How does one be happy?
Yes, it sounds like a silly question but why are some people happy and others are not?
Some people are stuck with a bad lot in life; they may have health or financial or family or some other kind of problem yet they always seem to have a smile on their face, they are always in a good mood and nothing seems to bother them.
Then there are people like me. Like everyone else, I have my problems in life but I just can’t seem to brush them off. People tell me I never smile which is true. They say “You have a nice house, a beautiful wife, a good job, etc. Why should you be sad?”
Yet I am. What am I doing wrong?
I should mention that I was diagnosed with clinical depression about 20 years ago, but hindsight tells me I have probably had it since childhood. I take a whole cocktail of antidepressant medications which barely just keeps my head above water. My doctor says that the medications can only do so much and the rest is up to me; I can choose to be happy or choose to be sad. Well, I would like to be happy of course, but how exactly do you do that? People make it seem like it is as easy as flipping a light switch.
Please don’t suggest I pray more. The thought that I can find happiness through prayer is just wishful thinking. At least it hasn’t helped in the past.
In the case of someone as yourself that suffers from clinical depression the answer is more complicated. Human emotions are not always subject to our wills. Our moods can be effected as easily by a lack of sleep, a poor diet or a disordered brain chemistry. The answer can be as simple as getting eight hours consistent sleep or in your own case medication to help with the chemical balance in your brain.
But your doctor is right that medication can only take you so far. Sooner or later the will has to become involved and one must make the choice. But I must say as an aside that I would strongly encourage you to seek a second opinion. Your doctor may feel that his/her prescriptions have accomplished as much as they can, but placing the onus on you may not be the right answer for you yet. It would be an intolerable cop-out if your doctor neglected her/her duty to further explore other medications that could possibly benefit you.
As I said one must choose eventually. One has to choose whether to wallow in their depression or to seek something more. Contrary to what you said there is a switch. But as I am sure you aware when you switch a light on, occasionally the bulb will be slow in brightening. Just because there is a switch does not mean there is not a struggle to go with it.
To be happy is essentially to be at peace with God. Not only to be at peace with our own moral conduct but also to be in complete resignation to Our Lord’s Providence and His authority over Creation. It is to have a filial trust in His love for us and His promises, His promises in an eternity of happiness with Him. It is to acknowledge that He is God, He is Lord and that all things are subject to Him. And to trust, to trust as a child trusts in their Father, that He will order all things to our good. Even in the trials and hardships of our lives, even when we witness horrific incidents and cannot help but ask “why God?” True happiness is to be at peace with God’s Kingship and our own status as creatures. It is to be content to be a creature of our Creator.
I understand that you are struggling but you cannot come with a question and then blankly reject the answer. Prayer is the only means that can accomplish this resignation, this detachment from ourselves. Because this resignation is not a Damascus moment, it is a constant struggle and battle with our concupiscence and our own wills. And to persevere we must have prayer.
If you pray more and read about abandoning ourselves to the Divine Will, you will find happiness, true happiness. I cannot say you will experience it tomorrow or next week or next month. You may not experience it until your death bed. But you will discover it through prayer and persevering in prayer.
Pray for perseverance, pray for patience, and pray for detachment from the world. And you will find happiness.
Yours in Jesus and Mary,
OS.