Being Nice is not Christlike?

[momof2angells]

Hi all,

I just read this from a Peacefulwife’s blog, she is Protestant. I used to read her about a year or two ago and was revisiting her page this morning. I wanted to share her quote because it kind of struck me personally. My inward response after reading this was “that’s me, but HOW do I love versus seethe!?”. The answer was not in her post. I would guess pray hard and do novenas. What I’ve done in my life when some is blatantly rude is ‘seethe’ and be nice. I actually seethe and stand up for myself oftentimes so I’m not a complete doormat. But the seethe part stays. I love offering up the intense suffering some people have caused me that is a beautiful part of my Catholic faith because it gives it purpose. But is offering up this seething feeling a worthy offer since I shouldn’t be seething at someone who wrongs me and instead ‘love’ them as she states in her post, after all she quotes St. John stating ‘we can’t hate people and love God’. Yes, when I seethe i feel i do hate the person if I’m honest. Can there be seething without hate.

I would love your Catholic (name removed by moderator)ut. Thank you so much. Here is her post. Also, St. Therese was NICE. She’s my favorite. A part of this post makes so much sense but I also feel something’s missing.

“Being “nice” is really not part of being Christlike. It is culturally acceptable. But you can be “nice” to someone as you seethe with resentment. You can be “nice” as you stew about how much you hate them or hate what you are doing for them. Being nice does not = being godly. And I don’t believe that being “nice” has anything to do with what Christ has commanded us to do. The two greatest commandments are to love God with all our hearts, minds, souls and strength and we are to love others with God’s love. I John 4 says we cannot hate people and love God. And Jesus says in John 14:22-24 that anyone who loves Him will obey Him – in everything.”

Thank you again.
Mom in NY in the middle of a snowstorm. Hope everyone is doing great today! God bless.

 

[adgloriam]

“Being “nice” is really not part of being Christlike

“The language of Christians who cherish the Holy Spirit, who was given to us as a gift, is special: they don’t have to speak in Latin, no. It’s another language: it’s the language of gentleness and respect,” the Pope said May 21.

https://www.catholicnewsagency.com/...entleness-and-respect-pope-francis-says-12861

You are supposed to “stand up for yourself” with due manners, and are supposed to protect your “integrity” both physical and mental. Saint Therese of Lisieux states running away when put into a hard place rather than being ungentle. You should also be wise, and quick at recognizing when there is nothing to be said or done. An outright:“No, that offends me” solves a million problems.

 

[ProdglArchitect]

Being “nice” to someone is not always Christian-like. Nice comes from the Latin word nescius, which means to be ignorant. To simply use “being nice” as a maxim for life means to be ignorant of the True and the Good, and to allow others to be ignorant of it as well.

What is Christian is the be kind, and kindness isn’t always nice. To be kind to someone is to value their good. For instance, take the person who is rude to you. You could be nice to them and ignore it, or you could be kind to them and respond in such a way as to make them reconsider their rudeness.

This is true of many sinful things in a person’s life. Say I know someone who’s cheating on their spouse. It’s nice to ignore it and just be their friend in spite of it. After all, that is their choice and who am I to say anything? (/sarcasm) What is kind, and what is Christian, is to confront my friend about the harm they are doing to their life, their family, their spouse, the person they’re cheating with, etc. This confrontation should have the ultimate goal of leading them to repentance so they can turn away from their sin and back towards God.

To love our neighbors as ourselves demands that we desire the ultimate good for that other person, and that ultimate good is God. This desire that they find God may lead us to be confrontational (not nice) about some aspect of their life which we know is leading them away from God. St. Theresa was very loving, but I wouldn’t call her nice. I’m not super familiar with her life, but all the stories I’ve heard of her show an underlying strictness and devotion. Yes, she loved and cared for anyone, regardless of their state in life, but that doesn’t mean she shied away from confronting evil when she saw it.

 

[guanophore]

is offering up this seething feeling a worthy offer since I shouldn’t be seething at someone who wrongs me

Yes of course! We offer all that we are , the good, the bad, the ugly. We can’t wait to offer ourselves to God until we are perfect. Love is not a feeling, but decision and action. Try this:

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. I Cor 13

Replace the word “love” and “it” in this passage with your own name. Conform yourself to these virtues. None of this is about what feelings you have or do not have.

Being angry does not necessarily mean you are hateful. If you are angry, and can still behave the way this passage describes as love, then you will bear the fruit of the Spirit.

That being said, it is not healthy for you to seethe all the time, so it is important to pray for the people that offend you, forgive them, and look into yourself and your own failings. Most of the time, the qualities/behaviors of others that bother us the most are things in ourselves that we dont like.

 

[momof2angells]

Thank you so much. Each of you. I’ve already reread all responses twice. The somewhat funny thing is the person causing stress at work was so nice yesterday (I know this is temporary) that I almost felt bad (bring absolutely honest here) that o wasn’t able to offer any of her suffering to the Lord so I half jokingly wondered what other penance I could do!
But the truth is when I look at my family, our health, my children I know I am so blessed and I know there will come a day when I’ll need to face a tragedy and actually, I feel like these quiet blessed times are when I need to prepare for them by doing things that strengthen my faith now, in these quiet times.

 

[Prodigal_Son]

Being “nice” to someone is not always Christian-like. Nice comes from the Latin word nescius, which means to be ignorant. To simply use “being nice” as a maxim for life means to be ignorant of the True and the Good, and to allow others to be ignorant of it as well.

What is Christian is the be kind, and kindness isn’t always nice. To be kind to someone is to value their good. For instance, take the person who is rude to you. You could be nice to them and ignore it, or you could be kind to them and respond in such a way as to make them reconsider their rudeness.

I basically agree, but I think that kindness carries with it the notion that one will try to perturb or injure the other person as little as possible. So yes, one sometimes needs to stop being nice, and to say things that must be said. However, one ought to do so in as gentle and loving a way as possible, not with a hammer.

 

[ProdglArchitect]

I agree. There’s no reason to be unduly harsh. That would probably only result in the person going further down the wrong path.

 

[0Scarlett_nidiyilii]

When you feel the sensation of seething, you could try asking God to pour out his blessings on her. Be her advocate and intercede for her. She doesn’t have to know you’re her secret prayer warrior.

Keep asking until it takes the edge off.

You can even say “God, I don’t want to pray for her, but I’ll do it anyway because You thought she was worth fighting for enough to die for her on the cross.”

It’s worth a shot.

Peace