to me.
• Singing or playing an instrument.
• Talking to others who support, uplift, and encourage me
• Acceptance: a friend once sent me the story of the man who was told by God to push a giant boulder every day. It never moved, not once in 20 years, not an inch, and he complained to God. Why did you want me to do this? I got nowhere. God pointed out to him that he had become stronger in years of daily pushing. My circumstances seem nowhere near changing (in fact, with the alcoholic family situation, they just continue to get worse). BUT…I’m growing closer to God, stronger in faith. Yes, it’s hard. Yes, some days I still feel some anger at God and life (WHY?! I’ve done EVERYTHING right to try to heal this and they only get meaner!) And yet…I’m growing closer to God, and my faith is growing that He is doing something in this situation.
• Did I mention prayer? Acceptance with prayer, trust with prayer, prayer with trust, prayer with acceptance.

Peace be with you.

 

[Lost_Sheep]

So what all of you are basically saying is don’t pray to be happy but rather pray just for the sake of praying? I would have trouble getting motivated to do that because I see it as pointless.

 

[ready]

I think you should pray to give adoration and thanksgiving to God and to express contrition, and to supplicate and intercede – not to babble off words or give him any lip service. If prayers are not sincere as we pray them, then we should not waste our time with the babbling: we should change our way of praying and get our heart involved. God bless you.

 

[grinev]

Just so everyone that has responded understands, Clinical Depression is a MEDICAL condition. It is not possible, as some have suggested, to pray it away or to make it go away by gratitude any more than a person with MS, Parkinson’s or cerebral palsy can pray to cure themselves. Granted there have been miracles where a person’s illness have been cured but I believe those are few and far between.

I don’t know the best way to cope with clinical depression but I think you can mitigate your symptoms by seeking treatment like you are and perhaps talking about it with others who have your same condition. A good therapist could help but finding a good therapist is a lot harder than most people realize. I recently got a therapist through the catholic therapist network and she all but told me to snap out of it and get out there more. She was terrible. I think effective treatment for mental illness is hard to come by. For things in my life that cause suffering I have found that acceptance lessens my load, however, I know that some things will always be a continual struggle for me.

In the end the OP asked the question of why some people are happier than others. I would like to know the answer to this because some people breeze through life effortlessly and get most of the things they want while others struggle just to get by. I know some people will say, “oh no one’s life is what it seems on the outside” but I disagree. I think some people legitimately live better/easier lives. Some people have lives of constant joy and others suffer excruciatingly despite their best efforts. And I think mental illness is one of the hardest crosses to bear because it goes unacknowledged, people see it as your fault, you blame yourself; and treatment is often expensive, not covered by health insurance or makes things worse. It seems unfair and I know life is unfair but I think it always helps when there is a reason or meaning to be found in it. That’s the thing about suffering, it can so easily seem senseless, especially when everyone around you is happy and telling you to “snap out of it” or “cheer up”.

For the OP, a book you might want to check out is Man’s Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl. If you’re an intellectual person Peter Kreeft and C.S. Lewis also wrote some good books on suffering. Just a suggestion.

 

[ready]

But everybody must pray to God, even if they can’t feel what they are saying because they are very ill (with depression, etc.). It just takes an act of the will – and besides, Jesus has commanded us to pray – so we must pray, even when we are very ill with depression (We needn’t use words when we pray either: we can just spend time with God comforting Him with His Mother at the foot of the Cross. God bless you.

 

[christofirst]

Thank you, Grinev, for your post. It is indeed a mystery to me why some people just seem happier by nature than others, sometimes even in the face of considerable suffering. I am inclined to think that brain science holds the answer. Genetics, how our brains are “wired”, chemical make-up and imbalances, all of these things of a more physical nature matter a lot. We are only now beginning to understanding the marvelous complexity of the brain. Our life experience and our upbringing play a great role too, but even then, some people just seem to be happier.

This is not to discount the spiritual, but I am also not one of those who insist that the answer is entirely spiritual, for even our sense of spirituality varies with each person, often without explanation. Anyway, thanks again for your post.

 

[Lost_Sheep]

Just so everyone that has responded understands, Clinical Depression is a MEDICAL condition. It is not possible, as some have suggested, to pray it away or to make it go away by gratitude any more than a person with MS, Parkinson’s or cerebral palsy can pray to cure themselves. Granted there have been miracles where a person’s illness have been cured but I believe those are few and far between.

I don’t know the best way to cope with clinical depression but I think you can mitigate your symptoms by seeking treatment like you are and perhaps talking about it with others who have your same condition. A good therapist could help but finding a good therapist is a lot harder than most people realize. I recently got a therapist through the catholic therapist network and she all but told me to snap out of it and get out there more. She was terrible. I think effective treatment for mental illness is hard to come by. For things in my life that cause suffering I have found that acceptance lessens my load, however, I know that some things will always be a continual struggle for me.

In the end the OP asked the question of why some people are happier than others. I would like to know the answer to this because some people breeze through life effortlessly and get most of the things they want while others struggle just to get by. I know some people will say, “oh no one’s life is what it seems on the outside” but I disagree. I think some people legitimately live better/easier lives. Some people have lives of constant joy and others suffer excruciatingly despite their best efforts. And I think mental illness is one of the hardest crosses to bear because it goes unacknowledged, people see it as your fault, you blame yourself; and treatment is often expensive, not covered by health insurance or makes things worse. It seems unfair and I know life is unfair but I think it always helps when there is a reason or meaning to be found in it. That’s the thing about suffering, it can so easily seem senseless, especially when everyone around you is happy and telling you to “snap out of it” or “cheer up”.

For the OP, a book you might want to check out is Man’s Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl. If you’re an intellectual person Peter Kreeft and C.S. Lewis also wrote some good books on suffering. Just a suggestion.

Thank you.

 

[christofirst]

But everybody must pray to God, even if they can’t feel what they are saying because they are very ill (with depression, etc.). It just takes an act of the will – and besides, Jesus has commanded us to pray – so we must pray, even when we are very ill with depression (We needn’t use words when we pray either: we can just spend time with God comforting Him with His Mother at the foot of the Cross. God bless you.

Can I play Devil’s advocate with you, Ready? First of all, I commend your strong faith! I wish I had the strength of conviction which you display here. And I am convinced that you are motivated by love and genuine concern. Let me ask you: Do you feel like you come by your faith “naturally”, or is it a constant and continual struggle to maintain and proclaim? What I mean is, does it seem like God bestows the gift the faith more readily to some than to others? Or that some of us are, for reasons beyond our obvious control, just not so inclined to receive this gift of faith? I ask because if accepting the faith does indeed happen more readily for some than others (and it does), should we expect everyone to respond to the suggested remedy of prayer in the same way? These are questions I struggle with, because I have loved ones who are non-believers in my own life. I am a relatively happy and religious man, and I pray frequently. But it comes easily for me. I feel blessed about this and grateful, not like it is some great achievement in my life. Oh well, I’m rambling now. God bless you!

 

[Lost_Sheep]

You truly need to go to confession. We should never EVER speak about our Lord the way you have just done.

Why? What’s He going to do? Send me to Hell? I’m already there. He should be apologizing to me; not the other way around.

I think you should pray to give adoration and thanksgiving to God and to express contrition

Are you serious? As miserable as God has allowed my life to be and now I’m supposed to praise Him? I think not.

This is not to discount the spiritual, but I am also not one of those who insist that the answer is entirely spiritual, for even our sense of spirituality varies with each person, often without explanation. Anyway, thanks again for your post.

Thank you. You seem to be one of the few here who get it. A prayer and copious amounts of Prozac is much more effective the a prayer.

 

[7armyrugrats]

Grinev,

With all due respect, unless I missed something in this thread, I didn’t see anyone say “just snap out of it.” I saw a lot of people, some of them repeatedly, give the advice that the OP asked for. No one said you can just pray your depression away, but that praying is an important and necessary part of life regardless of how we feel. Is it a cure? No, absolutely not. Does it help? Possibly it does not help in our lives on earth but it is the only way to enter into heaven and we do not know how much it helps us for eternity.

I realize that depression and other mental illnesses are very difficult crosses to bear. I’ve been down that path and it is worse than hard. But to say that it is the most difficult or even one of the most difficult to bear is quite arrogant. Even to say that so many others have lives so much easier than ours is pretty conceited. It points toward a poor, pitiful me mentality as well as an attitude of entitlement (I deserve better than anyone will give to me). I encourage you, the OP and everyone else to carefully and prayerfully to examine yourselves and see how much jealousy, envy, pride and despair play into your way of thinking–how you view the world and yourself. This is not said in an attempt to bring guilt or shame. It is said out of care and a deep love for my fellow man(kind) in order to get you to see how much we really are in control of our emotions and state of mind.

You are right, you can not pray depression away, but you can change the way you view the world and yourself which in turns diminishes the depression. Notice I did not say cures it, but it can and does become manageable. I have been severely depressed. I didn’t think I could ever recover. I thought my life was over. Now, I’m moving forward, hour by hour, and I am joyful. Happiness really is about attitude. It’s a conscience decision to be made not determined by circumstances.

 

[ready]

Can I play Devil’s advocate with you, Ready? First of all, I commend your strong faith! I wish I had the strength of conviction which you display here. And I am convinced that you are motivated by love and genuine concern. Let me ask you: Do you feel like you come by your faith “naturally”, or is it a constant and continual struggle to maintain and proclaim? What I mean is, does it seem like God bestows the gift the faith more readily to some than to others? Or that some of us are, for reasons beyond our obvious control, just not so inclined to receive this gift of faith? I ask because if accepting the faith does indeed happen more readily for some than others (and it does), should we expect everyone to respond to the suggested remedy of prayer in the same way? These are questions I struggle with, because I have loved ones who are non-believers in my own life. I am a relatively happy and religious man, and I pray frequently. But it comes easily for me. I feel blessed about this and grateful, not like it is some great achievement in my life. Oh well, I’m rambling now. God bless you!

Thanks for your good post, my friend. I appreciate it. Let us try to help Lost_Sheep as best as we can here.

All I am saying is that we must pray … Jesus has even commanded it and Saints say that we shall be damned if we neglect prayer. For the past two days I have been feeling SO MUCH sluggishness – it has really effected my prayer life; but I know that I must pray, and so I make the effort to be sure that I do. Prayer usually comes very easily to me, thanks be to God, but sometimes I feel sluggish and it can be very difficult. Because I know that it is necessary for me to pray – I make the effort to do it and just do it. I understand depression, yes I do; and I understand that prayer comes easier to some than to others. But all that I am saying is that Jesus commands that we pray and so we must … He knows that it is the very breath of our spiritual life. God bless you.

 

[ready]

Why? What’s He going to do? Send me to Hell? I’m already there. He should be apologizing to me; not the other way around.

Are you serious? As miserable as God has allowed my life to be and now I’m supposed to praise Him? I think not.

Thank you. You seem to be one of the few here who get it. A prayer and copious amounts of Prozac is much more effective the a prayer.

Dear Lost_Sheep,

Do you think that perhaps you may be being punished for your lack of faith in God? Please recall that the Scriptures says that without faith we can not be pleasing to God. God is just and good, which means that He is most fair: if he is sending you trials/sufferings – or even punishment – it is to help purify you and to help sanctify you (to get you where you are supposed to be) and so you can merit Heaven… He owes none of us His apology, for everything He does is done out of the purest love. Please change your heart towards Him and make a heartfelt act of contrition. You are putting yourself in a Hell for sure, but if you die this way, your Hell will be a million, billion, trillion, zillion times more painful. Please do yourself the favor and love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul and strength. God bless you. my friend. We love you, Lost_Sheep!

 

[grinev]

But everybody must pray to God, even if they can’t feel what they are saying because they are very ill (with depression, etc.). It just takes an act of the will – and besides, Jesus has commanded us to pray – so we must pray, even when we are very ill with depression (We needn’t use words when we pray either: we can just spend time with God comforting Him with His Mother at the foot of the Cross. God bless you.

I would like to clarify that I wasn’t suggesting that people stop praying. The OP asked what he can do to feel happier and a lot of people suggested that he pray. I was merely pointing out that prayer is good, it cannot cure mental illness.

 

[ready]

I would like to clarify that I wasn’t suggesting that people stop praying. The OP asked what he can do to feel happier and a lot of people suggested that he pray. I was merely pointing out that prayer is good, it cannot cure mental illness.

And prayer is necessary and the *first *thing we need to do when we are troubled. If we turn to other people and to other things before we turn to God that is not good. God bless you.

 

[grinev]

Grinev,

With all due respect, unless I missed something in this thread, I didn’t see anyone say “just snap out of it.” I saw a lot of people, some of them repeatedly, give the advice that the OP asked for. No one said you can just pray your depression away, but that praying is an important and necessary part of life regardless of how we feel. Is it a cure? No, absolutely not. Does it help? Possibly it does not help in our lives on earth but it is the only way to enter into heaven and we do not know how much it helps us for eternity.

I realize that depression and other mental illnesses are very difficult crosses to bear. I’ve been down that path and it is worse than hard. But to say that it is the most difficult or even one of the most difficult to bear is quite arrogant. Even to say that so many others have lives so much easier than ours is pretty conceited. It points toward a poor, pitiful me mentality as well as an attitude of entitlement (I deserve better than anyone will give to me). I encourage you, the OP and everyone else to carefully and prayerfully to examine yourselves and see how much jealousy, envy, pride and despair play into your way of thinking–how you view the world and yourself. This is not said in an attempt to bring guilt or shame. It is said out of care and a deep love for my fellow man(kind) in order to get you to see how much we really are in control of our emotions and state of mind.

You are right, you can not pray depression away, but you can change the way you view the world and yourself which in turns diminishes the depression. Notice I did not say cures it, but it can and does become manageable. I have been severely depressed. I didn’t think I could ever recover. I thought my life was over. Now, I’m moving forward, hour by hour, and I am joyful. Happiness really is about attitude. It’s a conscience decision to be made not determined by circumstances.

I don’t know what respect actually means to you but you seem to have misconstrued a lot of what I said. I actually had a therapist tell me to snap out of it, it wasn’t my intention to say that anyone on this thread told the OP to snap out of it. Also, I have had many friends tell me to “just be happy” because they were tired of the fact that I always got depressed. Finding help for depression is really hard because people don’t understand mental illness.

By the way, and I reiterate, the OP’s question was how to be happy and most people responded with prayer. I think this is misguided because we don’t pray to be happy we pray to be united with God. It is not a guarantee of happiness and to tell a person that they need to pray more in order to be happy can actually make a person feel more guilty and ashamed then they already are. One example is Mother Theresa who prayed daily but experienced pure darkness for many years near the end of her life. I was just trying to make the point that you can still experience depression even if you are praying and praying well.

About saying that most people have lives easier, I actually said SOME people have lives that are easier/better and that is absolutely true, there is nothing conceited or arrogant about that. Also, I am perfectly willing to admit that I have many advantages that people in the third world don’t have. Is it arrogant and conceited to say that? I don’t know where your criticism comes from but anybody with the smallest amount of common sense can see that happiness is not evenly distributed among mankind, that is a fact of life.

We are also not in total control of our emotions and our mind, that is a ridiculous and absurd thing to say. Why don’t you become a psychiatrist and tell that to all those who suffer from schizophrenia, Bi-Polar Disorder or Borderline Personality disorder. You could cure all Mental Health illness within a week (sarcasm). While hard work and medical treatment do mitigate symptoms, I still think my point about people without mental illness having it a little easier is valid. I don’t think that envy, pride or any of the other accusations you flung at me is driving my statement but rather compassion for people who are suffering from valid disorders that make it a lot harder to experience happiness (please note I said harder and not impossible).

 

[ready]

Depressed people need to pray if they want to experience true happiness again. Union with God is the happiest and greatest thing a person can experience.

 

[grinev]

In heaven, yes, God is the fulfillment of all we desire, but on earth, even people who pray can be unhappy. And there are also many people who don’t pray that are blissfully happy.

 

[ready]

In heaven, yes, God is the fulfillment of all we desire, but on earth, even people who pray can be unhappy. And there are also many people who don’t pray that are blissfully happy.

You said in a previous post that union with God does not bring happiness – or you said something like that. Whatever you said is not true, for union with God is the happiest thing we could experience here on earth, even amid the worst of sufferings. God bless you.

 

[wcknight]

Why? What’s He going to do? Send me to Hell? I’m already there. He should be apologizing to me; not the other way around.

Are you serious? As miserable as God has allowed my life to be and now I’m supposed to praise Him? I think not.

Thank you. You seem to be one of the few here who get it. A prayer and copious amounts of Prozac is much more effective the a prayer.

Already there!?? Brother, there is nothing on earth even remotely similar to hell. Attitude is everything and yours may land you in far worse conditions than you ever dreamed of.

I don’t know what your condition is but I had a friend who was wheel chair bound for the last forty years of his life the only thing he could move was one arm. He typed with one thumb lifting and lowering that one arm. If anyone had a right to be depressed he did. BUT he was not down on himself, he lifted himself out of obscurity and made a decent living.

Thinking positive takes effort and will power. It does not come easy, but you have to be willing to believe in yourself and have hope and faith that God will help you. Insulting Him or doubting Him will not get it done. Your approach is the opposite of what it needs to be.

You want to wallow in your own misery and claim God won’t help you. Well with your attitude it is easy to see why God is ignoring you.

 

[Methos]

Just so everyone that has responded understands, Clinical Depression is a MEDICAL condition. It is not possible, as some have suggested, to pray it away or to make it go away by gratitude any more than a person with MS, Parkinson’s or cerebral palsy can pray to cure themselves. Granted there have been miracles where a person’s illness have been cured but I believe those are few and far between.

I don’t know the best way to cope with clinical depression but I think you can mitigate your symptoms by seeking treatment like you are and perhaps talking about it with others who have your same condition. A good therapist could help but finding a good therapist is a lot harder than most people realize. I recently got a therapist through the catholic therapist network and she all but told me to snap out of it and get out there more. She was terrible. I think effective treatment for mental illness is hard to come by. For things in my life that cause suffering I have found that acceptance lessens my load, however, I know that some things will always be a continual struggle for me.

In the end the OP asked the question of why some people are happier than others. I would like to know the answer to this because some people breeze through life effortlessly and get most of the things they want while others struggle just to get by. I know some people will say, “oh no one’s life is what it seems on the outside” but I disagree. I think some people legitimately live better/easier lives. Some people have lives of constant joy and others suffer excruciatingly despite their best efforts. And I think mental illness is one of the hardest crosses to bear because it goes unacknowledged, people see it as your fault, you blame yourself; and treatment is often expensive, not covered by health insurance or makes things worse. It seems unfair and I know life is unfair but I think it always helps when there is a reason or meaning to be found in it. That’s the thing about suffering, it can so easily seem senseless, especially when everyone around you is happy and telling you to “snap out of it” or “cheer up”.

For the OP, a book you might want to check out is Man’s Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl. If you’re an intellectual person Peter Kreeft and C.S. Lewis also wrote some good books on suffering. Just a suggestion.

Finally, someone with a clue. I’ve stated all of this before, yet people don’t seem to get it or ignored it.