miss, take a step outdoors. Look around. See the trees, grass, people, birds, all the life that’s going on. Someone designed all of that. That same someone created you as well. Sweetie, God loves you dearly. He is a loving God. Right now, it seems to me you are struggling to find out the woman God is calling you to be. You are having fear in the realization that life is going on and that you need to figure out quick what you really want out of life. For the “some people” that say this is normal, i guess you can put me in that category as well.
You are just figuring out who you are. This IS normal. You may feel strange and perhaps foolish for being in confusion and uncertainty, but every human being at some point in their life has felt this. Some feel this early on, like you, at a young age. College, career, vocation. This happens later on too, where you just feel like you don’t know if the life you are living is the right one. As for you family, this is a real discernment you are having; talk to them. Let them know that you are unsure of what you want to do with your life. They won’t laugh if you let them know you are serious. More than likely they, your father included, have felt like this too. See for yourself; for all you know, they may be the ones that can help make it more clear to you who you are to be. God works through peoeple.
I adore your realization and desire to lead others to Christ. This is a blessing. God gave you that desire, you know. In response to not always taking the advice you give, that’s ok. God knows our faults, we are human. He knows we struggle and doesn’t expect perfection, but for us to try and continue to grow in our relationship with him. The advice you give to others isn’t for nothing, you are helping them. Don’t feel shameful for that. It’s one thing to “tell someone that they shouldn’t be drinking and driving, while you yourself are doing that same thing as you say that.” But it’s another to tell someone to be careful with how much you drink, even though you are, say, a recovering alcoholic who struggles with addiction. (Sorry for the beer analogy, but its the first thing i came up with)
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Keep going to Mass. Try to pray the best you can. God will acknowledge those prayers, no matter how weak they seem. Being scared to pray, that isn't God. Yes, God has anger, but it isn't the same as our anger. I read somewhere that really described this beautifully but i cannot remember how it went nor can I find the article. This fear, it isn't from you either. You did not come up with this fear on you're own. Satan is giving you this fear. it is HE who doesn't want you to pray. He's trying to tear at you and keep you away from God. But do know that God is also fighting for you. He the one who's really on your side. He wants you to be able to come to him, arms open wide.
My advice for you is to talk with a priest or some other spiritual director… They specialize is this category
. Talk with close friends. Talk with your family. Tell them all of this. Let them know how you feel about the pressure they give you. Be honest. As for praying, like I said, do the best you can. Try reading out of the Bible for a bit. I’d recommend the Gospels or any of Paul’s scriptures vs. say genesis, unless you want to
. For starters, just try doing simple our fathers and hail marys. don’t try doing novenas and daily devotions right off the bat, because I’ve tried. IDoing that ends up being like trying to run a mile or marathon when you are out of shape. Making goals to go to the gym every day. one day you’ll not be up to going to the ym and end up skipping. soon you’ll lose the motivation and stop altogether. Start out small. If you really can’t seem to verbally pray, look up rosaries on youtube and do your best to follow along. One suggestion I have is to look up the
Chaplet of Dive Mercy in song. It’s very meditative and less than 20 minutes. it’s very beautifully done and you can just do some thinking instead of trying to pray it completely if you feel like you can’t. Your guardian angel will help you finish what you cannot pray. They do wonders, I tell you and we do not acknowledge them enough.
Sorry for this very long response, but I hope this helps. I have struggled with this but I’m constantly being reborn into the faith. my prayer life and relation with Christ has gotten so much stronger than it was a year ago. I’ll keep you in my prayers. Feel free to message me if you want.
I’d be more than happy to listen and be someone you can talk to. I’ll keep your vocation in mind as well when I go to weekly morning mass with a special friend of mine. We pray the vocation prayer all the time
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God bless you miss. Again, feel free to message :D