Being told not to attend a parish by RCIA director

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homewardbound

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So, I’ve tried RCIA twice. The first time I had to quit due to errors in teaching. (ex: being told its fine to pray to flowers as God or call God a woman instead of Father, and that Mass is not for prayer but community only and people who pray during Mass are wrong) I had to quit.

Then, I tried RCIA again but could not finish due to personal issues, hospitalization, and struggles with mental illness. I was the only student that time, and after being unable to make it to class a few weeks I guess we both gave up.

So, my boyfriend and I began attending Mass at a parish an hour away. Mainly because it has the TLM and we like that. Last night I emailed the director and asked her if she had any advice on what I could possibly do about being confirmed, since I know I am too late to begin RCIA this year. Hoping maybe I could try to attend the rest of classes this year and then start again next year as well.

She pretty much told me I was wrong to attend Mass so far away since class attendance would be hard even if I wanted to attend it next year. She told me I was probably wrong about any errors in my RCIA class before and should try there again and gave me a list of churches to attend that are closer to me. She told me converting wasn’t a personal journey and criticized me asking about any form of private instruction. Pretty much, she told me not to come there anymore because it wouldn’t work. I mean, I can see how she is right but it still was kinda shocking being made to feel like I am not welcome at that parish.

She told me to let things happen in God’s time. And that just upset me because thats exactly what I’ve been doing for the past two years and I have gotten absolutely no where. Anytime I try to join a class or find someone to help me be confirmed I am either unable to attend for certain reasons(as stated), or I am completely shot down and made to feel like I’m not wanted anyway.

Should I take this as a sign that maybe I shouldn’t become Catholic? I’m so tired of the jumping around in trying to find a community that 1.) teaches Catholic faith correctly and 2.) cares enough to make me feel welcome and wanted. I’m not going to waste my time in a parish that doesn’t care whether or not I am Catholic. I guess I am just hurting so much because for the last year and half the only thing I have wanted has been to be Catholic and the more time that goes by and the more obstacles in my way the more jaded and desperate I become. Why won’t anyone help me? Why should I care so much about becoming Catholic when no one else, even RCIA teachers, don’t care?

I am just hurting so badly, and my soul is craving so badly to be and feel whole for once. To be in God’s good graces and be able to partake in the Sacraments. To be clean and pure in God’s eyes and be able to practice my new faith 100%. This has all been so hard, when for every other convert I know it was so simple. I’m tired of struggling this hard just to be able to practice a faith I already believe in 100%.

I guess I just needed to vent about this a bit and get it out. Yes, I understand it isn’t supposed to be easy…but if it gets any harder I’m not sure if I will care enough to finish. I have enough to deal with with my inner struggles, I desperately need the Sacraments to aid me with my life’s struggles yet no one wants to help me get there. I’m just feeling heartbroken at being turned away from. There’s no way anyone would be so cold and uncaring toward me if I was wanting to convert to Baptist again. They wouldn’t leave me alone until I did! They’d make me feel wanted and loved and a part of their community. They wouldn’t make me feel so utterly isolated just because I wasn’t yet “offically” Baptist. I just feel shunned from the Church right now. Just because I’m not a part of it, because no one will help me get there!

No matter what I know there’s no way I can turn my back on the Church and practice some other faith. But I kinda wish I could right now.

Everyone keeps telling me I need to hurry up and get confirmed right away, yet anytime I try it never works. No one wants to try to help me get there. Supposedly, being confirmed is all about community and caring for one another. Well, I have yet to some across anyone who cares to care about me.

I’m done ranting. Go ahead and tear me apart.
 
homewardbound said:
I’m done ranting. Go ahead and tear me apart.
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WOW, where to start. First of all, I’m glad you are here. I graduated RCIA a couple of years ago. I understand where you may have issues with the RCIA instructors, they are human after all and subject to be in error from time to time. However, when you find an incorrect teaching, research the correct answer and bring it up to their attention and call them on it. This will only make you a stronger Catholic-Christian. Grin and bear it and after you convert, volunteer to teach RCIA and give the correct teachings. MOST OF ALL, stay focused on GOD.
 
Should I take this as a sign that maybe I shouldn’t become Catholic? I’m so tired of the jumping around in trying to find a community that 1.) teaches Catholic faith correctly and 2.) cares enough to make me feel welcome and wanted. I’m not going to waste my time in a parish that doesn’t care whether or not I am Catholic. I guess I am just hurting so much because for the last year and half the only thing I have wanted has been to be Catholic and the more time that goes by and the more obstacles in my way the more jaded and desperate I become. Why won’t anyone help me? Why should I care so much about becoming Catholic when no one else, even RCIA teachers, don’t care?
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  1. keep searching, but start inside. 2) you are always welcome and wanted here in CA. Give your local parish a chance.
    Being Catholic is more than the teaching of one parish, it being part of something bigger…being part of the body of Christ…maybe the Lord brought you to this point so you can show the light to others.
    RCIA teachers do care but are sometimes wrong, that is why there is a Spiritual Advisor (priest) who oversees the program.
    The Lord has called you here (to the church) as he has called many of us…have faith.
I now teach RCIC (RCIA for children) and am having a blast … teaching the correct lessons from, from the bible and CCC.

God BLess you …
 
in the first place, the interview should be with the pastor not the RCIA director, esp if she is a lady, which means she is not ordained, and not competent to determine who does and who does not belong in RCIA. That is what I would tell you when you come to see me. I would explain what is involved in this parish, discuss logistics, your schedule, your needs and so forth, explain the process and the steps, and an overview of what is taught, and how, by whom. Then I would set up an interview for you with the priest or deacon. But then, I have learned over years in this job to try not to throw my weight around and act like a gate-keeper. Evanglization is, I thought in my naivete, about bringing people into the Church, not shutting them out.

I would try again, at the parish where you feel most comfortable, by calling the office and asking for an appointment with the pastor to discuss a pastoral matter. Don’t give any more detal than that, save it for the interview.
 
I know exactly how you feel as far as the unwelcome feelings go. That’s all I am getting lately. I wish I had gone thru the process while I was in our prior city; I loved the parish and all the folks that worked at the church. I feel like I am running into walls here.
 
Thank you all for your posts. Sorry for the long ranting and blabbering. Just after reading that email I just felt so awful and hurt.

I am planning now on setting up an appointment with a priest in the last parish I tried RCIA in. I think I will do as suggested and just set up the meeting without any explanation. I do like that parish and they never made me feel unwelcome or unwanted. I just quit going cause of personal struggles this past summer.

I guess one thing most RCIA directors and pastors may not realize when I inquire from them is I do not need converting. I am already converted! So, that is one thing I plan to make clear to the priest when I meet with him.

This process is just so emotionally draining and hard. It is so heartbreaking having to go through so much just to be able to practice a faith I already believe in completely. I’ve alienated my family, offended them, and delved into all Church teachings and accepted them completely through much prayer and study and have been through so much heartbreak for it from loved ones, and for what? Nothing so far. Its just so incredibly frustrating.

I will keep plugging on, I could never just quit no matter how hard it is…because I know what the truth is and I mostly understand why its so hard. Knowing doesn’t make things easier though.

But yeah, thank you all for reading. I will do my best to stay strong and not complain too much. I definitely know I would love to teach RCIA someday and be involved in a parish. I will. Please pray for me that I will have strength and understanding while going through this process. Its so easy to get defeated. But, being in God’s presence and Truth and good graces isn’t supposed to be easy. I am a sinner and deserve the heartache and struggle. All I can do is accept it and keep going.
 
puzzleannie said:
in the first place, the interview should be with the pastor not the RCIA director, esp if she is a lady, which means she is not ordained, and not competent to determine who does and who does not belong in RCIA. .
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I I disagree with this statement. Anyone who comes to my pastor or any of our priests with questions about RCIA get sent to me to be interviewed and to explain the process. Why, because, in all humility, I know more about RCIA than any of the priests in our parish, and they know it. I know pastors who lump anyone who needs any sacraments into RCIA. I know priests who do not know that not all Christian communities have valid baptism. I know priests who do not know the rites and who don’t really care about doing them correctly. Our seminary teaches RCIA as part of a general course on Initiation. As a member of our diocesan RCIA committee, we are always trying to convince our bishop to offer a workshop to priests and deacons on RCIA becuase many of them don’t have a clue with reagard to it. That is not to say they are not good priests, but that they do not have the education in RCIA that many lay people do who have studied it more than they have.
 
homewardbound said:
I guess one thing most RCIA directors and pastors may not realize when I inquire from them is I do not need converting. I am already converted! So, that is one thing I plan to make clear to the priest when I meet with him.
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The Benedictines believe in three principles. Stability, obedience, and conversion of life.
For them conversion is not a one off event but a constant thing. There is always more to surrender, unless you actually yield up your life.

You are not going to join a Benedictine community, probably, but the same applies in less conscious way to every Catholic. Though you’ve made the decisive step, it cannot be otherwise than that there is a great deal to learn about what God wants for you.
 
Hi, I am in RCIA. Our diocese covers a whole lot of ground so people driving long distances is pretty normal.

I attend a parish on Sundays that is a 5 minute drive from my house. But, I am enrolled in RCIA that is at the Cathedral. It is a 25 minute drive or so, from my house. BUT, RCIA is after work so I drive directly from work to RCIA. In either case, it is a longgggg drive from work. So distance I think is sort of a funny reason to tell someone to go somewhere closer. It isn’t like we’re walking there. Hello.

To your point of that longing and yearning to participate in the Sacraments. Wow, do I understand that. Those internal struggles can really beat you up. And to that point, I asked our RCIA Dcn specifically, what does a person do who is not a member of the CC yet desperately desires the Sacraments?

His answer: wait. And he clarified saying that the CC believes that if some unfortunate thing were to happen where God forbid I died before being accepted into the CC. That it is considered a “baptism of desire”.

That helps with the idea that I certainly know the condition of my soul! But it doesn’t help with this longing and yearning to participate fully.

There is nothing like your mind getting focused on a desire that you can’t have. Patience. Endurance. Two things that can get me to pacing the floor. Pray for them both, that is my advice.

And keep going to Mass.

Also, I recommend talking to the pastor at the parish you want to attend RCIA. Tell him what you wrote here. There is no reason you shouldn’t talk to him. Even if he sends you to the RCIA director, at least you talked out your struggles and sometimes that helps more than anything.
  • For in hope we were saved. Now hope that sees for itself is not hope. For who hopes for what one sees?

    But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait with endurance.*
 
Should I take this as a sign that maybe I shouldn’t become Catholic? I’m so tired of the jumping around in trying to find a community that 1.) teaches Catholic faith correctly and 2.) cares enough to make me feel welcome and wanted. I’m not going to waste my time in a parish that doesn’t care whether or not I am Catholic. t.
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I can’t tell you how many times I have bounced around from Catholic church to Catholic church hoping to find one that would make me and my family feel welcome and at home. There is a Catholic church within walking distance where I received my 1st communion and my confirmation but did we don’t attend. Instead we drive about 15 minutes away to go to another Catholic church whose community is so embracing who has made us feel welcome. Where we married 🙂 My husband knew I longed for something more than just going to church. I wanted to help and be part of a community. It was a process for us and struggles make us stronger. I will keep you in my prayers.
 
Learning the faith correctly is important.

It IS a journey, yet that journey is very difficult if the RCIA in your area is teaching heresy. I will say this, though; if you are solid in what you know and know more about the faith than your teachers, just get through it, receive the sacraments…and bolt to a parish that is faithful.

Sometimes God sends obstacles because He wants us to build a stronger foundation with Him alone; and then He sends us into wherever we are to go. Perhaps your job as a candidate is to convert the teachers.

God knows some of the RCIA teachers are in need of massive conversion…because, as you have noted but without saying so, they aren’t Catholic. (It’s not possible to be Catholic and reject everything the Church teaches.)

We do indeed welcome you, we do indeed want you to participate in the Paschal Mystery with us. Pray, bear this cross, and let the Holy Spirit guide you.

It’s entirely possible that you haven’t yet met success because God has a particular place for you, and you have not yet found it. God cannot be taken by surprise, he will not send you on a wild goose chase, so all of this has a point.

You’re not Catholic yet, but just the same…do you know of a Perpetual Adoration chapel near you? If so, go there and pray. Let Jesus Himself lead you. And Trust that God’s will (not yours) will be done. Amazing things will happen.

And welcome home!
 
Thank you all very very much! You’re all so smart and patient:D

I did go back to the parish I feel best in and am going to be starting RCIA after the first of the year. I spoke with the priest and he is excited that he and the RCIA director will have 16 months to get to know me and teach me. He says that way we do not have to rush and can take our time and really learn and grow in the faith. So far, I am the only student so it will be more like one on one than RCIA I guess. I am excited and willing to remain patient. I know I will be confirmed when it is time:)
 
homewardbound said:
Thank you all very very much! You’re all so smart and patient:D

I did go back to the parish I feel best in and am going to be starting RCIA after the first of the year. I spoke with the priest and he is excited that he and the RCIA director will have 16 months to get to know me and teach me. He says that way we do not have to rush and can take our time and really learn and grow in the faith. So far, I am the only student so it will be more like one on one than RCIA I guess. I am excited and willing to remain patient. I know I will be confirmed when it is time:)
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I am unclear as to your status. I gather you are baptized but not confirmed. Have you received instructions of some kind and been to confession and first communion in the Catholic Church? I am trying to figure out how you could convert without instruction, having been to confession and then received first communion and then confirmation immediately following. I guess the best way to clarify it for me: Is there a Catholic parish that has a record of your baptism and first holy communion? I am happy to hear that you have found a parish that makes you welcome.
 
rwoehmke said:
I am unclear as to your status. I gather you are baptized but not confirmed. Have you received instructions of some kind and been to confession and first communion in the Catholic Church? I am trying to figure out how you could convert without instruction, having been to confession and then received first communion and then confirmation immediately following. I guess the best way to clarify it for me: Is there a Catholic parish that has a record of your baptism and first holy communion? I am happy to hear that you have found a parish that makes you welcome.
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In my post you quoted I was explaining how I am starting instruction(RCIA) in January. I will be taught the faith for 16 months and then confirmed. I was baptized in the Baptist faith. So I have not had first confession or communion yet.
 
homewardbound said:
So, I’ve tried RCIA twice… I’m done ranting. Go ahead and tear me apart.
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Maybe you will actually be put back together! The Lord can use unreasonable people in reasonable ways. Go back to your local parish and inquire anew. Will this require patience and humility? Yes. Could it be that you might have a very slight, almost imperceptible deficit in either patience or humility? That is how God works. Deny self. Take up your cross and march toward eternity. God rewards persistence (the widow and unjust judge in Luke 18:2-7 for example, or the neighbor asking for bread in Luke 11:5-10).

Since you are not yet in RCIA, it may not be God’s time. It most certainly is your timetable, but neither you nor I are in charge. Give yourself to prayer and study of the faith. Since you know much about the faith already, read and learn even more. Then, when you are in RCIA and hear mistakes, you can offer gentle correction.

If you can, obtain a copy of the Jul-Aug 2007 This Rock magazine. On page 31 is a column by Leslie C. Duperon entitled: “I Had to Claw My Way In” If you could just read what she had to go through, you would be greatly relieved.

Christ’s peace.
 
texaspanda said:
I know exactly how you feel as far as the unwelcome feelings go. That’s all I am getting lately. I wish I had gone thru the process while I was in our prior city; I loved the parish and all the folks that worked at the church. I feel like I am running into walls here.
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Ah, but endeavor to be more Christ-like! He walked through the closed doors of the room where the disciples were gathered. A warm heart melts a chilly reception, even if slowly. My wife and I experienced the “outsider” treatment, at least for a while. This is simple human nature, and we find it everywhere we go. Persistence will indeed pay off. Christ’s peace.
 
po18guy said:
If you can, obtain a copy of the Jul-Aug 2007 This Rock magazine. On page 31 is a column by Leslie C. Duperon entitled: “I Had to Claw My Way In” If you could just read what she had to go through, you would be greatly relieved.
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Sorry I didn’t read your follow-up posts! Still, read the article if you can. It will greatly strengthen and encourage you.

May the peace of Christ always be with you.
 
Everytime I read these types of posts I am grateful for our RCIA process at St. Joseph’s in Modesto. I have to tell you, we use the ACM materials developed by Barbara Morgan and others at Franciscan University and every year go back for the Bosco Conference as a team to attend classes. But more importantly, there are times when other parishes in our diocese regard us with disdain as the ‘conservative’ parish…and then, when we all meet once a year for our day of retreat with the Bishop they are shocked when we have classes of 25 or 35 coming Home to Rome at the next Easter Vigil.

I believe it stems from the 24 hour Adoration Chapel we have…our faith as a Parish has deepened, and people are drawn to us for Truth. It is fun…and we all have great senses of humor and love to poke fun at ourselves so we never take ourselves too darn seriously (and start to think WE are the important ones).

Anyway, you are in my prayers sister girl, and I want you to know that you have a bunch of people here rooting for you…come on HOME!!!
 
Whatever you do, don’t take it as a sign that you should not become Catholic. You should become Catholic but Satan is working very hard to keep you from becoming Catholic. Also, if you want to attend the traditional latin Mass at that parish where you are attending, I encourage you to do so. I don’t think I would if it were out of my diocese though.
 
I’m very happy that it worked out! I see you’re in Indiana, PA. If for some reason it wouldn’t work out with this parish, you could always look into taking instruction through a college or university campus ministry from some of the schools in the Pittsburgh area. I know that would be a drive for you, but I can’t see any of them turning you away. Don’t hesitate to PM me if you need any help. Good luck and congratulations!
 
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